Q01

Describe a significant experience that has happened in the past year. How did it affect you? Are you grateful? Relieved? Resentful? Inspired?

In the past year I made a move from Louisiana to Northern Virginia. I am beyond grateful for the opportunity and every opportunity I have gotten since then.

I retired. Mostly happy and grateful. Now I have time too write and I've started a second support group. And I love lazy mornings!

Getting my ITP to manageable. Especially the drugs that really scared me but weren't as bad as I feared and have improved my health so much

decided to end my marriage i am all the feelings at the same time - grateful, devastated, confused, relieved

I broke up with a wonderful man. I hate it. I hate that I did it. I'm in the middle of waiting to see if we can try again. I regret it constantly and have for weeks. Both of us knew how to be alone and I don't want us to be the transition. I love him and I feel like a fucking asshole for losing sight of that. It made me realize my anxiety is worse than I thought and I'm truly seeking help for it.

Last year my daughter graduated and started her education to become a nurse. I am relieved that she graduated because she wasn't motivated for school. I am grateful that she is very motivated now

Wow. There were quite a number of significant experiences from this past year that come to mind--Avi and I breaking up, signing with all of my new reps, GDC, writing my first short film script and subsequently beginning production for Danse Macabre, Camp Neshama--but without a doubt the *most* significant was the turning point of identifying and procuring the treatment I needed for my mental health needs, both in the forms of the right therapist and the right medication AND in assembling for myself the support system in every way that I needed (mentally, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, physically, etc). It was unequivocally that that enabled everything else to fall into place.

I went to therapy because I was unhappy in my sexless relationship. After several talks with my therapist and having read Mating in Captivity I had a strangely liberating insight that was only my problem and mine alone. Just before the end of the Jewish year I had 20 minutes of wonderful spontaneous morning sex with my partner. Very uplifting.

My husband left the marital home - four months after my return from Jerusalem. I feel dead inside.

Je viens de déménager et j avais bcp d appréhension mais finalement ça c est bien passé et je ne regrette pas notre choix.

Firing my very own kiln for the first time in about 30 years. Feeling very grateful as I didn't think I'd ever own my own kiln again.

IVF. It’s been transforming. I feel grateful for learning about myself and my body, about how everything works and being more grateful for parenthood. But I’m definitely resentful of those around me who didn’t go through that.

I got married, I feel loved, supported, responsible. I decided to pursue mental health counseling (Master's), I feel hopeful and with direction. I turned 32 years old, I felt scared, anxious, full of regret and guilt over not making proper choices and not pursuing my potential.

I have always tried to participate in a few clubs or athletic teams during my last 3 years at BC High- the hockey team, lacrosse team, students for soldiers, business club, ect. But last year I was cut from both teams and I did not have the desire or time to go to any clubs. This all changed when my friend had noticed I go away often on weekends to ski in New Hampshire with my family, and he asked me why I would not just give the ski team a shot. The thought fluttered my brain as I was nervous this would take up a lot of time, as the other sports had, and put a burden on my rising gpa. Finally after enough consideration (and harassment from my friends and parents) I decided it would not hurt to try something new. I showed up to a few of the “off the mountain” practices after school where I was unable to get a true opinion on the team because I had not gotten a full experience of what it was like to race. The constant running drills and stretching after school made me confused because i never got tired while skiing and did not see the point in conditioning. My opinion on the matter changed entirely after the completion of the first race. I felt so much pain throughout my body after the first race, in my knees and hips, and even my thighs. Despite the fact that I was my first race I surprisingly finished in the top forty percent. This moment did not make me want to quit, but in fact I felt inspired to improve from my spot each and every week. I worked hard at practice and was in the gym every day trying to get my legs stronger and working on my conditioning. Luckily for me Mr. Dacey saw how hard I was working on and off the mountain, and decided to give me a shot in the varsity race. I felt so proud that this had happened and I knew that I could not let him down. I worked hard to finish in a top position and was able to stay on the team the rest of the season. My teammates and I eventually made it to the final race, where we won the championship, and I had never felt more grateful to be on a team, than a team I was hesitant to join in the first place.

Recieved a positive job review. Grateful. During the review, explained the benefit to my superior about how my digital software investigation would further accelerate our financiaial bottom line. He agreed to collaborate together with our IT division. Thankful. Feeling that I am in a decent place in a world of uncertainty, but still underpaid (Glassdoor research). Wanting to explore, confidentially, how to pivot to a new nonprofit position- where I can make a difference and something political I believe in * What are the skills needed? *Who would I talk to?

I went to El Paso to witness the immigration crisis and it changed me. I saw the depth of human depravity as I held children who had just been released from ICE detention, dirt and stench covering them but with their innocence still shining through. I have become an activist on this issue. I came home and told my story and it taught me that authentic, heartfelt stories are one of the most powerful tools we have to create the change we want to see. I am so proud of how my community is rallying and I look forward to working with them to make meaningful change. While the things I saw were devastating, it made me realize that it is on me to engage in the work, and I feel empowered for the first time in a long time.

I was lucky to participate in the Jewish Olympics, the Maccabi games doing an open water triathlon. It was the hardest and one of the most rewarding things I have ever done.

Well I got engaged this past year. It was funny because after the moment itself, things didn't feel markedly different. I think that's actually a good thing, but it's at odds with the way that it's built up in many of our minds, especially because of popular culture. Upon reflection, I was really just grateful that after the 'moment' it was just back to normal because in a lot of ways that can be the strength of a relationship; a certain degree of comfort and familiarity. Thi sis not to say that things shouldn't feel special, because they definitely need to, but perhaps it's more symbolic of a realism that no matter what labels you put on a relationship it comes down to how you get on each day and what you value in one another.

In June we found out Lani had breast cancer. It’s been quite the emotional roller coaster for me ever since I heard the news. I felt guilty for being away from home, and wanted/want to be able to be there physically for her - to go to her chemo treatments, bring her groceries, etc. At the same time I know that if I was home, I’d dive fully into that helper role that I’m so trying to work through right now. It would be really tough for me to practice boundaries. She has inspired me so much throughout the entire experience. The story of her shaving her head and going to this barbershop in Evanston was so touching and I’m just so proud of her strength.

This year, Passover was disrupted when I became ill with a norovirus. Three days in the hospital starting the morning after the first Seder, gave me opportunity to reflect on life's fragility and the daily blessing of being alive.

I had to face rejection from my 'friends' my support group...it was the most painful experience I have been through in a while. I was filled with tension, I had to get a head and shoulder massage to deal with the physical part. I will say that I felt these people had supported me through my sobriety and the one that I called sponsor, knows very deeply personal feelings of shame, etc. In participating in a 12 step program, you unravel some basic issues like this and also share with another human being, something I am not really comfortable with. So imagine opening this Pandora's box and then to be rejected. fuck. Anyway, I have moved past this. It served to basically 'clear the deck' for growth. I am working on how to NOT get into this place with people, groups, cliques again, because believe me this was a familiar place for me. I am learning how to set boundaries for myself, it is never too late to learn. This was a blessing in disguise

A significant experience that has happened to me in the past year was doing community service in Camden, New Jersey during April break. In Camden, which is one of the poorest cities in the country, my ethics class stayed at a religious center that was created for people like us: those that were doing community service. During the week, we spent time engaging with elderly people at an elder daycare, special needs people at a full time residency, and hardcore gardening work. When we weren’t doing community service, we were engaging with each other (probably because we weren’t aloud to have our phones). In Camden, I got to become friends with classmates that I might not have spoken to if I hadn’t signed up for the eight person class. Before even doing the community service, I had already known that it would have a significant impact on my life; but, I was not expecting to craft relationships with kids who I had not talked to in my class before the trip. My experience in Camden has made me more grateful for having a family that’s close emotionally and physically, more inspired to divide poverty boundaries in my part of the city, and to look at the world through a whole new lens. I have found out that just being present with someone during times of being, or feeling, alone can make a huge impact on someone. The internal feeling I earned by completing my community service their is indescribable, yet palpable as I write. The significance of just five days in an impoverished city has helped me become a better person overall: I have become closer to God, my community in and out of school, and my family. My experience has taught me to cherish the small things in life because those small things to some aren’t too small.

I went in my first Tinder date just looking for some drinks and fun and that led to me finding my current partner. It has has an impact on me in numerous ways and while I sometimes forget this, I am endlessly grateful that he has come into my life. Things have been disconnected lately, likely mostly my fault, but I am optimistic that we can get back in the right track.

Everything changed. Every single thing that needed to change changed. It’s almost as if the questions above are moot - I’m a new person; gratitude isn’t even a word to use, nor is relief. I have nothing to resent - it’s all new and the past is behind and closed. And at the outset of graduate school, all is inspiration. But somehow, if I were to point to one single significant event this past year, it would be the layoff. Because it of all single events best represents closing the door of the awful past several years - in the hardest, rustiest, loudest way possible - to open the door to the bright and brilliant new. And for that I am all the above: grateful, relieved, resentful, and inspired.

Having James leave made me realize resiliency in poly relationships is possible. Choosing to continue, develop over the time while he was gone & it be even better after he returns gave me a but of faith.

I dropped my one and only son off at college. So excited for him. Grateful that we can afford it. Anxious that he does well and makes friends. Anxious that I don't end up sitting alone in my apartment. Trying to make plans and get out after work and on weekends. Trying to text or call him too often. Giving him space while trying to remain connected.

So, so many. The move into this new house was most profound for me. It was the culmination of SO much labor, love, and hard work. It is truly a dream home. What I didn't expect was the "crash" in the aftermath- I was relieved, ecstatic, grateful and then... I lost momentum, other areas of life didn't seem to be anteing, and I fell into a depression. I wondered why I had bothered and questioned living at all, feeling like this was just an end rather than beginning. Thank God it all turned around, but the move itself was an event instrumental in reminding me that there's no end game in all this. And that's a good thing.

Grandma moved in with Mom and Dad in January. It has been a mixed bag, to put it mildly. Early on, it gave me the opportunity to spend more time with her than I ever have as an adult. And of course, she was already a little off her game at that point – that was why she finally agreed to make the move – but she was relating to me as an adult, she got to come hear me perform in a concert, and we were getting along well. While I was away over the summer, though, her cognitive function declined rapidly. I missed the part where she was lashing out angrily at my parents, and that seems to have abated considerably (now she's just passive-aggressive), but she's just very confused and saying things that make no sense. I also feel like she has reverted to talking to me as though I were a teenager. She has no sense of what time of day it is and is anxious all the time. Physically she's fine, but mentally, she's mostly gone. In spite of all my parents' efforts to keep her comfortable, the quality of life inside her head is awful. It reinforces my conviction that I am not interested in longevity for longevity's sake.

A paradigm shift for me was when I got on the radio with my book. The interview could not have gone better. I sounded like a warm and personable super genius (though of course I know better than to think this is an accurate description of myself), and the host became my friend. Suddenly, all that I had worked for became within reach! Decades of work was validated. I saw the hand of God on my life at that moment. I understand I was doing just what I should just where I should. I remain profoundly grateful.

On May 6th I got laid off. That's sort of set the tone for my last several months - and it feels a little weird to say this, but it was the best thing that ever could have happened to me in this time. I was miserable at work. I thought I liked my job because I thought it was the best move for me. I thought I liked my job because I believe in the mission I was selling... but I really disliked it. I was constantly stressed out and nervous, and I was constantly miserable. I didn't even realize how miserable I was until it all came to a head. And the day I realized I was ready to call it quits and start looking for something new, they let me go. I was the fall person for an organization that wasn't succeeding. It wasn't my fault. It was a group fail... but I lost my job. I began collecting unemployment, and I basically got paid to network, enjoy coffee dates, and go to the beach. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to find a job, and I worked very hard to do just that. In the end, I applied to two jobs - one that I was VERY excited about. I got both job offers, and chose the one that was best for me. I was only out of work for 2.5 months when it was all said and done. I've had a new beginning - one that's outside of the Jewish community, so a little outside of my comfort zone. But so far, so great... Very excited to see what this year holds.

Changed jobs. I do the same thing in a much healthier environment. Really grateful I made the switch. My anxiety is so much better.

Got LASIK. Grateful, sense of freedom, excited

I am extremely grateful that I had my spinal fusion surgery and that therefore I am feeling significantly better and my thyroid cancer was discovered.

This year I began high school. In the beginning I was nervous, but as I delved into the journey that is high school, I realized it’s not so bad. The work is more arduous but it’s fun to be challenged.

I got back on the bike and lost about 20 pounds. It's nice not to hide from the camera. It's interesting to be able to negotiate with myself on food. If I eat this then I need to X. I'm inspired to go for the next 5 lbs and then we'll make the next decision. It's interesting to feel my body now and how it responds to exercise or lack of. I feel much more in tune with myself.

I was called to the bar of Ontario. I am actually a lawyer now which seems amazing. It was a goal for so long and I finally reached it. I'm also currently in the process of transferring to the BC bar. Being unemployed is tough, but I'm grateful that I have family that is so supportive of me.

My mom died in early June, after a long, slow, often agonizing decline. I'd served as her caregiver, full time the last 2 1/2 years or so. I'm grateful her suffering is over; I'm equally grateful I'm released from my obligations to her. We had a difficult relationship and, though I loved my mom, I didn't like her. She adored my brothers. She often reviled me. The day before she died she tearfully confessed to my SIL and niece that she'd been "so hard on [me]", but she didn't tell that to me directly. So yes, there's resentment, hurt, anger. Mostly, though, there's relief. Now, at 60, I can start living my own damn life. I only hope it's not too late for me to find myself.

I graduated nursing school at 39, just a few months ago. I am relieved but also starting new at my age is often very humbling; to be bad at most things while I am learning and just to realize how much I don’t know. I hope my brain is and will continue to grow a lot from stepping out of my comfort zone to try something so totally new to me.

It has to be organising Pride. I'm all of the above. It was a difficult, stressful thing to organise; I'm full of ideas for next year; I'm terrified, still, that we'll fail and I'm struggling once again against the urge to quit while I'm ahead. And it was a huge, unbelievable success. I think I'm going to do it again and succeed again, I think it'll fit neatly into a narrative about doing the hard thing and showing up and exceeding your expectations of yourself. But all that is in the context that I can't sleep because of anxiety about it all. I think this is a good thing to use my resilience on. But I'm very aware that that's what I'm doing.

Constant rejection from job opportunities has been a major theme of this year. I work hard. The world fails to reward my efforts. The world shouts 'No.' I surprise myself when I scream back, "Yes." Every rejection, I scream louder than before. I refuse to be defeated. Redemption is found in defeat. Do I refuse to be redeemed?

I broke my ankle. The first bone that I've ever broken and I'm in my 50s. I laid in bed for 6 weeks healing. It was very boring. I had to stay with my mom who doesn't have wifi or cable. I downloaded a lot of Dr. Who onto my tablet to watch offline. I'm not even that big a fan, but it appealed to me for some reason. I guess I needed anything to take my mind off my situation.

My sons birth feels like the defining moment of this year. I didn’t think I wanted kids for so long, and note that he is here I can’t imagine life otherwise I feel so grateful for such a healthy baby and that I feel so connected to him. Learning to die to yourself in this way Is such a rollercoaster. I find that I struggle to pull myself out when I get frustrated sometimes and have to actively remember what life was like before and that we wanted a challenge. The power and pride I felt giving birth is insane. Women are amazing.

I started DBT and I feel like change is good but I feel frustrated. I feel angry at people who are trying to help me, but I know that what I am doing isn't successful. I often feel uncomfortable and put on display. I feel like people don't always look at me and the cause for my actions just what they prefer to believe I feel.

I got married this year. I am so grateful for my husband, the family that supported us through the process, and for our beautiful community of friends and family that celebrated. It was a wonderful fun wild night. I want to remember all the love and goofs. But still “in it” I think about the painful feelings of insecurity about my looks, my taste, my ability to host, and socialize. I cried when I got the photos angry at the photographer for ruining my hair in the heat and at myself for not pushing the makeup artist to do things my way. I think it turned out lovely but there’s a bridezilla who lingers in me and is devastated. Ironically I think the things she cares about were great. The centerpieces, the seating charts, the location, even the crazy memorable toast. I was lifted and we danced the hora for 20 minutes! I wore sparkles and danced my butt off. I wonder next year who will win when I think back.

I moved! It's been really hard. I'm happy to spend slightly more time with my husband, but it's hard not having any space to my own, and I still never see Scott enough. We will get through this, but it's been an on-going difficulty and is pretty significant in every part of life.

I had a grateful epiphany. Taking care of my elderly mother has been a strain, I can't seem to get my own things done, thus the faculty show was upon me. So when under duress what do you do but go with what is most familiar. I pulled out an old painting from grad school and made another new with the same theme, my thesis. I was totally delighted and happy with my decision and hopefully I can get back on track painting with meaning and what I love.

Broke my knee and wasn't allowed any weight bearing at all for 3 months, followed by a slow rehab which meant more than 3 months before I could go upstairs to shower or sleep in my own bed. I learned that I could leave home one day and unexpectedly not return for 3 weeks. It made me grateful for the resources I have that helped me get through this. It also made me very aware of the barriers faced by people using wheelchairs or crutches, such as cracked, uneven sidewalks and medical buildings without accessible doors at the top of the wheelchair ramps.

The lead up to this past week, opening of the impeachment inquiry, has kept me and everyone up late at night with terrors. Clearly, our President is mad. Clearly, we appear to be powerless. The Clan Mothers need to council. It’s urgent. The election can’t come fast enough. God Bless America. 🇺🇸

We had to put down our family dog the weekend of Thanksgiving. We were hoping she could make it through the holiday season, but it was time for her to go. I was upset & sad, but also relieved, knowing we were making the right decision. As a positive, we decided to get a puppy in February. While I thought it was too soon, it was actually the best time to introduce another pup into our lives. I hadn’t had a puppy since I was a kid & my family had always rescued dogs, so this was a much needed experience. It helped all of us with our grieving process & made us that much closer with the new pup.

I got a new job as at Waterford! This has been my first full-time job and I'm extremely grateful for it. It came at a time in my life when my OCD was being really difficult and I didn't know how to keep going after college. I was depressed and felt like a failure. Overall, working here has been wonderful. I love my co-workers and the atmosphere. Every day, I feel like I'm bringing some more good into the world since what we do helps people. Plus, the work is challenging but not difficult enough that I feel burnt out that often. Also, it sounds dumb, but I'm proud of myself for making it a year. I never thought I'd make it this far, and I'm glad that I did.

I graduated With a postgrad in Education. I’m now a newly qualified teacher and I teach full time in a secondary school. I never knew I could be a teacher one day, let alone graduate with distinction and hear and read such positive and outstanding feedback. I’m feeling very proud, achieved, grateful and at peace.

I moved this year. I moved to be closer to my parents so that I can be more helpful to them. I'm very grateful that this is an option for me. I'm also very grateful that my partner is cool with this move. I was afraid he would hate it in the NorthEast (a place he's never been before except to visit my family) and over time was going to be resentful. He loves it. He loves the weather and the people. I'm so glad. I get to spend every weekend helping my parents out around the house and enjoying their company, and we get to be happy together in a place we both love.

Mom went into cardiac arrest while she was visiting me and 3 months later had another heart attack which took her life. The only thing that could make me grateful is that she is no longer suffering from her secret COPD diagnosis and keeping up the charade to hide her weakness. I'm resentful she lied about being sick - for 10 years - and that she was too proud to talk about it.

only last week... reconnecting in a brilliant way with an old friend. quite, um, literally...

I bought my very first new car-not shared with anyone. I’m 57.

In April of this year, I proposed to my long term girlfriend. This big step in our relationship has made us even closer. It has made me think about what kind of life I want to build with my love. As someone in my mid twenties, this year has been full of important progressions in my becoming an independent, functioning adult. Our engagement has made me feel excited, relieved, nervous, and so very happy.

I got my new front crown and dental implant. I have an attractive smile for the first time in about 22 years. I have to try to stop putting my hand over my mouth when I laugh.

I left my job at WBU after 8 years and started a new job as a cashier at PCC Community Markets. It was definitely a leap out of my comfort zone. After a month, I asked if I could apply for a supervisory job, which I then was hired for. I now work 40 hours a week, plus 10 hours a week of commute time. It has put a stress on the family, but they are rolling with it. I have to ask for more help, they are not simply stepping up without prompting, but even that is getting better. Even though this new job is causing some anxiety (I only just did the training), I am excited about what I am learning. My coworkers have such emotions! That is new. Suffice it to say, I am adjusting.

My dad died a few weeks ago. He had small cell lung cancer, and despite every possible treatment, declined rapidly from June on. It was a very difficult summer, watching my dad fade away before my eyes. I am in a fog of grief right now. My kids are helping keep me busy with all their needs and activities. But in the quiet moments, I am lost. How can this world BE without my dad? I’ve thrown my energy for the last few months into helping my mom as much as I can with all the practicalities and financial things my dad would have handled. This is the new now and we are struggling with adjusting to it.

My dad was almost killed when he was hit by a car while riding his bike. Nothing has ever affected me as much as this had. Almost losing my dad was traumatic, but we had a better relationship and were closer because of it.

Having a very bad infection, that took me almost 2 months to begin to feel back to my old self. It just made life hard, always feeling tired and not great. I have no resentment or anger towards this event, I'm just happy to have it behind me.

I got engaged this year to the love of my life. It was the best thing that has happened this year with everything else that occurred (losing my job, being told to wait to plan the wedding). I cannot wait to begin the new chapter in our lives with my fiancé.

I moved back to UK and I finally started my journey of conversion to Judaism. I have learned to read Hebrew in less than a year, and it is still hard for me to believe I am going to reach the end of my conversion course in a few months. I feel grateful for this finally happening, and although I’ve hoped I had done it sooner, I believe G-d knows that now was the right time for me and the time that I’ve spent on this journey has its meaning.

I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. It terrified me and made me feel completely out of control and vulnerable

My place of worship has recently decided to change the time and content of its prayer offerings. This decision has caused me great distress because it seems as if the decision to change is based on the opinions of those who do not attend in an attempt to get them to come. As a regular attendee, it feels like I don't matter and that the goal is to get more people in the door. It hurts deeply. I am trying to be open to their efforts and I do not complain or argue because I like the status quo and the powers that be feel that we need more people in attendance.

This year I got my “dream job”, yet I’m left feeling deflated. I think like anything in life, the idea of something is always better than the reality of it. This is also true of the man I’m dating who seemed idyllic at first, and while he hasn’t changed, my perception and what I want has. I feel like I have a good life and I should be grateful, but I know I can have more. I feel extraordinarily greedy, but I really try hard not to compromise on my fulfillment.

While I was temple president, my answer would have been the mass shootings at the temples in pittsburgh and Poway. I felt resentful to those who did it and grateful to my community for their strength and resilience. Since july 5-the daybof my mammogram, however, it has been cancer. I am so grateful for medical technology and the strength and support of my family and friends.

I downshifted into a four-day workweek and I can't even begin to imagine going back. It's hard to imagine how I managed through five-day weeks with any energy left (and often I didn't!). I feel lucky to have the opportunity to do in a financially and professionally safe way, and I am profoundly irritated and sad that this isn't an option for more people.

Position was eliminated and had to adapt to loss of job. Still trying to find out what is it I want to do and opportunities for those over 60 are very limited in corporate America. Doing some consulting now but miss the day to day interaction within a company.

I relocated to Rosarito Beach. OMG. I'm in a studio on the beach. Trying to fit all of my stuff into a tiny place...and I came with 4 tubs and 3 suitcases. That's all I own!! I am grateful. I am calmer. I am content. Hoping inspiration comes soon.

Haberme enterado que tenía cancer y haber atravesado todo el tratamiento, con todo lo que conlleva, fue un antes y un después en mi vida. Fue un momento muy duro pero a su vez siento que me movilizo tanto que me hizo mejor persona, me ayudó a saber a quienes tengo al lado y a valorarme más. Estoy agradecida todos los días de poder levantarme de la cama, respirar y moverme. Y además estoy muy orgullosa de mi. Soy feliz. Tener cancer fue una de las mejores cosas que me paso en la vida.

I moved to South Carolina, only 40 minutes away from school. It’s where my family and I have always wanted to be and now, we’re all relieved to start a new chapter in our book. My dad got a new job, my mom and I get to see each other more often and she’s going to start working with me, and they can some visit whenever they want.

Had a mental breakdown brought on by work. Wanted to do so well, anxiety took control. Had panic attack at work, got sent home. Started taking anti depressants, made me feel suicidal in first weeks. Then felt myself, felt stable, took control, started exercising, feel positive about the future. Why didn’t I take them earlier? So much stigma around medication.

I’m getting divorced. I chose to leave my marriage because I needed to save myself. I needed to find my voice again, a voice that had become so quiet I couldn’t hear it anymore. I needed to say no to abuse and infidelity; to say yes to me and self worth. I needed to leave behind the joy of dancing in the kitchen and snuggling with our dog and learn that just because joy exists doesn’t mean cruelty doesn’t; just because laughter happens doesn’t mean gaslighting doesn’t; just because seven years of love happened doesn’t mean a million instances of heartbreak didn’t. I needed to learn that I am worthy of all of those glimmers without the cracks being present too; that I’m worthy of calm and light and love beyond measure. I needed to leave to realize that I am enough; even on my own, in my half decorated, empty apartment, on the floor crying and wondering whether this will be how it is forever. That I am enough, in all of those moments, not despite the grief and anger and moments of desperation, but because of them. That all of my broken parts will one day be seen not as casualties but battle scars; of a fight worth fighting and of a love worth saving. The fight for me and the love of myself.

In May of 2018, I got married! The whole experience, planning, leading up to the ceremony, and the day itself was a dream come true. Since being married, everything and nothing has changed. I never consider myself an I anymore, always "we". I have a responsibility to another as much as I have responsibility for myself. I can't wait to see what the future has it store.

Marjolein broke up with me. It's ok. I'll get over it. I was really invested in a relationship I valued. That is good. But I was also too comfortable. And we struggled to keep sparkly. While it was good, it wasn't great, for quite some time already. Now I am moving on. Meeting new people. Finding out what I enjoy, what I value. And bringing my A game. I will try not to be too comfortable.

A significant experience that has happened in the past year was that I sort of "broke up" with a friend who turned out not to really be a friend. It's sad because I really thought we were friends. And I'm mad because I feel so gullible. However, since then, I've learned to trust my instincts more and really pay attention to people's behaviors. I saw a quote earlier in the week that said something like, be thankful for the people who tried to bury you for they were actually planting you.

Pushed myself to be honest with a family member. Relieved and proud.

I overcame a vexatious complaint from a patient, ultimately having it dismissed. Although I knew I should be cleared, it took a lot of time and effort, distracting me from developing my practice and my skills. I’m relieved it’s over, but enormously resentful that it happened at all.

This year, I had to part ways with a group of friends who had been of significant importance in the lives of our family. After my 20 year old daughter and I were both sexually harassed by the same person in this group, I stood up to him and set some clear boundaries, and the result was that the “friends” decided they would rather keep the status quo and accept and justify the behavior this person has exhibited towards others for decades. I am so saddened by it, and more deeply scarred than I’ve been able to admit. The words he said to me when he harassed me ring in my ears, and have even caused my stomach to turn when my husband (who knows about the ordeal and defended us as well) innocently says sexual things to me in our intimate time together. I’m also filled with grief for this man’s wife, who I care about so deeply, and who has made the decision that she isn’t valuable enough to demand change from her own husband. I ache over this every day. At the same time, I am grateful for the people in our lives who HAVE supported us, who remind us that we shouldn’t have to agree to be harassed and made uncomfortable in the interest of keeping the peace.

My son was diagnosed with ASD a few years ago, and we had been going to a therapist/counselor. The therapist couched everything in terms of 'that's your autism' and while the sessions were helpful for a while, we kind of ran out of utility. And he got to the point of recommending medication for our son's executive function/attentiveness issues. So we go to a psychiatrist I heard of from a coworker, and she says "oh i don't see the ASD diagnosis" or at least not that's it's primary. He should try ADD meds! Also clocks my husband as ADD. How can you be ASD one day and a year later say ADD? Was it ever ASD? Was it always ADD? Is it even either of them now??? I feel relieved in some ways, as ADD seems more treatable. I take it seriously, as I had a coworker whose son died by suicide this year, and he had ADD that was a major problem for him at school and a source of unhappiness. I am irritated that the diagnoses can be so subjective, but at this point also realize that doctors are people, and people (my son) can also change. Perhaps ASD was appropriate back then. I remain concerned that my son has a hard time with some emotional and social things. He tried guanfacine and it was not good. He is trying strattera now and we haven't got to the point of it being therapeutic (too early still).

10th Anniversary of my ordination. It was a huge anniversary of a huge moment in my life - second only to my wedding anniversary. It made me take serious stock of where I am, how I'm walking in the world, and how I'm living my values (or not).

This March, my daughter became a bat Mitzvah. She was amazing to watch - the girl who cried and didn’t make it across the stage at pre-k graduation led an entire service and sang in front of nearly 200 people. I was so proud of her - and of us as her parents.

My best friend turned on me. I felt betrayed, very hurt and have found it difficult to get beyond this experience. I have to daily forgive her and ask God to help me to love her and stay in a relationship with her, albeit with walls of caution erected around me.

Changed jobs (again). After a pretty underwhelming experience at MTV, and a growing sense of fatigue being in my own, I decided to join Murmuration. It has its challenges - all of which are to be expected (with/by me) when going in-house. But I mostly enjoy it and still have outside opportunities.

A year ago today, my father called me to tell me my grandmother had passed. I knew before I even picked up; he never called. Still never really calls without asking first. It had been coming. I was sad, but I knew it would happen. But over the past 365 days, I've come to realize just how much of her I don't have, especially in comparison with my other cousins. I grew up separated from her physically. Because I was loyal to my dad on a subconscious level, I avoided his own father, which meant I was distant from her emotionally as well. I loved her, but I never realized how much she did for me, or how much my love for my maternal relatives was misplaced. It should have gone to her instead. I don't have anything of hers, none of her letters, no recipes of hers to try out to remember her. Even the white overshirt I have isn't hers-- it just reminds me of her. I miss her terribly. I have no pictures with her. I have no way to access her, and I should-- she was the one who loved me, who never turned me away, who turned on her own religion on a dime if they tried to tell her that my cousins and I were Wrong. I miss her. I have so many regrets.

Grad school was a significant experience. I am relieved for it to be over but not as inspired as I wish I was being done wit the program. For whatever reason I feel I have lost some of my own self confidence during the past year and questioning if this was the right choice. However I am still motivated to work in the Jewish world and inspire my peers to find their fit Jewishly.

This past year I became ever more aware of, and having emerged in my current human form from, my interconnection with Nature. I am FOR Nature, FOR Life on Earth. It is my responsibility to co-create a relationship of complete reciprocity with Nature, Life, Earth for whatever time I have here. I am to do no harm. Therefore, I’m choosing very differently how to live my everyday life. Quite humbling.

I'm going to count it significant that I have been working part-time for a good friend, jewelry designer, as her "operations manager" for 2 years and change as of Sept. 2019. We've managed to navigate some difficult times in our personal lives, and a few tense moments with each other, but otherwise we have worked together well. She tells me she could not run her business without me and would pay me more if she could. I am satisfied with my rate and feel good about being able to organize and accomplish things for her, we've learned a lot in the process. It is validating to feel I've done my job well. The other experience is that my husband, who is 10 years older than me, decided he needed to retire. It's been a combination of his body hurting after years of mechanic and painting jobs, and simply being "done". I am coming to terms with resentment that is surfacing as a result. I feel the pressure now to make more money, and my part time job isn't enough. Our daughter is a Junior in high school and needs driving lessons, among other things. She would like to go to college. It has resulted in me taking on another job, and as of now, at the first week in training there and trying to keep my commitment to my friend's business, I am having a melt down. I've had more physical problems in the past year myself, and I'm feeling the financial strain bearing down on me. I have expressed this to my husband, and we have discussed it, and he offers that he'll still bring in some additional money. But he also wants us to live on less....I don't see myself doing this under the circumstances. I really worry about the damage this may be doing to our relationship. I hope we continue to find a way through as we have in rough patches in the past.

I met the love of my life. She helped me understand my sexuality and understand why I'm on this earth. Everything makes more sense to me now and I know that I'm never alone. She teaches me all the good about love. We exist within a healthy relationship and I feel more confident, healthier, and happier when I'm with her. My life isn't about just me anymore, its about us. My heart feels fuller than its ever felt. I am grateful to her, but not really because of her love but because of who she is as a person and who she helps me be as a person. And I feel inspired to continue moving forward with my life, now with a clear goal of wanting to make us both happy.

I quit Infosim to join Desk Plants, which grew from writing a few blog posts to actually being my career! I really love what I’m doing and feel like it could eventually cover my expenses, if not end up being a multi-million dollar thing! (Fingers crossed) Also I know I talked about Justin last year but we broke up in March because of his job/him not sleeping/his downstairs neighbors having a loud newborn, but also...idk we were both changing into completely different people. I broke up with him right after the Infosim/desk plants transition

In the last year I lost a very close friend of mine to suicide. I cried a lot, obviously, and I also spent a lot of time rethinking how I interact with the people in my life. I’ve tried to get better at staying in touch with people who are important to me, since one of my saving graces during that time was being grateful I had stayed in touch with my friend up until we lost him, but also I’ve tried not to waste time on people or things that aren’t as important to me. I’ve also had to be more empathetic to some of my close friends not impacted by this loss. At first I was very mad that people so close to me could fail to acknowledge what I was going through, even though I knew they saw how much I was hurting, but in the end I realized that most people have no idea how to react to death, especially if they haven’t lost someone this close to them, and I had to forgive them if I wanted to keep them in my life.

I had major surgery for the first time in my life. The anticipation was terrible, for several months. I was terrified that I would feel unbearable pain after the procedure., in spite of my doctor's assurances. mI foolishly listened to someone who had had the same procedure and had a very bad experience afterwards. It is now 2 weeks since the surgery, and I have had absolutely no pain. I feel a bit tired but so relieved to have come through it so much better than I feared. I am very, very grateful for the excellent medical care I received as well as the love and support of my family and close friends.

My only son, our youngest child got engaged. I am very happy for him and his fiancee. We love her. I was a bit disappointed however, that she proposed to him as I would have loved to have been involved in his excitement to plan proposing to her. I realize however that this is not his personality and she is good for him as she helps him to make commitments and move ahead. I am content.

This year was filled with growth and learning - I moved out of my Mom's house in anger, I started dating someone I am now in a very serious relationship with, I committed to renting my own art studio, and I said "yes" to too many things - working 2 jobs and taking on more than I could handle in terms of the work-social-alone time balance. I feel grateful and relieved for my journey of moving out of my parent's house, and for being able to forgive my Mom and move forward in our relationship while living in separate places. I think that although I was bitter for some time about the motivations and reasons behind me needing to move out, in the end it led to me meeting my roommates that are now like family, and space between my mom and I so that, with time, we could come back together again with peace and respect. Now her and I are back to being best friends and communicate incredibly well with one another. I feel that had we not had the huge fight that we did, and had I not moved out, our relationship would look very different then it does today - us getting ready to spend all of Rosh Hashanah together after all the hard work we put into our relationship! Feeling inspired about what the upcoming year has in store for some awesome mother-daughter moments.

Designing a new dance piece that was deeply personal and creatively exhilarating I’m so excited to be back doing creative collaborative work that sings of my soul. And being recognized for it.

This year we finally had a successful FET and am now 20 weeks pregnant. We are so excited, grateful, scared and overwhelmed that we are finally going to have our own baby.

I finished my conversion this year, and was formally welcomed into the Jewish community. It was something that made me so incredible inspired and grateful because it was something that I had been working towards for several years. I felt like I finally came home.

Over fourteen years ago, I met a woman online. We exchanged many emails via Flickr, where we met, and often sparred publicly with photos aimed at each other. She lives on the other side of the world but we spoke a couple of times over Skype. She was in a horrible marriage. We both pined about meeting each other. That same year, and not long after all this began, I went to Europe (Paris, specifically) for the first time. I wanted to somehow make a side trip to see her, but it didn't come to pass. Our connection faded a bit as her life was in upheaval. Whatever feelings I had developed for her have remained all these years... dormant. She visited the states seven years ago or so but I didn't find out until it was almost time for her to go home. Recently, however, I saw that she was in the states again... a sudden thing. I was due to travel to the Midwest (where she was staying for a couple of weeks), so I hurriedly made plans to include seeing her as part of my trip. We met. We talked for two hours. Everything from fourteen years ago came rushing back. For me. It's a different and complicated story for her. But grateful? Absolutely. I learned SO MUCH about her in that two hours. I learned that any feelings I had for her so long ago were entirely legitimate. I learned that she is more than what I knew her to be then—time three or four or five. Inspired? I wrote a song for the first time in probably ten years. Others are percolating. I'm making tentative plans to go to her part of the world next spring. In reality, I don't know if I'll ever see her again.

This year I accepted a new job. I uprooted my fiancé, my dog, and I and moved 13 hours across the country. While the move was stressful and life is definitely more expensive here, I am so grateful for the opportunity to help people in my new position. I’m relieved that this area has a large jewish population with ample resources and kosher food options. I’m excited to see how we flourish in our new location and how I will grow for this new experience.

My brother’s wedding weekend left me with brief moments of joy but also an enormous amount of stress and frustration over other aspects of the weekend. It made me want to communicate even more and provided an opportunity to try and be present and not let the stress overtake me. It also revealed how strong my network of support outside of the family is.

I traveled to the Sobibor Death Camp for the 75th Anniversary of the Revolt and my father's escape. I went to his village, Itzbica, and stood in the empty space where his family home used to be. The empty space left me feeling such loss, maybe even more than the death camp.

I experienced a significant medical issue. While I was in Washington, D.C. to officiate at my cousin's wedding, I began to pass huge clots. My physician reminded me that "vaginal bleeding after menopause is considered cancer until proved otherwise." I had a hysterectomy in June and it was not cancer--cysts and fibroids--and recovered without incident. I was terrified at the thought of my life being foreshortened and grateful for more life.

This past year, my girlfriend had a stroke and a subsequent open heart surgery as a result of what they found from the tests they did for the stroke. At first, having only been dating a few months, it was unbelievable. She was 24 at the time. How could this be? But, gratefully, the ordeal pulled us closer and strengthened our love for one another. And, had it happened later on, she may have had some physical impairments as a result. Thankfully, she is physically and mentally healthy, with no evidence of the surgery except for the scar across her sternum. It did make me reflect on the petty things we all often waste our time doing. To get angry or upset, while human, is a complete waste of time, time that you could spend with loved ones because you don't know what lies in wait around the corner for you.

I finally ended an on/off relationship that has been going on for over 10 years. This only came after a last ditch attempt on my part to suppress my own needs and wants and try to be who she wanted me to be. Basically I agreed, after years of saying no - to getting married. Thankfully we didn't get as far as buying a ring before I came to my senses. What was the big lesson? You can't escape your own nightmares by trying to hide in someone else's dream.

The big one is having Olivia go off to college. I’m happy that she finally decided and that she is loving it there. I thought it would be really hard to say goodbye to her or missing her here. In both cases, it was easier than I imagined. Maybe it’s because I knew I’d see her soon. Or because I know she is in a good place for her. Or maybe I’ve gotten better at goodbyes. Regardless, I’m proud of her for choosing to go further away and for thriving there.

I have accepted a new job! Two years after mortal terror about being unemployed gave way to a new job, I now have the joy of getting a new position and a promotion. I am deeply grateful for the opportunity, although I think I have chosen new things to worry about.

I moved to a neighborhood I love. I finally feel at home in Texas, like I want to put down roots here. I think that and other things- like canvassing for Beto, my daughter staying at the same preschool for a whole year, knowing my neighbors, have all converged to make me a real part of my Texas community.

After several years of pondering, wondering, worrying, doubting, hoping, dreaming, wishing, and more -- I took the plunge in January and applied to Rabbinical School at Hebrew College. This is, to put it mildly, not my first rodeo. I am in my early fifties and left a reasonably well-paying full-time job in order to ask myself this question. (It was time to leave the job anyway, but that's last year's story!) Happily, I was accepted into the program and granted a merit fellowship, which brought the whole thing into the realm of the realistic. And so, three weeks ago, I started full-time study toward rabbinic ordination. This process has affected me in more ways than I can describe. I feel inspired, happy, overwhelmed, intimidated, bemused. It is a great privilege to be able to start something new at this stage of life. Most of all, I feel blessed.

Putting on a dress I hadn’t worn in over 3 years. It was a culmination of losing 20 lbs over a year or so. Being able to do that reminded me I have the strength to do what is difficult and what I want. I feel relieved that I didn’t continue moving up in clothing sizes and that it’s a sustainable weight with eating anything but not everything in moderations. I feel more like me than I have in years.

Coaching JV basketball with Michelle and going to japan are two significant experiences that have shaped me in the past year. I learned so much from both- in coaching I learned both from Michelle and had a bit of a mom presence in my life. I’m going to japan I learned about the traditions, cultures, and religion of another country. I felt a deep connection to the deeper spirituality of humans, regardless of the surface shape of it, and was curious and imaginative toward the practices of Hinduism and Buddhism. I am grateful, changes, and inspired.

In May of this year, I packed up and moved to a new city, where I knew very few people, to live with my boyfriend. It's definitely been an adjustment and sometimes I feel a little bit lonely but I'm really happy I did it. I really love this city and our apartment and our little family. I am so grateful.

After finally (almost) recovering from nearly dying last year, Jeff's MM relapsed in the spring, and then he developed GBS in the summer - which HE could have died from. I feel so exhausted from the constant medical traumas that I don't even have the energy to feel anything 😢

My mother’s fall on her 95th birthday, and struggle to survive was the most significant thing that has happened to me this year. I am so thankful that I was able to be with her and share her passing. So impressed with how she took control of her death, by refusing to take any further medication or therapy. I pushed her too hard but I think she knew I was doing it out of love. Hospice support said that she had a perfect death. Couldn’t ask for more than that.

My daughter got married and, after years of misunderstanding between us, I was readmitted into her life. I am grateful, happy, relieved, and feel good about the work I have done to let her know that, as her Mom, I was always here for her.

I had a very high fever and chills. A friend took me to the ER where I was diagnosed with sepsis. Fortunately the antibiotics and fluids worked and by the next day my vitals were all normal. I stayed 3 days in my room, plus a day in ER -- four total. I am grateful and relieved. The wonderful nurses told me some of their own life stories. One who was on night shift described the studied and documented health effects on night shift workers -- not good. He said that night shift (12 hours) workers lose two years of life. After I listened to him for an hour he thanked me and said I may have added two years to his life. The nurses and their assistants need someone to listen to them. They have no one (except perhaps each other). They cannot go to the counselors in HR because, while what they say is confidential, just making an appointment goes onto your record and jeopardizes their jpobs.

This year I had a Total Knee Replacement. It has been a life changing experience. I can do things I haven't been able to do in many, many years. Perhaps more importantly, I have learned that you (or at least I) don't know how much pain you are in until the pain is gone. I am now volunteering with the Orthopedics Dept at the hospital where I had my surgery, working with people who are about to have the same surgery I had. I am grateful for the people and technology that made this possible and happy that I can honor this gratitude by working with pre-op patients.

In the last year, I was given the opportunity to travel to Michigan and meet face-to-face with the love of my life. I was anxious and excited for days leading up to it and it was by far one of the best weekends I’ve ever spent. I’ve never imagined being married or having a future with someone until Scott. I am so grateful for whatever planets aligned to allow this to happen, and I know that I will never be the same. ❤️

I was laid off from my job unexpectedly. I knew it would happen at some point but I didn’t not expect it to happen when it did. I felt a mix is shame and embarrassment, some relief, and quite a bit of anger and resentment at the people there. It forces me to confront the question of what I want to do with my life and I don’t have the answer for that.

I had my 70th birthday. Gratitude is definitely how I felt/feel. Less about reaching 70 after cancer twice, more about who I am & how I’ve grown to move in my world. And 70 sounds a bit scary, ever moving closer to ending my time (as we always are) in this particular body. While at the same time I really immersed myself in a two week journey of celebration. It felt so good to be present & grateful for two whole weeks!

This past year, I discovered that 2 of my kids are not observant at all. While I continue to try to be supportive of their life choices, I am also angry, resentful, guilty and sad about it. I blame others and myself...and I feel lonely in my feelings. It is hard to sit with it, especially now before Rosh Hashana.

My God. This has been one hell of a year. Last spring I was low-grade sick for about 4 months due to a sinus issue, which turned out to be due to a tooth root that was extended and punctured my sinus. I had to deal with emergency oral surgery a few times, and it was awful. I missed a lot of classes, more than I ever have. It was awful. But, then I took students to Italy for 10 days. I was still tired, but it was a lovely trip, and Molly enjoyed being with college students who are her age now! Wow. Then I went off to SLC to grade AP exams, and discovered that I hated it a lot less this time, largely, I think, because I knew what to expect, and also because I knew some people and spent time talking with people and getting to know them. I really enjoyed it. Then we went to Pittsburgh to see my parents, and I was dismayed to see how badly they seem to be doing. I think they've adjusted some to their new reality, particularly with John in the wheelchair, but it looks like it is the beginning of a decline. It's sad. Then we came back to Clinton, and I taught an online class. Then, in August, I went to Bellingham for 10 days. I saw two humpback whales. I saw people I missed a lot. I found out that my dear friend Lisa, who had taken her life in December, had walked out in front of a train. I have had a hard time processing that. I also realized that I had a lot more to put behind me about my time out there, but this was a start. Lately, I have felt myself tearing up frequently. Not entirely sure why. Feels like pure sentiment, but I think I carry a lot of trauma in me, and a lot of grief that I have just pushed down hard. I might have sprung a little leak after all these years.

I started being a therapist. While I still have 3 quarters and a lot of hours until being licensed, I took a step towards a career path and still feel really good and excited about it. I’m grateful for my lot in life in being able to pursue this, I feel thankful that people have trust in me and it’s wild to think about how my career is just sitting and talking to people (and hopefully helping them through their problems). It’s been both rewarding and challenging, but overall has offered my life new meaning and significance.

Richard Maxfield, my therapist for 27 years, died on October 17, 2018. Though we had an extremely rich abundance of interactions over the years, I have felt strangely blank regarding my memories of those interactions, as though I have been frozen in black, glacial ice for nearly a year. As the anniversary approaches, I am finding the intensity of my grief is increasing, and the memories are beginning to arise. I am devastated by my loss of him, but I am very grateful that the frozen feeling is subsiding, because the memories that are returning are delightful and sustaining. These memories are such a great blessing.

Divorce. It helped me prioritize myself and freedom. I was relieved and inspired.

My divorce became final. It’s been a flood of emotions. It still does not feel complete or closed. I’m glad for the final completion and do not want to undo it. Yet I feel heavy, at fault, and stuck.

I had the opportunity to get new job. I am happy that Hyatt Morristown give opportunity to rejoin the team.

This year I started a new job but also while working that job I also experienced sexual assault and now I really understand past experiences better but I have much more empathy for people who have gone through it as well

The past year has been something of a whirlwind. One stand-out experience has been the hearing aid. It was prescribed for my son in March, fitted in April, broken in May (twice), restored in June, unworn through July and August, resumed in September and then, just this week at the end of the month, taken away (hopefully) for good. I feel so many things about it. At the start fearful but also determined to brazen out the stares and help my son feel as normal as possible. Then relieved and grateful, because it really did help him hear -- and he was so much quieter when he wore it! Maybe it's a coincidence but when Ellsworth was awarded the Progress Prize for his year group by the school, part of me assumed it was the hearing aid helping him concentrate that accounted for his significant progress. Now that his hearing has returned to normal, or almost, the NHS has taken the hearing aid back. On one hand I'm glad -- no more being stared at on the bus, no more wondering if at some point his classmates will shed their tolerance and start being mean about differences. On the other hand I'm scared. Scared that he might still need it (he's still really loud...). Scared that without a visible outward sign of needing help that his teachers won't take the time to make sure he understands. I'm also angry. It is supremely unhelpful to be angry about the past, because the past can't be changed. However I am angry with the staff at the nursery Ellsworth attended as a baby and a toddler. His hearing impairment was entirely due to build up from repeated (never-ending) upper respiratory infections he suffered while attending nursery. I asked the staff repeatedly, over and over, for three years, if they had any concerns about his hearing. I know I did, he repeatedly turned music up very loud and often exclaimed he couldn't hear me during conversations. They brushed me off, because he was talking on time and didn't have a speech impediment. When we finally obtained a diagnosis, it was that his hearing impairment wasn't mild, it was moderate, and on both sides. The staff were dumbfounded. One dismissed the results out of hand, suggesting that my son had tricked the audiologists. "He's just putting it on," she said. "He can hear, he just doesn't want to listen." I should have reported this conversation to the head of the nursery but didn't -- the diagnosis came only a couple of weeks before he was due to leave there and start school. There seemed no point in fighting them for accommodation when we were half-way out the door. I look back at those three years and wonder how much more he would have heard if I'd acted differently. If I'd listened to myself instead of the staff and requested a test earlier. If I hadn't put him into that nursery in the first place. So many ifs. Unhelpful, yet I can't help them. Maybe typing this up will lay some of that anger to rest.

I met my boyfriend Simon. He has changed my perception on relationships and caring for each other. The way calmness came over me when we met has changed me and I feel so safe being in this beautiful thing.

I sold my house. It's been very emotional. It took me well over a year to complete. Letting go... is tough. I still feel as if that house is mine and I can return when I want to, but I can't. My father's kitchen... the one he built with his own hands... I will never touch that again At the same time I am relieved that I no longer need to worry about it. I had not been happy and free there in a long time. The entire time I lived there it was just about worry, sadness, grief. And wanting to be there but not. I am not okay now, but I will be. Once I find a new home, which will hopefully be the one I've been eyeing for a while now.

We visited our oldest grandson in Washington DC. He has moved in with his girlfriend and we really like her. He moved to become a Chef and he's working at a wonderful restaurant with a head chef who loves him and is teaching him soooo many things. For the first time I feel relieved that he made a good choice to move. He is so very happy with his life. But I really miss him.

Deciding to sell my condo - rental property. It's still on the market. It's not something I want to do. I can't effectively manage it with my current job and living situation. It's losing me money. Deciding to sell was somewhat a no brainier. It was convincing my dad and going against what he thinks is best was hard. It's still hard having to deal with his comments that imply I'm delusional about what kind of price I'll get for it. But really it's no different than how he has treated me my entire life - like I am stupid. But I got it listed with an agent (not my father) who will listen to what I say as opposed to disregarding what I say as stupid. I am resentful of the whole situation and anxious to be done spending $1000/year for a roof over someone else's head. I'm trying to be hopeful that I will make enough from the sale to pay off the note and make back some of the money I've spent on it over the last few years. And I'm looking forward to putting it behind me.

This past spring I made the decision to leave my husband. My divorce was final in June. Overall I have felt a great sense of relief and peace. In general I am happier. But there have been some times of intense sadness. Wondering why we weren’t enough for each other. Wondering why my husband turned to deviant behavior and fetishes for sexual fulfillment. During the couple of years prior, I had done a lot of reading of erotic literature to try to spice up our love life. While that didn’t seem to work with my husband, it has opened avenues of greater enjoyment and adventure for me. I think I am a better lover and more uninhibited. I am optimistic and hopeful for the future. I am currently looking for my best friend to spend the rest of my life with. I want somebody to share all aspects of life with: daily living, adventure, passion.

We went to Peru with our very good friends. While not as inspiring or impactful a trip as Africa, I was gratified to be traveling with such dear people. Their needs differed from ours, and I thought that might, perhaps, impede or deter from the experience, but it didn't. I appreciate how much we are loved both individually and as a couple. Hope and David are such great people, and the fact that we are considered such close friends makes me evaluate myself so much more kindly. If they see the good, it must be there.

I finally got a job, and a good one, too! I believed (most of the time) that God would take care of me and He did. I didn't know what He had planned for me, and I did my best to be patient (not always successfully). Working with Neal has been so wonderful. It's given me the opportunity to "ease" back into practicing law. It's also fun, most of the time, and I'm so grateful to be working with him.

I can't think of anything particularly significant, but my son is still treating me like I don't exist. Mostly I feel resentful and frustrated because I was the best possible mother I could be his whole life, but then did something that he was so upset by that he stopped, and continued not, talking to me. I feel like, what's the point of being a good mother if you're going to end up treated like you don't exist?

I recently figured out what I want for my love life. I am grateful, and I am relieved, yet I feel disheartened that it took so long to figure out.

I'm trying to sell my business. I approached one company that I thought would be a good fit. Ultimately, it did not happen. I've been disappointed about it, but there are other possible buyers out there. The process of getting things ready to give to a potential buyer was frustrating, occasionally infuriating, and really arduous, and it remains a difficult experience. I'm glad to have gone through it, even though it's not entirely done. But, in the end, I'm glad this company decided not to buy. In the meantime, I got to know them better and I don't think they do as good a job taking care of their clients as I do. So the Universe works in mysterious ways again. I'm still left doing too much work and having not enough time to do the things I want to be doing, but that's...for another question.

I met the love of my life this year. I was standing by the red gates at my new job, and he was also standing there. We got to talking and realized we couldn’t be without each other. He lived with me for 3 months and it was the best 3 months of my life. I love him, and I’m so grateful I met him. 💕

I was broken up with - I am so so relieved. It broke my heart at the time, but I am a much better person for it

Exhausted. I feel exhausted. I'm coming to the other side of the divorce and I feel like I have tapped out my reserves in every possible way.

I tried dating: not exclusively at first. It was nice, because it felt like I wasn't putting all my emotional eggs in one basket. Traditionally, I'd only dated one person at a time. Things got complicated. I started making too many exceptions for someone, who was not maybe right for me, based on where he was in his life at the time. We were good together in many ways, so I tolerated potential deal breakers. Based on my mom’s behavior modeling, I practiced radical acceptance of this person, without being true to myself. That is the lesson, ad nauseam: know thyself; to thine own Self be true. Do I feel like I’m not worth it? Things got weird. I had to send one of the suitors away, because this other man wished to be exclusive with me. When I did so and shared with him what happened, he claimed it was too much drama and left, like an asshole. So now, I have no one. Guy number one wanted to live with me and pressured me to "move in." He doesn’t even have a house! He has a great job, he’s in a fairly successful band, and we really clicked. To me, however, someone asking if they can move into your spare room while they do not have their own house? Fuck no. You’ve been couch surfing for how many months now? Priorities, dude. You don’t even have car insurance, yet you drink every waking moment you're not at work, and you fucking drive your car--and you even have passengers in your uninsured vehicle. Really irresponsible. Yet some areas of your life are so together. No. I want to see what it’s like to date you, without you suddenly living in my house. No, you cannot live here. No, I will not rent the spare bedroom to you. In hindsight, I wish I had only dated one person at a time now, and just cut the cord on Dude One when I thought I needed to, but kept putting it off. Maybe part of me felt like I was too old to find anyone good. (lulz) In the future I shall do business better, relationship wise. Dating multiple people at a time is too confusing. But dating one person at a time… It seems like no one does that anymore. Time to practice cutting ties, when I see red flags, no matter how amazing someone is.

We picked up moved (again) from the West coast to East coast. I am excited and happy to return and be closer to my family. However, I harbor some resentment about moving away in the first place. Not sure who my resentment is toward. My partner or myself.

2019, year of Lindsay. I got a divorce, I quit my job, I moved to Ohio. I don't need a shell, I have bones. I can make changes and I won't die.

I started a serious relationship this year (ish—technically started the year before but has really been this year). It’s been amazing and also really hard. We love each other and we have fun together. But I have so much anxiety about life and I worry about it creeping into this relationship

I started university, it's scary and intimidating, but it's also really fun. I've been enrolled for about a month and have had to change how I interact with the world, after taking two gap years it's been difficult to focus on studying and saying no to friends who want to party. However, I'm grateful for this opportunity and don't want to blow it. It's been going well, I think!

Battling to get my older brother released from a Rehab/Nursing home.

I moved out of the condo and into a house in the Mantua neighborhood. I think of it as mine and not a refuge from divorce. I provide the girls their own space. They are happy here. Each with their own room. I plan to stay a long time. I am grateful for everyone who texted me right away.

I proposed to Alex! It made me feel so relieved after the weekend went off flawlessly and she seemed to be so happy. I’m grateful for friends and family that helped put it together. Relieved that all the planning was worth it and I don’t have to hide anything anymore. I have a new “happy moment” to think of, which is when Andrew bird was playing and I recited my words before she said yes :)

I've had a lot of significant experiences in the past year. (Turning 18 and graduating high school will do that to you.) I think the one I'll choose, though, is that I started dating someone. It's been very nice to be in a relationship, especially one that feels very loving, mutual, mature, and healthy. It's also been challenging in some good ways. I've become more emotional and wrestled with religion in new ways. I've also been a lot happier and had a lot of fun. Because I can't just settle with one experience, I'm also going to talk about turning 18. Becoming an adult felt quite terrifying, but then it was cool. It's weird to be put in a position where you are responsible for yourself, and quite possibly for others. You don't expect that you'll be that functioning of an adult, but then you test yourself and you find out that you are. Going on trips and working a job wherein I was a/the responsible adult boosted my confidence and made me feel more capable as a person.

I thought I wasn't going to be offered the job working with empathy and diverting youth from the juvenile justice system. And during this process I was reading two books recommended or that I saw on Fred's desk, Strength to Love by MLK and Interior Freedom by Jacques Philippe. And in the latter, there's a sentence that immediately resonated with me, that the reason why I can't be deeply present with people, the reason why everything feels so high stakes, is because it feels like I need proof that This can work, that I'm not going to give it up. Instead of being able to always connect to my joy of doing it / knowing I will always do it, until I die, no matter what. and thereby detach from any particular outcome in a relationship, meeting, etc. The line is "The devil often tries to discourage us and make us lose our joy in serving God."

Due to my two weeks of intensives for the spring and fall semester, I have reconnected with my artistic self. This makes me sad, actually, because I am afraid to rely on art income and hand my business clients over to my son while we're still in debt for the mortgage and credit cards, etc. I don't want to do my dayjob anymore, but it's not practical to stop.

This year has seen so many changes for me. At this exact time last year, my boyfriend and I broke up after two years together, and I moved out of our shared apartment. I was devastated at the time, but in hind site it was absolutely the right decision. I learned how to survive better on my own, and he finally went to therapy for his PTSD. Now, one year later, we’re back together and both happier and better functioning as individuals and as a couple than we’ve ever been. We’re building a life together, and I can’t wait to see what the next year brings.

The Shipyards is open! I haven’t been so proud of something in a long time, as to when the fences came down the morning of July 20.

We moved back to Virginia and have been living with my mom. He quit his job at the warehouse in EC--the job was hurting him health wise, his supervisor was awful and he was getting threatened to be fired every day because he wouldn't kiss his boss's butt. I am relieved--we moved away from people who were toxic and bringing us down, I'm no longer commuting nearly an hour each way to go to work and we are closer to "civilization ". Took him a while to find a job but hes working now and things are going good. It can always be better obviously, but I am in a MUCH better place emotionally and mentally than I was a year ago.

I begun life as a parent. I enjoy the special moments with our little family.

I discovered the source of my depression which has affected me for 14 years. As such, I am able to change my future as a result. I felt like a massive weight has lifted off my shoulders. I have learnt that persistence is key to overcoming any challenge that comes my way.

My son graduated from high school and my daughter became a bat mitzvah. While I am extremely proud of their accomplishments, these events made me really sad. I've been repeatedly struck over this past year by how fast the time has whizzed by. These events are such permanent markers in time. They made me remember myself at these times in my own life, and I was sad that my parents had passed and were not here to share them. I probably have 20-30 years left to live. I'm far closer to being done with my life than starting it and that really resonated. Again and again, I've come back to, "How do I use the time that I am given?" This is going to be a major theme for me this year. I am also thinking about how to have more joy in my life.

This year I have experienced a burnout from working full time after maternity leave, deep feelings of hate towards myself and the near breakdown of my marriage all happening at the same time. We are told as women that we can have it all. This is utter bullshit. We can’t. There wasn’t enough of me to be all the people I needed to be in my life. But I am glad it happened. It gave me the jolt I needed to make some big decisions. I left my full time teaching job. Time to focus on being a mother and healing myself. And also time to discover if there is another career I may want to pursue. And I am so much happier now!

After years of deep depression, I was able to go back to study. I finished a one year course to be a certified Tour Guide, it took a lot of efford to go to class every day and I'm really proud with myself for not giving up and getting the certificade. I also went back to college and am really happy with my academic life so far

My partner was forced out of her job and did not work for several months. Her mental health suffered. I was resentful (I had to do a lot of the parenting and carrying of financial burdens) and scared (that she wouldn't get better, wouldn't find another job)

This year I got rejected from several jobs-many of which I really, desperately wanted. I am frustrated by all that has transpired and it makes me question my career path. With the current political environment, I am wondering if/how I could change careers at this point in my life. I am glad, however, that I am learning about rejection and am finding ways to move forward.

I published my first book, "Fierce Truth," back in March. I'm grateful, relieved, disappointed but also inspired. The feedback was unanimous - it was very hard to read but the writing was excellent. I didn't make it back to England or go to Italy. I spent the money to convert my garage into a studio apartment and have rented it out. I'm worried about finances - I have a lot of bills, but I've also started to do sessions for people and a blog about metaphysics. I'm really looking forward to this year as a real change in my lifestyle. I haven't done much writing after the book and that's disappointing, but my life is going in another good direction. Time will tell how that plays out.

The most significant experience this year was the death of my Dad. It has been a far more intense than I imagined it would be. I loved him dearly, held him on an idealized pedestal even. But we weren't close in terms of seeing each other or even talking often. I live in a different country, and his Parkinson's disease meant than he couldn't follow conversations well and didn't speak much. I cherish my memories of him and am slowly processing the loss. I am relieved and grateful that he is no longer in pain, or struggling daily with every activity. I am sad and emptied by his passing. I miss him. I miss the Dad I created in my mind. It is bringing my own mortality to mind. This event has guided me into probably the deepest bout of depression I have experienced, but I am gaining hope that perhaps it will lead me to make long overdue changes in my attitude and life.

This year (last November), Grandpa died. As painful as his death was, it was a very affirming experience to be with him and all my family at his bedside during his last days. We were able to participate, in small ways, in his care, and express our love for him and for each other. I am grateful that my last memories of him are full of love and care. He was a person who always stepped up to care for others without ever expecting praise, and I am so grateful that our family was able to do the same for him, even a little.

Downsized our home and spent month in Portugal for steve’s retirement vision- all working well and I committed to spending a weekend with each granddaughter in the upcoming year. So grateful to have clarity about what I want and can act upon it!

I discovered once again that I enjoy teaching bible studies even when I think it's a lot of extra work. Teaching the studies, and therefore doing the necessary work entailed, is actually helpful for my own spiritual journey in a way I don't experience otherwise. I'm grateful for the new perspectives I encounter and I am more thoughtful in my daily life and God's presence there.

I hit my peak (worst) weight at 228. Made me feel worried and scared and wanting to get better. I apparently have not been good about continuing down the path of improvement though, and really need to remember that...

My position with the company I worked for 16.5 years was terminated. Initially I was stunned. I have also felt anger, embarrassment, a sense of loss, and relief. The reasons for the termination were false and unjust. I knew that I needed to and wanted to leave the hostile and toxic environment that I was immersed in, but I was dragging my feet in doing so. I was on a hamster wheel that spun faster and faster each day. I was afraid to jump off. G-d made the decision for me to leave that situation at that time, HIS perfect time. I immediately knew this in my heart, and I was not afraid. I knew then as I know now that He has something better for me. I embrace that fact and give thanks daily for what is in store. I have done much healing during this time -- physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. Aspects of myself that have long been asleep have begun to awaken, and I can once again feel joy and bliss. I am learning to love myself and others again and to bask in The Light. I am grateful for the blessing that has been bestowed upon me.

I started college and joined a sorority. This has totally upped my confidence and I’m making great friends because of it.

This February, I traveled to Honduras with my school on a medical service trip. It was exciting, and it also helped clarify my goals. I'm still frustrated by the feeling of having not done enough, but I'm so glad I figured out I don't want to go into direct practice of medicine. I want to be working to change the systems that cause these disparities, not fixing them after they happen.

Oh, boy! I got married! I know I was considering it when writing my last 10Q reflection, but I never thought it would happen so fast and this year. I proposed to my long-time girlfriend in March and married her in August. I'm grateful and excited.

After all the work it took to get here, I thought I'd answer this with receiving my PhD, but strangely that is not the most significant experience of the past year. It was a psilocybin journey I took this summer. Having the somatic experience that everything is OK, I am not being punished, and things happen when there is a match between people has been profound. In the months since the experience, I come back to these facts frequently and it tempers my reaction to experiences I'm having so I can be more thoughtful and less anxious/angry/sad about whatever is happening. The freedom of not being subject to my initial emotional response makes be feel happier and healthier.

My accident on July 19. Falling asleep at the wheel is something I never imagined. I’m grateful no one else was hurt. I’m grateful I was not hurt worse. This summer has been a journey of self reflection, dependence and vulnerability. There is so much to say about this, and since I believe I’ve said it in my journaling, I’m not going to say it all here. I have, at different times since the accident, been resentful - mostly of my need for others to do so much for me. Mostly, I have been- and continue to be - grateful. And inspired to learn from this experience.

My conversation with Ryan in Zion. We sat in the sand, because I didn't want to go in the stupid Creek, and we just talked as the sun disappeared from the beautiful rock mountains. It was tensionless and beautiful. I have never felt such a connection. We are so much the same person, and I've never connected with anyone that way. It was like looking into a mental mirror. It was a reminder of my place in society, and that it was ok to be me because there is someone else that is exactly the same. It was a revelation, and absolutely sanity. I hadn't felt this way since Alaska. It is something I reflect on regularly as I work to be the best version of myself.

Around the winter holidays I had some high blood pressure readings. A few times it went up to 160/100. I started feeling episodes of shortness of breath when I was resting. My PCP started me on Lisinopril . I needed a hIgher dose. But I was still intermittently SOB. I privately worried I had some heart blockages. I had a cardiac echo and a stress test (Treadmill) done in May/ June. Stress test was normal but Echo showed a moderate pulmonary leaky valve. Nothing to do but watch it and hope it doesn’t get any worse. I’m grateful that’s all we found and I didn’t need to have a PCI or CABG. Didn’t have to slow down or disrupt my life. This summer my mom fractured her back and this has disrupted her life. I feared I would need to stop work and go down to help her. But she pulled out of it. So, again, I was relieved that my life wasn’t disrupted. I guess this fear is selfish. Because I’m so lucky to still have my mom and I hope I’d be able to help her rather than dread the changes. I hope if I had health problems, I will be strong and resilient for everyone I love. I’m sure I will face all this in the future but for now I continue to work and enjoy time for myself. I hope when the time comes I will ready my resolve and lean on God for inner strength and wisdom.

Since last high holidays I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. This changed everything for me and I have spent the year adjusting to having a degenerative disease. It has been about a year, and I am trying to focus on having a good life now and on doing what I can to stay healthy.

I got let go from my job and subsequently a career I’d been in the majority of my adult life. It was so FREEING! Everyone kept saying it was a blessing in disguise but to me it was never disguised. Although, I do admit that I was (am) a tad resentful over how it happened. But overall, very happy and relieved to be gone.

My partner and I sold my condo and bought a new home a few miles from his children. I feel so grateful that we have been able to make that move. We get a lot more time with the kids and just got a kitten!

In March, I went to London with my wife and my parents. The occasion was my graduating with a bachelor's degree from the Open University. Walking across that stage, being honored by my alma mater, and sharing this experience with people who are very near and dear to me was everything I had hoped - and so much more. I wear the lapel pin proudly.

I left my job with UTHSCSA and began my own therapy practice. I've been affected by this change in many ways. I'm so grateful to have been able to work with the medicaid subjects on the research project, but it was very overwhelming working within big systems of medicaid and the state of texas. I feel very relieved by the change, and also very scared! I'm very nervous I won't be able to "make it" in the therapy business, even though right now, my caseload is entirely full. I feel resentful of the state of texas and medicaid because their inflexibility has become an extremely sore spot for me. It was difficult to be in the same room as my staff because of the anxiety/fear caused by the policies and procedures of the project. I look forward to reflecting on this in a year!

I was offered substantial equity in my company without asking for it. I have never in my life been compensated for my work in such a dramatically financial way. It took my breath away. I am still trying to figure out if this is something that drives me. Is it the financial gains that drive me? Or the sense of accomplishment and recognition and it is measured by money. I am currently trying to figure out if it is enough of a reason for me to continue to work in a highly dysfunctional environment. I am also trying to figure out if all business is dysfunctional and this is the universe and if I enjoy business, is this the price to pay? enduring and surviving in dysfunction. Do I need other modes of operating for self preservation and succeeding in business. Is this an oxymoron?

Shared some of my experiences in writing. Applied for and was rejected from several promotions/opportunities, struggled with that. And just recently, realized that I have no grace or joy in my life. Or rather, I have both but am unable to experience either.

I made the decision to leave my current position for the sake of my family's professional satisfaction. This means leaving the familiar and the secure and taking a leap into the unknown with them and for them. I am both excited for the unknown future and terrified of what may or may not happen. I am inspired to think differently about my professional life. I am relieved to lay down the mantle of my current position. These and so many more feelings.

I got my dream job after spending the last 2 years at a hell job. I'm relieved, overjoyed, and very grateful. My lifestyle has done a total and complete 180 thanks to this; I have the opportunity to live the way I want to vs living at the beck and call of my employer.

I honestly can't think of anything.

My whole season in Mauritius was pretty significant. It was the first time that I truly had to rely on myself instead of my peers or my family. Being so far away from them with such an enormous time difference taught me independence and showed me inner strength that I didn’t know I had. It was very lonely at times, but I was able to focus on myself and what makes me happy and how can I personally succeed. I was living healthier and was not afraid to venture on my own. I am so grateful to have undergone a challenge such as that in Mauritius.

I had my first child, and it simultaneously affected me in the most positive and most negative way possible. Positive, in that I have not been given such a gift of life and joy before or such significant responsibility. Negative, in that I have come to see how broken, tempestuous, and hopeless I can become when placed under extreme stress until my attitude gives way to dread, fierce anxiety, and ultimate despair. Then joy unspeakable or a deadened nothingness all in the same day. My character flaws has been magnified and I was forced through extreme pain and loneliness to become stronger for it, because someone more vulnerable than I had to rely on me. I am grateful for it because it brought me to the end of my rope so that I realized that following my ever-present God's saving promptings did not only give me relief and hope, but strength, outcome and joy. I felt relieved after my emergency C section operation and resentful of having to have gone through it while I prayed against it and my husband deserted me after we had a disagreement in the hospital the night I went into labor. Even though he returned minutes later, I resent him for making me believe he wouldn't by not telling me he will be back. And I felt inspired by the women around me with their iron clad positivism and relentless confidence in God's Way.

I nearly lost my eldest (20 year old) son to a sudden, violent, horrific and very nearly successful act of self-harm. The only one of those 4 words above which are relevant would be Inspired.. because the ongoing process of healing and recovery has inspired me to reach out and connect on multiple levels and to multiple agencies and with many, many friends and connections and find my own paths of healing and recovery through resilience. But there are many other things I have felt through the process including the woefully inadequate capabilities of the mental health services in this country to, when accessed, diagnose and prevent situations from eventuating.

I got laid off. I am grateful. I didn’t realize how fully toxic that environment was until I was fully free from it. Leaving that place may have been the best thing to happen to me in my career. It inspired me to leave architecture.

I signed a lease on an office for my private practice after sharing with colleagues for almost years. This is something I promised my late husband I would do, and, finally, I have. I feel incredibly grateful and awed that I have achieved so much professionally, but I miss him so much. It's not the same without him.

There wasn't just one significant experience. The culmination of a few years of not being happy at my job and delving into Ashtanga Yoga helped me decide to make a change. Before I made the decision I had some anxiety but now that it's decided I feel very at peace and know it was the right choice. I'm very grateful to have a supportive husband, coworkers, and friends who have talked me through the tumult that was mostly my own doing. I'm so relieved, altho still resentful of my supervisors. I'm learning to let that go. I've spent enough energy on the negativity. I am inspired to continue to work on ME.

I got baptized! Confirming my faith to the world was so beautiful and encouraging that I’m not in this alone! I know now Jesus is better and I can’t do it without him, I no longer have to think about me me me but Him Him Him. I’m thankful for my group and the constant support they provide. The best thing that has ever happened to me was emma asking me to come to church with her in 6th grade

My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly four months ago. I am, simply put, gutted. I lost my father, too, and yet that was expected after a long downhill journey with dementia, so when he died we found comfort in the end of his suffering. Yet there is no comfort in the loss of my husband. Or for the boys’ loss of their father. Fortunately I have many loved ones, many friends who have helped me. And I have my words, which have been critical in helping me work my way through my grief.

Last week my mother apologized to me for something she did years ago that was very hurtful. It was the first real apology I've ever gotten from her. Normally when I express distress she tells me I'm too sensitive, or denies she did/said what I'm upset about, or attacks me about something I've done. I am 53 and my mother is 80. She very much wants to be close to me, and always has, but I have built what my husband calls "the Berlin wall" between us as a way to protect myself both from her neediness and harshness. For years she has been begging me to be closer but when I share any anger or disappointment she resorts to her usual strategies and can't take it in, so it is hard for me to be close as it feels like it has to be 100% on her terms. Hence, this apology was huge. I told her how much it meant to me, and that it was exactly what I needed to hear from her. I am excited -- perhaps we will manage to forge a kinder, more authentic bond before she dies. I am grateful -- I never thought I would see my mother grow in this way -- I never thought I mattered enough to her for her to change for me. I am nervous -- I am afraid she will think this one apology is the magic key to pulling me in to her orbit, and not be willing to do the ongoing work it will take for me to want to be close to her. I am also nervous that I may not have the generosity of spirit to be vulnerable to her, or honor her changed attitude. And I am hopeful that our best selves will finally be able to be in the same room, that they will meet for the first time in our lifetimes.

My best friend, with whom I work very closely in the same workplace, left to go back to college. I am no longer working with him on a daily basis and I miss him so much. It has made me realise how much I value our chats, now we have to work harder to have time together. I’m proud of him for doing this and I hope that when I get used to it, I will feel inspired to do something equally brave.

In the past year, I exhibited my first piece of art. It was called Unshaven and it was a drawing of a famous statue in Wheeling, WV with golden body hair added on. Exhibiting art has affected my identity and revealed how much I love making artwork and that I can make a piece that stands among peers. I am grateful for the experience and especially for Miranda and Alex helping to organize the UNLADYLIKE event. I am also relieved that I didn’t stand out like a sore thumb. I am a little ashamed that it didn’t sell and that it didn’t really get comments from anyone. But, that helped remind me who the art is for. Ultimately the purpose of making art is to express something I have to say.

Last Fall, Bernice Sue and I rode the Israel Ride, a five seven day bike ride from Jerusalem to Eilat, to raise money for Hazon and Arava Institute. In addition, we arrived early and stayed several days after the ride. Some of the highlights included a culinary tour of Northern Israel, Havdalah service at the edge of the Maktesh Ramon, hiking in the Maktesh, riding more than 200 miles through Southern Israel, visiting Petra and the RumWadi, and spending some relaxing days in Jerusalem and Tel Aviv. It was an amazing trip, full of spiritual, cultural, athletic elements. It was great sharing it with Bernice Sue and it was inspiring being around so many people who cared about what they were doing.

I've been trying to say YES and NO clearly & appropriately. I think it's been good: I've let go of many expectations (by me, for me, as well as by others for me & me for others). Every year I feel more strongly myself, & willing to take the consequences of bucking (or ducking!) what's assumed for me.

I was ordained as a Kohenet, a Hebrew Priestess. I am so grateful for this honor, the culmination of a lifetime of Jewish learning and leadership. I am inspired to step more fully into who I am and the gifts that I can offer, especially music.

Am I allowed to count the lack of a major experience as an experience? This year I stayed in the same city and at the same job. I have my old friends and some new ones too. I feel settled, in a way that I really haven't before, and that realization feels amazing.

I just got back from my 10th college reunion. Last night, at the end of the night my best friend and I laid on our backs in the middle of the giant black box theatre where we both spent countless hours. There were only a few blue gelled lights on, so it was almost pitch black, and we laid head to foot, holding hands. I did the "solid flesh" soliloquy and she spoke at length about her mentor's death and who he was and how he was in ways that I never knew because I didn't know him that well. I felt safe in that space. And young. And old. It made me feel that life is constantly changing and that there are places, whether physical or metaphysical, that you can return to if you are available to the moment.

This was the year that I moved to New York. Okay, technically I moved just over a year ago (I signed my lease to start September 15th), but this was my first year living in the city, for real, as a grown up person. I am so grateful and excited to be in the place I want to be--hopefully forever, and at least for now.

Last spring, I went on an awesome vacation to Utah with my two children when they were back from college. My wife couldn’t go, so we roughed it a bit more than we normally would, staying in campgrounds near two national parks for half of the trip and hotels the other half. We did a great deal of hiking and exploring and it was one of the best trips I’ve ever taken. Such a blessing to have that time with my adult kids. I am thankful for the relationships I have with them, and will cherish the memories of the trip forever.

I had to make a decision. Although I had to get involved in a situation I did not want to be in, I made a choice. I have to live with it. And I am Pleased with my reaction. I have not relived the decision-I have not asked myself what if. Feelings were hurt but I hope I avoided a greater hurt Only time will tell.

My father died in May. I know it was significant, but it still doesn't feel real yet. It just feels like he's away, not gone. He was a difficult person (to put it kindly), and I guess I'm relieved in a way that I don't have to dodge his moods and opinions anymore. He was the only one who could ever make me cry. I got a new job in August that is all about food, and I know he would gotten a kick out of it. I feel like things should have been more dramatic than they are. My mom likes talking about him still, but she didn't fall apart; she's moving on. My sister says he is sending her messages from the Great Beyond, but I haven't gotten any. She was more like him, and she also believes in that sort of thing. One day I was really missing him, though, or maybe just feeling sad, and I went and ate a Coney Island hot dog. Maybe it's hard to miss someone who was so hard to live with.

The morning Sara woke me up and told me she was pregnant. The sheer joy, excitement, relief, etc etc that I felt at that time has only grown over the last 7 months. We're flipping over the table of our lives, and I have no idea what things are going to look like at this point next year and couldn't be happier about it.

Closing the door with my ex. After I went through the mental breakdown, this was perhaps my next biggest challenge to overcome - addiction to a relationship that was highly toxic for me. Once I closed that, I let go of my job, my house and refreshed my life - went away for the summer and even made way for some new love. I felt SO grateful, that he met someone else, which was the catalyst, and that I found myself again. I was also resentful and angry and eventually it composted into something neutral, accepting and even loving. Relieved, hell yes. I stand now on the precipice of the unknown, filled with dreams, hopes, wishes and letting go.

My journey to get my sacroiliac joint dysfunction diagnosed. It was so stressful and scary and overwhelming and I felt so alone and confused and disbelieved. I am happy I finally got diagnosed, and so incredibly relieved that I know what's wrong with me. It's stressful, and I need to do a better job with my stretches, but I'm slowly getting back to myself.

Chris broke up with me at the beginning of the year. It was a tough pill to swallow after turning 35 just the week before. The realization that I am 35 and having to start this process all over again is daunting. I’m not 9 months in to the year and still single. I don’t have prospects, I’m not even sure how to find them in a way that doesn’t make me feel negative or turned down (I.e. only dating/apps). I’m feeling defeated.

The death of my ex-husband was the most significant experience this past year. It was sudden and heartbreaking for everyone, including me. The situation was made even worse by the life insurance fiasco since (he never changed his beneficiary and an ex cannot receive the proceeds in PA)--which is still going on and extremely frustrating!

I met a group of friends that I hadn’t felt a connection to since my high school friends. All of a sudden some of them stopped inviting me and it felt as if it was all a lie. It made me re-evaluate my life and I felt truly alone for the first time since I was in middle school and suicidal. I realized what happened was that one of the girls suddenly unfollowed most of us on Instagram and barely talks to us. When I realized it wasn’t just me the feelings of guilt lifted off my shoulders. It made me realize my feelings are right but I don’t know how to act around the two friends are still close with her. I’m glad things aren’t broken and I’ll try to leave them as salvaged as possible before I move back home to New York, which is where I belong.

I was lucky enough to move in with someone who supports me in a way I have never been supported before -- both practically and emotionally, and I feel profoundly grateful. I know it's still early days, but so far cohabitation has been an absolutely wonderful experience.

We sold our family (my childhood) home after 54 years of living there. It was a daunting and somewhat overwhelming project, and I'm still not sure how successful I've been at learning to "let go" of things, literally. Yet the spaces of the home are definitely etched in my memory banks. I'm happy that we got my 92 year old dad into a new situation wherein he will be comfortable, and can enjoy the remaining time. And I'm truly thankful for my sister, who helped throughout the process. And good friends who stepped in along the way. So I'm relieved that we figured out a way to monetize and create a financial cushion for my dad by selling the house. I'm sorry that we were forced to sell because of his finances (rule of thumb: don't outlive your money!). And maybe, just maybe, I'm starting to be thinking about my own final chapter(s) on this earth. Where will I live? What am I going to do with all of my possessions (including the ones I brought back with me from the family house)? Why do I have so much trouble "letting go" of "things?" How can I be better at editing my life so that I keep only the items (and people, experiences, and memories) that truly are meaningful and add to the joy of my existence?

I started school again and realized where my passions lay. Learned that it’s okay to not have it all figured out and changing your mind doesn’t mean you are giving up a dream.

This year has been a whirlwind. I honestly have no idea how I've managed to hold on through it all. I started my Ph.D. program this Fall. It feels like every new day begins with arguments on whether I am doing the right thing for both my family and me. The removal of control is what did it. I can handle the stress of a highly demanding environment, but I couldn't handle not being in charge of my response to it. Things are starting to cool down, and I realize I do have more control than I initially feared. I am relieved. The transition was more fear-based than anything else, and now that I have the ground underneath me, I can settle all of my anxiety.

I had both hips replaced in one surgery. I am so grateful for my doctor's excellent success and his insistence that I do both hips at once. He was so right...no pain whatsoever. I am also relieved that my recovery has been so easy and quick. After 30 days exactly, I got into my car and drove to my hairdresser!!! After 60 days, I was walking without my cane. I hope by next year, I will have been dancing.

This year I hurt my shoulder which led me to have to stop gymnastics. Of course this was significant because that was 20 hours a week. I am both resentful and relieved. I’m mad that this happened but I’m done with the pain. So hopefully I will figure out what to do with my time..

This year has been amazing, my company got a great new client from NY and we are living the life we always dreamed off, I can't believe we are doing so much amazing stuff, we moved to a brand new home got a new car and everything has been amazing, I am really grateful and I feel very inspired to keep following my dreams cause when you get there is freaking amazing. thank you universe

I have a lot of options for this one, but I'm going to go with my first full year with a new partner. After a year of living on my own (with part-time custody of my sons) after my marriage ended, I didn't date at all. As I came around to the thought of the idea of the possibility of actually putting an online profile out there, I met someone in one of those happenstance ways, and we've been inseparable ever since. I am grateful for him in my life. I do well with a partner, a friend, companionship, and regular sex. I have a respectful, fun, loving, fulfilling relationship . . . it's a rare fine, so I'm certainly not going to take it for granted. It is odd at times, of course, when something comes up that folds history up on itself and I feel like I can see and feel my three most significant and long-term relationships up against each other, like side-by-side montages in a movie. I have loved and been in love, and I continue to hold love for those men I don't see and really don't even know any longer. Sometimes my times with them seem like they were yesterday, sometimes a lifetime ago. This October, it will be my 20 year wedding anniversary--no, it WOULD be if we were together--and the memories that is bringing up (along with those GD Facebook memories) are vivid and a little touchy. But, here I sit on my couch, side by side with my love, both of us with laptops doing our work, watching movies. This is my life. Grateful, indeed.

I got my anxiety under control. I'm no longer as stressed, and I feel like I can handle things much better. Also, my girls both left for college and my husband and I are rediscovering each other. I'm finding myself and my purpose. It's nice.

Purchasing my first house. I’ve got a range of emotions connected with it - from a negative experience with the sellers and their real estate agent to loving the space and layout to a horrible experience with a contractor and still ongoing construction. I love the house and I’m proud of it, it’s gorgeous and I love hosting people, but it’s unfortunately not all positive.

I guess the experience that impacted me the hardest in the past year was becoming official with my girlfriend. Knowing her has made me happier. And it's not just the happiness that comes from having a random new person in your life that you get to be intimate with, it feels deeper than that this time. Every time I remember she's mine I get a little bit happier because of how surreal it seems. I was the nerdy kid in school no one wanted to talk to, so why does she want to talk to me. I thought I was going to join the army last month. Yet, meeting her has made me reconsider what I want out of life. If I could have a happily ever after where I get to wake up next to her everyday, go to work and improve lives, and come home to a happy family than the army is beginning to sound like a waste of time. So I guess I'm inspired to change my future because of her. I actually told just about everyone I know and respect I planned on joining the service, so in a sense I guess I'll be going back on my word if I don't. But honestly, people grow, people change, and I think in the past month I've changed. I don't know what will happen in the future, but something tells me it'll be good (and if it sucks, fuck it, the army it is lol).

This year I experienced a burnout. It has been one of the hardest experience I’ve ever lived. The closest thing I can imagine to explain this, is like going through death and rebirth. I’m very grateful for having the opportunity to become aware of how toxic I’ve being to myself for so many years and having the opportunity to redefine and reshape the relationship I have with myself and with others. It’s a slow process but every bit is worth it, even the bad days.

I re-entered an intimate partnership with a really supportive guy. It ended really messy the first time, but everything feels so much easier now, two years later. I feel relieved, confident, and grateful.

in April i finally got my Bachelors of Mathematics, something i’d been working towards on and off for over a decade. I emptied my savings, took out loans, and finished the last two years worth of courses in one year. It’s the first time in my life that i’ve had a goal that was just for me, and now i’m not really sure where i’m going or what i’m doing. my whole life before was just bobbing along with the current, and now that i’ve fought against it i don’t know that i can go back to floating again, but i don’t have a new goal to swim towards.

My mom was moved to memory care then shortly thereafter to skilled nursing. My sister and I have not gotten along in years but this transition has caused us to work together.we are now at an impasse as to how best protect her assets and we shall see. Mom is almost 99 and long term care is really not important.we just want her to be cared for. It is good that my sister and I have improved relationships but I don’t see it lasting.i will be relieved when it is all over,

My husband and I moved to a different state. I have always tried to move away from my home state but somehow always had to come back. Not out of missing it but out of necessity. My early life here was very traumatic, and so my relationship with my birth state has never been very good. But now, because I married the best man in the world, we worked together and finally left AZ. I love Washington State and it has really given me as different look on life. I’m super relieved but I miss the hell out of my family and friends.

It was a medical year -- with a blockage that led to a diagnosis of kidney cancer and surgery in July, 2019. No symptoms, quick recovery, but still felt fragile and at the same time well-taken care of -- by Kaiser and especially by Sue. Weird to have a serious illness with no evidence of it all. Concerned about all those abdominal surgeries - and Dr. Ramaswarmy's expressed view that "we should never do surgery on you again." I agree.

I discovered that I’m not a fan of university education. I signed up to do a degree with the Open University and, basically, hated the course. The only good thing about it is that there was no exam at the end of it. So, this year, I’m taking a break from it. Not sure if I’ll go back or not. I’ve a whole mix of emotions, pleased that I tried, disappointed that I didn’t enjoy it and relieved that I’m not doing a course this year.

I went back to work after having my second child. At the time, I knew I didn't want to be home with the kids. I was desperate for adult conversation, time away from my infant, time away from my toddler. I also knew to my core that our culture of 40-50 hour work weeks for two working parents is not sustainable. I know I have it better than most. I'm lucky in that my husband and I can usually be home with the kids during the key hours of 5-8pm every night. Still it feels like not enough, especially when they'll start preschool and later grade school, and there are so many demands on parents during the day. There has to be a better option than all or nothing, an option that allows adults to have meaningful careers, be paid and insured sufficiently, while also spending quality time with children as they grow up.

Bought my first home with my wife. It’s new for me in my 50’s. No regrets on not doing it yet. I love the responsibility and being in charge of the upkeep. It is like it completes me, kind of like being married to Leslie completes me. Very grateful.

My husband had to be admitted to the hospital with a minor stroke, but thankfully all is well.

I started college at UConn. I am really glad to be here, studying nutrition, and engaging in lots of activities. I hope to make great relationships and have an impact on the community.

I left my teaching job. I felt relieved at that time and grateful that I could leave. But sometimes I feel guilty for leaving my students half way into the year. I studied for actuarial exams with my time off. I then decided to take a data science bootcamp. I completely changed my career it seems. Now, I’m still job searching.

Starting the Moishe House in Sunnyvale with Maya and Emily. I feel so supported and excited to be in the epicenter of Jewish communal life in the South Bay. They are strong women that inspire me each day to be a better person, challenge myself, and take-care and empathize with myself. I’m so eternally grateful for having such lady-bosses in my life!

Nació mi sobrina. Si bien está lejos y me costaba sentirme tía, ahora que lo viví de cerca lo sentí a pleno. No sabía que se podía querer tanto a algo tan chiquito. Me gustaría poder tenerla acá cerca siempre pero entiendo que la realidad es otra. Espero que la vida me de otro sobrino o sobrina cerca para poder disfrutar mejor.

I got pregnant with an IUD and suffered a miscarriage at 15 weeks. I was resentful and depressed during the pregnancy and I am grateful that I was allowed not to become a mother. This experience taught me to accept other people's misfortunes and opened up a new spiritual level of existence.

The first experience that comes to mind is taking my partner to an inpatient program and supporting her through that. It affected me pretty significantly, and probably contributed to some of the struggles we had later in the year. It also showed me more about how we work together and support each other though, and was an opportunity for me to really step up as a partner.

I had a misunderstanding with a friend. I felt slighted and hurt, like I wasn't so important to her. And then I reacted to something she did in a snarky way that made her feel shamed. She brought it up and we had a bonding conversation. I then wrote to her and we figured out the misunderstanding. We talked further today. It showed me how easy it is for me to go to that hurt place and how powerful it is to bring it into the open and talk about it. I'm so grateful that it made us even closer and feel our love for each other. Assume a good interpretation or misunderstanding, don't hold things in and allow intimate conversations even if they are initially uncomfortable. Come from love.

This last year, I got a movement disorder specialist. At first, I was super grateful. I thought that I'd get relief from my symptoms, but I didn't. Now I'm disappointed and find myself avoiding my doctors.

My son’s bar mitzvah. It was very meaningful, a really special day that made me feel very blessed.

My relationship with M. Getting her pregnant. The most stressful thing that’s ever happened in my life. Going through all the ups and downs. Growing as a person, in terms of feeling a sense of true love and intimacy. An equal. Something I never had before. Then our final breakup and feeling so distraught over that. Falling into a major depression. Flying to LA to meet the neurologist and being diagnosed with BP2. Feeling a sense of relief. Of self acceptance. And then, finding my life to work a little better. Having a bit more control over my emotions. A space in between the feeling, or the thought, and the reaction.

A significant experience that has been gradual but life-changing is that Ken and I have fallen into a pattern of living together part-time. I am there on the weekends (Fri afternoon-Mon morning) and home during the week. I love our family time with Ernie and our mundane and prosaic routines--farmer's market, Sunday morning lovemaking followed by Jake Tapper and George Stephanopoulus, etc. etc. We are committed for life and loving our relationship. The other evening, when I was in extreme pain from back spasms and was indulging myself in a good cry in his bedroom, he came in, sat on the bed with me, made me open my eyes and look him in the eyes and said, "Look at me. Look at me. I'm the guy who loves you. You are the love of my life. I will do anything for you. Do you understand?" I nodded yes, wondered to myself if he thought his declaration of love (which I already know in my bones) would make the pain go away. It didn't but it was kind of surrealistic and cool to be both in a state of extreme physical pain and extreme emotional love in the same moment. Maybe that was the point?

My son had his first child. There is something so special about seeing your children as parents -- they go through such a transformation. I was always proud of my son, but seeing him with his son makes my heart swell.

I discovered in therapy how much there is to me that I was unaware of. There were emotions I never knew existed, and protectors that were working to "save me" from myself. I am learning to open up to these parts and recognize them and appreciate them.

This past year I started to remodel my home. It has created some upheaval. With this came the need to declutter, and rid myself of stuff that is no longer serving me. Sometimes it was hard to let go of stuff, I had this fear that I might need it someday. I learned from Flylady that means I do not trust God to provide for me. However when I took steps in the direction of accomplishing the task, what I needed came to me. I procrastinate a lot because I feared success. When I am ready for it to happen it happens. I guess you might say I am learning to trust God. Am I grateful? Yes. I would feel relieved if I could relax. Was I resentful? Yes. I did replay a lot of old tapes. Old tapes I now discard. Am I inspired? Yes. I am inspired to create a better life for myself.

Emergency surgery. Glad that it happened at home v. at conference across country; glad that live-in doc was on the spot; glad that it was relatively minor + benign; glad that friends came to visit while in hospital/parents came after; grateful for my general good health and that was an exception rather than the rule.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer just after a Rosh Hashanah last year. It turned my whole life upside down for a year of surgery, chemo, and radiation that I just completed. I’m grateful it was caught relatively early but I will never be grateful for having cancer. It made me realize I’m stronger than I thought. I feel like I’ve struggled for a year but others have said that I have barely slowed down. It has also shown me how deeply loved I am and how strong my marriage is. My husband has been a rock.

I joined a group multidisciplinary art initiative that took me to Cologne, in Germany at one point. It was a plunge in the deep end after many years of non-activity in the arts due to single-parenting commitments, but it renewed my sense of purpose and reminded me of the place I deserved to be in the world. And it made me feel good!

I started a new job, actually 3 new jobs. The third job was the charm. Unfortunately I’m only earning minimum wage. I am grateful that I have a job and I enjoy working at the gift shop. I’m relieved bc at least I have a little money coming in. I’m still worried bc it’s not enough money.

I heard a song that obsessed me to learn on the guitar. The meaning was deep - I was awakened to feelings I didn't know I had and realized that music will now be my focus, even beyond Threshold Choir. I was grateful and inspired.

Two things. I lost my job which I tbought was my big break and my daughter arrived. It all happenned at the same time. I guess I feel betrayed overall. I feel like at the end of days. In despair in fact. It hurts. It rocked my self esteem and my marriage.

My initial thought was "nothing; no experience was significant." Then I realized how untrue this is. Maddie started kindergarten, and Jacob was truly without parents at overnight camp. Their seamless transitions were significant, and my reactions were significant. I missed them for the first time in years this year. I didn't long for time to myself as in previous years, and I made concerted efforts to have days alone with both. These mommy daughter/son days were probably my favorite days of the year.

I recently cried at my morning meeting when I expressed fear about waiting for medical results related to my 4 year old son. I was grateful for the support I received and relieved that I could lean into the emotions in a safe space.

Mom being diagnosed with cancer. I am devasted for her and scared.

Made a conscious effort to make myself feel better through monthly meditative floats and massage therapy. I feel grateful that I am doing something for myself that seems to be helpful. I'm not sure that it's improved my stress levels when deadlines approach, but perhaps I'm not quite as panicked when I meet or miss them.

Bike tour! I rode my bicycle across the United States, solo and self-supported. I feel grateful, inspired, and so so proud of myself.

This year I transitioned out of a ten-year relationship. I realize, now that we're becoming friends, that I was being selfish in continuing the relationship for a number of years. Neither one of us was prepared to leave it - both for the good it was for us and what our lives would be without it - despite the fact that we weren't getting the things we needed from it. In a way, I'm proud that we followed our own advice, that relationships and relationship models should change to account for people and not the other way around. And while I'm still sad sometimes, I appreciate the possibility of our building something new together.

Completing my first 50k. I was grateful for the tremendous sport my wife provided throughout my training and during the race as my race crew. Finishing the race 30 minutes faster than my goal of 6 hours inspired me to run more ultra marathons in the future.

My grandfather died in April, and my great aunt died in July. They were both very important people in my life, and their deaths impacted me greatly. They were the last patriarch and matriarch of both sides of my family, and both people who led incredible lives. I think of them daily, and hope that with all the grief it left me with, it gives me reasons to be to be thankful for the wonderful memories made with them.

This year has been really difficult for me, but also really amazing at the same time. I have been wrestling with severe depression and during this past year I have made steps (finally) towards getting better. It's been a difficult process, but I have seen a lot of grown in myself. I feel like I am coming out on the other side of it and can finally breathe deeper. I feel very grateful that I am still here, and I feel proud of myself for my resilience.

Grandma Kurtz and Grandpa Weaver both died within 5 months of each other. While both had suffered for quite some time it was still hard walking through the grieving process. Both were really just shells of who they used to be and I felt as though I lost them a long time ago but it was still difficult to have them physically removed from our lives. Every season is a first without them so I try to be conscious of how my parents are grieving as well as they experience their first mothers and fathers days without their parents.

I graduated college this year and moved across the country to start a new job. I’m still processing, still figuring out what this means for me and who I am now, and how I feel about everything that’s changing in my life. Because I work in the Jewish world, I am STRESSED about the high holidays being here, and I feel like everything’s happening all at once. I just need to keep leaning in to it, and not let myself stop when it feels overwhelming or confusing but analyze what’s happening and push myself to take steps to make my work and my home and my life more organized, and make more sense. One thing I’m proud of - for once in my life, I’ve been actually making my bed before leaving my apartment in the morning, because it feels so much better when I come home at night to come back to a made bed.

I spent a whole year looking for a new position. There were a couple of close calls, one position that only offered $45,000 (where I was earning 60K) but in the end only one position came through. It was very sobering that after putting out my CV several times a week I almost didn't have a new position. It was scary. Knowing that I was losing a position and almost didn't have a new one makes me appreciate my new position even more.

I sold my house and moved to a new house and community. Overall I love the new house. I miss my old neighbors and, although my new neighbors are nice, I don’t feel connected to them yet. I do like that Sammy has more room to have friends over and the tennis court and pool have been great to have. Also, it’s nice to have a house that’s a bit newer with less to fix. I’m sad that the old house was purchased by someone who turned out to give me lots of strife after the sale though. It’s hard to let that house go in my heart. I guess overall I’m grateful for where I am and looking forward to the future.

Weirdly, my 40th college reunion was a significant experience. I'm usually pleasantly surprised when I go to my reunions, but there was so much emotional satisfaction this time. I know it was partly because I became more involved by doing the survey -- which meant I got to know some people better -- but every time I go, the connections I make and remake feel deep and lasting and satisfying. So -- grateful. Kind of relieved (that the survey was so well received, etc.). Not at all resentful and a bit inspired, though it's such a nostalgic experience that inspiration seems like the wrong word. So even though the experience was short -- a weekend, basically -- and there were all kinds of trips before and after it (time with my brothers, Tulsa and the lake with A, Mom's birthday, seeing Pacific Isles, a tiny bit of Australia and wonderful beautiful New Zealand) -- the reunion stands out as particularly emotional.

I fell in love. I didn’t think it was even possible, my heart had been locked and guarded so long. It’s been a journey which hurts some days. Feels amazing others, and I have no idea where it will take me or if it will grow. But he has inspired me to be a better person. I want my best to come through. I laugh more. I feel beautiful again. I believe in myself again. Not because of him, but because I allowed someone to touch my heart.

My last child graduated from college. I've had to redefine my role as a mother of children who no longer need a mother. I know they love me and I love them but I no longer have the complete and overwhelming job of mothering a child. It's made me question who I am, what I want and my worth as a person. I know this is 100% not important.

Our house burnt down and I feel that the full extent and repercussions of this happening haven't even hit me yet. I feel sad but I don't know where to channel it because it's a problem that so many have had and it will obviously be fixed eventually.

My most significant experience in the last year was moving to Chicago, where I knew no one, and settling into a new routine, job, social life, etc. I'm grateful for the results of the move, and especially for my job, but I wish the first few months of this year had gone more easily. It was hard to leave my friends and my more comfortable routine behind, especially when Marian broke and Reese was sick. I'm glad I pushed through, though!

I broke my foot two days after Yom Kippur! It was quite an ordeal, and I was on crutches for about 6 months. It was also the first year of my rabbinate. I have learned better not to take health for granted, and also that I am quite resilient when it comes down to it. Through two surgeries, an allergic reaction to a metal implant, many doses of antibiotics that made me ill, hours upon hours stuck in NYC traffic, and a workplace that was literally a construction zone, I still persevered, kept up with my work, and had a successful year. I'm inspired to continue to remember that I ought not to take my health and capacities for granted. May I not need or receive such a reminder in the future!

I left my job to retrain to work with racehorses. Last year’s answers show how worried I was I’d be useless and fail, but I survived - and loved - the course and the complete change of environment, but mainly being challenged to do things I’d never done before - work outside, work with animals, do physical work, be on my feet all day, get rained on, stood on, tripped, stay up all night waiting for something to happen in the foaling barn and altogether learn a completely new business and not be put off by the challenges it throws up, at 50 years of age. I’ve never believed there’s such a thing as too old to learn but I’m pleased to have proved it to myself anyway.

My son is now my daughter. Joshua to Jayden. This transition tests my feeling about LGBTQ. I am more than pleased that Jayden has found comfort and happiness. It has been a long time coming. Still lots of explosive mood swings. Though I have to admit, the feelings are less complicated when another person's child has made a transition. None of the above words describe my feelings- maybe accepting is the word that fits. With regard to my 2018 statement about politics - has only gotten worse.

Realizing the value of my peace and happiness and deciding to make moves in my career. I feel relieved and inspired and grateful for all that the last seven years has taught me.

I had so many significant experiences this year. I started going to therapy, I started on antidepressants, I began working out regularly, I was able to largely shift my headspace when it comes to my body and my health. The three biggest changes were 1) I founded the young adults department at the JCC and got a promotion on the exact timeline I set for myself 2) Tali left and I moved into the Moishe House and gained two amazing roommates and friends. I became a part of this community and am so blessed to have such a loving and supportive group of people by my side no matter what. This was the push I needed to grow into my own person yet again, separate from my other half. 3) I broke up with Chris. This ending was a big move in prioritizing myself, my happiness, and my health above someone else's. It started a new chapter in my life where I get to explore who I am and what I like, and hopefully it's the beginning of me continuing to put myself first. I have grown in so many beautiful and amazing ways this year. While pieces of it were incredibly difficult, I'm grateful for all of the opportunities I've had, who I have become, and who I am continuing to grow into. It's been a really good and insightful year.

Troy got kicked out of the pool for being drunk. Then about 3 weeks later, he was hospitalized after collapsing. He had severe liver damage from alcoholism. He started going to AA meetings.

I started a new job. I am grateful, motivated, and inspired.

Well, here is the obvious answer, the thing that will hang over me for the rest of my life. Um, grateful, I am not. But I am inspired by the help that the community, both my Teaneck friends community and the greater Jewish community, provided to me.

My friend has decided to stop sharing my ponies after 15 years. I am gutted! Didn’t see it coming. Have been improving my depression and this will knock me back. Need to read some more Byron Katie books and learn to love what is!

A significant experience that has happened to me in the past year is that I reached a bit of a culmination of what has been regular albeit rare bouts of increasing anxiety over the past four or so years. It came to a boil on the same day as I said good bye for the third time to a guy I have been seeing on and off for the past three years. It's been on and off, since he lives on the other side of the planet, but keeps coming back to where I am since he has family here. On the same day he was leaving, he even got to meet my family, who were visiting town, and the fact that they were total sweethearts about it made things even worse – the feeling of having them meet him reinforced the illusion we have every time he's here, which is that we're together, we're a thing. But of course, it's only an illusion, because he's always set to leave again. And I thought I was fine with it since I'd told myself 'well I know what the deal is, and as long as I'm aware of it, it's ok'. Turns out it wasn't ok. The same afternoon, on a flight with my family, I had one of the worst anxiety attacks so far. I had to ask my sister to hold my hand because I was about to spin inexorably out of control, with this tremendous weight on my chest and feeling of being trapped (which technically I was – it's an oblong metal can after all), and having my sister hold my hand and breathing eventually helped me through it. But this time, unlike other situations where I've been able to shrug it off and move along, this heaviness and feeling of doom remained with me. So much that 48 hours when I was supposed to catch the return flight, I had such anxiety at the prospect of another anxiety attack while stuck in an airplane, that I had to call on the flight attendant to help me. They moved me from the emergency exit after I expressed that I felt claustrophobic and was at the brink of panicking, and sat me in the rear, close to the galley so I could call on them if needed. I have never been scared of flying, or of small spaces really. Only in more recent years have I begun to experience these episodes of looming panic when faced with what seems with 'no choice', especially when it comes to confined spaces. I never really thought much about the emotional implications, but rather sought to avoid those types of scenarios where I'd be stressed or too tired when getting on a plane or similar. But after this, it became irrefutably obvious that this was something I needed to unearth and face, because I did not want to become increasingly crippled by the fear of potentially experiencing an anxiety attack in the wrong place (I know, when is it ever the right place?), a meta-fear of sorts, but a paralyzing fear nonetheless. I sought out a therapist. Over the past few months she has helped me shine some light on at least some of the reasons as to why I have been having this growing anxiety within me, and why it has started to linger more after each bout. Even if I don't necessarily think I've 'solved' things yet, the mere fact that I've become aware of why and when I haven't allowed certain feelings to be heard (and to act accordingly) and that alone has given me so much more peace. In fact, now I feel excited at the prospect of trying out new approaches to certain situations where I previously have fallen into patterns that did not only fail to serve me, but they were in fact part of causing this anxiety to build up. After having spent some time over the summer feeling quite fearful and hopeless about my future and about my capacity overall as a human being, I now feel rather thrilled to build new neural pathways, new responses to stressful situations, and ultimately new results in life. I feel grateful toward the anxiety for showing me that certain elements in me needed to be addressed badly, and I am also thankful for having the will to heed it in the first place. Oh, and if it wasn't totally obvious to you already, I am totally and utterly done with that guy. I wish him all the best, truly, but I've also realized how much I was selling myself short with him time after time. All in all, I feel like I'm in a hopeful place!

I slipped on a wet sidewalk and broke my patella. Half of my knee cap was up in my thigh and the other half was far below. I could not get up so paramedics were called to take me to the hospital. I had to have surgery and wear a brace from groin to ankle. I had months of physical therapy and pain. I was out of work for four months. This greatly affected my life. I still have a lot of difficulty walking and standing six months later. I have chronic pain and I feel that this event has aged me significantly. I don’t feel as hopeful about life as I did before. I feel like my activities are limited and I used to be someone who could walk or stand for hours. I am extremely disappointed.

My son -& daughter in law Dana just gave birth to her first child. He is a boy and will carry on my Sir. Name to the next generation. I am thrilled to have a second grandchild in my life. I am so grateful and will be able to spoil him as he grows up like I did to my first grandchild who is now 12 years old.

I was a pedestrian who was struck by an SUV in a crosswalk. It has affected me greatly in both positive and negative ways. Last year's Rosh Hashanah questions I really had felt like I was getting rather carnal. Not on purpose but because I had let my work take center stage of life. It was not all at once either. I struggle with people pleasing and my work also started to merge with my identity. So when my first born left the nest the year prior, I realized being a mother was part of my identity. Now that she was gone - that was difficult. This year, I've realized that work was part of my identity and had way too much of a priority in life. I'm not saying one shouldn't put their all into their work. Work as if you are working for the Lord and be honest. But what I am talking about is that my life was centered around my work. By the time I got home from work I had zero energy for family, zero energy for church - all I wanted to do was sit an play video games or watch tv to zone out. Work was literally sucking me dry. My feet would hit the floor, rush - rush - rush to get ready. I would do a quick drive by prayer with God, rush out the door, be a jerk on the road rushing to get to work early - for no extra pay mind you, I'm salary so it's not the money. Then I tried to squeeze spirituality into my half hour lunch and 15 min afternoon break. The ride home and to work I'd try to sometimes listen to scripture because I wasn't reading my bible. I was getting frustrated thinking there was something wrong with me because I kept zoning out on what I was listening to, I was paying attention to other things like the road. Get home, yell at the dog for her ear piercing welcome bark. Warf down my dinner and then on the couch I went because I was so exhausted and spent I wanted something mindless. Went to bed too late and inconsistently so my wake time was pushed with the snooze button. In fact I didn't want to get up - I knew as soon as my feet hit the floor I'd be rushing all day. Work was and is fires mostly - and they are nearly every day. In previous Rosh Hashanahs I wrote about how when I took this job my body started with stomach issues because of the stress but I blew it off thinking it was because it was new, we were going on a new system too...WRONG. This is just how it is there. So I started getting upset that work was draining me and they started booking meetings and stuff outside my hours even though I was always early and even fired up the ol' lap top on the weekend (except on Shabbat...thank God I at least had that rest.) So now I decide that they are not getting any more free labor since they are just plain taking advantage of it. Salary does not mean abuse. You can understand extra to help at the end of the year or some huge thing but this was not that. I was becoming increasingly Unhappy but I felt stuck. I talked to my boss about getting a certification because I wanted to take advantage of my work's tuition reimbursement, she point blank told me no and what's more - I listened to her. Even though this particular certification has been on my mind lots of times prior. I got to work extra early this day and I decided I was going to go for a walk and talk to God. I was talking to Him about one of my family member's who is having a hard time when bang! Then everything went black for a second. Next time I opened my eyes, I was on the ground in the middle of a busy street. Last I recalled I was almost done going through the crosswalk, it took me a second to realize I had been hit by an SUV. Then I was scared because I couldn't get up. I didn't know why. Cars began to go around me while I was sitting in the street. A coworker stopped and recognized me (I was right up the street from work) and she helped me get out of the road which I had to do on my rear end because I still couldn't get up. Then I got very confused everyone asking me questions, the police, the woman, the EMT's - it was really overwhelming. I was brought to the hospital and released with broken bone and hematoma on my head. The days that came after that were filled with headaches - the most severe I had ever had, fear because I was feeling all of these sensations I never had before, calling the doctors, going to the ER all this stuff. I didn't feel like myself. I couldn't do any of the things I loved to do. I was having cognitive issues and was scared it wasn't getting better. Long story short, all the neurologists in the area were booked. I was feeling defeated and crying out to God. The headaches were daily and almost all day. I wasn't sleeping then and the pain was just ridiculous. I found a concussion center in my state. When I went there I realized all the stuff I was going through was because of the concussion. The ER missed diagnosing my concussion. My PCP saw me a couple days after the accident because things were getting so bad and he's the one that referred me to a neurologist saying I definitely had a concussion. I went through resent. There was no obstruction, how could I have been hit, etc. My summer was blown. I couldn't do anything and I couldn't drive. My stomach was so sick all the time I lost ten lbs in 3 months. I loathe stomach ailments so this was really, really, REALLY bad for me. I was out of work. I had a few medical visits seemingly every week for follow up or therapy. Then as the headaches started going down and some of the other issues started to simmer I began to have time to slow down and think. Now previously, I would plow through and cry later. I couldn't do that with a concussion so my go to method was not something I could go to any more. STUNK. A few months before the accident God had sent Dr Leaf my way who is a cognitive neuroscientist who talks about the plasticity of the brain and how when God tells us to choose life and the bring all thoughts into captivity - that He wasn't joking. I listened to her every day. I started to try to build a routine to get back into the swing of things. I realized that my work is toxic. And reading all of my prior Rosh Hashanahs since I took that job and my previous diary entries proves that. Still I felt helpless to change. Over the past months God's really used the time to reset me and helped me to realize that my job is not good for me. With God's help I am taking steps to get out of my current work situation. I am choosing a job that will be flexible with me and that will be more conducive to the life that I want to be living. I feel that there are many like me out there who feel trapped and stuck - I'm hoping that one day, I can share my testimony with others and that they will turn to God for help and be able to live life to the full doing what they were created to do.

I lost my job. I was made redundant, got a 3 month package. I saw it coming so it wasn't a shock. But it still stung. 10 years somewhere, to be discarded so quickly, so unceremoniously. Ego hurt aside however, this was a good thing. People have asked me if it was a blessing in disguise. No. Not in disguise. Just a blessing. I was never going to leave of my own accord even though I had wanted to for a long time. I was too risk averse to leave. I needed the push. And it has pushed me in many ways. I still feel a tiny bit bitter perhaps. But also thankful. And excited for what comes next.

My mom turned 70. I threw her a surprise party. I had to struggle with some other folks in my family in order to do it. But I got it done. She was very surprised, as she didn’t even know I was going to be in town. The whole weekend was delightful. One of my best memories of the year. Oh also I got a separate art studio this year. I feel scared to get done everything I want to but also motivated and inspired. I have less self-doubt as an artist. Im not as worried about what other people think of my art. I hope this confidence doesn’t change too much.

I have been having pain in my left breast for the last month. I find out this week whether or not it's breast cancer. I'm worried, naturally. I don't know if I would choose traditional treatment over natural treatment. Praying that next year, I will look back on this answer and be past this.

I never thought that I will be gripped by fear over finishing a certification essay but I did. It manifested in my body. Facing my fear confronted me with all the other fears I slid under the rug. I am grateful beyond words for conquering that fear and the many others I slay everyday. I still have fears yet I don't allow them to take my mind hostage. There are good and almost good days. I realised that to address it is to take one breath at a time. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. This practice creates space to feel relieved, be grateful and be open for new inspiration to breathe!

Many significant things have happened this year, but I'll focus on two: I got a new job, and we got engaged. I'm exceedingly grateful for both of these events! I'm relieved to have found a new job that has a great culture and pays me a salary that allows me to save better for the future, including our wedding. And our engagement fills me with joy every day. Being with M is wonderful, and this chapter of our commitment to each other only deepens that feeling. I can't wait to be married to him.

I have survived cancer for another year. There is not much to say about that other than being happy, grateful, and believing that I can continue on this journey to beat it. I have learned who my true friends are and have had people barely know keep checking up on me. All of this has brought me great joy. It's during the tough times that you know who really cares and I am so lucky to have so many people who really care.

Getting suspended from college in 1968.....wow, was that a wake up call. Right in the middle of the Vietnam War build up I was reclassified 1A in February. I would have been drafted in the Army but, thankfully, I was already enlisted in the Navy via my ROTC scholarship. I went into the Navy in May and was on a ship to the war in June. For me it was the kick in the butt I needed to wake up and take some responsibility for MY life. Up until the suspension I was a privileged boy with little maturity. My time in the Navy was not at all inspired but a great chance to think things out.....nothing like a mid-watch to provide time to assess the future. So, no resentment.....just motivation. One of the more impactful events in my life.

Gosh, there are so many.. namely, my mom survived cancer this year. I think I have spent more time with my parents in the last year than I have in the last twenty. I have a love hate relationship with them but felt like it was critically important to be as involved as we could. I spent three weeks in the hospital with her and my dad when they did her stem cell treatment. It was brutal. I am incredibly relieved that she seems to be in remission. I am also very grateful that we are situated in such a way that I was able to be there, literally and figuratively.

My dad has declined, BIG TIME, 2 big falls, one where he fell on his face, and just recently broke 2 ribs. He also totaled his car and lost his license which has meant a lot more work for both me and my mother, but starting on Tuesday, he will be getting some help from a home health aide. This makes me feel so RELIEVED!

Met a woman I’m very compatible with after being single (widowed) for 4.5 years. Grateful, happy and inspired.

I began working for my mother, and accepted ownership of the business. I'm scared - of how it is impacting my relationship with my mother, of the business succeeding, of inserting myself into the tight-knit community the manager has developed. I'm learning a lot. I don't know where it will lead, and I'm trying to be okay with that. I'm trying to focus on the journey as the ultimate destination, rather than a means to some uncertain end. I'm also excited for all the possibilities, for all that I'm learning, for the potential opportunities. If I can trust in my relationship with my mom, and accept her as she is, I could just focus on the business and maybe do and learn some amazing things.

Gave birth to my second child! I am very, very grateful to have him in the world with us, he is the most beautiful baby boy, so sweet and happy.

Last October my son was hospitalized for emotional distress. It’s so scary putting your child in someone’s hands. And to find out later how much abuse and disgusting things happen there is very scary. That Behaviorial health hospital is under investigation now for physical and sex abuse. I’m relived he was able to calm down and get back to reality. We changed meds with our drs help and he’s doing so much better. I want to try to make a difference in the mental health field. Maybe this is the year I get things moving; take my gre and apply to grad school.

I nearly incited what could have been a terrible incident by directing my son and his friends to target for injury a player on an opposing hockey team. That player had delivered a dirty hit to my son one season earlier - an elbow to the back of the head, after which he fell, hit the ice, and suffered a concussion. Fortunately (depending on how you look at it), the kid had suffered a broken foot earlier in the season and was out of the game. Since he was a senior, there would be no other chance. On the way home from the game, I felt an overwhelming sadness - not that we would not get our pound of flesh, but that I had taught vigilante justice in the first place. Not only did I apologize to our parents and kids, but I also wrote a long letter of apology to the opposing coach and players, even though they had no prior knowledge of any of this.

This year I have started to consider getting a second cochlear implant. I approach it with mixed feelings. On the one hand I do not look forward to the discomforts and unknowns of more surgery, the recuperation period and then the rehabilitations, On the other hand I look forward to the anticipated improvement in my hearing. Knowing g that many of my HLAA chapter members look to me as an example of seeking the various improvements in hearing. I worry about how it will effect others, if it does not work well. I worry for myself, as well. Science is coming closer to finding ways to fix hearing loss. If I have anther CI, I will lose out on the opportunity to try any new advances. I may already have lost out after having 1 CI.

My Dad committed suicide and it's changed my life drastically. I've been trying to work on myself as best I can in order to take back control of my life. I'm feeling a lot of things on a daily basis, it's a rollercoaster.

9 months ago my 17 year old step son disowned me and his father. Ran away to live with his girlfriends family. He has had almost zero interaction with me. I hurt like I didn’t know possible. Had to power through work and night school. Very resentful.

After my younger sister, and both of my cats (each 19) died one right after the other years ago, I didn't think I could manage getting another cat (I have no family), but it was so quiet in my house--I ended up with a kitten. He was so different: extremely shy, supposedly not affectionate-but turned out to be the most affectionate cat I'd ever had! He was an amazing comfort! Well, he suddenly got a clot/stroke and I had to have him put to sleep because there was too much damage to his whole body. He was only 11. I thought he would be coming into retirement with me, and to be honest, his death (and me having to make that decision) was beyond what I could endure. If I'd had the choice, I would have just stayed in my house in my bed after that, and never left. It truly broke me. It still feels like we both got robbed of joy that we should've had so yes, I think I'm still resentful/sad/angry. The pain of it-not being able to catch my breath. I'm a very strong person and it just brought me to my knees. I still have not discussed it with many people: I don't think a few of them would get it, for example, my workplace. My best friend was amazing-she forced me to leave my house. Part of me hated leaving and the other part hated coming back to it empty. I do not think that horrid hurt will go away any time soon, but at least now I am able to write it down.

Hurricane Michael happened. We were without electricity for about two and a half weeks, but our home came through relatively unscathed. Being without power/water/internet for so long was trying, but we came through together as a family. I believe we are stronger for it.

I think that we had a pretty quiet year, in preparation for the more expansive year coming up. The 2018 Congressional elections were a big deal. I stayed up late to tally the results, and have been following politics a lot more closely ever since. There is a chance that we can push back this madness, but only if we all work hard every day to push back. I will be focusing much of this Rosh Hashana prayers on summoning strength and clarity to go forward as a citizens and Jews.

This past year is a blur. Last thing I remember, it was Winter, and then it got hot and now its almost October and I have no idea how that happened. Its sounds terrible but I don't feel like I had any significant experiences over the past year. Work has become ever more consuming and I really despise that. I swore to myself years ago I wouldn't get myself into this type of position/situation again ... and here we are. My trip abroad was supposed to be a significant experience and in reality it was the worst trip I've ever taken. I suppose it would still classify as significant, I was literally half way around the world, but all I wanted was to get back home. Nothing against where I was in any way, it was a lovely country, it was the circumstances of the trip that lead to it becoming the top of my 'worst trips' list. I broke one of my toes on morning 1 day 1, and then came down with a cold/flu that kept me out of commission for the rest of the trip. I couldn't help with what I was there to do, and I didn't want to do anything else other than sleep. And when you feel like that, you really want your own bed more than anything. I guess you could say that I am resentful, but I'm not sure of who or what other than the situation and missing out on the chance to explore another country and it's culture. Who knows if I'll ever get that chance again.

This past year my son finally entered into recovery and has been clean and sober for over a year. Last fall he asked for help trying to detox and recover, and we pulled together and got him the help he needed. While he still has a ways to go I am so very proud of him and (mostly) relieved that he's made it this far. (I still wait for the other shoe to drop, but that's just me. I also know that there are no guarantees, you know?) He did so much work and while he still suffers from anxiety and OCD, he's making improvements and no longer self-medicating with drugs. I'm proud of myself too for setting boundaries and keeping to them. I'm relieved and feel I have a good set of tools to with which to go forward.

I recently graduated from college. I worked on the official programming organization to bring comedians and speakers to entertain and engage the student population. This organization also put on music festivals and concerts, the last of which took place in the Dome where our football and basketball teams played, where I went to Passover Seders, where I played a have of knockout during a halftime show (shot and missed, getting out in the first round). The final event of my college career was a concert put on by the organization I was apart of. I had a really emotional experience. Running around the floor of the concert with tears streaming down my face, running into everyone I ever met in my college career or so it felt, and looking into the crowd. I was really inspired by the passion and work ethic of my peers in the organization to produce this event and was grateful to be apart of the community experiencing it as well. I often forgot Khalid was onstage because I was staring into a sea of students. Shenanigans.

I was scammed by a slumlord into a rental agreement. It tested my resolve, my faith and probably tested me on every level possible. I got out! I am grateful, relieved, and looking forward to the future in a whole new way as a stronger and enlightened child of God. VERY grateful!

Being alone at ecvim. Grateful of what I have. Relieved at starting to find my new self and stop looking in the past. Resentful for the list time but let’s not waste more time being resentful! Inspire by my family and future!

I attended a talk a year ago October. It was given by a man who has been an activist for most of his adult life. He described what he had done and ultimately how little impact it had. Then he talked about a new group in the UK called Extinction Rebellion and how using Ghandi's principles of non-violent direct action they were able to attract 6000 people to shutdown 5 bridges in London, just across the river from the parliament buildings, to bring attention to the climate crisis. Several months later they were able to get their government to declare a climate emergency. I felt inspired.

On February 26th I finished by conversion to Judaism. It was extremely meaningful after the year and a half long journey I took to get there. I'm unbelievably grateful to my rabbi for guiding me through the whole process and trusting me along the way. It's only been seven months, but I feel like I've been a Jew my whole life. My entire community is so welcoming and kind. Am Yisrael Chai.

Tom moved in a few weeks ago. I have lived 'alone' with my children for most of the last 14 years - and although we had been 'planning' this for a while now - my nervous system is revolting. I feel anxious and distressed - and I'm trying to figure out what if it is about this - and what is about other changes that have happened in the last year - or in my life. I wonder what my/our status will be when I read this next year. I am resisting it - I want to run screaming out of the house - or to tell him that it is isn't going to work - that I am just supposed to be alone. I am panicking - I can feel it in my body - and I want to push him away. I am afraid that I don't know how to do this living together thing - that even after 9 years of being a couple - that I just don't have the receptor site for living in such close proximity to anyone - except my children. I worry what the impact will be on my children and grandchildren - my siblings and my nieces and nephews - if I 'fail' at this. I wonder if there is something wrong with me, when everyone - quite literally everyone - that I know - has married and cohabitated (happily from what it looks like from the outside looking in) - and here I am - freaking out. I had the experience with Natalie and Meadow in June - when I took care of them for the weekend - and - very similarly - my nervous system just went nuts. It was painful - I love them, and they were being perfectly normal little kids (Natalie 11 and Meadow 6) - but I felt so overwhelmed by their very reasonable and normal needs, any request - I was shut down. That experience drove me back to therapy - because I realized that is what I do - I shut down, click off line, power down. I don't want to do that - I want to be alive and present and available and to enjoy my family and my friends. It signaled something to me that I knew was important - that my early life experience, my mother's depression, her death - how the adults in my life reacted - I learned how to shut down - how to reduce or eliminate my expectations - how not to acknowledge, and certainly not express, my own needs. To feel shame in response to any awareness of needs - to feel responsible for the needs of others - to be hyper focused on the needs of others. To lose myself when others - my loved ones - those I feel some obligation or responsibility for - to feel like I couldn't tell where my boundary was - and to feel resentful sometimes, overwhelmed others, really pretty lost - so it is easier to be alone.

My daughter began dealing with mental health issues again. Between anxiety and isolation she agreed to see a counselor, which she had been reluctant to do after a negative experience. I'm scared yet hopeful that we can get on the path to her getting well and developing some skills that will help her cope. I am grateful that it presented itself now so we have time to help her navigate this before she goes to college.

I moved to a new acupuncture office. I was relieved to leave the sticky interpersonal situation in the last office and fragile to become centrally located in the heart of mt airy. I’m inspired to begin my acupuncture practice for real with new and expanding energy

This year, I was accepted to the School of Social Work’s Doctoral program. I was relieved to have a full ride and a stipend, but it’s been a process with my other two choices for schools rejecting me. I know am grateful that I have a school close to home that allows for me to work at my same job once a week and close enough to stay with my parents when I’m there. I’m now grateful that I didn’t have to change friend groups and that I didn’t have to move halfway across the country. I also really like my cohort, so that’s a bonus.

I restarted my website. It has taken a lot of focus and energy. It is more joyous this time around, partially because of the lowered expectations and the fact that I am the only one involved.

I started working at Hilliard's Candies in Easton, Ma. I was relieved because I'll be able to pay down my almost $15,000 debt. I also need to save up $5,000 to have the dental surgury I need.

I graduated from college in this past year which is crazy. I am grateful for the past 4 years, being able to study in a beautiful state and city, made friends that help me be better. But I was also ready for a fresh start and to cut ties from people and thing that don't benefit me. People that bring me down and make me not feel my best, but I guess it's better to realize that and to not settle for relationships that do not serve me. I've realized that everything helps me grow--the bad and the good. Graduation itself was amazing and the snow added to the fun of it, and celebrating both my birthday and graduation with my family was super nice. All in all, I felt a lot of emotions and starting over was good for me at this point, but I am grateful for everything the past four years have given me.

I spent the last year interning and doing coursework for an administrative license in education. It was fun and gratifying work. A lot of people told my I was doing a great job, and I got cocky. I was fairly well convinced that I’d be hired for an assistant principal job right out of the gate. I didn’t. Instead, I went through an infuriating and demoralizing months long process that ended with me in a teaching position that I didn’t want at a school that I love, but am ready to move on from. I am grateful for the learning process I went through and for the growth I’ve made as an instructional leader, but some days it really does feel like the work was all for nothing.

I moved in with Lindsey. And at some point I also realized I want to marry her. I don't know when this part happened, but I now really know and the rest is just timing. Moving in was a big deal though. She was nervous and as I talked about it with people I realized that it could feel, in a lot of ways, like a bigger deal than proposing. Proposing is something that is I'll talk to Lindsey about first and make sure she's ready, and it's an announcement of something people are expecting. Nothing really changes except a ring. Moving in together is new, it signifies that you and the other person are getting serious enough to consider marriage, and is the precursor! You encounter new obstacles, you both move into a new space, there have been tears, roommate issues, and new challenges we have now because of proximity. I wrote a letter to mark the significance of us moving in and remind her to stay in the moment. I quoted Macklemore's song that had the theme of "these are the good old days" right now! One thing we're working out now is Lindsey wanting alone time. She and I are different in that way so sleeping together every night and being together a lot is new. I feel very grateful to have so much time to spend with her and not worry about the other stressors of life that most people do. Financially we're in a good place, we have no debt, no one is depending on us and we're able to focus on working on our relationship and making sure it's solid. I also DP'ed a freethink shoot which is a company that makes awesome Vice style videos that get millions of views. It's significant because I was the sole cameraman/cinematographer. Jefe had the directors monitor and truly directed me. I think this is a video I'll show people for the rest of my career and I'm really proud of this work. Grandma Lila passed away, which was sad, but we all saw it coming. I still don't feel much when I think about it or Popops but at the funeral seeing everyone so upset made me cry. I've also grown closer to my cousins, especially Jamie after seeing her with Lindsey in Colorado. That was a great trip we took. I switched from iPhone to Google pixel whoaaaa! I committed myself to an online trainer, and started regularly doing the workouts he prescribed as well as "following" a nutrition plan. While I didn't stick to the calorie count, which I wasn't trying to do, it did make me more aware of what foods are highly caloric and understand more about how I eat. I did that McDonald's job! God that's the most nervous I've ever been for a shoot, but it went well and they used my footage in their promotion. We shot with Russel Brand, which is the biggest celebrity I've every worked with. He was lovely, intelligent, a bit of a diva, but it also made me realize I'd make a great best friend to a celebrity. I finished PT, but re-injured my knee somehow.. maybe a sprain? It's not all better and I'm not sure what to do now, but I'm DONE with PT! We filmed with Tim Ryan, presidential candidate which felt exciting and big!! I filmed the NFL draft again and it was insaneeee but went well! They loved the video I cut and I'm proud of the work I did there. I also had my first anti-semetic encounter that wasn't overtly explicit, but was definitely uncomfortable. Lindsey and I both made surprise 30th bday videos for each other! It was really cute she got Parks to edit mine and it was so good. Mine also was great and I got Adrienne to record a video which was what made her cry! Reflecting back on my answers from last year I've continued to grow and improve on these things I had just started.

I’ve just gotten a full time position teaching at the premiere performing arts high school in the country after years of only having occasional employment. I’m very grateful, and yes. Frankly I’m relieved.

My dream is realized in these "golden" but active years, to have my own magical horse to care for and love. His size, temperament and training are perfection and he is filling every single day with such happiness, I'm sometimes in tears with gratefulness. This is the new normal.

Again this year, there are several!! -Getting married. Made our relationship so much mellower, so much deeper - Chris Rock is right that we have the same problems we’ve always had, but this is still very different. Grateful, elated, inspired. Yay! -Deciding to go back to my old job. Relieved, grateful, inspired. Relearning that more money doesn’t directly translate to a better life. Can’t wait to see where things will go from here. All in all, so optimistic and so grateful for the future ahead!!!

A few changes. I’ve loved work less than ever, though trying to find a reinspiration. It’s been difficult to be unable to create positive change, and be torn down so constantly. But, still trying be a light, hopeful we can move forward. Also very slow, drawn out process of separation conversations.

Although it may seem small, I got to be with my mom when she lit Shabbat candles earlier this month. To see her connecting to Jewish tradition and engaging in a ritual of Jewish life was intensely moving for me.

The 50th reunion and the grandchildren expanding their role in the world. One reflective one looking forward to horizons we will never see. Pray for the future. Surprise at all the praise from classmates. Realizing more strongly that I should be the one deciding who I am and what I want to do. And grateful for all that.

Realized listening is a form of love, and that love is the answer to all questions. Feel grateful

I tore my ACL/MCL/Mensicus in a motorbike accident in Indonesia. This affected me pretty completely for the following months, as I had to cancel my (6 month) travels, move onto my mother's couch, dedicate all of my time to recovery, not get a job because I wasn't mobile, etc. I am resentful for this happening, but it also has given me downtime, a return home, and even start working on a new book that I don't think I would have imagined if I hadn't returned.

This past year I helped my husband, like the Great Rabbi Akiva begin his studies in engineering. Despite all obstacles of no Austudy because of visa reasons, and a small baby, we moved to a new city where he begun. I am now trying to find the right school path for my little boy. I am so grateful for this year. We work like pack-horses but we are made of burning coals, a fire that will never go out.

My dad died. A mixture of feelings. Sad I was not there. Lost, as I still search for him in my mind when a significant event occurs...then I realise I cannot share it with him. Relieved that he will not go through the humiliation of losing himself to further loss of function

I left my job of 26 years and started on a new career path. I feel inspired and grateful to get this wonderful opportunity.

I started an MBA program, something that I have wanted to do for at least 15 years. I feel so proud for choosing to invest in myself and believe in my own potential, when it's so easy to focus all of my hopes and dreams on my kids. I feel deeply inspired by the content and my classmates.

I had another in a series of eye operations to manage my glaucoma. In the five years since a similar operation in the other eye, a safer, less intrusive procedure was developed. Sure, I’d rather have perfect, unproblematic vision. But I’m so grateful that I can read, that I can sew, that I can see my grandkids’ beautiful faces.

I went to Los Angeles for a few weeks over the summer and was very apprehensive before I went. I was sure I would be so glad to be back that I would hate returning to Florida and regret my move. To my amazement I found much had changed over the two years I was gone ( and perhaps I too had changed a bit). While I was glad to see family and friends, I no longer had any desire to live there and couldn't wait to leave for home!

I got divorced. I am so relieved.

I got the publisher I wanted for my new book. I am grateful, excited, energized, and motivated.

My first year at university has been a rollercoaster ride and a half. It has definitely exceeded my expectations- I’ve made so many new friends, learned so many new things, had so many new experiences. It’s definitely taken a toll on my wallet, my sleep, and sometimes my health, but I don’t have any regrets. I think that everything I did ended up being worth it, and if it didn’t it was a worthy lesson to learn before the rest of my time in university. I’ve started to push my limits a little bit more, and for that I’m grateful for this environment I now find myself in, for the ecosystem that I feel part of, and for the people that have contributed to my growth along the way.

In April of this year, I started using medication to help with my anxiety and depression. I have looked at the journey of starting SSRIs as an experiment, and so far the experiment seems to be working. As someone who has a wonderful life that I am so grateful for, it was hard to imagine why I was feeling so hopeless, unmotivated, down, and just not wanting to get up each morning. Though this path had been offered before, I hadn't been open to it. And now, on the cusp of my 45th birthday, I knew that whatever I was doing wasn't working, and I wanted to enter my middle life with enthusiasm and motivation to be a present, loving Parent and Partner and a Peacemaker and Bridge Builder in a world that sorely needs more of both. I feel more alive, peaceful, and content than I even knew was possible. Even in the midst of the chaos that is our culture and world, I have been able to (mostly) keep my center and feel like I am acting from a place of choice rather than reactivity. I am grateful that I am getting to experience life on this level, and know what it is possible to feel like. I am inspired to continue to do my personal work to be an empathetic listener and person with integrity in all of my relationships and actions. I am able to look back on my answers from last year and recognize that while I may not be on the exact path that I thought I might be at this time last year, I am continually evolving and right where I am supposed to be. It is a new and powerful place to be entering into the New Year and the time of reflection and tchuvah from, and I open to it with a sense of wonder and curiosity.

My son Jack was born. I am grateful for the birth of my son and my wife’s arduous labor. I am relieved that she is okay. The labor was very difficult with 24 hours of labor and an eventual c-section. Her organs were flooded and she almost died. I am so glad she is okay and that Jack was safe. He is such a good boy and I love him very much.

God. So many to try to list just one. I suppose deciding to go on HRT, which released me from a should I / shouldn’t I mental trap I just couldn’t escape. Feeling lightness that has been missing in over a year, even as I am a little unsure about whether the choice was right. I suppose the next months will show that.

The realization that many questions of insecurity Issues are not asked by me alone.

Getting a new job. Having been laid off from my previous (first, full-time) job, I skirted with descending into financial desperation. Being on benefits, and with credit debt mounting, I definitely started to panic. Anyone with sense would’ve taken the first job that became available, but holding out for what I deemed to be the ‘right’ one will hopefully pay dividends, as it seems to have done six months in. Just need to focus on getting my finances back into a good place.

A significant experience I had in the past year was successfully executing the Hult Global Leadership Event. It was the most difficult thing I have ever done but we did it!! I felt like most people were against me and I faced a lot of obstacles--from Hult, from my executive board, from other Hult students but, in the end, it was the most rewarding experience I have ever felt. So many people came up to me at the event telling me how great it was. And, the next day, Hult faculty told me they heard it was an excellent event. I was extremely proud of myself and my team for accomplishing something that so many people told us wasn't possible. The experience has made me more stubborn. A family friend told me, "don't ever take 'no' from someone who can't give you a 'yes.'"

Diana called to tell me Stella didn’t want me at her baby shower.Stella thinks I will spoil her day because I am mean to her. I am dumbfounded, I cannot think of anytime I was mean to her. My mantra is, “if you can be anything, be kind.” I am hurt and angry and have not figured out how to respond. Stella is 30something and she had her mother call me. The most difficult piece of this is that I feel like I don’t want to have anything to do with them now. My sister and my niece, it just hurts. I hold my family near and dear to my heart and have never wanted to feel anything but love for all my family. I just don’t know where to go from here. I really don’t want this to be how we are.

This May I graduated from college. I'm not sure still how to feel about it. I feel proud and impressed with myself for completely school and getting my degree. But it is also strange to not have any set life event goals that I know for certain will happen. It's also daunting to lose the routine and understandable goals that come with school, as I look for full time jobs and a career, and consider what my next steps are. I have been thinking about going back to school to do a master's or something, though I don't want to do it just for the sake of having routine. I do love school though and would enjoy getting to have another round of formal education. It is just very strange to be "on my own" in terms of decisions, no plan of study or classes or regimented extra curricular as a guide. So that's something that I am thinking about and trying to create for myself, know that school isn't providing that routine

A dear friend began writing a book for young adults and asked me and two other people to read and edit as he writes. My friend is a highly intelligent person and his request made my abilities feel valued and important. In fact, his asking inspired me to begin doing some writing of my own, something I have not done in a very long time and enjoy immensely.

I went on a trip with my younger siblings. It was fun. I am grateful that we spent time together. I feel like a parent who wants their kids to experience nice things. I will work hard so that I will have the money to take trips again. I miss Mother even more.

Our daughter married in May. It was storybook in content and setting and weather. She had been married once before and things ended sadly in his infidelity. She has never been so happy in her life. We celebrate her joy and her hubby who we love. The great concern is that now, at 42, she wants to have a child soon. She is not in the best of health and it would be so much better for the 2 of them to foster or adopt. However, all we can do is hope from the sidelines that she continues to find happiness and does not wind up with a tragic and incomplete pregnancy. We can only love and hope.

I gave birth to my second babe Ensley. It was a totally different experience than with my son. I was thinking my second was going to be a boy and when she came out a girl, I was elated! Just so much love and happiness to have her enter into our lives. I didn’t think she looked like an Ensley though (the name we had chose) so I was kind of panicked about that, she almost ended up being Amelia Ensley Istace but now she’s just our little Ens who we love so much! It has been a challenging experience helping Alder navigate his emotions around not having all the attention but he’s been a really great big brother. He asks where she is if he can’t see her and loves to smush her cheeks together and make her laugh. Having kids is seriously the hardest fucking thing in the world, like next level hard, but somehow at the end of the day... even after all the poop, pee and puke you get on ya- you know deep down you wouldn’t want it any other way <3

I am glad that I took the trip to Barcelona by myself. The trip itself was exciting and enriching, but it was more fulfilling to be able to plan it and execute the plan successfully. I had been feeling like I didn’t have good decision making skills, and that I was just acting like a passenger in my life, in that there wasn’t much I felt like I had control over. Since the trip went well, I feel much more confident in my decision making abilities, and inspired to make more choices without worrying about the outcomes as much.

I lost my best friend to his ego. I was sad and felt betrayed and like I gave a piece of my heart to someone who never actually took time to get to know me as my genuine self but only through the filter of his ego lense. I learned to be hesitant to allow people to do things for me no matter if I have done something in return and that if someone hurts you and judges you the first time they will likely do it again. I also got to be a small part in an inde but well-budgeted movie right after that with someone I've known from when I was little and three higher profile actors. I didn't have to audition and, with that, I was scared I would let the person down and felt like I didn't deserve it. I think I did well and I know I do actually deserve it. And I am so grateful for the opportunity I was given.

One experience that has happened in the past year is that I got Dorothy in the school play and I made the Rhode Island chorus, I really am greatful that that happened, I am really relived that I am over with the play since it was super stressful preparing for it,and it really inspired me to try out for more things and audition for more plays.

Two significant things happened to me this year. One is that I watched my beautiful son fall apart and get sick. The other is leaving my job at Tri. Since I am trying to move on and forge a new life, I won’t focus on my job loss. Or sanity gain. Whatever. I am moving on to better things. So, I’ll reflect on my experience watching Harris go down the tubes and recover. It really made me sad to have to let him figure all that stuff out for himself. I couldn’t save him. He was on his own trajectory, and I just had to let go. I did okay with that. I am now very grateful that he is doing better. I am so inspired by his strength and resilience. At the time all the craziness was going on, I was not grateful. I was not a bit resentful. I would do anything for him, and when that meant a full retreat, I did it.

Changing jobs has definitely been the most significant change to my life. With it came a lot more work, responsibility, stress and sleepless nights. I'm grateful for the opportunity but I wish I'd chose differently.

I got stuck in a hotel elevator. It freaked me out. I’m grateful for the NY Fire department, frustrated with the hotel, and relieved that nothing bad happened.

Within the past year, I moved out of my parents' house. It's left me feeling resentful, negative, stressed, and anxious. It's a decision I definitely regret doing because it's ruined my relationships with my roommates. On the bright side, my relationship with my boyfriend has grown stronger. I can't wait to get through this lease and move forward with my life!!!!!!! UGH!!!!!!!! I'm so sick of this negative energy.

In the last year, we had 2 earthquakes -- M6.4 and M7.1 on 7/4 and 7/5 respectively. I understood how insignificant humans are in the greater scheme of things and that it's important to prepare as best one can. I am grateful, not for the earthquake, but that we are safe, that our house is habitable, and that our community pulled together to get through this natural disaster.

On the third or fourth day of a long distance fight via text, email, and phone with a friend I had a huge revelation. My reaction to something she did reminded her of her mother, and her reaction reminded me of mine. I saw it clearly. We weren't fighting each other we were fighting our mothers, and we weren't really fighting our mothers, we were being pitted against each other by Satan. He knows where our biggest wounds are and he was using them to try to break up our friendship. The anger and hurt I felt immediately washed away. I tried to tell my friend what I had uncovered but she couldn't hear me. Eventually we got past it and for that I'm glad. But what I am really grateful for was that glimpse of the spiritual warfare that goes on around us, so that now I can be more mindful of my reactions when I feel abandoned or left out.

Nana died. It’s been awful. I have struggled so much with her death and my guilt of not being better to her, more patient and for moving away. I miss her and I’d do anything to have her back. We are also struggling with infertility. I just finished my second dose of clomid. I hope to god when I read this a year from now, I’m pregnant, or brand newly a mom.

My mother's near death in May 2019 and her fall in November 2018. I am grateful that she survived both of these experiences, and is even better now that she was before it all started. I was incredibly lucky that I got to visit her both times and I am grateful to my husband for being so supportive. I have the nagging feeling that this is beginning of a difficult journey with my mother, but I am healthy, fit, and lucky!

The birth of Remy! This just happened 7 weeks ago on August 10th. Our second babes. Our second birth was a planned home birth, and turned out to be a free birth, which is when you birth without any midwife etc. It was the coolest, most profound, experience of my life. This is the email I wrote to a woman who has a free birth podcast.. "I wanted to share a cool story with you. Four weeks ago, I was 10 days past my “due date” with my second baby for our planned home birth. I was in full awareness that due dates aren’t important and the baby would come when he or she needed to, but of course NJ laws feel otherwise, etc. Anyway! That morning I was listening to your podcast episode with Gracie from Jan 24th. I was thinking to myself how incredible it must be to get to have a free birth and how I wish we’d planned to do it. It took so much work and conviction to get my partner and family on board for this planned home birth that I was grateful to be doing even that. I got home from my walk/podcast listen, laid down, and was in labor within a half hr. It went so quickly that we DID end up having a free birth in my living room with just myself, partner, mom and first son. It was the coolest experience not only because I sort of had this feeling the whole pregnancy that it could happen that way since my midwife lived an hour away.. but also that my mom made a transformation of going from being highly offended when I first told her this is what we were doing to delivering the baby in full support! There were so many cool parts of the experience but I just wanted to share how ironic it was that I had been listening to your podcast right before, and sort of hoping for such a thing to happen, not knowing it was going to happen less than an hour later!!" This is only part of the picture of course, I wrote the full birth story in my journal (the purple spiral one for 2019)! xoxo Tay

Lost my husband of 38 years after a horrific 40 days in ICU and in-hospital hospice. No family within thousands of miles. I have been extremely surprised by my reactions and often overwhelmed by grief. Only recently am I seeing any light, or even the tunnel. In time I believe I will find myself again, and a way back to joy. And I am so very grateful for all that I was able to share with this wonderful man.

Of great significance is that The Forward accepted my pitch and then essay about my personal struggle with anorexia and that they crop up especially at this time of year, reaching their height upon Kol Nidrei/Yom Kippur. I felt that my effort to write -- publicly -- about this huge scourge in my life was justified and that perhaps I should be doing more of it, to get my story if not out there then at least out of me. It plagues me every day. As of today, I have down 23,000 words and know I need to keep going. I've only made it -- chronologically speaking -- to the summer after freshman year at UCSB. I was 19 then and I'm 47 now. That's a lot of ground to cover. But will people care? Should they? Can I write it all in such a way that they will indeed care AND that I'll avoid alienating members of my family...say...my parents? How did my action of pitching and placing the essay affect me, to respond directly to the question above? I'm grateful and relieved and also inspired. I'm not resentful but my parents may end up being should the much, much longer version of my otherwise very tight essay get out into the world.

My son drove into a parked car and left the scene, totaling our car and damaging the other car significantly. He had been drinking. His drinking has been a worry for me, and the accident, including consultation with a lawyer, a cancelled trip to China, etc., led to a crisis moment for both of us. He is trying to turn his life around, and I remain both hopeful and anxious.

I got married! I’m grateful and happy it was a lovely day and we were able to have it as we wanted it, for us, as a couple. I’m also very happy and grateful that my mum could be there. That made it very special for me. I also think that somehow there should be a party at some point....... Overall I feel relieved to now be officially married and I feel strengthened in our relationship and commitment to one another.

Wow, so many things happened this year but also...nothing happened. I am reflecting on my year and it feels mostly stagnant, which is sad. But I guess small changes add up. I think the most significant change in this year is that I started psychotherapy, which was one of my goals from last year. It has changed my life in a lot of small, gradual ways, which I think is really how it should be! It affected how I view all of the moving parts in my life - my parents (who almost separated this summer??), my relationship with my friends and my employers, and myself. Besides that I am still single and I find it interesting how I define my life by whether I am single or not. Like hey, I fucking accomplished an entire year of vet school, got amazing grades, travelled the world, worked my ass off, and made some great friendships but -- I'm single. I did nothing. F U C K that. When I'm married, I'm gonna look back fondly on these years and wish I worried less.

I launched a podcast. After a few years of contemplating the idea, I pushed myself. Right now, I realize that while I haven't truly followed through on every promise I've made to myself, launched it perfectly, or gotten an editor or additional help, I really enjoy it. Perhaps what the most enlightening thing about the experience is how I've trained myself to not get mad at myself. When my week is too busy or i procrastinate and can't get an episode launched, I just say "oh well" and move forward to next week.

We’ve had a year filled with significant experiences, few of them truly great. First was job loss followed by job gain. Then the dog almost died due to vet error and is still recovering. Both kids are in the high schools of their choices. My tutoring business has grown a bit. I’m am grateful that we are all recovering, but this year has left us all pretty exhausted.

I visited a convent for my documentary and lived with the nuns there for a few days. It was very touching and beautiful. They were extremely kind and creative and generous and funny. It felt like a special privilege to live with them for a bit and it still warms my heart to think about it.

We celebrated our marriage! It was joyful and fulfilling in the way we were able to include our wonderful community. I am extremely grateful for our marriage and how both of us have grown together this year.

I got engaged! I am over the moon, everything has been so amazing. I moved in with Jack at the beginning of this year and it has been wonderful. I am so excited to marry this man. I am very grateful. I also got a new job at SMU and this August I started my masters. Reading through my answers last year felt so weird to see that all of my wishes had come true in just one year.

We have reconnected with the daughters, in a fluent and loving way. Grateful and jouous.

Joining the MPOD 15 cohort and opening my heart to my cohort members. I am surprised that my heart has grown to include all these awesome new relationships, and the open heart and abundant love I feel leaves me inspired.

I went to a therapist for the first time. I’m proud of myself but still scared/uncertain about it. To many people it’s such a normal thing — and it’s good, good to do and good for people to pursue. But I’m so terrified of it. I’ve always been scared of doctors; after so many years of being dismissed, not believed, and told that my symptoms don’t exist, anything medical leaves me shaking and unsure. What finally did it was the need to set a better example; I can hardly advocate for my brother to see a therapist if I won’t do it. So I’m doing it, and talking openly about doing it.

I finalized my divorce after 4 years and I was hoping to feel most relieved. I found out that it did not make me feel as different as I expected it to.

My dad passed away. It has been an interesting journey - I am his executrix, which I knew would happen. I've met people he was closer to than he was to me. I have become closer to his wife's son, for whom I'm grateful. I'm grateful for his positive impacts on my life. I'm relieved he didn't suffer. I'm resentful that I'm the primary caregiver for his estate. I'm inspired that he left a well-documented written legacy, so I look forward to seeing what I can do to have that carry on. I don't miss him, and I do miss him.

I found out that my brother's girlfriend is (unexpectedly) pregnant. I was mostly surprised at first, and now I'm cautiously optimistic. The experience has brought my family closer together as we have processed and worked through the situation, and the experience has reinforced my belief in the importance of family. The situation has also reminded me that life is unpredictable, and I have to take challenges in stride and focus on making the best of all that life throws my way.

Husband's job. I am relieved he is no longer working that job. Grateful he had the opportunity to explore that field and gain more insight into his goals. Feel this experience has pulled us together.

I changed jobs and negotiated a higher salary. It made me feel inspired to forge a path I want to walk.

Dad passed April 15. Multiple ripples. Sad he is gone. Glad he passed peacefully and on his terms. Inspired to become more observant.

I made a commitment to intentionally pursue love and companionship this year. I decided to start online dating since I live in a rural area and because I’m a little shy and insecure. It’s been quite the experience dealing with many dead-end interactions and a lot of inaction on the part of some of the guys I’ve interested in (namely Jamal and Charles). Truthfully I’ve felt quite a bit of heartbreak and disappointment. I’ve even felt hopeless and wanted to throw in the towel a time or two. Even with that being reality, in hindsight I’ve been able to recognize my own issues and faults and that there are things about myself that I need to continue working on. There are areas of my life that I felt solid about when I started this journey that I now realize need some serious fine tuning. Was I ready for all that dating in this day and age has to bring? I honestly don’t know. But I haven’t given up. I’m grateful for the experiences as they have only made me stronger and more self aware. And they’ve also reminded me of what I do and don’t want and what I should and should not tolerate in dating/relationships.

There have been several very major events in my life this year. Initially, I spent most of January and February up in Wisconsin going to see daddy in the nursing home. Then he decided to stop dialysis two days after I came back to Bloomington. I drove back up on a Friday, during which time people came and played the music for him that would be played during his Celebration of Life. He was pleased. Meghan flew in, all of us then made the trip to see him Saturday, but couldn’t on Sunday due to whiteout conditions. That was the day before he died and the day he was most lucid and interactive... and we had taken his cell phone home with us. That was a terrible feeling. We were there with him the next day - he was interactive in the morning, was able to exchange I love yous with Cori. He left us at 4:30 that afternoon. A lot faster than any of us expected. I’m sad and alone. Once back in Bloomington, Emily announced that she was leaving, a new manager was hired, two more people left. I started interviewing and got two offers which was nice (2 out of 3). I chose the position in New Hampshire and have since said goodbye to all of my friends and moved to New Hampshire. I know that leaving the job was the absolute right thing to do, but I miss my friends immensely. (I did Skype with the wine buddies this evening, though, which made me feel better).

This past year, I changed career paths at the age of 54. Although, I was and I still am insecure about my abilities to perform the job and live up to my own expectations, I am truly grateful to have this opportunity. With this job change, I moved from a beloved area of town to a more diverse area in Memphis. I am starting to become comfortable with my new surroundings, but I have a long way to go.

Began volunteering with special needs people at Friendship Circle’s Soul Studio. Amazed at how good I feel after talking and helping them do their art work. They are so friendly, kind, polite, appreciative and fun to be with. I’m grateful for the opportunity to be with them. After I spend every Monday morning there, I feel like my soul is glowing the rest of the week.

This year I had quite a horrible falling out with some people I'd gotten very close to. They totally dismissed my concerns and left me feeling exiled from somewhere I'd been very comfortable previously. I suppose it doesn't really matter though, as it was something I'd been considering leaving for a long time anyway... but at the time it still hurt. Initially it left me feeling bitter and resentful, however in retrospect it freed me to concentrate on my career and other areas of my life. I think that on the whole it was actually a good thing when I look back at it with time, but at the time it didn't seem that way.

I told my daughter that she couldn't live with me anymore. She was in rehab for the third time. The other two times she went back to the apartment she shared with her boyfriend, but they had broken up and she was staying with me and my wife. Telling her she was no longer welcome was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I had learned that she'd been using heroin and I knew I couldn't live with that. Her recovery had to be hers and mine had to be mine. I am so grateful that I had the strength to say the words and the determination to stick by them. She has been sober for almost a year now. She is healthier and she has ever been and our relationship is joyous and strong. It is something I give thanks for every day, and which I will never take for granted.

My son was born in January. It was the most wonderful experience of my life. As soon as he came out, I was totally overwhelmed with emotion. I couldn’t stop crying. My love for him has grown and grown with each day. I didn’t know I could feel love like this. He is so beautiful, so happy and smiley, so perfect. I am always thinking about him, I always want to be with him. I had no idea I would respond to motherhood like this. I am so grateful for all of it.

After over a year of only working part-time for a friend, I got a fellowship to start a career in publishing. The downside: I had to leave all my friends and move across the country. As it turned out, I love my job *and* I love the town I'm in. The only actual downside is that it's only for 14 months. But right now I'm enjoying it while I can. How did it affect me? Profoundly! Being *good* at something, being praised for being good at something, doing well in an arena where I can see a future... it's done so much for my self-confidence. And being in this new environment, with its stunning natural beauty, spending all this time taking long walks...I feel more like a person I know and like than I have in years. Some of that is the meds, but I also think that this has been a time of rediscovery and learning. I'm so grateful and I feel so fortunate to have been given this opportunity. It feels like such a profoundly positive experience that I'm still working through it. But it makes me very happy.

A significant experience that happened this past year is that I broke up with my partner of 3 years. I was left slightly relieved because we have been having issues for the past year but mostly I was devastated because they were my rock for a very long time and I never saw anyone as such a big part of my life before. I am scared for the future and if I can find someone to be my partner like that again. I am excited to make new connections and also have more time to focus on my passions.

My sister got married! My husband and I traveled to San Francisco to witness her wedding at the City Hall. It was lovely to meet her husband's family and it really put into perspective how my family is the one who is harder to deal with, unfortunately. It opened my eyes to see how rude and negative my parents and aunt can be, when we were hanging out with his family, too. I am very happy for my sister though!

At the end of last school year 2 of our 5-person department decided to leave. Although we are down to 4 people, there was a position to fill with a new person, and I was able to step up into the IB chemistry teacher role. This has a lot of challenges, in that I don't fully understand all the content for the course, and I'm inheriting a shitty chem room, and needing to buy lots of chemicals for the mandatory IB labs. I am really glad to have my class of seniors, who all genuinely want to be there, and honestly try really hard. And my juniors, while a mixed bag, also seem to really want to learn, and I think I'll be able to go faster with them than with chem last year. And finally, switching to teach 10th grade chem instead of 9th grade bio means I have a LOT of my kiddos from last year, plus many from Tashi that I know by extension. Just having those relationships to build from this year has made a difference, and though I've been staying late at work a lot, I feel energized and engaged by my work. As long as I can stay here, and our team is maintained, I really think I can build a lasting program at Foss.

I decided to be a pre-med major and at this point I think I'm pretty confident in that decision. I think it's a good convergence of a solid life decision and lifestyle and a way to use the skills I have. On top of that I'll hopefully be able to help people as a part of my job which is part of what I think makes a job fulfilling. Having something to work towards is honestly really relieving, it's nice to at least have some guiding desire to my involvement. At the same time knowing this is stressful because med school is really hard to get into and that fact constantly runs through my mind and makes me feel insecure about what I'm accomplishing. I'm not that involved on campus. I have a job and I'm taking 21 credit hours and will hopefully get a 4.0 this semester and graduate with a triple major and double minor. And I don't think it'll be enough to get into med school. It's this constant cloud hanging over me and the only thing that makes me question what I want to do with my life. But I can't really blame all that anxiety on med school itself because a lot of it is just a manifestation of my own insecurity about my status and achievements of which I feel I have very few to speak of in college. I graduated from high school riding a high, I did well in debate, I was liked in school by students and teachers, I had leadership positions and involvement and I went to the University of Alabama. And like I said that's turned out really well, but it does make me think. If I can do all that and end up at the University of Alabama what the hells going to happen if I stay on the trajectory I'm on right now. And that's what scares me and makes me feel all kinds of ways, but I think I just need to put the anxiety away and try my best to find something I enjoy that will also look good on my med school application. Hopefully the next time I see this, I'll have done that, but don't worry future me. If it doesn't happen like that, I'll still love you.

Bought a house. Kind of bemused. I mean, I should be proud and happy but mostly I'm annoyed by bad ac ducts, terrible oven, a fridge that barks and not enough closet space.

I got to go to India for a month. After being fired. I got to be free and spend time with Amruta and read and write and think. We traveled a lot and saw the Himalayas. That part was amazing too, but what I'm thankful for right now is the feeling of her Delhi apartment with recycled sari curtains, gorgeous porch, and wooden furniture. It felt so safe. We ate good food. I met her friends from the exchange program. I am also thankful to Ivan for supporting me to leave him temporarily, to spend my money without worrying and to encourage me to spend time with my friends and do whatever I needed to do to put the past behind me. India affected me, or rather, having time away with people who LOVE me but don't need me, in such a healthy way. I rerooted to my purpose and reclaimed my path. I read Jane Addams biography and it really resonated. Inspired even. That's the biggest impact to my year. Maybe in time, when I am settled, I will say being fired was The Thing. But right now, that still feels liberating over painful.

So much has happened this past year, it is hard to pick one experience. I suppose the most significant experience has been coming into my own self. All the other things that have happened follow from this experience. It does not mean that there are not difficult days or periods and the High Holidays are one of those. But it does mean that I can ask for help when I need it and I can search within myself, my heart, my soul, and my skills, to find the strength to move forward each day. I am incredibly grateful to God and those who helped me reach this day.

Graduating ubc. I oddly don't feel very different, of course I'm grateful for my 5 years and my parents for helping through it all. But still in the zone of now what? I'm inspired to get my life started and getting this job as a speech therapist assistant going, but not sure what part of it inspires me. I'm relieved, unstressed (which is stressful). I'm so used to being busy (school, work, friends, just life), and now I have so much time. I want a hobby or a new sport/activity to do. Winters coming-wish I liked skiing...

I got married!!! I’m so overwhelmed with joy. I have taken beautiful vow to love to one another for a life of happiness and every single day with him is just a blessing.

I suppose it’s a little over 12 months but in the last year I started to receive my (state) old age pension. Of course I felt grateful to have it, slightly surprised it was as much as it is - also grateful that I don’t have to depend entirely on it for my income, as some people do. Since it also made me realise I am, in the eyes of the state at least, “old” made me think more about my long-term finances and whether I want to spend money at a rather faster rate ...

This past year has tested me in so many ways. It's been really difficult. A significant event from this past year was being admitted to children's hospital in April. I was basically dead and they saved my life. Looking back on that admission I am really grateful for the life saving treatment that I was given. With this admission there came a lot of fear, hope, and resilience.

I did it! I'm in grad school! I am slowly trying to overcome my imposter syndrome, and pushing through the foundational courses and hoping to get to the good stuff soon. I found a mentor, I am scheduling like mad to get stuff done, and I am modelling all of the things for the kids. Woot.

I started a new job. At first I was doubtful, but now I'm relieved and optimistic. The work life balance at my new opportunity is much better than at my last employer.

A few months ago I got a promotion at work. I am proud of myself and reluctant to discuss it with the people I am closest to. I am thankful for extra money and inspired by the people I’ve met while training. I hope to always use my privilege to empower others and strive toward liberation.

My dad had a massive stroke in March. He survived but is not the same. It is the worst thing that has happened to me other than not being able to have a child with my husband. It has also pushed my mother’s mental health issues / dementia to the forefront. My dad would never face that issue. My brother and I can do nothing to get her help because they are still married and he wouldn’t help when he was healthier and now is even les s inclined. I am heartbroken.

Being church president has made me more patient, confident and spiritual. I also love having the opportunity to help make a positive change. I'm very grateful.

Spending 6 weeks driving to Chatham, NY and back. Seeing lots of family and friends and inviting randomness in through spontaneous stops. I am grateful for the ease of being with Joel and how we navigated the trip together with love and fun. Our fights were fruitful, giving us new muscles in communication, patience and integration.

I quit my job of 15 years in July. It was a huge relief. The job had gotten worse and worse over time, and was making me truly miserable, overshadowing everything else in my life. Now I feel like I can open myself up to the possibilities the universe presents to me and take risks to try new things.

The past year has seen me try and fail to secure a fulltime role. My CV seemingly no longer resonates with potential employers. This has been frustrating, however, it has taught me to appreciate what I have rather than what I don't, it has also shown me that most people really don't care about your problems, nor do they wish to participate in the reality of a dialogue regarding those problems. Equally, giving energy to these problems only serves to amplify the issue rather than resolve it. I am I have worked to resolve my conflict regarding the deception I allowed to occur over three years while my long term ex-girlfriend stole repeatedly from me. I have got significantly fitter this year. Training hard to remove the anguish and to feel better within me. Resent has crept in at times over what happens as has a yearning for an apology from the perpetrator, however, I know and have sort of accepted this may never happen. I have spent a significant amount of time developing myself as a result, reading daily stoic, participating in a course on RTT hypnosis and working to simply resolve and accept myself, while hopefully attracting new energy and connection. Meditation is part of my daily practice as is visualisation, vision boards and simply working to be a better version of myself. SO I guess I have felt inspired to make my life as good as it can be, to be the best version of myself and to spend time looking withing to appreciate what is here and now while being grateful for what is out there. I'm not really sure if any of this makes sense so in short, I have work to resolve theresent for the drastic experience I had while developing myself and becoming a better human.

The most significant shift of the past year came in my personal life. I ended one relationship, and then fell into another seemingly by accident. I dated my previous partner for a year, but six months in I could have told you what would eventually end it. His lack of foreplaning and basic life skills (getting a passport, ordering a credit card, successfully scheduling movie tickets, etc) left me feeling more like his mother than his partner. To compound this, though he was Jewish by the halachic sense of the term, he was essentially nonpracticing and at times would even be offended when I called him ‘Jewish’ as he did not feel a connection to the religious practice. Still, I cared for him, and I wanted to give our relationship a good college try. So we went to couple’s therapy. Throughout, he seemed markedly disinterested in the underlying conflicts in our personalities. He wanted to just tell me he was ‘working on things’, but I never saw a difference in behavior. Eventually, one of my dear family friends cornered me after a Shabbes dinner to tell me ‘He’s not the one. He can take care of you during residency, but don’t make any lasting commitments’. He had been rude previously at her house, sitting on his phone and refusing to engage with the other guests at Seder. She put voice to the very concerns about maturity and commitment I had been harboring myself. Hearing them come out of someone else’s mouth made them all the more obvious. Slowly, I started speaking with other friends and family, who only echoed the same concerns (to my dismay). I tried to discuss these concerns with him, but I think that just worsened the situation. I knew it was ending. I shouldn’t have tried. It just felt mean to have a break up come out of left field (at least from his perspective) after a relationship of a year. It wasn’t easy, but I was proud of myself for breaking things off. It hurt to see his expression as I walked away that last time – obviously loving, not understanding why things had soured. I just couldn’t explain it anymore and overall I felt relieved. In some ways, our relationship had been over for weeks prior to the official break up, so I moved on quickly. Though still sad, I started dating two weeks after the break up. Matt was the second date I went on. I didn’t mean to start dating him per se. He’s not Jewish. I was looking for some fun. But he grew on me. You don’t always get to choose when important people come into your life. And so I let him in. Our relationship has been a remarkable contrast to my last, particularly given the temporal proximity. He is emotionally mature and competent. He takes care of me in little everyday tasks – offering to drive up to me because he’s known it’s been a long day, cooking dinner, or purchasing tickets for an event because he knows I don’t have the time. Whereas I was made to feel guilty during my nights rotation with my ex for not spending enough time with him and sexually neglecting him, Matt understands the effort I put in to see him and respects my time. Though he’s not Jewish, he is putting in a ton of time and effort to better understand the faith. Every Shabbes available, he has come to Friday night dinner with me. He has bought six books on Judaism (including a Jewish study bible) and is taking fastidious notes. Overall, I feel cared for in a way that I didn’t realize I was missing. I write this from his parents’ couch having just met them for the first time today. I can’t say how things will turn out in this relationship or whether he will even still be in my life in another year. I wish me in the future could give me a hint. But for the moment, I am so grateful to have this man and his love in my life.

June 20, the day my husband was diagnosed with advanced colon cancer. He was in the emergency room after being sent there for a potassium shot after a blood test revealed it was dangerously low. The ER doctor ordered a CT scan because Phil was constipated for days. It felt like my legs would crumble underneath me when I heard the news. It has affected every day of our lives since that day.

My dad died almost a month ago after battling cancer for several years. I am angry. Sad. Resentful. Scared. He died of multiple myeloma. Blood cancer caused by exposure to agent orange in Vietnam. Some days the sadness is so raw that all I want to do is lie in bed and cry. I was the one that said yes to ending chemo, dialysis, treatment, and therapies when he couldn’t talk. I said yes to ‘comfort care’. Every day I feel like I gave up on him. Like I killed him. Even though his pain was so great and his cancer had overtaken his body. I am relieved his pain is gone. I am hopeful that he is in heaven and that he knows I didn’t give up on him, but loved him too much to watch the man that loved me with all of his heart hurt any longer.

I survived a roll over car accident that could easily have killed me. I walked away, uninjured, and incredibly grateful for every moment I have now.

I worked by myself at my job- requires two people- for several months. It was crazy but empowering. I now know I don’t have to be perfect at my job, just do my best. I’m relieved it’s over, but it was a valuable experience.

Last year, I set into motion some initiative to clean myself up physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually. I have to admit, it has paid great dividends. I feel good, am in good shape financially, and have done a great deal of throwing out, cleaning up, and redoing my "space". A lot of dumping and cleansing. It has given me a new sense of purpose, understanding, and peace. Grateful-yes. Relieved-yes. Resentful-not at all. Inspired-yes- I want to keep going.

I began my journey to Judaism by learning how to observe Shabbat, the Jewish Holidays, and keep Kosher with my son in my home-just after the High Holidays of this last year. I also began serious study into Modern Judaism; even though I am a religions scholar and have studied ancient Judaism and Judaism in different time periods/regions on a scholarly level, now I had begun my deeply personal religious journey to Judaism in action and deed, which had been internally brewing since my first trip to Israel several years before. Almost a year later I went to Shul for the first time yesterday. This has been a wonderful experience, there really are no words, I am so grateful to HaShem for bringing me to this season.

My husband's year and a half old diagnosis of Alzeheimers did not change our lives very much for about a year. But the last few months have seen a steep decline in cognition and memory that has upended everything. He has also become angry and mean and has lost sense of appreciation for any assistance. And I have not yet mastered my reactions to it all.

My Pa died in June. It was only a month after my biological grandfather died, but the difference in how I felt and how my immediate family were affected was huge. I was upset but relieved. It was his time, and I’m glad he didn’t have to suffer anymore. I’ll still miss him immensely, but I’m glad he’s at peace.

I chose to give up teaching two classes I've instructed since 2011 and take on English 9 honors. It's affected me in that I feel the stress of a first year teacher all over again. It's as if I'm just two steps ahead of my students even though I planned all summer. Although I'm stressed and I hate the fact that I never had the chance to be Sam's teacher, I'm confident this was the right decision. I needed something different, something that would challenge me, and this certainly fits that description. I hope that my answers for next years 10Q will illustrate that I am feeling more calm.

During this year a lot of things happened. I thought I was going to talk about Christopher and yes, even though he has a role in all this, I am going to talk about Maria Gabriela coming to stay over for 6 months. Maria is one of my few childhood friends that I still have a connection to. I had not seen her in YEARS (even before the last time I was home) and she was finally visiting for 6 whole months. Having someone stay with me for that long seemed so daunting to me because I was in a moment when I was regaining control of my life and establishing some habits and routines that worked great alone but not so much with people. She and I are very different, but I am happy she was here. There were moments when I was felt a bit resentful to share my space and even a bit defensive of my routines, boundaries and quirks but above all, she taught me to find a happy middle between the stuff I need for me and sharing my time and space with people I love, regardless of the differences we may have.

The most significant experience was the heart attack of my son. The heart attack was exactly the same as mine, but he required emergency open heart surgery. Seeing him so scared and then in the post op condition was the most terrifying few days of my life. It made me want to be even closer to my children and to my family and friends. I passed the genetic defect on to him so while I have no control over which things our children get from us, there is a link from my father to me to my son. No guilt, but a shared weakness that makes our bond stronger.

I landed my dream Job! I was so excited when they called and made me an offer that I took it without thinking, praying, seeking advice. Wow so many regrets around that snap decision. I am pushing thru and thanking God I was even offered the Job! I wish I had slowed down to ask him about the salary. Somedays are harder than others when I here other new hires comment, my salary almost doubled! (Mine only increased $50 a month). Next time I am offered a new position within a company I'm currently work for I need to remember that salary can STILL be negotiated!

Over the past year I’ve cultivated and treasured a friendship with a man. This man is someone I thought I wanted in my life romantically, but time has shown me so far that what I want and what I need, and then what the universe grants me, are very different things. My friend has helped me learn more about myself, more about doing right by another human, about caring, about trying to lead with love and grace. No matter what happens with this friendship, whether it exists forever or not past tomorrow, I’ve been granted a special gift and I will never stop growing because of it.

About 10 months ago, Chris had a heart attack. It affected me slowly not suddenly. I didn't realize truly in my heart and in my brain what was happening until it was all over. I learned how connected we are. How much we trust each other. How much I love him. How much he loves me. How much the girls love him. How important are family is as a unit, the four of us. I learned how to receive help and support. I noticed how good it felt to be helped. I noticed that I could be scared, terrified. But..... As Kelly always told me everything is temporary. The terror passes the fear goes away. And so am I grateful? Not really. I'm not glad that it happened. It is affected Chris, myself and the girls in such a way that because we understand how fragile life is, we might be a little bit on edge still. However, we sure are living life to its fullest. I don't believe that we are living so because of a heart attack but it does make me live these full moments as if each one is a precious gem. And I guess it is.

On April 7, 2019 my best friend and only dog that was ever really mine passed away. She had had a heart murmur since she was a puppy but it had gotten worst in her older years. She was having trouble breathing that day and I took her to the vet. The vet did an x ray on her, it happened to be the first day that they had acquired X-ray machines as well. And her heart was almost as big as her chest. They prescribed me medication for her but when I took her home that day she started coughing up blood not even 2 hours after the appointment. I immediately took her to the emergency clinic near my house but she was DOA. I cried for days over it. It was the hardest thing to let her go. After that happened I went to some of her favorite hiking spots and wrote her letters and left flowers for her. I even anonymously paid for a pet named Jazz at the Human Shelter in nashville and bought a goodie bag of treats for the new owner in honor of Snuggles. I wanted someone to experience the joy that a pet can bring and that dog was a jumper and had a hard time getting adopted so covering the fees and shots probably helped save her life also. A few weeks after Snuggles passed, I bought a miniature dachshund and I named her Angel. She has been a real joy admist all the sadness of losing my best friend. I will never forget that day but at the same time I would never want her to suffer or be in any pain so I am fortunate that she did not and went quickly. She was truly a love of my life and I am forever grateful that I had such a wonderful dog.

5 months ago, I graduated from college and 3 months ago, I moved from Georgia to Rhode Island. Im still not sure how this will affect me long-term, but for now, I’m happy. This is the first time I’m truly living away from home and not stressed by school and the feeling is so blissful. When people ask me how my job and move are, all I can say is that I’m happy - and that’s a very unique space to be in.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It affected me in many ways, but I treasure each and every day and don't put up with those who don't support me. I'm grateful for being alive, was resentful at the beginning; but trust in God that he is on this journey with me wherever it shall lead. I'm inspired to not waste time doing nothing...I want to make a difference in the world.

Misha graduated high school and went to college. It was amazingly stressful to me - I kept worrying he would not succeed and not be happy. I am grateful that he seems happy but I worry constantly that he is lonely and not ready for the challenges. I worry that I have put too much stress on him and if he stumbles, he won't be able to turn to me for help because he will be afraid that I will yell at her.

A significant event from the last year was when my wife got pregnant - with twins! My initial reaction was shock and exhaustion. Followed by determination never to let my kids (especially said twins) see the toll they take on me. I’m excited to meet them and grow our family, resentful that I seem to be the only thing working to hold everything together, and exhausted. So fucking exhausted.

I started dating someone last September. I'm invested in this relationship. He is incredibly kind, generous, thoughtful, open, playful, interested, smart, all of which makes me want to do this better than I ever have. It's been a good year overall. I'm working on my stuff along the way. We've run into some challenges, of course, and we have successfully moved through each one, and come out better on the other end. We are present and kind and invested in each other and the relationship. I want to keep evolving, so that my trauma, PTSD, childhood stuff comes up less and less, and is less and less powerful. I'd like to continue to be present with him and appreciate all that he gives me, all that I give him, and keep growing into better selves and a couple. I am inspired!

On the last day of 2018, I bought a house in West Sacramento. The house and I are pretty much the same age, and showing it more than we’d like, but we are a good fit, I think. The mortgage is a heavy lift and lots of things have needed fixing, but every day when I come home and open the door, I am happy, and so grateful to know this space is my own.

I got married! It’s affected me in a lot of ways. Being married is tough - we’ve had to learn a lot about communication and conflict resolution. We’ve dealt with some tough times financially and medically. So I’ve felt just about every emotion, from pure joy to resentment at a situation that we’re in. Overall, I’m incredibly happy in my marriage - my wife has made me better in so many ways and I’m so thankful. But life is hard, and sometimes it’s hard to believe that things will get better.

The Tree of Life shooting in Pittsburgh. For the first time, I was scared for my kids who go to a Jewish school, and scared of what might happen any day at work (at a synagogue).

This year has probably been one of the most eventful years I have had in a long time. Naush and I got engaged and our wedding is in less than a month! I am so lucky to have found this man and I am so excited to spend the rest of my life with him. I also started grad school and have fallen in love with school social work. I overall truly feel happier than I’ve ever felt before and I’m so grateful for this past year.

1. First full panic attack. Learning how it's been affecting my life for like ever. Accepting how panic/stress affects me and learning how to change. 2. Finally watching Supernatural. It's been so good and eye opening for my writings.

I caught my husband flirting with an ex on his FB messenger. It was after running into her at a funeral of their friend. He had passed away from a car accident. It was shocking, hurtful, embarrassing. I felt so many different emotions. I didn’t know how to handle it, or if I handled it correctly. I am grateful for what I learned about myself, and resentful of the way I learned those things. I forgave him, but I didn’t forget. I don’t know if I will ever love him like I did. I use to think he was this amazing person. I really put him on a pedestal. I love him, I don’t think I could ever not love him, but he’s no different than any other man out there. They will all break your heart and disappoint you.

SO MUCH happened this year that it's hard to pick one. Probably the most significant was moving to Atlanta and starting a new job. It has definitely humbled me and taught me that there is so much to learn, both about the United States and about being a Jewish engagement professional in general. I am so grateful for the opportunity to start something new and have a change in my life, and I'm excited to see where it'll take me.

Got on Anxiety medication. It has been a life changer and made me back into the person I strive to be.

In the past year several significant things happened. I graduated from college, left a job I had been at for over 2 years for a full time job I only kind of like, and met the absolute love of my life. Meeting him has been the most significant and amazing thing that has happened in the past year, even better than graduating college. Graduating college was great, but I think it’s really just getting a slip of paper that says I went to school and continued to learn for another 4 years and while that’s something I’m proud of I know there’s so much beyond it. Meeting my soulmate is something I can take with me forever. I get to keep growing with him and loving him every single day for the rest of my life and that means so much more to me than a degree. He makes me happier than I ever thought I could be. He makes every other part of my life better just by being a part of it, and I am better because I know him. I’m more grateful than I could ever begin to say in this short excerpt of my thoughts.

This May I moved in with Zander. The ease and joy of the transition is a beautiful testament to how we’ve grown as a couple, and has me grateful and inspired for our future to come.

The first significant experience that comes to mind is finally after a long many years waiting receiving the back surgery to relieve my crippling pain. I am very grateful to the doctors and to be able to live a fuller life.

I started my own consulting firm! And I am not broke! It's been a great year of self-awareness, developing my inner Boss-ass Bitch and gaining the confidence to believe in myself enough to start my own gig. I believe I will be successful and I am telling myself that story which is amazing. The other significant experience was journeying with my mom to a decline in her health and her move to an independent living. I am grateful that she is safe there, but very sad and guilty that she hates it. She hasn't been terribly nice to me and I should be more forgiving but I am resentful. I keep bringing up all of my life resentments of her and that's not fair - it's about as fair as her blaming me for the predicament that she was in with her health and needing to move. I will work on this.

Our family had the magnificent experience of traveling to Alaska this year. We made it to Glacier national park. What a dream. It was genuinely breathtaking, extraordinarily educational, and a very emotional experience to share with my spouse, mom, and, child forever. Seeing an environment so ancient, yet changing was spiritual and a recall to action. I was inspired and thankful, but also worried about the destruction of our planet by human action.

My mother died, then my beloved sheep died, and finally my cat died, all within 6 weeks and just last month. It was horrible. My emotions have gone numb and are not returning as expected. Maybe I’m not letting myself feel because it’s too painful.

Getting my masters! I am proud of myself for persevering through the long process that was my courses. I am excited to see where it takes me in the future.

I had a cardiac event that floored me. I recovered quickly. I was upset and then relieved that it was not worse.

My husband chose to end his life. My mother passed away peacefully. My children handled both with grace. I am grateful.

This past year my husband died, on Shabbat Nov 3rd. This was a time of mixed emotions, grateful that his suffering was done, blessed that Yahweh, king of the Shabbat took him on that day of rest, relieved as there were many years of marital struggles, thankful to Yah as He made a way for us to come together stronger through the diagnosis and subsequent time spent in hospital just prior to his passing, sad at what could have been and awestruck at how Yahweh made a way financially for me in the end.

I turned 40. I don’t know how I feel about it. Originally, I thought I was fine with it. But I seem to be not quite well these days. I pretty much hate my life these days. I don’t know if it’s a mid life crisis. Or that I am just genuinely never ever going to be a happy person. I just got back from Hawaii and even though I enjoyed being there. It was not the amazing experience that everyone else told me it was going to be. It was a nice change of pace. And something like a blast from another decade. But I don’t know that I really even enjoyed it. Am I resentful. I couldn’t say for sure. I more just wish I wasn’t in this life. I many days wish I was dead.

The Buddha joined me in my meditation. I felt grateful, calm, and curious.

I did Chōsen experience from a serendipitous invitation to go through such a holistic growth and unexpected transformation. Following up with month-long hypnosis therapy, I feel fully an uplifted version of myself intrinsically. It's a change within my mindset with higher ambition and much stronger self-belief. With greater inspiration from people doing things with much bigger impact in essential principles, I realize that I too have tremendous power unveiled yet and can provide the same level of impact with full alignment of my superpower and truest self. Emotionally I opened up my heart with no expectation of external receivings. I realized that the feeling I desire is fulfilled internally by giving without asking from others. I am grateful for all the emotions and feel I am already having. They are gifted from the lessons I received from the Chōsen experience, any people and happenings involved with Chōsen, and the hypnosis therapy. I am super grateful for the implicit teachings from those significant milestones events in 2019. It penetrates deeply in my soul without obvious actions. That's how powerful it is. It's disruptively transforming. It leaves me with full confidence, determination, and empowerment to kick off my next phase of achievements and growth. I can't wait for next year's reflection!

Katie has gone to Japan twice in one spiritual year, once at Thanksgiving and another last week. The first time she went, days before I found a diamond necklace for which I was paid $1100. (Deuteronomy 11:11.) We used the money to buy a last-minute plane ticket for Katie. I suffered a spiritual attack as I drifted off to sleep that night in retaliation. Both K and I knew that God had provided the necklace so she could enter her earthly Promised Land that He has prepared for her. She is Japan right this moment taking a placement test at a language institute. I met Stephen Young, husband of Sarah Young, author of Jesus Calling, who runs the Japanese-American Fellowship here in Nashville, just moments after Katie texted me "Good morning" her first morning in Japan. She freely admitted that she knew God has called her to Japan and has a purpose for her among its people. Father, to You alone be the glory!

My mother passed away after years of decline and coming back. She broke her hip in January 2018, and that started the final descent. She was still getting around but more and more slowly and needing to rely on a cane, which she hated, and having frequent falls. Fortunately no additional breaks, but her life became that cycle of doing less so then being less able to be active and so then doing less... I was relieved that her time on hospice was only two months. She remained mentally alert for most of the time until her body gave out. My dad was her primary care giver, and it was beginning to take a real toll on him even though my brothers and I went to the house to help or give him time off. So, again relived that the drain on him was over. Grateful for the long life she did have and her capacity for joy and love of beauty that she passed along to us. Grateful that she reached her 90th birthday, and as extended family came for their last visits, she was alert enough to know they had come and to interact with the. The grieving process is interesting. I am finding that I miss her more now than I did in the first five months. Around six months, the waves of sadness became more frequent. I am learning that I don't have to "be strong" and fight the sadness; if I let it be, it actually passes more quickly than when I fought it.

My father passed away in a loving environment. I am grateful.

I had to help my roommate who seemed to be suffering from a mental illness that made her paranoid to get government help for her health problems when she can't afford private health insurance. She is going blind form cataracts and was 6 months behind on rent she owes me because she was too paranoid to claim social security. She didn't believe it when people told her she had earned that $. She thought it was a government plot. It has taken a year, but she has finally claimed her social security and gotten health insurance for low income people. She has an appointment with an ophthalmologist, & she is catching up on rent she owes me. Her problems have caused me a lot of anguish in the past year, although I had to learn to detach. Now that she is getting help, I am much relieved but also angry it took a year for her to come around.

I had a baby girl this past year, actually a year and 10 days ago, and I am beyond grateful. She is healthy, happy, beautiful, and growing and developing so well. She inspires me to be a better person. I love her beyond what I can even express in words. I cannot believe sometimes how much I completely love and adore her. It has made me resent work and the country I live in, however. I hate having to leave her every day to go to work; I found fairly little pleasure or satisfaction from it, and having her has highlighted that even more. It’s a catch-22; I’d like to find a job that I believe in but I also want to spend more time with her. Living in the U.S. sucks as a mom/parent. Well, at least if you’re not wealthy.

I fricking bought an apartment building! I still can’t believe this dream of having a real estate portfolio that will buy me financial freedom is well on it’s way. At one time, not too long ago, I thought it was all a pipe dream. I feel empowered, smart and that everything is indeed possible. I took this year to focus on making strong, smart moves with my real estate investments and dedicated myself to getting educated. I have found so much joy in learning about real estate investing. I have met wonderful, generous, smart people in the process and feel like I’m living my purpose when I inspire and educate my friends and others to do the same thing. In fact, since I have let go of a part of my acting, real estate have become a second passion of my life. I really feel that the possibilities here are endless and more importantly, I am having fun at it, AND I’m good at it! I feel like I am am a player in this field now and have confidence in business matters when I walk into a room of professionals. I feel like I know what I’m doing, I can speak the language and I belong in this room. It is very empowering and the possibilities of where this might take me keep expanding. I’m very excited.

When my professional position at a Jewish non-profit was eliminated without advance warning. I explored my options and learned I did not need to work full time. Initially angry and resentful, I came to see this as an incredible opportunity to figure out what’s next with out the pressure of the ‘right now’.

I decided to officially rejoin the tribe. It was a pretty significant step for me. There is definately serious relief there. That's for sure. I've spent the last 20 years assuming I wouldnt be excepted because my ancestors had turned away from Judaism. Becoming part of my community has left me with some occasional feelings of resentment. Of what I could have had. What I've missed. The cost of my ancestor's turning away. I feel like a whole person for the first time in my life.

A significant experience from this last year was getting to go to Poland. This has been something that I’ve looked forward too since a young age when I heard stories from when my mother went, and especially since I’ve learned more about my grandfather and my great grandparents stories. Poland has inspired my passion about Judaism and Zionism, and my outlook on life has changed as a whole. I’ve always wanted to save the world, but now I’m so much more empowered to make a positive impact on it. I want to improve the society we live in because I’ve seen what happens when humanity goes wrong. I got to go to Poland, and I was so fortunate that I got to walk out full of pride, anger, and passion that I can use for the better from each and every concentration camp.

I married Emma this past July. I remember feeling in the immediate aftermath that something had changed very tangibly, and I was acutely aware at having made an exit from the liminal space of engagement. Everything seemed to click into place, and the wedding was easily among the happiest days of my life. I am so very grateful for the gift of a loving relationship in my life.

My husband left me. I put my life in God’s hands and found and wonderful man. I felt sadness and anger but now I feel relieved, lucky and determined to make the most out of my life - make sure I am happy!

My sister passed away. She was only 36 years old. She had struggled with addiction, and I was a strange for her for A few years. She leaves behind a daughter, six years old. So much of her death made me very very very angry. It was so much about her that was not very nice. And I have so many mixed emotions. This past summer, I went with my two children to do a memorial with my dad and stepmom. Surprisingly through all of the difficulty, the memorial gave us a lot of peace. We had buried my sisters ashes in places that made her happy and in doing so, it left us with a lot of positive memories and feelings.

Reading and doing the Presence Process really impacted me this year. The AH teachings were super helpful, but waned in their effectiveness and immediately upon asking (surprise!) PP arrived in my life. It led to the most honest conversation with Mom I've had in years, and changed up that relationship in a good, though challenging, way. It revealed so much about my emotions that I hadn't felt. I'm so grateful for it. It also led to the current transformation between me and J, which is still unfolding. That practice was exactly what I love, even though it was intense and brought up challenging emotions.

I got my residency in China, after half a year of stress. Feeling a little bit less precarious now. A month ago I got promoted to editor, again a step up. The company is in heavy weather so I worry about getting paid but as far as legal status and professional accomplishments go I'm very happy. I also feel supported by the community here which is an amazing feeling. I'm giving it my all but getting so much back. So the overall experience is managing my challenging job in a challenging country.

My answer in 2017: "I deeply regret having chosen the public basic education system over a well-known Roman Catholic university's senior high school on the basis of higher salary offer and the chance to return to my home city to be with my widowed mother. While my wounds over having been illegally dismissed have not yet healed, here I am having to face a very inefficient bureaucratic monolith muddled by mediocrity and often administered by unqualified and incompetent people. I have ostensibly lost weight [comments from my former colleagues about it are commonplace] despite the fact that I am eating better at home. I am seriously considering resigning from this current employment as soon as any offer comes along." My answer in 2018: Still in the same morass. But this time the significant experiences are from dissatisfaction with unworthy and/or ungrateful students: those who fabricate stories about me; those who show ingratitude by their academic failure due to lack of effort; those who show ingratitude through their stubborn refusal to follow my counsel; those who show disrespect through their insubordination, petty thefts, and outrageous misbehavior. All of this leaves me profoundly resentful and frustrated and dissatisfied. My answer in 2019: "Looking back at my responses from 2017 & 2018, I am greatly relieved that I was finally given an opportunity to teach again full-time in higher education. Unsurprisingly, I do not at all miss my previous work with DeafHead, which I left a few months ago. "The first cousin whose college education I sponsored tipped me off, saying that her former boss and my former graduate school professor was looking for philosophy teachers. I had no idea that this latter person was already Dean of the School of Arts & Sciences at Holy Angel University [an HEI I had already written off, since it did not bother to give me the courtesy of replying to my application e-mail]. "Anyway, after a week of not hearing from the dean since sending a message on Facebook Messenger, I was surprised to get a text message one morning and later on a call from her, asking if I could come over that day for testing and interviews. "Moreover, I was surprised to find out during my interview with the current Vice President for Academic Affairs that she was a Philosophy professor of a classmate in the seminary. "Suffice it to say that my life went topsy-turvy in less than 24 hours. I filed my resignation from DeafHead immediately. "And here I am now, about to finish my first term teaching Rizal, Art Appreciation, & Big History."

Thinking about all the things that have happened over the last year, once again the most significant is finally hitting my first major weight loss goal. When filling these out last year I had wanted to hit my goal weight by at least 3 months ago, but that didn't happen. In fact, I stalled for about 4 or so months. Finally got my butt back in gear and lost the last 10 lbs necessary to get below 225 lbs, which had been the lowest I've weighed as an adult! I'm currently the lightest I've ever weighed since leaving my early 20s. Next goal: under 200! I'm feeling really good about this. The question asks how it affected me. Was I grateful, relieved, resentful, or inspired? Yes, yes, no, yes! I'm proud of myself. I see the world differently now. I'm grateful to Michael from Feb of 2018, who decided to finally make a change. I'm relieved that I've finally made it to a healthy weight and that I won't die prematurely due to obesity! I'm inspired to keep going and make other positive changes in my life!

This year has brought a myriad of significant experiences, often ranging from the most beautiful moments to the most terrifying and sad. I fell deeply in love with a person whom I thought would be my partner in life. When they moved across the world to pursue a teaching job, I stayed behind but visited--spending a lot of emotional energy sustaining and nurturing the relationship while also spending a lot of my own money on securing visas, plane tickets, and hostels. When he broke up with me a few weeks ago, I was incredibly devastated (it was a few weeks shy of a trip we had planned to Thailand, so I had to call the airline and cancel everything.) In many ways, I am still healing and still hurting. However I also feel freed from my anxieties--unburdened, finally, from his indecisiveness. He is not a bad person. He is a person whose love and kindness extends to everyone he meets. I will always love him, and I look forward to a friendship down the line. But for now, we have silence. The silence is extremely difficult. It always amazes me how quickly life shifts. In one month's time I went from knowing everything about a person to knowing nothing. I am grateful for my community of friends and my family. And I am proud of myself for handling the breakup with grace, with dignity, and with compassion. I want love to be my guiding force, even when loving through hurt feels impossible. Love is my buoy.

A company I'd never heard of before reached out to me at a time I was not actually looking for a job. Researching them, they seemed interesting enough to keep talking to. At almost the exact moment I did so, my old job started to go weird and a bit sour. By the time the new company was ready to talk seriously to me, the old job had convinced me it was time to leave. The new job has been a revelation to me as to how a company can actually live by real principles of positive, conscious business. I hope it lasts!

I made a commitment in the Fall of 2018 to do a sprint triathlon with my friend Carol this year. She was my coach and I began working out in October looking toward the triathlon in May. I was out of shape and weighed 165 when I began. I was very gradual about beginning to run, bike, swim and do weight training and built up my endurance and fitness. I began swimming in open water and I found that I got anxious and it was really affecting how I was feeling about the triathlon. I also got sick with bronchitis which made me lose about three weeks of training. It took me some time and soul searching to give myself permission to not do the triathlon. I am more fit and weighed 8 pounds less than when I began the effort. This was much more about the journey than the destination.

My father had a health scare and although it wasn't serious it made me realize both how much I love him and how fragile life is. I often talk about how I haven't really experienced death in a personal capacity and how that makes me rather unfeeling/unable to empathize with anyone going through the grieving process. However, my visceral reaction to my father's serious, albeit fleeting condition proved to me that I do have the feelings and ability to understand the possibility of losing someone. The fear and hurt that came and were soon replaced with the love and support of my family as we gathered together around his hospital bed, which soon gave way to complete relief after his clean bill of health put things in perspective for me. The previous week I had been stressed about collegiate assignments, suddenly those seemed less pressing. Now, I know for certain that I will reflexively and forcefully put those I love before anyone else and will do so without hesitation or guilt. I hope I carry this through the rest of my life, in times of grief and in times of joy.

A few months after my second daughter was born, something began to feel very wrong. I was irritable, crying over strange things, just generally joyless. Instead of retreating as I have in the past, I reached out for help. My dr diagnosed me with postpartum anxiety and depression. It took a few weeks to get the right dosage, but the medication she gave me worked wonders. Having my anxiety and depression under control made me realize how much of it I had been living with before postpartum added to it. I really wish I’d gotten help sooner. Being balanced again has allowed me to bond more with the baby (who is now one year old) and to enjoy all that being a family of four entails.

I did a serious, thoughtful, and challenging job search. I had to make a series of very difficult decisions and really reflect on what I most want in the next phase of my life. I am relieved that it is over (for now at least), and I am grateful for all of the lovely people who supported me throughout it.

My grandson sought treatment for his opioid addiction, with a push from family. I am grateful and relieved for him and also inspired by how well my daughter has handled this difficult situation since she is now a single parent.

I was encouraged to come out publicly as non-binary and using they/them pronouns for myself. I felt incredibly relieved, and I feel now that I no longer have to conceal my true identity from the world at large.

I finally was able to really date this man I'm in love with, and had my first kiss with him. I'm grateful, content, and fulfilled, it was a long time in coming. I had my first kiss at 22 and I wouldn't have had it any other way. I've never met anyone I feel more comfortable with than I do with him. I'm happy we came together; and I'm happy I got to stretch my understanding of myself through my relationship with him.

It’s hard to choose one significant experience. With a baby, everything seems significant, and yet, also becomes part of a routine? Arthur learned to walk, he has learned to talk, we have traveled with him to England and Michigan and Mexico and Italy. I guess the significant experience is becoming this new version of myself that is watching this tiny being I created interact with the world. In a way, it’s MY life, and in a way, I am taking a backseat to his experience. It’s an adjustment, being a mom, being this new me. Some days I feel on top of the world, and other days I feel like I’ve lost my own personality, lost track of myself completely. It’s a balance I’m still working out.

I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant with our third child. It brought many many emotions bc it came in the heels of loss, it stalled my weight loss journey, it was not on my own terms and it meant I would have a child my mother would never know. As time has passed and I experienced all these feelings I’m now grateful for the opportunity to have a 3rd, love a new baby and get to know our family is complete. I’m so grateful my body works so well and I’m so happy to go on this adventure with our kids.

This past year we got a new member of the family- Jackson! He is a sweet gentle giant of a dog. I was hesitant at first and did not want to accept him as mine- but his gentle persistent love really helped turn me around. He has forced me to think about me- making me walk and making us rethink how we work as a family. I’m grateful to have found him- he is saving me just as we saved him from the shelter. It wasn’t always easy and I was definitely resentful sometimes but his sweet gentle poking and pawing just makes you smile. It’s hard to be sad or angry around him. And now he and I are walking buddies- he is forcing me to get in better shape and do the same for him. It was a surprise to let him in to join the family- but there must be a reason for everything- and in the end he belongs with us. So happy when I get his love. ( but shhhhhh. Don’t tell Ian or jake that. 😘🙄).

Losing my lady virginity. Confused. Happy. Supported. Did I mention confused?

My ex-fiancee was found dead by his landlord in early December. He and I hadn't been in touch since October, 2013, due to him not treating his severe mental illnesses that made him a danger not only to himself, but others. I found out after his untimely death that he had been doing really well, health-wise, and was happy. I'm so grateful that he was able to find some happiness in the past couple of years.

In this past year, my would-be-fiance left me. I didn't see it coming. I had made up my mind about him & was fully ready & willing to settle for him as a life-partner. He was not my mate. We were not a match. He was not what I needed in a husband. But he was there. He knew me. The real me. And still loved me. I never thought I'd find any decent healthy man who could do that. So, how did his leaving affect me? The truth is I don't know yet how I've been affected. I'm on so many mood stabilizing medications that I have no idea what my true feelings are beneath the surface. I do know I'm grateful to be free. I'm grateful I no longer have to compromise my person to suit the role of the best girlfriend in the world. I was never designed for that role but I'm a good actress & couldn't resist giving it a go. I wanted so desperately to not be abandoned. I had no career, no job, only one friend, no college degree, no titles, no fortune, no fame, nothing to give my ego any place of esteem in this world – nothing except a hot 6'2" boyfriend with moviestar features and chiseled abs who loved me for 6 years. This man was what I'd been deriving not just my worth but my purpose from. He was a man badly in need of spiritual healing & I gave that to him. My love healed him of the fear, shame & ignorance which had kept him imprisoned for more than half his life following childhood abuse. Being an actress, I assumed that when he left I needed to follow the traditional cues & undergo an emotional breakdown. But I didn't feel like breaking. I had been broken so many other times in my life, I was unwilling to go that route again at my age. Instead, I used his help to seek out a healer - a man with the ability to impart the mighty touch of The Holy Ghost. I went to see this man. He touched me. And I fell down. God Himself touched me and proved to me that I was loved. Any delusions of worthlessness left me at that instant and my body shook, twitched and fell down with the holy vibration of my Creator's healing power. I knew instantly that I was meant for greater things than that relationship would have allowed me to do. I was being held back by the role I was playing in it & I had to be broken free of it. By God, I was free now. At last. That day, I began writing the most important story I've ever been inspired to write - a heavenly love story. And that night as I slept, the Holy Spirit removed twenty years of baggage from my face. The suitcases I'd been carrying under my eyes for years and which I thought I would need surgery to remove had disappeared by morning. I was healed. But what did this mean? What was I to do with this holy gift? I thought of joining a Christian church but that didn't feel right. I did crave the community of a church but I did not believe in the basic tenets of Christianity - Jesus removing the sins of all who believe, Jesus's lashings taking away all the disease of any who believe. Even after feeling God, even after dropping to the ground from his power, I still did not believe in the Christian interpretation of the crucifixion. I wanted to believe it. I just couldn't. I recited the “sinner’s prayer.” With my mouth, I gave my life to Jesus but I did not expect him to really take it nor did I truly, in that case, give it. I wanted to be on fire with faith, on fire with God's love and Presence. But I did not know how to go about it. I did not know who to believe or to believe in. I was lukewarm at best but so grateful for my miracle. There was another problem. I was still in communicado with the ex-fiance. He & I were still texting and talking & I was still playing the role of his healer - a role that God had freed me from. Over time, whatever joy I'd felt from my miracle dissipated & I began to feel more and more anxious again - weak, lost, small & unquestionably broken. I realized that continuing to talk to my ex was keeping me in chains bound by the role I'd assigned myself in that relationship & since. I was talking to him out of weakness, out of my lack of faith that God would send me better people to talk to. It was faithlessness that led me to cling to the relationship which was done & over instead of reaching out toward the brilliant future God had in store for me. No, I did not understand what role Jesus played in my life but I did know that God loved me, I did know that the Holy Spirit had touched my person. The churchfolk called it an anointing & that was fine with me. God had come out of his way to kiss me & heal me & save me from my heartbreak & here I was clinging to the maker of all those old wounds. No! No, no, no! I knew I could not do this any longer. No matter how well-meaning my ex might have been, he had left me & he could not get to both keep me and leave me. That was impossible. I realized he could not have me. I needed me. God needed me. My future needed me. I was a prisoner who had been set free and was still tarrying inside the jail cell. No more. Today, I am free. I have told my ex I will not be returning his calls anymore. Already I feel a greater strength and peace. I expect purpose and joy will soon come too as I reach my hand out to God who has already been reaching out for me.

Moving to Vancouver. Realizing that I have no idea where life will be taking us. Feeling more open to the idea of having another baby. Sad to be away from major cultural centers, but feeling more connected to the options we have. I do not understand the people here.

I quit smoking (finally, after so many attempts) and I'm proud of that.

I broke someone's heart. She was beautiful and honestly quite amazing, but i couldn't see myself in her future, and I needed to work on myself. I've felt a lot of heartache, resentment of myself for hurting the both of us, and a lot of deep loneliness. I don't regret it, and I would do it again, because of the amount i've learned about myself and the time I've spent drowning in introspection.

My mother died. It was devastating. She was a greater part of my life after my Dad died in Feb 2007 and the my husband died in May 2007. Even though we lived apart my mom and I visited very often and traveled together several times a year. When she got sick I hated not being with her all the time but I traveled back and forth to Florida almost weekly. My mom could frustrate me at times but I love her her still so much. Now I have to try to learn to live without het.

We are remodeling our house and we moved into a rental! LIFE TURNED UPSIDE DOWN! I have mixed feelings about it. It feels surreal - so adult! And we are living in a great neighborhood that I love while the work is done. But the rental we are in is small and it's not that comfortable. But I do prefer the neighborhood so I simultaneously want to get back to our usual house and also never want to leave! It's odd.

I delivered twins a boy and a girl but our little boy didn’t survive. It has been a very emotional year . To try and celebrate the life of one and mourn the loss of another . I feel resentful for our loss but then also grateful for the life of my daughter .

1) Road trip down Pacific Coast to 18-day Metta/Insight meditation retreats. It left me feeling more grounded and at ease with myself and the world than I have ever felt and makes me want to do so longer retreats and more coastal camping. I feel hugely grateful and inspired and know that that level of happiness does wonders for my health. Smoothest and most relaxed start to a school year ever. 2) Buying a house! (Just under the wire to count for this year) Again, hugely grateful though a little unsettled right now with the combo of working on it and moving at what is often a challenging time of year. Taking the mild morning restlessness in stride. Witnessing it without fear. 3) SC being back in my life in what feels like a healthy and lasting way. Trying not to cling to or strive for a particular outcome. Just glad of him.

Corey and I almost bought a house in Bridgeport, PA. Thirteen days before Settlement, I was fired from my job with zero notice. So we ended up backing out of the house purchase. It felt like everything we had worked so hard for was all falling apart. But we had both been feeling like things were finally falling into place for us too easily in the months leading up to it. So I almost wasn’t that surprised. But things have felt like they’ve all fallen apart in my life before. And they were. Falling apart, that is. But then in hindsight I realized that it allowed other, better things to happen afterward. So that’s what we have to believe and that’s what’s getting me through this tough time right now. The belief that it’s all happening as it’s supposed to, and that things will end up even better on the other side of this trying time in our lives.

Losing my group of friends. It was painful but it made it clear who wanted to stand by me when things were tough and who didnt. I removed myself from a toxic situation and it's thanks to that that I've been able to change my life around. Playing sports, not drinking, making meaningful relationships that stem from positivity.

I left home. It is, to date, the hardest thing I've ever done. I don't know if I made the right decision - I know my parents are grieving my absence, but I have to balance that against the knowledge that I was suffering to stay, and nothing would have changed if I had just asked nicely. In some ways, leaving has made my life so much harder. I have faced food insecurity for the first time. I work long hours to make ends meet - I am always worried about having enough money. It has altered many of my other family relationships (some for better, some for worse). I feel so much guilt that I had to cause my parents to suffer just so that I could live without their manipulation, controlling behavior, and homophobia. I still don't know if my happiness is enough to justify it. But, on the other hand, I am thriving in ways I never dreamed possible. I am pursuing my master's degree in journalism (I got accepted to the program on the same day that I left home, which made for a real emotional roller coaster). I am much closer with my brothers and one of my cousins than I ever used to be. I cut my hair short, and I love the way I look. I am a better partner to my partner, a better friend to my friends, and I am so much bolder in my decisions now that there is no one standing by to say that I shouldn't be so bold.

I went to Israel and Germany. I was thankful for both opportunities and I was inspired to continue work in helping Jews of color as both experiences showed me how white Jews are not aware of the experiences of Jews of color

Wow. Going to the hospital for mania and psychosis definitely takes the cake. It has been a wild ride this year. At 43, I'm diagnosed bipolar. I've seen my highest high (well, at least as perceived through mania …) and my lowest low, being taken by the police and staying 8 days in the hospital. It felt like a nightmare! It has been 9 months now and I'm still processing it … learning to cope with new realities … trying to take care of my health. It has been a journey through what feels like the stages of grief … denial, blaming, bargaining, depression, and I'm still working on acceptance. I see things through a different lens than I did when it was happening, so I know I am making progress and growing. It's hard to say how I feel about it … I'm not sure I'd go so far as to say grateful, but I'm grateful for the opportunity to grow and learn because it couldn't have been any other way. I hope the bigger purpose continues to unfold as time goes on. I hope I learned the lessons I was meant to learn, because I don't want to have that experience again … once was sufficient! I am aware that it can happen again, and that is frightening … but I hope I continue to heal and stay healthy.

I went on a long trip overseas, by myself. I did it even though I was afraid and even though I didn't have to, because I could make it happen. I did it because I wanted to, and I'd wanted to for a long time. I'd let people stop me, and I'd let fear stop me, but I was done being small. I want to always remember sitting with my sisters to watch the sunset across the savannah, the woman in the market who said she loved the quality of my voice, shouting down the ocean as far from home as I'd ever been, my dear friend's arm around my shoulder in the brousse, the pride in that woman's face when we met on top of a mountain, the birds and flowers where the oceans met, the boat where the continents met, the weekend when I set foot on four continents. I had been so rigid and motionless for years, and the new freedom of that year was released on that trip in a burst of energy like maybe I've never had before.

One of the most influential things that happened to me is moving in early to my freshman year at college for a program through Hillel. Freshfest reconnected me to a culture that I thought I had lost and introduced me to some of the best friends I've met in the past month since moving 300 miles away. I am incredibly thankful and just astounded every day by the impact this program has had on my life. It has given me a family and connection to my history in a way I have never known before. I go to services bimonthly and shabbat dinner every single week, I've worn a kippah and tefillin for the first time as I've been accepted as a man into a jewish space - something I never thought would happen. When I transitioned from female to male I accepted the fact that I would be sacrificing my jewish community, but three years later I'm finally back home with my brothers and sisters.

I completed 14 months of intensive phobia therapy treatments this July! The treatments were challenging, even traumatic at times (thanks to a therapist who eventually suggested I get a second opinion), and the therapy took much longer than I anticipated. However, after 36 years of fearing a certain animal (and fearing how I would be ridiculed if others discovered my fear), I can proudly say that I am able to successfully tolerate the feelings of anxiety and disgust that surface when faced with the animal or when in an environment where the animal may exist. I am grateful to God for equipping me with the courage to face this lifelong fear, for connecting me with a thoughtful and effective therapist, for providing me with the discretionary funds to pay for the treatment, and for blessing me with friends and family who cheered me on during the most terrifying parts of the journey. Completing this therapy was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, and I am so proud of myself for achieving this seemingly impossible goal!

I suppose all of the significant experiences have happened in the subtleties. Am I living this counter-culture life? The one I set out to explore twenty years ago as part of an independent study course in art. Over the past few years, I haven’t lived up to the standards of mainstream culture or society. Allowing myself to be, I haven’t had to do much aside from follow intuitive guidance. Yoga and meditation. Everything falls into place. Not afraid to live. Not afraid to die. Yet sometimes, I long for home.

Probably finishing my undergraduate degree last May 2019. The whole year leading up to that moment have been so stressful, frustrating, and only a bit fulfilling — not gonna lie. I know my thesis wasn’t the best it could be, but honestly just so thankful I got it over with and I am so relieved to be in this part of life where I can grow at my own pace, without as much pressure as school has put on to me.

Mary caking to ask me to be a District Deputy absolutely blew me away. I was so immediately humbled to think that she thought that much of me. What a tremendous opportunity. I know my Mom would be so proud.

I guess the most significant experience was getting up on stage and singing in front of an audience. I did it last year, but had other stuff that pushed that down a bit in the queue. It scared, frustrated, discouraged, and inspired me. Scared, because I was afraid I'd make a complete fool of myself. Frustrated and discouraged because it showed me once again how little I know about music, and how my habits make it hard to progress. Inspired, because I saw how much I'd changed since last year, despite feeling like I wasn't getting anywhere, and excited to think I can keep growing. Also, having to answer this question, and struggling to come up with a significant experience makes me question whether I'm not seeing events in my life in an objective way, or do I avoid doing anything that might get me 'out of my comfort zone'.

I had my 5th hip dislocation Oct 24th and I got stem cells beginning of November. Before the stem cells I had been in pain every day, since them, I am 80% pain-free and when I am in pain, it goes away within a day. I have been grateful every day since November for the stem cells. Nolan offered them to me for half price and Diana and Joe paid for them, everything about it was a wonderful gift and I am very, very grateful.

My 88-year-old father fell in his bathroom and we didn't find him until over 12 hours later. He suffered a concussion, but no broken bones. He was so delirious at the ER that we thought for sure his days of living independently were over. We found out that he had stage 3 kidney disease, COPD and possibly congestive heart failure. His spine and shoulders are all bone-on-bone. But after 10 days in the hospital and a week in rehab, he was back home and has made quite a recovery. He stopped driving and now uses a walker or cane. But he refuses to have anyone live with him and has become an expert at lying about his health. We all check in on him more regularly and help him with shopping, errands, bills, etc. Our goal is to keep him living as safely and independently as possible. I am both grateful and relieved that he is still with us and hope I'll be able to say the same next year.

I suppose epiphany is the right word. In an extended season of working more than I ought to I found myself digging in on the idea of fully being a creative and a songwriter. I have some skill in those areas and have made that part of my livelihood for much of the last 15+ years. So there I was, digging in hard. Putting the proverbial eggs in the basket and I hit a pretty major roadblock. I realized my boss and my organization weren’t really on board with it. I was spending significant time, energy, and relational capital trying to live into this identity. So, you can imagine the roadblock caused a fair amount of consternation on my part. Now this particular experience was within the context of a growing sense of frustration with myself, my organization, our culture, etc. So I began to look a little deeper at myself. I began to examine my motives, my history, my skills, and passions. I researched and found notes upon notes upon notes I had written to myself over the last decade or so. (Roughly 28,000 words worth of notes) I began to see a pattern. You see, I really am a creative. I really am musical and a worship leader. Those are legitimate components of what I believe is my calling. The trick, you see, is that while they are legitimate components of my calling, they are not, as it turns out, the comprehensive, exhaustive definition of my calling. The truth is, I’ve been over-identifying with those components out of a need for safety and a desire for control. And without this roadblock, I’m not sure how long it would’ve taken me to be honest with myself about that. So I’ve been exploring more about what it means to be called, to have a vocation, to walk in the fullness of my God-given gifting and identity. As I’ve done that I’ve figured out some things as well as unlocked new and different questions. I’ve figured out some of my core insecurities. I’ve been able to identify some longer-term goals for myself. I’ve been able to study who I am, who God made me to be, and how to not only live more fully into that, but to do so in the comfort of my own skin. I haven’t arrived yet. I’m still working out many of the details. I have hurdles to overcome yet. But there is a new freedom, I’m finding a new comfort with simply being myself and not trying to impress anyone. And I’m finding myself seen and heard in ways that have been rare the last several years. Again, I have significant work yet to do on all of this—BUT — if this last season is any indication I’m legitimately excited about what is next (and a little terrified). I’m hopeful, inspired, and have what I think is a really healthy sense of (fear isn’t the right word) maybe the right word is weightiness. There is this mix of weight and levity that is difficult to describe aptly. The levity is found I found in the freedom of being simply who I am. The weightiness is found in the desire to make it count, to do it well, because there is a sense that doing so can impact others positively. And the truth is, we only have so many spins around the sun. So I want to make those revolutions count. I want to be found faithful in walking out my calling and in serving those to whom God has called me. I’m excited to see where I am a year from now as I look back on this season, and even this question. I have a feeling 2020 is going to be a big year for me.

Well, I got engaged AND pregnant - how 'bout them apples? Talk about significant! But the funny thing is this - I actually DON'T feel like they're significant in some ways, because they seem like the perfect next steps for this stage of my life. I am excited to marry Ty, and I can't wait to become a parent with him. Funny though - everyone keeps saying how I'm "doing it all" right now and while yeah, it feels like there's a lot going on, I don't feel overwhelmed by it at all - quite the opposite, really. I feel in control, energised, and organised about it - so I suppose that's a good thing. I can imagine next year after baby Lou is here, it will feel a lot more "significant" than it does now!

A year ago yesterday, my mother died. It wasn't unexpected; she'd been disappearing from herself for years due to a series of strokes, her mind fragmenting and dissipating slowly but inexorably. My sister couldn't keep her at home any longer, so mom went to a home, and after that it was only a matter of time. When I think of her being gone, and I think of it almost every day now, I don't have a good grasp of what it means. I loved my mother, and I know she loved me, but we lived half a continent apart for most of my adult life, and spoke infrequently. She was a Presence, but she wasn't often present, if that makes any sense at all. My mother was a staunch Catholic, and tried very hard to live as she believed Jesus would have asked her to live: with charity, and kindness, and love, and as much generosity as possible. She wasn't always successful, but many, many people missed her when she got sick, and many more missed her when she died. I hope her idea of heaven comforted her in whatever way it could. I don't believe in an afterlife, so I know that my mother is gone, and all I have left is the memory of our time together. And whatever else, I am grateful for those memories.

I wrote and released my first ebook! It didn't change my life by any means, but it brought me a great deal of pride and satisfaction. Not only that, but it was a great learning experience for the other projects that we want to get off the ground over the next few years!

I worked through months of therapy to get past some fears and anxieties of my first serious relationship to try to work on a current 'relationship'-- but the current relationship is with someone who is unsure of their commitment to me. I'm grateful that this person is someone wonderful enough to inspire my willingness to work these things, but also anxious in the lack of security of the situation, and slightly sad that they just might not be into me in the way I'd like.

We took a road trip from home, in London, to Croatia. Ten countries in two weeks and I truly don't think I fully appreciated it until we got home. It's one of the best things I've ever done. Oh, and how I underestimated how much I would love Slovenia, or Italy. I left a little piece of my heart in lots of different places this spring.

I have allowed myself to truly just “exist,” in the moment and day-to-day living without an agenda. I didn’t push myself to get things completed - other than remaining on schedule for the people I booked my house to via Airbnb and VRBO. I took care of what needed to be tended to and noticed the “moments,” as they were taking place - movies with my mother, a day out shopping, spa days, day and weekend trips, etc. I understand that these might be the only ones I will have to recall in my not so distant future. I would call this experience one of truly being mindful and allowing “all that is,” to unfold. I am EXTREMELY grateful, relieved and inspired that I’ve had this time in life. It’s like I got to hit the pause button on the craziness that “was” my life in the previous year. I got to FEEL all of the emotions. Good, bad and ugly. And there were plenty of each. Some days were just downright awful. And some were so amazing and full of “awe.” I did a lot of self inquiry. I explored and tried lots of new and different things. I would say this whole year of living DIFFERENTLY, but on purpose has been “a significant experience.” I am fortunate to have this opportunity. Also, what makes this so significant is...I’m going my own way and doing my own thing - not letting the fear creep in too much - allowing it to force me into the pre-fabricated ways of living and being. It would be such an automated response to rely upon what I know, and do the same old thing when it comes to living within the confines of society - and I am making a concerted effort to not operate on auto-pilot, and to look for new/creative ways to exist.

I moved into my first rental home away from my family. The overall experience was/has been/continues to be positive. I get to cook my own food, which makes me feel like a real adult and gives me a really positive sense of control over my life. It's also stressful, but in almost a good way, because I get to have all these independent living experiences I haven't had before. Navigating roommate relationships is tricky and asking for what you need is hard. I'm trying to use this living situation as a chance to get better at controlling my need to take care of everyone around me and to let people know when I need to be taken care of. I guess, overall, moving has made me more independent and confident and has given me a chance to reflect on my behaviors. I am grateful for the experience - for the growing I have done, for the growth I have left to do. I'm excited to be stepping into this new year with a sense of stability in my living situation and life routine.

Raising my son to be a healthy, happy, hilarious little guy. I am exhausted and proud and grateful. Every day he teaches me to be patient and joyful.

I had a knee injury and then surgery off work for a long time...grateful I had great surgeon, worked on my business Defy Time Aesthetics

I helped a friend leave an abusive relationship. It felt good at first until she lost her kids to adoption and her ex husband now has nothing stopping him going near her. The case against him is ongoing, but the police won't or can't do something to bar him from going near her. He has been stalking her, as he turned up at her new church one week which completely freaked her out. Now I feel like I wrecked her family instead of helping her.

I had a baby in May. Moira was born on the 9th of May after a quick and slightly scary labor. I've learned that I'm far more patient than I thought I could be as well that I can survive on much less sleep than I once thought I could. Skye and I have had some difficulties figuring out how to arrange our lives, but as of writing this, were living in Copenhagen and making things work pretty well. I think we made the right decision, even if I wish I could take a day off sometimes.

I went out to the desert in search of meaning, and I found it. I was at a low ebb, and needed to get away. I escaped to Death Valley, and for the first time in a long time, felt the presence of something far bigger than the mundane world I lived in my day-to-day. It made me feel small in the very best way - that none of what was happening to me was going to last or was of any real consequence at all. In the aftermath of such an experience, I was grateful. I returned from that trip temporarily healed and whole, and it gave me the clarity and courage to make some hard decisions that led to lasting change. It showed me a way forward from the old way my life had been going.

My significant experience was finally addressing some old patterns that unknowingly have influenced my life. I have found therapists who were able to meet me and expand my range. A new place I can live from. I am grateful to have met these human beings, which on one hand allowed me to reconnect with the hope and goodness that lives in all of us. Also, I feel more skillful and light in the way I approach certain situations in life. I'm inspired to integrate their wisdom into my being, my work, my relationships.

In November, I sat the Canadian architectural registration exams. It was a brutal, exhausting, and depressing experience. I was relieved to have them over with but definitely resentful about the quality of the process. I was the opposite of inspired and was felt even more cynical about the architectural profession in this country than ever.

I was overall very good at cutting toxic people out of my life, even if maybe not at the right time but at least it was done at last and before they could affect my life further. Maybe this doesn’t seem significant, but it has been really good for my self-esteem and overall well-being.

The majority of this year wasn't all that good. I was still reeling from the pain of the breakup from last year. I experienced anxiety and depression symptoms that were completely foreign to me. Eventually, with the help of friends, meditation, exercise, therapy, and finally the addition of prescribed medication (5 mg of Lexapro), I can finally say that I have reached the light at the end of the tunnel and feel the most "me" that I have in a long time. Plenty of work to be done. But I am really glad that things are starting to feel better. Here's to a new year and to continued self improvement.

In the past months I have been trying to get pregnant with the remaining eggs from my IVF. I have lost the first 2 which felt a bit like miscarriage. I am grateful for what I have now and I trust that everything will come at the right time.

Being forced to deal with my student loans. Even though the end is a long way off I am so glad that something is finally getting done about this.

I have had 3 major life experiences and can't choose just one. A close friend committed suicide, I failed the bar, and my father-in-law passed away. These experiences have rocked my world. Similar to 15 years ago when my parents died and I got divorced. So much loss at once. Similar to last time, I'm taking anxiety medication and can't sleep at night without pills. I can fall asleep for a few hours after a minfulness meditation but don't stay asleep. Those are all negative. When I think positive, I think about switching my career. I love, love, love not being in charge anymore. Just wish I made more money!!! Hopefully that will come after I pass the bar!! Which better be before Kim K! Haha!!

I got a dog and then a cat. I then gave the cat away and felt terrible for doing that. I gave the cat away because she worried me and also because she shed so much hair. I kept the dog and he makes me laugh but he is also very needy and I sometimes think about giving him away too. I am greatful for the Dog and still feel bad about the cat.

Visiting my Dad in England who was seriously ill and possibly dying. I made sure I said Goodbye and told him I love him. I recalled some childhood memories. Thinking about my own death, I don’t want to be alone or in pain or discomfort. I’m anxious about Dementia so want to learn about it so have started some online courses.

Baby Eilidh arrived! She is sweetness and light and a beautiful girl who brings happiness to all the family

We lost one of our beloved dogs. He died a few months ago. He was 12 years old and had heart disease. We loved him so much. We are all so sad, he was the sweetest boy and at the center of our hearts. My sister and I spent more time with our half sister and her family, getting closer, and we met a new relative of here also. A good experience.

Selling the leamington house and saying goodbye fully to that season of my life. Buying and moving into Whetstone, getting real independence and living with friends again. Hugely grateful to friends/family who helped in both moving experiences, and to god for providing at every corner. Inspired to make the space my own and to really plant roots for the first time.

Meeting my partner. Falling in love for the first time in years, having faith in love and understanding what it means to feel happy in a relationship. Feeling incredibly lucky to have such an incredible person in my life.

I proposed to Marta on July the 23rd, on a surprise trip to Nice, France. I had been planning it for 6 months and so many things did not go according to plan along the way, but it turned out perfect because of all of the mishaps, they made a great story to tell. I am so happy that I worked so hard to make a grand romantic gesture for that moment, to make it something unique and special for just us. As a queer person with an estranged abusive family, I have worked hard for a long time to be independent, to teach myself to allow myself kindness and happiness, and this moment made me feel like I was entering a new stage of my life, where I will be part of a family of two, and we can make our own traditions and stories as we go. I am so grateful to have found Marta who is so kind, funny, and patient. She is always forgiving and silly, and she makes me so happy even though our life together is not out of a rom com, but has its ups and downs and boring days, but knowing that we have (and will) promise to see those days through together has made me feel more secure and safe in my place on earth.

I changed jobs in the last year. Everything is very different and it’s been a very big adjustment. No commute to an hour+. NYC company to Midwest one. Regimented deadlines to constantly moving ones,m. And more. It’s not bad, all of these changes, but the adjustment is big. I am 9 months in and I’m still getting used to some of those changes.

I am so grateful for the experience of changing jobs. This increased our faith and trust in God's generous provision.

My partner's business closed after 15 years. This means he is no longer tied to the restaurant and is free to live a different life. I feel excited about the future, and the adventure that is to come. A bit nervous too.

There are two significant experiences. From totally opposite ends of the spectrum. In December I was raped and it basically ruined me. Most of 5779 was spent recovering from that event. In my worst moments I was miserable, distraught, and had suicidal thoughts. I felt like the world was against me and I just couldn't catch a break. Just before Pesach I found out my case wasn't going to make it to trial and that my rapist would walk free. I had a major meltdown and things couldn't get any worse, so I could only recover and rebuild and pick up the pieces of my life. But, having gone through that experience I know that I am insanely resilient. I am so proud of how I responded and that I reported him to the police. Even when things got difficult with the legal process and despite becoming disheartened by the justice system, I persisted. I never backed down. I tried to find meaning in the event, and I focused on principles of tikkun olam; how would I make something good of this awful experience? I'm still working that out, but I do believe from this something good can come. The other event could not have been better. It has brought me so much joy and fulfilment. On 17 Elul 5779 I finished my conversion to Judaism. I will never forget the excitement and happiness I felt when when I was about to immerse myself in the mikvah for the third time; knowing that when I came out that I would be Jewish. It's been a long time coming, but I really only understand the enormity of the undertaking now. Before the tevilah, my rabbi suggested that I could use the opportunity to also cleanse and rid myself of the above mentioned experience from December.... To have a total new beginning. I feel at peace right now.

Separating from my husband was definitely the most significant experience of my past year. It was hard to get to this point after all that has happened and I put up with to fight for our relationship / marriage. Going through with it was even harder. There were so many emotions and there still are. My mother said the other day to me "You are now only starting to get back to yourself again" and I think she is right. I still feel quite broken down and just re-building myself one day at the time. Some days are great. Some days are fun. Some days I truly live my best life. Some days all I want is to hide away. To not have to go through this. Some days I even wish I could go back to just not have to go through this. So, how does it affect me? It made me stronger and softer at the same time. It broke me down but I am re-building myself.

I turned 50. I’m grateful and I loved my trip away to Europe. I’m a little more worried about my health these days though which is weird

חוויה משמעותית בשבילי הייתה החוויה בה סיפרתי לקבוצה בואדי ראם את הבעיות אכילה שלי. אני מרגישה שזה היה אחד מאבני דרך לשים לתהליך התמודדות ארוך אותו אני בחרתי להתבונן באומץ עליו. ובתהליך הזה הכי עוד לפני, כמו לספר לאמא כמה זה מטריד אותי, ללכת לפסיכולוגית ולהתמקד בזה, לספר לחברות שזה מטריד אותי ברמה שלא נעים לי איתה כבר שנים, להתחיל ללכת בלי חזייה בים, להתבונן במחשבות שלי כשהן עולות, לנסות לא לשנות אותן אלא פשוט להיות איתן, לספר לשרון במהלך הקשר שלנו כשעולות לי המחשבות, שעכשיו אני עצבנית כי אני עצבנית על עצמי ועוד ועוד. אני מרגישה שברגע הזה בקבוצה היה כל כך משמעותי בתהליך כי זה היה סימן לזה שאני לא יודע קוברת את זה בנבכי הנפש שלי אלא מוציאה את זה לעולם, וככה מתמודדת עם זה יותר בעצמי. להוציא את הבושה מזה, ולגלות שהיא עוד נוכחת גם כאשר אני מספרת את זה .. ועדיין להיות עם זה. לא להדחיק את זה כבר ולתת לזה לאכול אותי בתוכי. תהליך של יציאה מהארון. ההסכמה להיות פגיעה, שיראו לי את הפצעים הכי כואבים ולאפשר לעצמי לחבק אותם. אני כל כך גאה וץבעצמי על הרגעים האלה. אני באמת מרגישה שהם היוו שיחרור עצום מבושה של שנים על עצם זה שיש לי את המחשבות הטורדניות הללו, עוד לפני אפילו ההתמודדות עם התכנים המציקים שלהם . ואני עדיין בתהליך שימשיך כנראה כל החיים שלי. אני שמחה שהשנה זה היה הצעד הכי משמעותי שלקחתי ההתמודדות עם זה מאז גיל 14. תמיד יש מקום לשינוי וטרנספורמציה... אירוע משמעותי נוסף שאני רוצה לציין לעצמי בקצרה זה השיחה עם אבא. אני מרגישה שגם אחרי שנים של תקיעות ביחסים תחושות קשות והרבה עצב פשוט סביב היחסים עם אבא עשינו שיחה פתוחה כמה שאפשר שבה ביטאתי את הכאב שלי. הרבה היה גם אחרי שאמא אמרה משהו על זה... והאםשרות לדבר. וכמה שזה לא צריך לחכות לתנאים המושלמים, או להגיד את הכל , או להיות מוכנים, אלא לבוא עם כל החשש וחוזר הבטחון ולהגיד. זו הייתה אנחת רווחה של שנים של הסתגרות שאני מרגישה שנפרמו אחרי השיחה עם אבא.. .בכלל אני שמה לב שבא לי לציין את האירוע המשמעותי שזה היה ההופעה שהלכנו יחדיו. וזה היה כל כך מדהים שפעם ראשונה הייתה לנו יציאה ארוכה שהייתה כל כך כייפית ונעימה ופשוט שיחה. וכמה שזה לא היה פשוט עם כל המשקעים מתחת לפני... ואני רוצה לחגוג את היציאה הזו שלנו. אני רואה עכשיו גם שהשנה התחילה עם הרבה מאוד כאב סביב היחסים ים אבא ומסתיימת בהמון מלאות והערכה לנו ולשינוי האפשרי, בחיבור ובתקווה לעתיד

My significant experience was life in Berlin for 6 months. Truly experiencing life in such a different city from the one I was used to. I feel inspired, grateful, confident as well as more aware of the fact I'm the only person in the world who gets to choose what will my life look like and how will I live it. I deepened my relationship with Spaso, whom I truly and utterly love and adore. I also became a vegan which was a culmination of my desires, feelings and intuition.

Visiting with Piero & understanding a life long passion for perfection his values & passion

I am going to describe two experiences that both happened in March 2019 while I was at AMIGOS Senior Staff Training in Houston. I talked to Nik outside of the taco restaurant our group was at, sitting on the curb in the parking lot. It was the second anniversary of her mom’s death and she was reflecting on it and feeling sad. I wanted to be with her so badly. She told me she was going to stay at the Claremont for the evening, which had become her own tradition. I decided to send her flowers - specifically her favorite, gardenias. I ordered them from Ashby flowers and dictated a card. I think it meant a lot to her. It meant a lot to me too. And now we have another tradition to celebrate our friendship and her mom. That same week, while we were at Cho-Yeh out in the forest, I found out that Wali tried to commit suicide. I was really upset and felt like I didn’t have anyone to talk to about it. I didn’t want to share it with a lot of people because it was his business and I didn’t want to spread that around. He was later diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and released from the hospital. I saw him a few months later and talked about it. I tried to be supportive and check in on him a lot. Over the summer, he wrote me something about having sexual feelings for me. I was really upset. I felt like maybe our whole friendship was just a sham and all he cared about was sleeping with me. I tried to diplomatically talk to him about it. It didn’t go well. I haven’t really been in touch with him since. Earlier this month, I was in a mental health training for work and we talked a lot about bipolar disorder and suicidal tendencies. I had to leave the room during part of it. I didn’t want anyone to see me cry. I felt worried for Wali all over again and that I had been harsh and insensitive. I want to write him a letter, but I haven’t done it yet because I don’t know what to say. I hope I have written him by next Rosh Hashanah.

A significant experience that has happened to me in the past year was getting my first job over the summer. I have worked with my dad growing up in his flower shop in Quincy but did not have many responsibilities or any rewards other than getting taken out to lunch afterwards. My dad taught me many skills that I took over into my new job like discipline and responsibility. As I started working at an ice cream shop in Kingston, I knew this would be a great summer job to make money and have some fun. I usually worked four days a week which was perfect to have fun outside of work and enjoy my summer. three out of those four days I either worked the 11-4 shift or the 4-9 shift serving ice cream to customers. The night shifts were the best because I would make so much in tips alone. The other task or day I worked other than serving ice cream was cleaning the machines. I would clean the machines and handle other jobs within the shop with my boss every Tuesday morning from 6-12 for the whole summer. This whole experience definitely helped me grow as an individual while having a great summer. Through working at the ice cream shop, I was further taught discipline and responsibility in a different way that I will carry with the rest of my life. I'm grateful for this experience to teach me lessons I will take with me to college and to my future jobs. I grew as an individual by talking to costumers and making relationships I would not expect having and keeping the whole summer. This constant interaction made the job so much better because I was looking forward to seeing those customers and talking to them about their week or day. On Tuesdays, we had a routine for cleaning the ice cream machines which taught me discipline to always finish something I start. Moreover, I was taught to always put your max effort and if you are not going to give 100%, you should not do it at all. Although I do not plan on working at the ice cream store the rest of my life, this experience was significant to me because I was given real responsibility and felt needed and appreciated for my work. I plan on working shifts when I'm home for the summers in college at the store to further grow.

In this past year I have seen and been through a lot. I have been grateful for my friends and family. In so many ways. This past year I got into IDC and then also left IDC, I’ve been to Spain and had my wallet stolen and also my peace of mind with it. I have ended a relationship that I was in for too long only with the support of my friends and family. I have also began to grow new friendships and relationships.

Our retirement(s) and move to Poughkeepsie was significant and then some. I'm seeing myself and the remainder of my life differently. Yes, I'm hugely grateful that it's over and we're mostly settled. But every day I'm noticing new things about myself, my husband, my house, my neighborhood, and the people I'm meeting. Every day a revelation.

This past year I embarked on the process of conversion to Judaism. Having intellectual conversations about charity and faith and history helped to fill me, and led me to podcasts and books that helped to sharpen my focus on my path to Judaism and lead me to a place where I am feeling a part of the Jewish community. On Sept 6,2019 at the beginning of Elul, my daughter and I entered the Mikveh together and became Jewish. This has been the most significant experience of the last year.

Shortly after 10Q last year, my girlfriend and I split up. My daughter and I had to find a new place to live...again. I set this year up to be very supportive. I planned lots of vacations, spent a lot of time outdoors, and with friends. It has been an incredible year and when I received my answers from last year it was hard to see just how sad I was.

I completed another year at work and got another year older! Been feeling real well. Finally made decision to have a procedure done in near future. Feel both relieved and apprehensive. Grateful for another year of sobriety.

My grandmother died. She was 100 years old and she was the glue that held our family together. I grieved more than I expected to and felt our closeness more than I ever have. But it was beautiful to watch someone die of old age rather than disease (my parents), to complete the life cycle.

I went on a trip with my mom and she almost drowned in the lagoon we swam in. I am extremely grateful and relieved that she is okay and that I was able to help!

Our family trip to Ireland was *fantastic*! I so deeply enjoyed it. I loved the adventure, I loved the gorgeous views and time in nature, I loved getting three weeks away from "regular" life, I loved very much the bonding time for our family, I loved seeing my kids and husband have such a good time and especially seeing the kids' worldviews expand. I felt so grateful that we could afford it and proud for how hard we worked to save the money to do it. I loved planning it and having a balanced plan that had structure but lots of open space to allow the trip to organically unfold. It was just wonderful all around!! It affected me by reinforcing my love of travel and my love of Ireland, which will continue to shape future plans.

In the past year, I finished my service as an AmeriCorps VISTA Leader. That was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I LOVE all of the people who served on my team, but I was horrified by how much workplace harassment happens within a university. I still feel deeply resentful toward the department for that. On the other hand, I finished my first full year of grad school! I learned to better cope with my mental illness, got a 4.0 for my first three semesters, and found a career path that I love. I'm very grateful for that, and I'm excited to see what this year brings.

I am grateful for great friends and family that support my decision to go back to school. My goal is to be done with school and attend more community events with my family.

The event that has been most significant in the past year is not receiving a promotion at work, seeing it go to somebody else. My response for the first few months was overwhelmingly negative, mostly anger and frustration. I have worked incredibly hard, I know my own value, and I know that I can be an effective lead. My boss does not see it that way. As part of my annual exam with my doc, he realized that I was under tremendous stress and pressure. He prescribed an anti-anxiety medication. In addition, I'm getting older - I'm 51 right now. The combination of the meds and aging have helped to mellow me out. After a few weeks of being angry, I simply chose to settle into a routine of doing my own work, doing it effectively and efficiently to the best of my ability, and choosing to prove my worth only to myself. I don't owe any more than that to anybody. In hindsight, I'd say I'm probably grateful that things have gone the way they have. I have had the opportunity to work more closely with my boss over the past 6 months. Through this, she has become more familiar with my work, my processes and even me as a person. I don't think I'd have had the same opportunities from a lead position. Will there be more disappointment in my future? I'm thinking that there will. When the time comes, I need to remember that I control me, I make my own choices and I don't owe anybody anything. I can decide to stay and do the work that I am good at, or I can decide to move on. There is relief in that knowledge.

I turned 30. I guess it's not much of an "experience" in itself, but it's weird to be an age now where things genuinely seem to have changed. A lot of experiences have spiraled out from that. I see my body as more of a thing I have to take care of, I view my hobbies through a different lens, I feel as if it's time to start building a life for myself, but I feel woefully unequipped. In a way it's inspired me to live more as myself. I've started looking at my sexuality with more curiosity, I've been reading more, having more meaningful discussions with the people I care about.

I started going to therapy. I am so grateful for this experience. I have been holding off for years because of my shame. Now I cannot imagine NOT going. I am more compassionate towards myself and am working on healing parts of me that have been wounded (unconsciously) as a result of my upbringing.

In the past year I quit my teaching job. This decision has filled me with a mix of fear, guilt, and also some relief. Some days I feel excited about what my life could eventually be like compared to what it was like before.

Asa. So grateful... to have the experience of parenthood without being a parent, to love and live with a being so joyful, to know self and Milan and the us-ness of our relationship in a whole new way, to know love in a whole new way... grateful for him in the world and in our life.

My fiance left me in July because what I could give wasn't enough for him. I was, am, many things. I am heartbroken. I am saddened. I am relieved. I am free. I am alone. I am adrift. I am... I am figuring it out one day at a time.

Got to be in a full scale foreign language opera, Bizet's Carmen. It was quite a fun experience to be in the chorus and get to act and sing with the fantastic principals. Inspired to do more.

Losing my mom was by far and away the most difficult and significant experience of the last year. I cared for her from January to April and it was a profound stressor and, at times, gift. I was able to share my home with her and attend to her needs during her last days, which is what I felt was right and wanted to do. I am so grateful my brothers were by my side and walked with me through this experience. I wouldn't have been able to do it without their support and, I think, it drew us closer, which is an incredible gift out of the grief and trauma of losing a mother at such a young age. The entire experience has made me deeply consider what makes a home. When my mom died, it felt like a sort of psychological anchor let go and I was left unmoored and floating, but not in an adventurous way. I have always been the one to leave. This was the opposite and it makes me feel very scared and small. We are also in the process of selling the house I grew up in, which is another anchor letting go. Now, at 29, I am responsible for making my own home, being my own guide and safe haven. I suppose I am fully an adult now. I wish I didn't feel so afraid of that.

For 54 days, I believed that my cancer had recurred. In the whirlwind caused by that (mis)diagnosis, I had to choose where and when to pursue treatment. I also chose to spend cocooned time with the two people who are most important to me. For our 25th anniversary, I took my wife on a vacation to a meaningful place she and I had always wanted to visit together someday. With my daughter, I did the backpacking trip to a destination that had been too much trouble to experience for all of her childhood--I spent my birthday listening to wolf pups howl beside the child who has now left for college. I'm grateful it was a fire drill. I'm relieved that I was able to get to the right experts to learn that the test was a false positive. I'm also furious that a patient with fewer resources in money, time and networked expertise would have undergone unnecessary surgery with the same set of symptoms. In the coming year, along with supporting my wife in her new business and my daughter in launching, I need to tell more Americans this story that reflects the flaws in our unique system of funding and practicing medicine.

I lost my 18-year-old cat, Bode, this summer. It broke my heart. He was sweet and gentle in an often rambunctious household. Every day something happens that draws me back into that hole in my heart. Although I have lost most of my family, his death has affected me in a different way. It has reminded me of the power of gentle kindness offered without asking. I find myself being more aware of the opportunities I have to be kind. I have also become more aware of when kindness is not present. Kindness can be learned.

The most significant events this past year were my mom’s battle with cancer, my relapse after 17 years clean, and the circling of the drain and painful end of my toxic relationship with Joshuwa. At this point, I simply accept the events. Resentment won’t get me anywhere. I wish I had made better choices, but I’m grateful to be where I am. My mom still has cancer, but I take her for her scans this Wednesday. My prayer is that there is no growth in her cancer or, by some miracle (which I believe in), shrinkage. I love my mom and the relationship we have now soooo much. My relapse was a stupid momentary choice following lots of little choices to participate in addictive behaviors. I made it back to recovery, and I’m more watchful now that I had been. I have a better relationship with God/Source now than I have in a long time. My relationship with Joshuwa was toxic and crazy-making. He has a very broken man who did awful, sick things in our relationship. I am sad that he wasn’t a better man, but I forgive him for that as well. One important experience in my life that has been a HUGE positive is my Selfistry work with Sarah Marshank. She is a gift in my life as is her body of work. Source clearly led me to her, and she continues to be a blessing. I can’t wait to go back to Mar de Jade with her!! 💕 I am grateful for my life today, and I am careful about who I bring into it.

I started a new job at the Museum of History, bought a house, went to Africa, and then my relationship ended. I felt sad, exhausted, confused, and ready for joy. My sadness lasted too long. I hope. That is all I can hold for myself. Hope.

Dad died. We didn't him to go when he did. He cracked his pelvis and could have recovered but his dementia wouldn't let him understand the pain or what was required; so he quit eating or drinking. He went very fast. He had made it clear in advance directives that he did not want IV's so we didn't give him those. The nursing home did not argue or guilt us at all. The brother's agreed to respect what he had wanted even though we had powers of attorney to change it. It's been six months just a few days ago. I hadn't really thought about this until just now. It's kind of a jolt instead of just the facts it has been. Dad was really mean to me the last 1.5 years of his life. Occasionally when he was lucid he would apologize and be nice but mostly he was hateful. So different than what he was when he was himself. Its time to close probate and do the final distribution. To close that part. We got together as a family to put the brass flag on their marker when Dad's dates finally arrived. Mom and Dad are still with us all the time. Still not really used to the idea that they are dead, not just in another location.

In early April of 2019 I told my husband that I needed to divorce him. I thought that we could work out a separation over time, but he said I didn't "get" to set the perimeters of my exit, and told me that he didn't want to see my face. When I left the house the next day I took enough clothes with me to last a few days. I didn't know where I would sleep. I still needed to show up to work and do my job each day. Our marriage lasted 32 years--painful, hard-working years, for me. I'm grateful to be done with this harmful relationship. I'm relieved to have my life back. I'm inspired to move into the unknown with emptiness and love.

My journey with L through residential treatment—though she can’t see that I did go through it as much as she did. Just differently. At home. Alone. Not knowing if it was the right thing. Not knowing what else to do. I’m relieved and grateful to be on the other side. Because I can see she is happier and stronger.

Buying our house. The whole process was a significant experience - the despair, the hope, the exhilaration. On one level, mostly I'm exhausted - that was a LOT of emotional work and not a lot of down time or processing help. On another, I'm nervous and excited - we've been living in our new house for a month already, and learning all of the things one learns in their first year of homeownership. (The weird sounds the house makes at night. What those leafy plants are in the flower bed. The best way to access the roof. And so on.) And at the same time, I'm amazed at the Grace and Grateful for the way our luck played out - this really is one of the best houses we looked at and we're both happy with it.

I received the worst review I have ever had at work. Rather than receiving direction or coaching, I was told that my client-relationship skills were lacking. This feedback was crushing because it was given to me 3 months later than it should have been. It affected my confidence and increased my self-doubt, which ultimately lead to being resentful for the past 6 months. I have still not received additional feedback or coaching, which has forced me to question EVERYTHING I do and say. Have I improved? Am I still in the same place? Will I receive the same feedback in my next review.

Dad died on August 16th. I’ve been thinking about him a lot and finding it easier to love him in death than in life. Loss is helping to filter out the frustrating and painful parts of our relationship. I’m appreciating his great energy and enthusiasm as a parent, his sense of fun and adventure, and his devotion to family. I miss him.

My dad said "fuck you" to me when I was complaining at dinner about his drunk behavior. I didn't cry, I wasn't that shocked. I don't know if his behavior is actually worse than this time last year, or if I have less patience for it all.

Going to Colorado was kind of life-changing. It was so beautiful. It helped me kind of shift my focus from myself onto God and his beautiful creation and the bigger picture. I'm so thankful and grateful for life and breath.

I realized how much I was prioritizing people who were not prioritizing me and have been taking steps to take back that control. I have faded out a few friendships and put more time into others and feel like I've cultivated a friend group with an even balance of power.

I stopped wearing my wedding ring. My husband of 10 years passed away a year and a half before. It was hard at 1st, and sometimes I still miss it. I always miss him. I am not actively looking for someone new, but I am open to the idea.

I was forced to resign from the company I co-founded. I am relieved and grateful. I really didn't like working there, and I am so glad to be out.

You're not supposed to say that your partner is your best friend, so instead I will say this: I got married to my favourite person in the world! We had a fantastic wedding day - well, two in fact - and a wonderful honeymoon (plus a minimoon in Paris). We also bought a house! We're starting to settle in and get it the way that we want it (putting up some shelves in the kitchen was a major step forward), but even though we're not completely unpacked, we already feel so at home. Work is... not great. I finally got the promotion I'd been looking for and it's just not turned out the way I hoped it would. But I'm trying not to let it grind me down, and instead I'm focusing my energy on enjoying the things that are good in my life and trying to change the things that aren't so good - which, on balance, means I do still feel pretty positive about the future. Like last year, I feel grateful and relieved and inspired and excited and lucky and so happy. Life is good.

I got into Penn off of the waitlist and moved to Philadelphia!! Getting a voicemail saying I had been admitted was one of the most exciting and validating feelings I've had in a long time. I'm so grateful, and still often feel like I don't deserve to be here. I'm relieved and inspired, and also motivated to continue doing the best I can.

This past year we went on our first successful family vacation. We went to South Dakota on a road trip and it was so incredibly lovely. We don't do many vacation with just the four of us. It seems like we are always with extended family. At the end of the trip I was feeling pretty burned out though. Nate mentioned how he's realizing that vacations feel like these magical things he gets to partake in with everything done. This was eye opening for me because I realize that I do pretty much all the planning for vacations. This needs to change. Also with me working 50% I'm learning that I need to give up some of the planning and let Nate do more.

Losing the job in December and having to figure out how to support myself the rest of the school year was tough. I went through a lot of mental agony. I feel like I pulled myself out of the funk after some time went by. It took me a few months from being upset and angry and go through it. I didn't want to let parents know do they won't worry. I am now living in a good place, having a nice new apt I can afford, at the school district I wanted to be, teach the second grade I've always wanted, teach ell kids that I've always loved, meet great people and gals, have money in the bank to pay my bills. I've done a 180 from the girl that was depressed. I was able to afford a cruise and drinks for my parents yesterday is totally different from being depended on food stamps at the beginning of the year. I'm so proud of myself for getting out and accomplishing all this with strength that I have inside me that I've shown myself once again. I'm also taking an online reading endorsement class for free to add to my education. I like to see and feel the good change in myself, its empowering!

I've gotten my first job as a librarian and it's been joyful to work with the public and my peers. I've also been thrown into relationships with very toxic managers. I've learned how local government works and how to confront bullies.

So, this past year I lost 90 pounds. Every year for the past few years I've talked about wanting to lose weight and I finally did! I went from weighing 267 pounds to weighing 172! It actually blows my freaking mind sometimes! I'm definitely happier, more confident, relieved, motivated, stronger. Obviously it hasn't solved every single one of my problems, I still lack some confidence and there are moments that I feel like the same 267 pound person. One of the other cool things is how much more physically able I am. I can even run 2.5 miles! There was no way I was able to do this a year ago. There is still a lot of work for me to do. I still want to lose about 20 pounds and need to work on doing that, but I also need to work on the emotional side of weight loss and the way I use food as an emotional comfort.

I moved. After 10 years living in the same house, I moved. I'm frustrated, and yet I know it's a good thing longterm. I just- I was in a good place financially there and now I feel a bit like I'm starting from square one because my rent basically tripled. But having my own place, having a place that's nice to live, that's great. And I know I'll finally feel settled in soon. I hope.

It is hard to choose one experience, so I will choose two. One was finishing Peace Corps and leaving Peru. I am so grateful for all of the people I got to meet while I was there, and for the things I learned. I gained family I never even imagined having before. I also feel very lucky to have the family here that I do. The other experience is getting married. The wedding was so sweet and so fun, and I am so lucky for Kev and the people we have around the world to love and support us.

Became a video blogger through exercising "behavior change" and it increased my confidence and showed me that, yes, I CAN change. It also uplifted my spirits and helped me be more attractive to the abundance of the Universe.

I went back to school to finish my prerequisites for P.A. School. It has affected my life in the positive- we are busier now but days are more structured and our time is more precious. I am grateful for this opportunity and the help I have from family and friends with Henry. I feel very optimistic about this experience.

I think the event that really impacted me was the move of our daughter and her family to Mexico City. Our daughter was given a post in the American Embassy there, which was a 'feather in her cap'. While I helped my son-in-law and daughter decide which school to send our grandchildren to by visiting 4 schools there last spring and we continue to visit the family in their new home, it seems like this move has separated us from experiencing the give and take of family life. The flight isn't that far, but the lives they are living are so different from ours and the new friends they have made are not the ones we grew to know when they lived in DC. We are doing our best to work within the new constraints that have presented themselves, and while the new experiences all of them will have living abroad will be wonderful, all this has left me feeling a bit bereft. Perhaps my feelings are exaggerated because we miss having family around during the holidays, but they are there just the same.

Thanks to another ‘random’ luggage inspection, my luggage did not arrive with me to a remote location in a foreign country. I was forced to make do - which was a surprisingly easy mental adjustment. My natural inclination was anger and outrage, plus jet lag. But to let those feelings dominate would taint the experience of being in pristine wilderness. So I humbled myself. No vanity, no possessions to prove my competence, just surrender to the rhythms of nature. And I was given everything I needed, plus gained some learning I didn’t know I needed. Almost one year on and the transformation is still doing its work on me. Even though there is far more loss and uncertainty in the world, I am more resilient and am equipped with an adequate supply of equanimity and deepening joy at the gift of life in this world.

Getting married 11 months ago with the most significant thing to happen in the last year, and ever. The wedding itself was the highlight of my life, but unexpectedly marriage is better than I could have imagined. I figured life would feel the exact same, but it is way better and more fulfilling and i feel so much closer to my husband, which i hadn't anticipated. I wonder if we should have gotten married sooner, but then who knows if it would have felt the same. We spent years investing in our relationship, and the path we took worked for us.

This May I completed my thesis, gave my defense and graduated from college with my second master's degree in biology at 63! I'm very proud of what I accomplished and hopeful that I may utilize this education to make a contribution to the earth. I'm currently working on a manuscript for publication of my thesis work at the recommendation of my advisor. Wish me luck!

WOW, What a year!. Started off with swim team weight training and many showed up! Our swim team is getting better. Wrapped up 35 years of teaching and retired. We had a great party on Friday 10 May 2019. Continued with Cub Scout Day Camp. My West Point (youth) assistant Swim Coaching position was great. I was able to take a step back, look at the whole program and support the program. Our coach was very dynamic. Did the 2-1 week NASA Camps. The kids were great. And attended my second BSA Woodbadge course. It was very good. Now I have to get used to this retirement thing. In 1999 I stayed home with our 2 boys for a semester. It took me 6 months to get used to that schedule after having taught for 15 years. No doubt, this will take some getting used to. I will say... it is nice getting 8 hours of sleep.

An intense weekend with my son Mike, where wanted to know more about our past and his dad, deepened ou relationship and also made me more introspective about my own life. I'm so grateful for him and also for my younger son, Stuart, though we've not been as close this past year.

Going through IVF treatments, dealing with infertility and having a miscarriage. It has made me feel isolated above all else -- unlike dating/being single/dealing with rejection, infertility isn't a universal prospect. None of the people in my friend circle understand what I'm going through. I've tried to reach out and make friends, but it's kind of hard to start from zero when this is the topic. I'm sad and lonely, and it feels like there is no end in sight.

I received a promotion at work. I am grateful for the vote of confidence in me and the opportunity to grow. I am looking for good ideas and ways to lead my team.

Ketamine. When depression reached maximum capacity, I sought an alternative treatment for my depression. I realized the need for the creation of a cohesive narrative in understanding my own behaviors. I understood my own story in a new way, and realized the ways in which the chaos around me created coping mechanisms that no longer serve me. I’m grateful. Im grateful for the access I was given to such an expensive treatment. I am grateful that I had a therapist at that time. That I was journaling. I’m inspired to be better. To have a healthier approach to life, to relationships, to my husband and kids. I’m aware of the impact that childhood has on a person, and I’m devoted to creating the best environment possible for my family and to leading by example.

This past year my partner and coparent left me unexpectedly and suddenly. It is probably the most devasting thing that has ever happened to me. It has been four months and I still weep every day. I'm exhausted by the grief. I feel resentful and angry and alone and terrified. He has been dishonest, unkind, and cruel in his actions since and I struggle every day with hating someone I once loved and loving someone I hate. I try and find the space within this grief to find the shiny spots. I have more time to spend with friends, I have the opportunity to spend time by myself and to choose solitude without the pressure of sharing a space with another adult. But really I just feel like I have no family. My partner is lost to me, as a result my daughter is lost to me, I'm just alone. I spend my days now coming to terms with what it looks like to live life without a "family" and if that is a life that I can embrace. Today I can. Yesterday I could not.

I quit drinking on June 3rd. I got sick of everything that went with it. I finally admitted to myself that it was a problem that I couldn't control. I went to AA, which isn't necessarily the best fit for me, but I still enjoy it and go when I need to be reminded that I can do this. I don't really have a desire to drink anymore. I like waking up well rested and remembering what happened the day before. And my relationship with my wife is stronger than ever. I don't know why she put up with it for as long as she did, but I'm so thankful that she did and that we've made it through to the other side.

The obvious answer to this question is Carl dying almost exactly a year ago. 9/9/18. This changed my entire life as I knew it. A 37 year old life over way too soon. A 20 year relationship over in a blink of an eye and a huge battle yet to be faced fighting to hold on to everything he and I worked so hard for. The affect on me? Completely life altering in every way imaginable. The result...heartbroken, devastated, afraid, empty, angry, resentful...every possible feeling and emotion.

Having my shoulder injury and subsequent surgery earlier this year was probably the most significant experience I've had this year. Having surgery is frightening and not knowing the outcome when it started was scary. I worked hard through the rehab process and am proud of the progress I made and grateful to the people that helped me (doctor, PT, my husband) and the people who cared for me (husband, coworkers, friends) during that time.

Debugging myself. I've had a lot of issues in the last 9 months related to my body or my mind. In reality they are probably interrelated with each other, not to mention situations and other social constructs. Poor sleep, fuzzy head, memory issues, lack of followup etc. I became Very Very flaky. I'd like to remember that I systematically went through exploring and checking off possibilities. The reality is that I dawdled and avoided. Each thing that was checked raised other issues. Was my sometimes waking up early (3-4am), not getting to sleep or sleeping through the afternoon due to Sleep Apnea? Depression? A much delayed reaction to menopause? or something entirely different? How much did my continuing crappy teeth related to Sleep Apnea, dry mouth or poor hygiene? Did my increasing body aches mean my body was failing or was I just dealing with the outcome of not having done acupuncture or massage for multiple months? Was my brain fog and memory issues aging? Another stroke? Something in the medical cocktail I take for chronic depression, potential heart disease or my pituitary adenoma? All of the above? It made me scared and confused. Everyone had a different take or was not quite believing me. And I was beginning to not believe myself. I wondered if maybe it was just a dream I had that I used to be so much more competent and full of energy. I changed a lot things and somethings improved a little bit. And then I stopped one medication - the one for my pituitary tumor - and my world started to change. I had noticed one day that within 2 hours of taking Dostinex I started to feel fuzzier. I got permission to stop it and I kept feeling better. After a couple of weeks I woke up it seemed I began seeing that I Cluttered the house so much that I was appalled. So I began moving on. Throwing stuff out, cleaning stuff up and getting things done. It still feels a bit like magic. I am grateful that I took care of much needed changes and I am relieved by how much things have changed. It feels like it all just happened, but I realize the changes for the better have accreted over time. Just like a lot of things. I was resentful about how various medical professionals treated me. Now I'm inspired by just how much I've changed and how much I hope to continue to change.

RESENTFUL -Being accused of harassment has been a game and deal changer. I have grown and worked through a lot. INSPIRED Started a Pre diabetes class and it has made all the difference, down 30 lbs and creating a sustainable lifestyle. GRATEFUL Also Lavon buying a great bike for me has given me great pleasure and a another goal for fitness. RELIEVED I still have a job and that I started doing LYFT on the side.

Let's see.... experiences of the past year - first and foremost is starting a new full-time job. Job had me traveling all over for the first 8 months. Gave me a chance to visit 2 new countries and re-visit a 3rd. Hopefully the job is stable and provides an opportunity to leave the country if the orange shitgibbon is re-elected.

Last year I got into a really big fight with my two closest high school friends that effectively ended the relationship. It was an incredibly hurtful experience that made me feel like I'd lost my entire identity. At the same time, the friendship dynamic was awful and I was repeatedly hurt throughout its entirety with little consideration for how I felt. I'm not innocent either, and reflecting on this fight and our relationship has made me realize the ways I need to change to be a better friend and person, but also that I can't settle for people who wont listen to me when I am trying to tell them how they've hurt me.

My significant experience in the past year the discovery and surgery for my hiatal hernia. It added to my realization that something can be going wrong inside you and you have no idea. I am grateful for the care I received from the surgeon and support staff. I am grateful that the hernia was discovered before it caused a larger problem. I am relieved that the hernia is taken care of and I am out of risk for further issues. It has also helped with my acid reflux and no longer have to take medication for this ongoing problem.

This year I ran the CIM in Sacramento in 3:34:03, enough to qualify for the Boston Marathon. It was the second hardest thing I've ever done in my life after giving birth. Going through that and achieving something I never would have thought I could do, especially with a young child, was a huge accomplishment and has affected my mindset for so many other things--that when something seems difficult you can still work through it, that you can do more than you'd think. Of course, this big accomplishment was dampened by the fact that I didn't actually meet the cutoff time to run the Boston Marathon, so I'm still in mourning about that. I so badly want to run that race, and it's very disappointing that what I didn't isn't enough.

I got to go to Hawaii. That was fucking amazing. Really digging in to remodeling the house - it's wearing me out. Just want to get thru it. Bought a bike, and discovery my love for cycling.

The wild ride continues. I won the seat on City Council and have been in elected office for almost a year now. In that time, I have learned so, so, so much about how cities work. I've learned about land use and how state laws affect city design. I've learned how a few people with money and power can have a truly outsize effect on a city. That's not a surprise--we see it writ large at the national level--but it is very interesting to see it up close and in miniature. And to work to fight those forces for the good of all. My ability to educate and connect people has grown; so has the chance to get flak for what I do. I welcome both. I relish the connections, the fighting, the problems--all of the messiness of human society.

I got engaged this year! It's something I've been waiting for. It definitely made the relationship feel different. Not anything monumental because we've talked about getting married for a few years, but definitely solidified our intentions and our future together. I'm so excited for the celebrations of the next year, and to make that huge commitment to each other next August.

I cut my hair very short without my wife's blessing. That was a bad decision.

I became a Dad. I am so full of gratitude for my son's survival and thriving, after two months in the NICU, that I feel a truer sense of joyful purpose than ever before. I look back at the past year as the happiest of my life. Though it hasn't been without its episodes of stress, frustration, and anxiety, Abie has opened my heart and brought so much laughter into our home. I understand better than ever the apples-and-honey sweetness that a year can hold. Bringing Abie home from the NICU and nesting with him here has been so unbelievably sweet.

We built our house. It was an amazing opportunity and it was very stressful. The financial burden has been more than we anticipated and the joy found in living there is deep.

My youngest daughter has gone off to college. It has been very difficult being without her. I’m inspired because she is pursuing her passion of becoming a neonatal nurse

We moved! Not far, but far enough that we sometimes feel lost and lonely. It was a chaotic year. (It's funny looking at last year's answers which all occurred right before our year of chaos began.) I feel like I should be slowing down, enough at least to have some schedule, but instead, I still feel crazy - like I can't find solid ground. I'm just trying to make day by day, and I hate that feeling. Overall, I am grateful for this move. It was time for us to move on, but that doesn't make the day-to-day chaos any easier. I'm just trying to start fresh, but that's hard to do with so many ties to "home." I hope time and prayer will help that.

My whole Erasmus experience has been crazy and so memorable. I met so many amazing people, went outside of my confort zone, traveled around Europe, and fall in love with law once again. I am so grateful for the chance I had to experience all of these. It also inspires me to continue pursuing my dreams and passions and mostly to keep traveling!

I was hospitalized last spring when my anxiety became so bad I was unable to sleep and I began disassociating. My husband and I were in a very bad place in our relationship so as a result of his fear, anger and panic he called the police when I was at my most vulnerable. I can see now that I needed help but being picked up and sent to a mental hospital via ambulance against my will and then held for a week was absolutely horrific. I felt so helpless and powerless. I was forcibly restrained and given heavy anti-psychotics intended for people suffering from schizophrenia and bi-polar disorders which left me in a haze and did nothing to alleviate my fear and confusion. In fact, I'm sure it only added to it. I was completely cut off from my daughters during that time and the desperation of how easily that occurred bred a fear that I believe I will carry with me every day for the rest of my life. I have a better understanding of the fear people of color face when they see police officers now as I find that I am constantly checking to see how I might be perceived by them knowing the power they have to change everything in an instant. While I would not wish my experience on anyone, it has helped me to focus on myself in a more dedicated way than I ever have before. It is clear to me that I cannot be what anyone else needs me to be if I am not meeting my needs first so I am working to do that every day. As a recovering co-dependent that's so much easier said than done. It's a daily practice of trying to determine what's best for me first and then balancing everyone else's needs (and later wants) instead of the other way around. I am grateful for the recovery that is being born from this experience but there are other aftershocks I also feel are related to this experience that I'm struggling to accept gratefully such as the loss of my career as I know it. I'm hoping in time I will also be able to accept that change as a positive I can be grateful for but it's challenging to do so when I don't yet know what's next and if it will be adequate to support my family while still allowing me to focus on my recovery and my own well being.

I went to Japan for the first time, and visited Asia for the first time. It was an amazing experience and I was so grateful to be able to do it. Travelling abroad and seeing more of the world is such a joy for me.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer and I turned 50. It was a wake up call to live my life differently. To not only live life on the surface, but to journey to other dimensions. To take some risk and work at it. I've been living my life in service to others and it is now time to nurture self love and connect to oneness. I am grateful for the wake up call and inspired to live my fullest life.

Experienced a Terrorist Attack in the city where I was living. While my basic needs were compromised (a feeling of security) I was grateful to be with close friends at the time. I also remember feeling heartbroken for the many people it touched directly and indirectly, including these friends. In the immediate aftermath I experienced feelings of exhaustion and tiredness which I couldn't quite understand at the time but looking back the whole thing was pretty draining, including just keeping up with the news. It was sad to see the unprofessional nature in the way it was handled by the government and regrettably the little impact it's had on changing the political situation in the country. I still have a small ounce of hope but we'll have to see once the elections take place.

1. Break up and getting over it. Was really toxic (mentally) relationship, and break up was dramatic. Mixed feelings. Anger, betrayal, sadness...and fear... but after half a year I feel relieved I got out of it. I don't think I deserved this kind of treating. No one does. 2. Worth of mention as well- someone I haven't spoke 10 years, contacted me again and somehow, although we have both changed, it gave me some kind of inner peace. I did miss that person, and during 10 years I never got really rest from thinking about them. Glad they are back.

We traveled to Sicily and it was my first time going to Europe. Something I’ve wanted to do my whole life. Something my parents never had the chance to do while they were alive. It was amazing. I lit A candle for them there. I was Moved deeply by the history, the archaeology of the place. We went with my family and it was amazing to see my nine year old thrive. She was so independent a trend that’s continued. I was/am awed by how she’s growing and i already miss her need for me. Selfish I know. We were there with other families and one couples argument became so extrneme in front of everyone it was a defining moment of the trip. It caused me to reflect on myself my friends my marriage. While I’m grateful and it deepens my gratitude I knew “there but for the grace of G-d go I “ and have since committed more to my own work.

After a lifetime of searching inside, going to therapists, praying for help I have finally received a mental health diagnosis that answers so many of my questions. I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder - BPD. Wow...How did this affect me??? At first I was relieved - there really was a reason for my issues. I also felt hopeful - you can never be cured of this but recovery, in terms of changing thinking and behaviors by finding out what the root cause is, is certainly in the cards. Now I need to find the help I need.

In March we spent 9 days in Nepal. It was inspiring, and life-changing. It made want to live my life differently; what I thought was important and not important had shifted.

Rebekah and I decided to postpone our plans to be married and rescinded our status as an engaged couple. It was a painful experience that forced me to give up my dreams and expectations for my future. It also allowed us to be closer with each other and honor where we are at in our lives right now. In some ways I'm still working through the loss and the confusion that this brings to my future, but I am also grateful as I think it will continue to grow our relationship in a genuine manner.

I ended the dead-end relationship I alluded to last year. After considerable prodding (read: being smacked upside the head) by my friend Anita, I reluctantly gave a long-term, not-so-secret admirer a chance. Turns out the guy i'd kept in The Friend Zone for many years is actually even more awesome than I ever expected. Long story short, we married on June 30 in a lovely Church wedding, with all three of our priests officiating... Fr. Benedict, my priest since 2010; Fr. Paul, my current priest of the parish ive attended the last two years, and Fr. Adam, my husband's priest/best friend for over a decade. Fr. Adam was actually the best man, besides co-officiating. I'm still smakcing myself upside the head and wondering why i hung on to Mr. Dead End for so damn long, when Mr. Amazing was right there under my nose the whole damn time! Long story short, "Happily ever after" is currently in progres.

Gender reassignment surgery. It's allowed me to feel more human than ever before and I am so grateful to the community of friends, family, and strangers for their kindness in making the surgery happen.

I left the United Methodist Church over the St. Louis decision, where they decided to strengthen homophobic regulations rather than eliminate them. I was devastated, to put it lightly, for weeks. My second home- which had often felt like more of a home than my actual home- was gone. Of course, I could’ve stayed, but at the cost of supporting homophobia through my money and even just my presence? I couldn't do it. So I left. Left behind my support system of years. I remember begging God to make them change their minds- to go back in time, fix the situation. Then the anger. Fury, i suppose, is a better word. Followed by pleading with God to never let me forget how much it hurt to lose my friends like that so I wouldn’t take them for granted ever again. And then a long period of silence. Not even exactly out of resentment- more just a quiet hopelessness, of resignation to the fact that despite my pleas, my prayers, the church had moved on and left me behind, and my supposedly all-powerful God had done nothing about it. It’s been a couple months, now, and I’m still mainly in that place of silence. I’m glad I left- morally, I think it was right. Emotionally, it scares me how little I truly care about the friends who were once my second family. I’m still angry at the church, at my friends, at God, if there even is one. But i’m refusing to let this define my year. Yes, it was significant, as the question asks. But, I’ve also had my first kiss. Got a girlfriend, started writing more poetry. I’ve started waking up more and more days with a little bit of grit in my step. I went to a three week summer camp that changed my life, and the Jersey Shore for my grandad’s birthday. I worked in florida for weeks, outside, manual labor, all for the chance to get closer with my other grandad. I became vegetarian. I kept living when life was hard. So yes, the CUMC decision impacted my life drastically. But so did a hundred other things, and I’m determined to be grateful for each and every one of them, and how they changed me as a person.

Driving in a car for the first time, over 15 years since my accident. My therapist trusted me to sit in the driver's seat of the car and I backed up and went forward twice, with barely a level of panic. It made me feel hopeful that I could conquer my trauma and panic around my driving phobia.

I went to Spain and I went to Burning Man. Traveling and doing the things that scare me have been big for me. Trying to figure out the things that make me happy. I feel inspired that I can be brave. That I can fight inertia.

My brothers’ decision about me managing the company and making too much money. And in Tom’s case, him saying I am an inept manager who doesn’t understand business and I overvalue my worth. Now that we are into the first month of external management, I am feeling relieved having to do the duty but also trying to figure out my life flow in my second year of retirement. Tom especially upset me with his comments.

I began dating my current girlfriend. She has made me a better person completely. I am inspired by her confidence and constant desire to improve. Also grateful to have her in my life now. Relieved as well because I never expected to get a girlfriend :P

I had an epiphany about my work and my identity. It was very painful, but I feel that I have a healthier attitude now. After having the most successful professional year of my career - a published paper, asked to present at two conferences, asked to teach a masters class at my alma mater, completed a years-long legacy project - and not getting any kind of reward from my employer (I was turned down for a promotion or raise), I realized that I should not be looking for fame or fortune through my profession. I hadn't realized it until this year, but I do need a little bit of the spotlight from time to time, or some kind of reward or recognition. But I have also tied my identity and sense of self worth to my work. So if I don't receive this spotlight or recognition from my employer, I put myself in the position of feeling like a failure personally. I still disagree with my employer for the way they have neglected my career path, but I also have to take responsibility for putting so much pressure on myself. After crying my commute home three times this past year, I realized that nothing about my employer was going to change, and that the healthiest thing to do would be to try to not take my professional ups and downs so personally. I feel like I have successfully distanced myself from my work emotionally, only to a degree that I won't be hurt by negligence again. This was a huge step for me. I'm trying to think about my creative projects (photography, knitting, creative writing) as a better resource for the sort of short blips of fame my ego requires.

I was let go from my job at Roanoke. Clearly something needs to change. Either I am not meant for working in libraries or I need to find a better way to make a living and soon. Ultimately, I am grateful. I am sick of spending time with awful people.

Having my freelance work cut significantly. It took me back instantly to the three previous years where my work situation has been thrown into doubt, leaving me with sleepless nights, money worries and a sense of hopelessness. It feels like very little has gone right for me in the last four years, but at the same time I wonder how much of it I am responsible for and whether my situation is largely down to poor decision making on my part.

My daughter, due to an unhappy living environment, moved from her mom/step-dad's house to live with me and my partner. There was a lot of adjustment, but it was a great opportunity to be closer to her, and develop a better relationship. She ended up getting married way too fast, to a guy who cheated on her almost immediately and she is staying with him and going to therapy, in my mind, because she longed and values her freedom from having to rely on us. On one hand I admire her persistence, but on the other I fear she is just putting herself in an over-controlling relationship.

Both of my children moved to different states. It made me sad and happy at the same time. Sad, because I love them so much and will miss them and worry about them; Happy because they are successfully launching their lives and careers. Proud of them too! Wishing for happiness to follow both of them all the days of their lives.

I am currently in my last semester at UNC and almost ready to graduate with my Bachelor's in Human Services. I have put in a lot of time and effort into completing this goal and I am happy that I am so close. December I will get my diploma but I will walk in the May 2020 commencement ceremony.

Chris and I came very very very very very close to divorcing - I basically gave him an ultimatum and in the end he chose our marriage. I felt both relieved and grateful, but occasionally I find myself resentful that I spent so long of the three years prior on pins and needles waiting for him to actually commmit.

I turned thirty this year. I finally feel like I'm the age I've felt for a while, and it brings with it a certain stability and sense of contentment. I'm so lucky to have amazing people in my life and to experience so many wonderful challenges - from hiking, to work, to starting a new project.

I visited with my mom's cousin Errol, who is a WWII vet, educator, coach, and storyteller. It was inspirational to hear his stories especially about his role on educating community college students.

I'm kinda proud of this past year for a few reasons! First, I went to Iceland!!! I really love traveling, and this was a spectacular vacation with my mom & sister. I want to travel more (and save more, to travel more) now. I'm still having the stuck feelings at my quite possibly toxic work, but I feel freer now to apply elsewhere and move on! I haven't applied anywhere else, but I feel ready, were the right thing to come across my path.

There were many, many significant events this past year. Two that come to mind were the moment I realized that my child had earned a full scholarship to the Cleveland Institute of Art precollege program - as a freshman. Grateful, relieved, inspired, a little stunned knowing that my kiddo is on their way away from the home I've spent sixteen years making. The other was finding out that I was not hired as an English teacher at my high school, and knowing I would be monitoring study halls all year. There was resentment and resignation and rejection about that, but I am using the time NOT spent preparing for lessons and grading papers to rewrite my middle-grades novel with a clear head. So I guess the lesson there is that you only know the sun is shining when you stop to enjoy its warmth on your cheeks.

I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer and underwent 7 months of treatments. I discovered I am stronger than I thought I was!

A significant experience that has happened in the past year is Casey riding his bike. After near-trauma (for both of us) trying to get him to ride his bike (again) last fall, I had a conversation with him on a walk one morning letting him know I expected him to be able to ride his bike by the time he was 10yo (10 months away). A few weeks later, I asked him if he wanted to work on it after dinner and, to my surprise, said yes. Within minutes, he was riding on his own and was elated! His self talk made my heart soar "mom has got me" "mom is with me" - and then on his own "you can do this" "just relax". I was so very proud of him. The joy and pride from both of us was amazing. I felt so good as a mom. I'm hopeful I can have more moments like that with my kids over the next year.

The death of my dad's first cousin, Susie. She was my primary family and Jewish connection to the Washington, DC area. Also, to see the sadness in her daughter, my friend and de-facto little sister, has made me think hard about death and family ties this year. And finally, I have felt guilty not being able to be more supportive to her daughter during her grief.

I had to face the reality that my son had a problem, a severe problem with alcohol. It was very difficult to confront him, but I am so glad that I did and I was so relieved to have the issue out in the open. He went to rehab has been doing very well since. I recognize that he may have a relapse and that this is a life long issue, but I have been really inspired by how he handled everything. I am happy to have the opportunity to learn more about this issue, and to show him unconditional love and support.

In the past year, I have really come to terms with the fact that I have a chronic illness and will not always feel great. I think that realizing that I can still make the best of my new reality has been so freeing and powerful.

I got a promotion to the lead position on my team. It's my first formal leadership position in many years, and I'm so honored. I feel happy that my hard work and focus has paid off. I feel scared that I'll make mistakes and erode my team's trust. I feel inspired. And I feel silly because I've been using lots of emojis and positive energy interactions to keep spirits high.

The big event is deciding to come to Israel. By next year I'll be home again, and it will be interesting to look back over this year that I am just beginning here. Today, I'm feeling glad that I came, even though some days it's also very hard.

I don't really know if it's the most significant experience of the past year - I mean, my son graduated, after all, and bought his first car, and those are incredibly significant things - but on my mind at the moment is a conference I went to just last week. It was the Women's Symposium put on by IWIL - Illinois Women in Leadership. It put this giddy feeling in my chest - so many incredible women, supporting each other and doing great and professional work. I have undervalued myself, undersold myself, and not demanded enough of the people employing me and ostensibly leading me. The last year has left me feeling stagnant, forgotten in brackish water. I need more, I deserve more, I can do more. I'm on the hunt for a new job. I am inspired to do more and be more and demand more of myself professionally.

So so many. Because of some political issues, I was removed from the part of my job that mattered most to me in terms of my future plans. Even as I was pursuing another advanced degree to prepare me to take on more duties in that area. It lead me to re-evaluate what the rest of my career will look like, and that ended up being a very positive thing. I am looking at more options, and identifying where I feel I can add unique value, and now considering moving to academia. The other great thing that came out of the bad experience was I got see how amazing my partner is at supporting me. It was nice to learn that when I need to I can lean on him. Overall, I am grateful even though it was disappointing experience. It forced me to move out of my comfort zone and grow in ways that I would not have otherwise.

I had 3 and I’m about to launch the third... 1. We mounted Souled Out and it turned out to be better than I had hoped. The story was great, the crowd was highly entertained by it. The songs were amazing, almost better than I hoped, and people felt rocked by the story at the end. I’m so so proud of the last song, ... of everything really. Afterwards we went out but it wasn’t a huge celebration because... well, the fun is in the creation of the show and making it as amazing as I can. And then connecting with other humans. That’s what’s most important and fun for me. I can’t wait to start working on it again and clean up act I and take act II to another level. I can’t wait! 2. I left mainland. I’ve been wanting to leave for a looooooong time. It was such a toxic environment. So bad in so many ways, and yet I learned so much from it and I’m so thankful for that. I’m a different person and in many ways it was a trial by fire. I believe I’m stronger because of it. And I had the benefit of having a job that allowed me to travel in South America while writing my musical. I feel extraordinarily lucky. But, then again I created that for myself because that’s what I want. 3. I created my own product. I’m about to launch it and I probably will launch it before I finish 10Q. I’m so curious about how it will do and what it will take to make it successful. I loved the process of creating it. It was so fun. So many parts to figure out how they work or go together. I loved it. The fact that it’s my own creation and that I loved creating it is a big deal. That’s important And I’m so happy that I can spend my Time doing this. I’ve really learned that I love creation. It’s my favorite thing and it’s what it want t o do all the time. Create things that give others experiences. That’s the best. I hope I have exciting news about my launch before 10Q Is up!

I've had a few significant experiences. I started riding again at the same barn as my daughter. She's resentful, that I have somehow stolen 'her thing'. Normally I would back down as I hate for her to feel this way but not this time. I'd forgotten just how much joy being with horses gives me. As a segue from this, though not directly related, my daughter had a major depressive crash. She started drinking. Self-harming. Fantasizing about her suicide. At her urging we sent her to a residential treatment center in Malibu. She was there for 6 weeks. It was very expensive (we took out an equity line to pay for it) but well worth it. She still struggles as she has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and is taking a gap year to better prepare herself for college next fall. We'll have to see how that goes. Son is doing okay. Stepping up to the discipline needed to finish his degree.

A significant experience that happened this past year was finishing my first year teaching at Luskin. I am so grateful for this year and the wisdom I gained from it. I have learned how to learn about myself and, in turn, how to listen and learn about others in a way I did not know was possible before. Equally as significant, I also completed my first yoga teacher training. Yoga has become such a physical, mental, and spiritual practice in my life that I cannot imagine going back to life without it. Yoga helps me feel relieved and inspired each time I step onto my mat. It has shown me that I can have control over more than I think I'm capable of and, particularly at Corepower, I have been given a community that will forever hold a special place in my heart.

The most significant thing that’s happened to me this year was falling in love with Nathan. I am still reeling with the beauty of this phenomenon. I am beyond grateful for his presence, for the deep qualities he represents, for his willingness to just keep showing up, for the truly fabulous sex we create, for every part of it!! I’ve never wanted to give so much to another person. And it’s especially yummy that he’s also vegan and loves my cooking. And Lev loves him! Life is soooooo good!

I decided to start looking for a job again, 5 years after leaving my last professional gig. It was really hard on my psyche. I had to confront the realization that 5 years out of the workforce disconnects one from all - and who - they used to know. Additionally, I went around in circles about how I wanted to spend my time while working. What I do appreciate about the process is the clarity it provides around what is important for me at this stage of my life. I am finding myself surprised that I don't mind my kids being the priority. I always thought I'd be resentful of them when I wanted to return to work since it would be so difficult to work around schedules, etc. It turns out, though, that instead they provided the guidance I needed.

My older daughter Claire had a daughter, my first grandchild. She has recently married, and the marriage seems stable and sound. Also she and her family live just a couple miles away, so we are able to see them frequently. I am both grateful and inspired. Grateful because Claire is 36 years old, and it wasn't at all sure that she would get married and have a baby. She was in a difficult relationship for 7 years and just finally broke it off a couple of years ago. She has friends with babies and was aware of the difficulties. But she is a super-wonderful mother, and I am so happy to see her mother and to interact with my granddaughter.

I guess the most significant experience that has happened to me this year is "status quo". I am grateful that my 93 year old mother is still healthy and in my life. I feel lucky that my sister-in-law's cancer is "at bay". I am thankful that my husband had a "wake up" call when it was discovered that his arteries to his heart were 90% clogged before anything happened. They were able to repair it with stents. I am very appreciative that I am healthy and live in a great place. My twin daughters are thriving in college. Sometimes a "significant experience" is something that just take extra noticing. I take less for granted these days. I have focused on healthy eating, lost almost 20 pounds and practice yoga daily. Making the "BEST" of each day has a whole new meaning for me.

Nick went off to college. I felt proud, curious, happy and a little sad that he is off on his own.

I got married and my husband finally moved in to Canada. It was a difficult process to begin with, but I do not regret our decision. I am still resentful for things from the past, and I am trying to let go, but I still have so much bitterness in my heart. I am relieved that Oscar is with me. I wish he kissed and hugged me more. I am inspired by feminists and all the people around the world that fight to make this a better world.

I started medication for my anxiety again. I'm resentful of my body for needing it but I'm also not ashamed of it. It's helping me to change my habits, to exercise more and to start a regular meditation practice.

My son passed away, anything else is less significant in comparison. How it affected me? You couldn’t imagine unless you’ve wearing similar shoes to mine. After all these years of false hope it finally happened and I’m the only one who’s in the dark about the severity of his illness. I never for once was told that it was deadly, yes everyone knows that cancer is deadly but each and every doctors and those in medical profession convinced me that leukaemia is beatable nowadays, things has changed tremendously so worry I should not. But then my son gone.... Some said I looked relieved when it happened. I looked better, as if I’m free yeah basically that he’s gone. Was I really? I might’ve been feel at ease not to watch him suffer anymore but relieve, oh please.. Resents? I have many.. I resented and still resent so many things or was that regrets??

I'm somewhere between lost and depressed. I was hoping to achieve so much more. My life at 36 seems like a succession of continual fights just to retain my status in life, not even progress. And even though I learn things, I never end up better. Sometimes I just wish I was dead.

Lena moved in at the end of July - I love how we've navigated it so far. So much communication. We're trying to figure out how to handle financial issues which is challenging because we just don't make enough money to save and enjoy our lives. I'm so grateful that we waited as long as we did so that we were ready for this next step.

I think I have realized many things in my own process of healing, that I still need to work on, at different depths, and also there are issues to do collectively and in community. This makes me feel grateful, to be able to keep growing and healing; relieved, because I don't have to do it all by myself and I can support others too; and inspired, because healing intentionally means I'm alive.

A significant experience that happened this last year would be my internship, getting my tonsils removed and Zedd. Zedd gave me more... “clarity” could be due to the drugs too. I fee way more open and confident at work, school, day to day interactions and with girls!!! WOO HOO. I feel like a very positive individual and i sense that others can feed off that. i really want the world to be a better place and smiles can help that.

My father died in April. It's still surreal to type that, to think it. It has changed everything, and nothing. Living through that was both harder and easier than I thought it would be. I was wrong about all of it. And just today, I had a new experience around this grief - it hit me out of the blue while reading a novel, a section about the young girl and her dad, running errands and going through the car wash. The passage mentioned the bump of getting on the car wash machine track, and that was enough of a somatic memory to break through to grief. In that moment and again now, typing this, tears are rising. I paused, and let them flow. I was surprised at how quickly my eyes filled, how hot the tears were. I thought about the research about the different chemical make up of different kinds of tears. I wondered what more I should have done. And I forgave myself, again.

C-- and I (being also St---y) had a breakup/falling-out. I'm grateful and relieved; it's time for new people in this life, with new energies that are forward-being and constructive - in short: I'm looking forward to spending time with esteemed winners, not victim losers.

My partner and I finally decided to go our separate ways after almost 6 years together. I felt relieved. I am grateful and yes, a bit resentful, but absolutely inspired to live my life on my terms now.

My son was born and, as with all children (I now have five), it is no longer possible to imagine life without him. He is sweet, and a gift. He came though major surgery at six months old. And for that I am profoundly grateful. And yet, I am still so bitter and angry at his mother for getting pregnant by not telling me she stopped taking birth control. It is so difficult to live with someone who cares so little about anyone but herself.

I got into my first true dating experience. It didn't end up the way that I wanted but it made me so much more confident and aware of myself.

My girlfriend and I moving in together was a significant experience that has happened in the past year, arguably the most significant. 2019 was a big year for change; moved apartments (and more importantly moved in with my partner), I started a new job at a company in an industry I don't know a ton about but am enjoying learning a lot more about, my twin brother got engaged, and my sister moved across the country, and I had the opportunity to take a whole month off from work (which left plenty of time for outdoors adventure and reflection), and I transitioned from living with some great friends to living with the person whom I hope to spend the rest of my life with. In summary, a big year! Moving in with my girlfriend has been an overwhelmingly positive change in my life, probably the most positive change in the past 5 years. From the list above in the question prompt, the primary feelings I identify with are gratitude and inspiration. We have been together for over 4 years and are in our late 20's. Naturally, we have been thinking about the future but we also had some things we needed to invest in focusing on in our relationship that were relevant the present moment. Moving in together has allowed me to focus on our relationship in new ways and appreciate so much more of what was always there but maybe not as obvious. I think the thing that I am most grateful for as an outcome of this change is how our friendship has evolved and flourished in the past 5 months since we moved in together.

Significant experience - I could write about grad school, Sam going to the ER in Florida, joining a new yoga studio - but probably most significant was completing a year of therapy. I feel really proud of the work I've done, building up courage to face some of the things I've avoided. I've noticed myself becoming more compassionate with myself, more compassionate with others, more gentle with the world. I am feeling happier and more content than I have in a while.

I was diagnosed with PMDD and started going to therapy again and started taking an antidepressant (to good effect!) It was a humbling yet powerful experience to take control of my mental health (by recognizing that something was wrong and choosing to do something about it). I think I had been struggling with this for a while so I feel relieved to have addressed it and be feeling a lot better!

We got married! The planning process was stressful and I didn’t really enjoy it most of the time. The only time I really wanted to be wedding planning was while bored at work. The end result, however, was magical. I regret nothing about the wedding itself. The weekend was worth all of the stress and anxiety and we’re married :)

Worked out problems with hubby to a better degree. Great ful that he finally communicated.

I became a bat mitzvah in the last year and had a super Jewish year with Sam's bar mitzvah, Benji's confirmation, and our trip to Israel. One of the most wonderful things about all of these experiences was the sense of community that each created. It was also interesting to realize how Jewish values have always been at my core, however Jewish I did or did not feel.

Depression: I was in the lowest, loneliest state I had ever been in during December 2018. I learnt to accept help and therapy. I learnt a lot about myself. I learnt how negative I had become deep down. I learnt how forcing myself to get out worked and that simple things like nature and walking helped me. I learnt how I struggle to say no and there is still a lot I need to work on but that I am able to get myself out of a slump

It has been a ridiculously eventful year, but the most significant event is that I got married! Grateful for J and for all who could make it; relieved the wedding itself is over and marriage is great; inspired to try to dip into the excitement and gratitude and love I felt on that day for every day. On the flip side, planning was horrendous, required a lot of organization and logistics and cajoling. It was distracting for my job and my social life, played on all my weaknesses, stirred up a whole lot of insecurity, and overall was so overwhelming that I got on meds to cope towards the end. Still a bit resentful towards those who made it difficult. Thankfully planning is over, the wedding itself was a fab celebration, and we got to move into marriage pretty smoothly.

My baby boy was born March 1. He was induced since my wife was having complications with the pregnancy. The doctors just walked in the room and said, "You are having your baby today!" We are grateful that he is here and he is healthy. Every day he "learns new tricks" - we are excited to see what the next year will bring!

The Trump Presidency. I have had to own my anger and hate. I am only grateful about how many other people of conscience are standing up for morals and ethics. I am NOT relieved. I am very resentful of the whole Republican Party. I am inspired to help make a change.

The divorce this year was huge. I feel grateful, guilty, relieved, happier than I’ve ever been and free. It allowed me to be who I am and want to be. It gave me the freedom to met and choose to be with Charlie. It gave me a chance to love and be loved the way I want and deserve. I wish it didn’t affect the kids, especially Gracie, but I also can see how it will be better for all of us. I get to be the mom I want to be.

The past year I was ready to become a writer, instead I received an email with a death line to finish my master degree. I decided not to quit and work from scratch on my thesis. I’m very grateful of that email. I confronted myself, it gave me courage to continue. Now I believe in my life. It has been hard but worthy.

This year, I faced one of the toughest losses of my life: my dear friend, Rabbi Emet Tauber. He died from complications of EDS and, in a lot of ways, I’m resentful; resentful of fate, of the illness for taking him instead of me, and, for a time, I was resentful of G-D. I was also very scared, because he died of an illness I also have and he died far too young. Now, though, I am working towards being grateful to have known him and inspired to keep his legacy and impact alive in myself. He was an incredible person and friend and activist and I will miss him every day until I, too, am gone. He didn’t believe in anything after this life, which makes his courage and light in the face of death all the more awesome, and so I cannot say I will see him again, but he lives on in my heart and the hearts of so many others who were touched by the loving and bright life he led.

I left a well-paying job to work for a Christian non-profit. It was a significant pay cut. I have had more time for important things like family and my faith. I have had to work some side jobs to make ends meet, but it has been worth it. I am doing something of value.

Moved from Oakland to New York to be closer to family. It has felt good to be near my people, but New York is not a comfortable environment for me.

I completed my 200 hour yoga teacher training in February. I am grateful for the experience. I had the chance to meet 14 other yogis and step out of my comfort zone. I have begun teaching yoga at Zionsville High School as well as to my friends. I am proud of myself for taking this step.

This past year was chock full of significant experiences. I moved to Spain last September. That in itself was a huge experience and in it came so many new adventures and mistakes and situations. I'll make a list of some of the biggest things: 1. (This is something I didn't cover in my last 10Q but it happened August 2018) My dad was admitted to the hospital for Lyme's disease. He almost died. Was emergency helicopter flighted to the hospital. His heartrate was around 20bpm when Leslie found him that morning. Half his face is still paralyzed from it (they thought it was a stroke before they saw the tick bites on his back). But his face has made huge recovery improvements since a year ago. 2. I moved to Madrid. Didn't know anyone when I arrived, and didn't have a place to stay or a job yet. Crazy huge step and I'm glad I did it. Looking back I'm really proud of myself and I've grown & expanded so much from the big adjustment. 3. Went through a very difficult breakup with Jack July 2018 that really never got closure til October 2018 when we skyped and I asked him one more time if he'd change for me and open up more and he said he wouldn't. Still haven't seen him since and it's been a back-burner wonder of mine whether I am ready to see him or not this next time I go back to Spain. 4. I did the "single life" for a year. (Or at least, the "not in a relationship" life for a year.) I learned how to cope on my own without leaning on a significant other for all my happiness and emotional support. I learned a that relationships are very gray-area and no two are the same and yours isn't supposed to follow the same formula as someone else's relationship. I tried the fun "single life" stuff. I had sex with 4 other people-- including a threesome with Brad and Juan. Also including a girl, Lana. I did the one-night-stand hookup thing. I did the "dating" thing. I learned a lot about what that's like-- to live in such a self-concerned way (i don't wanna say "selfish" here bc that has negative connotations). I learned how to trust people and how much I have left to learn. I got a lot out of my system in terms of hookup culture and sex and making out with strangers. I'm glad I did it. I learned I'm not as demisexual as I thought. I learned I do really like being in a relationship, and that I need multiple deep relationships to be happy. 5. I started therapy. 6. I traveled to 4 new countries. 7. I decided to be a full-time musician and not teach English. My YouTube channel pays out around $400 a month, and my Patreon is at about $920 a month. So I can live in Madrid for another year with a rent of around $400 or $500 and be just fine. I'm taking steps all the time to get me to a good spot with this as my main source of income. It's very exciting and scary and I wonder what it's gonna turn into.

The first that comes to mind is that I "received" a new cello teacher late last autumn. I still feel absolutely inspired and grateful that such blessings happen to me. And then followed a new cello! While there remains a nagging feeling that I don't deserve such a precious gift and the circumstances are a little bit complicated, but the instrument as such and how it was given are inspiring and leave me utterly grateful. The last experience was performing my first eurythmy solos, with a veil, and absolutely loving it. It all confirms me on my path.

Just been to Ireland- staying with friends. How glorious to stay with FRIENDS. They were so welcoming and have a lovely comfortable house. Such lovely gentle friendly people- unlike the ones I have met in the past. Contradictory - two sides to the nature. Not an inspiring countryside and everything hours away by car, and it poured with rain because of a tropical storm. I understand that it rains all the time anyway. Really made me think, how nice it would be to have big rooms like theirs, to be able to move about and breath.

The death of my 17 years cat. It affected me deeply because he was my longtime companion. Once he saved my life and i am eternally grateful to him. He was healthy and i took him to the vet, they insisted in taking blood from him and he had an heart attack. I couldn´t save him. I cried a lot because i couldn´t believe in his death, i thought he would live much longer. i think he was surprised too. I still feel sad because he was the greatest cat.

Summer 2019- Vacation to Asia( South Korea, Hong Kong, Japan) This vacation and me being more mature and understanding has opened my eyes to Asia, no longer having fear and resent when visiting, but enjoying the experiences I shared with my family. The most significant part was being in Hong Kong, but more specifically a dinner I had with the extended family from my dad side. I learned that my cousin actually has a daughter that is 12 or something and I got to talk to so many other cousins and their spouses. I may be a world away, but how did I not even know these people or only have limited memories. I realized how didtant I really am to that part of my family. Why? Idk. Maybe cause of the distance, maybe cause my dad isn't that close with them or maybe cause I never cared till now. I am speechless as to how my cousin's daughter needed to be introduced to me, why, we are blood related aren't we and is it not 2019? I guess that's not enough, because after that family dinner, I realized that that girl and any other relatives will grow up and grow old without having me as any part of their lives. This shocks me, because I thought family was family, but this just felt like acquaintances I haven't seen in a lifetime.

This year I had to face some really difficult news about my journey to becoming a parent. Before the news, I had a lot of vague, free-floating fears about being able to conceive. While the news was devastating, and brought up a lot of grief about all those months of trying, I think that in an unexpected way it was really liberating. The "worst" was now happening: we would need some kind of intervention to get pregnant, and we were facing that head-on, together. It's not that I'm no longer scared (I am!) or worried (I am!), it's just that I'm proving to myself that I can trust myself and my partner to handle scary things.

I broke up with Ben 3 weeks ago. He was so beautiful. I miss his touch and his skinny body, the noise he used to make with his mouth, the way he loved duets...the way he would stand behind me on a nature walk and whisper in my ear to look at a bird. When he would tell me the difference between lorrikeets and rosellas was that one ate seeds and one ate nectar...I see lorrikeets everywhere I go now. And dudes on skateboards. I miss him so much. I'm so, so sad

I traveled to NYC on my own. My first solo trip. It was actually very empowering to be able to plan my own schedule and travel on my own. I am very relieved that everything went well and so grateful to have a short trip where I focused on myself and who I am. I was really able to evaluate what I want in life and how I’m growing as a person and explore areas and events in the city I may not have been able to do if I was having to compromise with another persons schedule.

It is happening right now. My mother is dying. I am helping her make the transition. I am grateful to be able to do so, and also heartbroken, and exhausted, and scared. I feel like I've adorned my body with heavy weights. She's in a liminal state, not yet gone, but not really living. And so I am too. She and I have been bonded through so much. And now this as well. Sometimes I wake to wonder if I have been dreaming her dreams. I wish that I could crawl inside her mind so that she wouldn't be, in the end, alone.

I turn 50 this year. Yikes. But rather than feel I'm on the downward slope, I made a conscious effort to do things I haven't before -- even on a small level. By making a bucket list of "50 Things To Do Before 50," I realize I am quite good at tunnel-vision focus on work, but not so good at broadening my routine. So this year I've been to museums, the symphony and opera, a Sting concert, a coast-to-coast road trip, visited Graceland, kayaked, and ate alligator. I can see I still have lots of room to grow and comfort zones to be stretched. I've given myself more permission to have fun, and found more motivation to be brave.

Attending concerts by myself. I would've preferred to go with someone, but most of my friends don't like the same genre of music. At first, I was nervous about going alone, but each time I enjoyed myself and were some of the best concerts I've ever been to.

I caused a car accident that totaled my car. I have not been in contact with the other driver, but have been told by insurance that he is okay. Hopefully he got a new car out of this horrible experience. I am much more careful when driving, but also more nervous and jumpy. I have asked the cosmos for forgiveness since I cannot ask the driver directly. I am sorry that I caused him harm in any way.

Leo died. It was awful. It has created some of the first true regrets I have ever experienced in my life. And it has thrown into turmoil some of the stories that I tell myself about who I am, whether I can be trusted, whether I am a worthy caretaker. It continues to affect me almost every day and I have a feeling it will remain one of the seminal moments of my life story.

I was coping with the after effects of being made redundant from a job in which I was excelling, enjoyed and was highly respected. So it was a surprise. However, it was also an opportunity & decided immediately that I was't going to be bitter, get angry or let it define me, I was just going to get on with life & supporting my partner & young family. Which I did. And then found another job started my own company & branched out. I was not financially secure so needed to work. Although I miss parts of my old job, I'm much better now than I was. One door closes, another opens......

For the first time, I trained up my maternity cover at work. It made me a bit jealous, as it seems that he has so much more expertise and experience than me, despite being the same age. Still, there was plenty for me to teach him, and it was good fun hanging out together, and maybe I'm inspired to go about finding more about biology in my spare time. Maybe. When I'm not singing.

I started a new job and it wasn't what I expected. It's crushing me, with no work / life balance, and it's demoralizing and dehumanizing.

For the very first time, I got to visit the west coast of the United States. I'd found myself in need of radical change and one of the resulting actions was to book a flight to Portland and drive all the way on down to San Diego over the course of two weeks. While I'm fortunate enough to regularly travel and take trips, this one in particular rekindled my passion for adventure. Something so classically Americana about hitting the open road with a general plan to head south and see what I experience all along the way. I'll forever be grateful for this experience and I believe it'll stand out as a remarkable event in my life.

My anxiety has gotten *much* worse, due in large part to competing demands on my time from work and church and family. I do resent it, especially the parts of it that I didn't choose to take on, but rather were dropped on me. I don't want to repeat a year where I feel as anxious and burned out as I have this year; it was hellish.

I went to Israel this summer and it was deeply significant. I felt a deep sense of connection to my religion, other Jews and to the state of Israel. It left me feeling fulfilled, moved and altogether changed. I had never felt a sense of connection to Israel whatsoever. None of my family lives there and I always regarded it with a wierd love-hate relationship. I was grateful for a Jewish state but I always resented the human rights violations and complicated political issues of the region. Visiting it gave me a better sense of what is happening and that things are not black and white as people make them out to be. I also realized that I can regard Israel much in the same way that I regard America: It's ok that I can both love and hate it. I hate Donald Trump but that just means I love America enough to see what is best for it. I don't like how Israel treats minorities but criticizing it and asking for a change for the better is a show of love. I felt that my visit to Israel grew me as a person and I am forever grateful to the Jewish Federation for their generosity in sending me there.

My mother died. I am relieved that I don’t have to wonder about when it will happen. I’m relieved that she is no longer in pain. I am confused that she no longer exists in any way I can connect to. I am resigned that she was not a happy person. I am considering the lessons I learned from her life.

E learned to drive. I am relieved- much less carpooling for me!

I guess one big one was the job change. Taking the new job felt like such a huge plunge!! I started out so like.. nervous and energized. I love my new coworkers, but the job itself is stressful and I still haven't figured out like... proper coping mechanisms for dealing with the work. I hope I will.

I think the most significant experience that has happened to me in the past year is that I traveled by my own. I wanted something and I did it. I went to Greece. As I studied philosophy, my dream has always been to get to know the Parthenon and the Agora. I found myself without someone who had the same interest, so I decided to do it by myself. It had great moments, and not so great ones. One great moment was when I spontaneously decided to go to Poseidon temple, which is at Cape Sounion, 2 hours from Athens. I jumped on the bus alone and head that direction. When I arrived, I looked at the sea, at Poseidon's temple, who has been standing there for centuries, and I realized that I can do everything I wanted. I wondered how many things I do wanted to do, or how many places I do wanted to go, but I missed out, just because I had to study, because I didn't priorize them or because I didn´t had someone to join me.

My car got stolen. I loved that car. It was a Peugeot 308 and it was called The White Queen. But I realised it was a lesson in not getting attached to things. They can get stolen. Jesus knew this! Buddha knew this. So I let my daughter pick my next car out of Gumtree. I am happy with that- even though it’s lipstick pink!

My Aunt Maria unexpectedly passed away at 70. We learned afterwards that she hadn't been to the doctor in 35 years. It made her death all the more sad because we think it could have easily been prevented and she could have lived a lot longer had she taken better care of herself. But it was a big wake up call for me and inspired me to visit all my doctors and stay more up to date with keeping myself healthy, so for that I thank her.

My experience of being without a place where all my stuff was this past year was informative, stressful in actuality causing eating, and eye opening in that it revealed that the boy in Wisconsin was very missed. Having a place to be settled is so needed and I hope this new place I recently choose becomes my own and helps me settle for a long time

Joining my Goals Club and using the impetus to set boundaries with Ian about the state of our home for the first time. Being able to stand up for what Ruby and I need has been really good for my emotional balance but has been very hard in my relationship with Ian.

I found out I can’t have children for health reasons. I am trying to figure out how I feel still. I am going through many emotions and intimacy is incredibly painful so I don’t know.

This year I fell for an older man and had incredible sex with him. It made me feel like I can authentically connect to men, and reminded me how good sex can be. I let myself go too quickly and didnt think realistically and now I’m hurting. I don’t want to lose my zest for love, but I wish I could just feel and be more and talk less. I miss him. I can move on slowly. He misses me too.

This year I had fulfilled my biggest dream: I got a scholarship on LLM program in Sweden, and now I study at the University of my dream. I feel inspired and ready for new adventures.

I became a great grandmother in February to Noah Alexander. I'm over the moon in love with my little man. He makes 5 generations in our family! I'm grateful that he's a healthy baby and proud of my grandson, Nick, for being such a great dad.

Two big ones: First, Robert was diagnosed with cancer, a chronic form of leukaemia. Mostly I've been accepting and calm, as the form of cancer is one that isn't acute and doesn't require horrible treatments. That said, it has been scary and a bit of a wake-up call that life could be shorter than we think. It seems to be a cancer that may not change his life expectancy in the short term, but long term it can turn aggressive. I recently spoke with a woman whose husband had a similar form of cancer, and died younger than expected when the blood cancer turned aggressive. We don't know how long Robert has had this, since the symptoms are mainly fatigue. At the end of the day, it brings life and death into sharper relief. If life is short, then we need to make what we want of it. That leads us to #2. We bought a house near the beach, where his family had previously had their cottage. That has been Robert's happy place for many years. And the city has not. So love wins here, and we are upgrading it to be winter ready. And starting to move ourselves up there.

A significant experience that has happened last year was to lose about 23 pounds. Finally, I'm under 210 pounds! I'm proud of myself and hopefully, at 52, this time 'round will finally stick. I also paid off all my credit card debt which I think is even bigger than the first feat. I'm so relieved. It's amazing and freeing to not have to pay $700 a month towards credit card bills. I feel grateful about the smart moves I made and big choices it took to achieve these two experiences. I am disappointed with myself that I keep on having this battle with my weight but right now I do feel kind of inspired. I finally understand Weight Watchers and what works for me.

I got promoted to full-time instructor this year. I'm very relieved, but also worried that my contract might not get renewed, through no fault of my own.

This summer I visited Sarah in Poland. We stayed mostly in Warsaw and spent one weekend in Krakow, made a couple day trips to Lodz. The trip with full of revelations and significant experiences. I felt inspired and excited by life. I felt like I better understood Sarah, better appreciated how sensitive she is to cities' personalities, her feelings of compatibility/incompatibility with them. I felt, for the first time, that I could live somewhere other than the US; that I'd want to. I felt comfortable in Warsaw. I became romantic about the strand of Polish nationalism represented by Pilsudski, the heroic multi-ethnic socialist confederation to which so many Jews and non-Jews aspired and struggled for during the 19th and 20th century. I felt inspired to fight alongside the cultural activists we met, to write myself into a very particular European story, small and important. A particularly meaningful experience came one evening when we went to a concert of the "Small Dancing Orchestra." It shattered my ideas of what constituted coolness. It was a demographically diverse crowd in an old, fairy-lit courtyard. People dressed up for dancing, and they knew what they were doing, and they were there for serious fun. I wore my tattered WFMU t-shirt, because it was my coolest shirt, I thought. No one looked at me funny, no one particularly cared that I was under-dressed, but I did regret my decision. It was a romantic space, and a fragile one, and I didn't want to do anything that could break the spell. Effort and thrift were cool there, cooler than zhlubbiness and nonchalance. I have a lot to learn, and I am 37. It made me wish that I had been younger, there, but maybe I visited exactly when I needed to.

Changed jobs. It gave me the opportunity to work with amazing people, on interesting projects, opportunities for growth and development. I'm grateful, relieved I took a chance. It inspires me. It was the best decision I made in the past year.

We traveled to Newfoundland for the month of June visiting all parts of the island from St John's to Bonavista to Gros Morne to St Anthony's and back . There were icebergs, rocks, beaches, hiking trails, museums, gannet and puffin colonies as well as the clean air and beautiful, welcoming residents. I felt very grateful that we had the resources to visit this wonderful part of our country.

I'm split between writing about being unemployed and writing about getting married. Getting married is kind of no big deal; we filed the paperwork, we said sweet things to each other (like we do on any given day) and had a big party. It's ultimately a lot of silliness, but it also was a wonderful day which led to a wonderful (if hectic) transition to our home with Eli and Jeff. We got to see people we hadn't seen in a long time, and we got to see people we love meet for the first time. I got to lay on a hammock with Jenean and feel more sisterly. Being unemployed was rough, but also a wonderful opportunity to explore my strengths and weaknesses, have more time with Julius, which was lovely, and focus on school. I got to really drill down into what values I want to derive for myself from my work and to internalize my belief that I'm more than my productivity.

Coming to terms and peace with death. I'm ready and accepting.

Accepting and embracing my nonbinary identity has been refreshing. It’s given me context for feelings of gender discomfort I’ve had all my life, and opened up new avenues of expressing myself.

My husband and I moved into a new apartment. I think the result is that we're both a lot happier. Our old place was near the highway, it was getting difficult to find parking, and our neighbors had become a bit irritating. The new place is so much quieter, so I can occasionally enjoy silence. We also have a beautiful complex, so I think the trees and plantings are also a mood lifter.

A significant experience in the last year has been the health problems that my aging parents have experienced. On a stormy night early in February after attending one of my art openings, dad fell in the street and ended up in Highland Hospital for a week. Now he has a pacemaker and a device to help mitigate the risks of atrial fibrillation. I am grateful that he got excellent care, but I do wonder if we have stabilized his heart in order that he may die of the dwindles or to develop dementia. It was hard in the moment and his declining life force is an ongoing thing to recognize and reckon with. Months after he is stabilized, mom discovers that she has cancer again and after about 6 weeks of tests and treatments, it is clear to her doctors that she will never be cancer free and never be off of treatment. So its happening. My parents have begun the obvious decline. I am neither grateful, relieved resentful or inspired. I am spooked. I feel burdened and dark. I feel like the center of the universe and a cliche all at the same time. I am trying to feel like a part of the cycle of life and awake to what it means to lose parents and what it feels like to begin to lose mine.

I have become a climber. Before this year I had never thought of myself as being able to rock climb. It was too intimidating and I felt too weak. I now feel stronger, more inspired and excited to take on challenges. I am so grateful for the opportunity to rock climb and I am inspired to take a other challenges in my life.

I broke up with a partner of two years - my first long term committed relationship, my first intimate relationship, a high school sweetheart. It was for a variety of reasons. I feel pain, but also I feel like I made a decision based on what I needed and wanted for the future - not remaining stagnant. So I’m grateful for the courage.

I quit teaching this year in January and was pretty much out of a real job for a long while. I took on teaching online to kids in China (teaching them English) and that led to a lot of fulfillment in my life. I liked the one-on-one teaching experience very much. Then come August of this year a non-profit I'd worked with in my classrooms posted an opening and I've been working with them ever since. I've never felt so fulfilled as an educator before. I believe that this is the perfect balance for me. I know I'm not making nearly as much as I used to but I feel inspired, restored, renewed, and relieved with where I am now. The amount of gratefulness I have for all in my life is overwhelming at times. I am thrilled to be where I am today.

This time last year I had lived in St. Petersburg for two full months. I had made a couple of friends and was throwing myself into every activity that I thought I would enjoy. But then, I made a brave choice. There was a sign at work that said "Need help?" or the poster of the bear upside down that said "Are you stuck?" Regardless of the language, it was a poster for the Employee Assistance Program (EAP). With this program, every employee is allowed 8 sessions with a therapist free of charge. So, I called. The EAP found a therapist near me and I started seeing Kim. At first, I thought it would be for me to help out with my romantic life. Now, I see what Kim really knew I needed and what I was talking about every time I went to see her. Transition. A growth period. A time when I had to stretch myself in ways I hadn't done in years. How do you make friends in your 30s? It's possible, it just different than it was in your 20s, or our teens. Getting to see, and talk to Kim was something I came to look forward to. It was wonderful having an unbiased person celebrating small, and big, wins during a time of transition. Luckily, I get more "free" sessions with her this year as we work on the issue of communication.

This year while on vacation in Bath, NY the family went on a hike around some of the waterfalls. While there I had a truely terrifying thought as u was looking at the running water. I thought I could just jump in the river and let the water sweep me away from everything. And I would have been okay with that. At that moment I realized I needed to change my thought process and a few things in my life as I was really not happy. I also realized I had lost who I am and am still in the process of finding myself again and finding happiness. I am grateful I had that moment so I can look at things and make the adjustments needed in my life.

In late fall 2018, I was in the final steps for a new job and then didn't get the offer in the end. I had started mentally checking out and then had to get it back together. I was pretty disappointed and ended up depressed when in April I finally had a break from work and mom obligations on my first solo trip in 3 years for a friends wedding. I still feel torn about feeling like I neglected my friend during her wedding, but also annoyed that she wasn't really there for me either in my new life as a mom. I ended up finally doing some therapy, but only focused on work issues and not personal.

This past year.. my ex is now dating someone else. It's funny. While we were dating, the flaws and shortcomings were the most salient features. After breaking up, the 'good parts' are the easiest to remember. I asked her to tell me when she found someone else. Before then we were sharing funny memes with eachother. I think a lot of my initial anger had worn off and I was more receptive to considering another relationship in the future. But when she told me she was moving on, I was pretty upset. Surprising how much emotional weight I had when it happened, actually. I think this is part of growing up. Have a serious relationship fail. Learn to move on -- accept the fact that there is no second chance and to stop entertaining the happy memories and fantasies that won't lead anywhere. I don't want to bring this as baggage to any future relationships that I have. It's significant because I think I still think about some aspect of the relationship at least daily. Not intentional, certainly, but it just happens. I know I'm not supposed to think like this.. but I would like her to regret it, and never find anyone better than me in her future relationships. I should be wishing her to be happy right? I think there's some resentment at having been rejected, especially since I wasn't ready to move on. I'll come around, I'm sure..

My daughter officially moved out of the house and into her first apartment. She will no longer be coming home for the summer so it represented a true moment of her growing up and moving on. It affected me quite deeply because while many things will remain the same, so much has now changed. She has become her own person and I have completed my primary role as parent. Sure I will always be her mom... but it’s just not the same without them under your own roof. I am grateful that we have reached this point. She has truly turned into a wonderful young woman and I am relieved that I do not have to worry about whether she can make it in this crazy world. She is throwing dinner parties and decorating for Halloween... enjoying her work and her relationship with Dylan. It’s all just absolutely fantastic. I am not resentful of anything at all. I am inspired by her energy and motivation and brilliant light.

Jon getting a job is the most significant thing that has happened to our family this year. I'm happy and relieved for Jon and for our family, and I am proud of him and excited for this next part of his life. I remain tremendously grateful for the friends and family who surrounded us with love last year. And I feel proud and happy about the way that we supported each other through last year. Our pastor described our love as "tenacious," and that's a good word (also: "deep" and "true"). Jon's losing his job was truly terrible, and I'm still recovering from the trauma connected with it, but I also have this wonderful sense of having been tested and having passed the test.

Got a wonderful new job, then realized how abusive my old situation was. Realized the signs of burnout and vowed to never allow myself to be used like that again.

i got married this spring. i have to say that during the actual ceremony i felt a calm elation that was surprising given my incessant, constant questioning of every prior relationship i’ve been in. and it’s not that this relationship is more intense, or that we communicate better, or that we are each other’s “one” - i think honestly we were just both ready to commit and start building something and see each other as good partners for the other.

I started therapy this year. I tried early in the year to find a counselor but with no luck; then, one day that I was feeling hopeless and scared and self-harmful, I reached out on PsychToday and it’s been a great match. It was the right timing for sure.

I got married this year! It was probably one of the most significant life events I have experienced so far, and may be for my lifetime to come. I married my favourite person after being with him for 5.5 years and it was a truly perfect day. The weather was gorgeous, our guests were beside themselves with love and joy and I couldn't stop smiling all day and all night. Our first dance was perfect and the photos are incredible. It feels like nothing could have taken away from it being the best day of my life. It was a lot of preparation for one day but it was all worth it.

Friends: A long time friend died this spring and it brought home to us the fragility of our lives. Another remarried after losing his wife last year to cancer. So life does not end with friends'/partners' deaths. Home: 30 year old home and appliances as well as parts of the structure required replacements/maintenance. Budget crashed. Cars: After driving my best friend (truck) for 16 years I replaced it with a new SUV. I truly miss my truck despite it needing engine work.

I attended my college best friend's wedding. The love that he and his wife shared was both authentic and filled with enthusiasm. Prior to their meeting, I used to think that he was a perfectionist and that he would never find his "true love"; however, his patience and persistence paid-off and I couldn't be any happier for the two of them. It also inspired me that my future partner is still out there, and that I shouldn't waste time meeting people that I know don't have the potential for marriage.

The first year of marriage has been so sweet; I did not expect to have that first year include getting pregnant. We're excited about it, but that big of a surprise has lots of other feelings attached to it.

I changed jobs this year and it greatly affected me. It validated me as a professional and has made me feel valued. I am relieved I had an opportunity to shift career paths and feel inspired to grow as a fundraiser.

Changing jobs for sure is a huge one, my daughter's accident, and more recently, watching a friend go through the illness and death of her husband. All of them made me feel grateful for who I am and what I am privileged to experience. First, changing jobs has made me inspired and even more excited about what I can accomplish. The accident left me feeling concerned for my daughter's well being and mental health (after knowing her physical injuries would heal), but she has proven to be so incredible resilient and strong - stronger than anyone I know! When I was a similar age and had my own accident with the escalator, it scarred me for years, even after I healed physically. I feared the same thing would happened to her, but she has essentially not skipped a beat. She is so special and I am so lucky to be her mom. Finally, watching my friend lose her husband has been heartbreaking. I feel so grateful for my life and found helping her during this time to be a meaningful way to feel more human and more grounded in my life.

Year? How about month. Tahoe started Kindergarten. Matthew passed away. Asher seems to be transitioning. I started a new job. I’m dealing with every emotional state cranked up to 11, all the time. I’m definitely tired. I’m sure of that.

Evie was born last November. Becoming a parent has changed me in so many ways I expected, and in so many ways I never could've predicted. It's the most wonderful thing I've ever done, and at the same time the hardest. I am more productive and more patient and work so much harder on so little sleep than I ever have in my life, but I usually feel like I'm doing an absolutely terrible job, and I can't believe they let me have a kid.

Honestly I freaking snorkeled in the great barrier reef. Uh...??? SO not only did I go to Australia across the entire globe all by myself, but I flew around the country by myself, waited in airports by myself, dined by myself, booked entire weekends of plans by myself for myself, slept in a hostel by myself, rode boats by myself, hiked an entire ISLAND by myself. I really got to know myself so well by being so so so alone. Yes, I was lonely, but now I look back and say look at all that I did all on my own! I can do anything. I snorkeled in the great barrier reef.

Nothing much. It’s been a tame and level year.

This past year living in a shared house was really hard for me. I am really relieved and inspired to live my best life and think about how I would share my space in the future. I hope I do.

I got divorced after being separated for a few years. It’s been quite profound, especially giving ourselves the time to come to peace and using a divorce mediator this past year to complete the process. I was physically disoriented before the divorce hearing and after it; I got lost in the courthouse, and then could not find my car in the parking garage.... I feel both liberated and a bit lost. My life apart from him for the years of separation were fine - and now, legally divorced, still fine, but somehow more solid. A chapter has ended - a page turned.

My eldest daughter and her family moved 13 hours away. I am saddened. I miss visits with them. I miss helping them. I feel distanced from her and it amplifies feelings I have of distance when my kids get together and don't want this "old" person around.

Dissolution of 24 year marriage Relieved Saddened

I got Canadian perminant residency, and got engaged. I am relieved, I hope it works out and I made the right choice but I am happy it's mostly over, concerned what might pop up in the future (dealing with importing my car and goods). I am relieved to officially have a home again. Francis died I started at gitlab For the first time ever I was unemployed and not looking hard for work, for months. I tried to write a book and failed. I spoke at shmoocon, I ran a meetup at Defcon, I spoke at the last derbycon, I got a black badge there too thanks to hacker con ticket exchange, I spoke at bsidesedmonton, and I will speak at Shellcon twice and bsidesdc. I have helped run the resume clinics at derbycon and defendcon.

I don't know if I should be happy or sad, but there has been no significant experiences in the last 12 months. Family is all alive and well. Ann and I have finished up counseling and things are going well there. The kids are doing great and so is work. I am thrilled the y luck continues.

Colleen moved back to the Northwest to help mom and Erin, which was a huge relief. It was also a relief that she figured out so quickly that we weren't going to be able to make things there better the way we wanted to, and it's a relief that we are together realizing that Erin may not want to be rescued any more than mom wants to be healed

Committing myself to the gym and personal training sessions has been a significant experience for me this year. It has been really inspiring for me to be reconnecting with my body and realigning my mental and emotional relationship with my body with the physical work. I struggled for nearly 2 years to find a routine that worked, and I am finally seeing results and feeling healthy!

The most significant experience was being promoted to Executive Director of my organization. I knew it was coming (inasmuch as it was part of the plan in both my book and that of my board), but it was still an achievement to gain that title. The best part about it was my brother sending me a message, and then saying it over the phone when we talked a few days later, that he was so proud of his baby brother to be an *Executive* director (I'm actually tearing up writing this). I might not have the degrees or institutions on my resume that my siblings do, but I am succeeding in my own path, in my own way.

I began attending and participating in an Adult Children of Alcoholics group. The meetings and materials have helped me recognize that many of my issues and problems are typical of people who grew up in alcoholic and/or dysfunctional homes. I would say I am part relieved, part inspired, and part glad to be in a room with people who are dealing with some of the same stuff I am.

I turned 50. A significant milestone. I am grateful that each year as I age I’m getting more and more honest with myself and more willing to admit my mistakes and more desirous to live peacefully. Some of my actions continue to not be in line with my beliefs so I’m admitting that I’m not always making choices that are best for me. I’m relieved to be able to have this wisdom and hoping I can continue to mature.

God told me to move to Knoxville. It surprised me, but I knew I had to trust Him because He's been so faithful in other areas in my life. So I moved, and I'm so thankful I listened! I feel like I belong here, and being with family is invaluable. I've missed that more than I realized!

I was fired from a job that was truly awful and from which I was about to resign anyway. This has raised so many mixed emotions: anger and resentment that I was treated this way when I tried to stand against bullying, that I upended my life for something that was so completely misrepresented to me; relief that I no longer have to experience that workplace; exhaustion(!); pride at my own resilience, that I survived with my head held high and my integrity intact.

My Mother passed away a year ago. It had a profound affect on me for obvious reasons. I am relieved she is no longer suffering after fighting Stage IV breast cancer for 14 years. I have horrible guilt for not fighting to see her more and resentful of her boyfriend who basically kept her from us instead of giving my sister and me our privacy with her when we needed it.

I moved to Los Angeles in January. I love it and am excited and inspired, but also struggling with depression and my desire to connect through the feeling of isolation that I have.

Confusing, scary, and defining. That's how I felt when landing my first job. I was and still am grateful that I got my first job. In retrospect, I don't regret it at all as I gained a lot of experience after a year of working for that foundation.

I've actually started working on building my business. I've already had some success and some failure, but I'm learning a lot. I have an amazing accountability partner who has helped me more than I can even describe - without her I'm sure I would still be floundering. I've also gotten back to taking care of my body, and my mindset has changed dramatically. Even when I don't take care of myself the way I'd like to, I'm so much more accepting and forgiving - I would have spent all my time beating myself up before. I'm feeling very optimistic about the future now, and looking forward to really getting some momentum going in 2020. I think it's going to be my year!

I traveled with my family to north west Australia for 5 weeks. It was a big journey, concerting 7,000kms in a 4WD, sleeping in tents, going on lots of bush walks and doing a few adventurous things. The highlights for me were canoeing along the ford river in WA in the middle of the wilderness and swimming with whale sharks on Ningaloo reef. I’m extremely grateful to my husband Mark for organising the whole trip, and to my kids for making it a fantastic experience. I returned home feeling a new sense of calm and confidence inside myself, and interestingly I reconnected with a sillier side of my personality that felt light and playful. I’d like to keep feeling that way.

The thing that I have done this year that has had the greatest impact on my quality of life is starting listening to audiobooks. I used to read frequently but since having children I have not managed to make that happen. Since starting to listen to audiobooks last fall I have read (listened to) 56 books! I have spent so much time during the last several years prioritizing others (children and my husband) that I am left with out a sense of self. Sometimes I wonder if, one day when I have time to persue my own interests, I will even still enjoy the things that I once did. Listening to audiobooks has allowed me to follow an interest in a way that fits into the reality of my life these days. I can listen while washing dishes, putting the baby to bed, or just watching the children play. I still long for the time to persue other iterests of my own but audiobooks have been a big help in managing a life stage when that is just not possbile.

I broke up with Amar. At the moment I feel a bit adrift. In between places. Having strange dreams and drafting and redrafting texts to him. I cried this morning 01/10/19. It's been a month. I think I cried for my stability, my home and his comfort. I hurt him on Friday when I said I was happy with my decision. I'm not happy, I just know it's the right thing to do. We were never going to be right for each other. I wish I could have both, but I can't. And I can't send the message I want to send, because it's unfair on him. I have no real intention of getting back together, so I can't drag it out for my own comfort. I'll become more stable again. I'll get better. And I won't just jump into another relationship!! I will just have loads of (great) sex. There's a promise!

I lost my job in December last year which was good. It was a relief. No more horrible manager. I had Christmas off and was able to help Victoria find a wedding dress and plan the wedding. In January we found we owed $20,000 in taxes and I didn’t have a job yet. I got a job in March and was able to find a way to pay for the taxes, wedding and monthly bills. I feel very fortunate to have survived all the stress I went through this year. Victoria’s wedding was beautiful and it went well with very minor hiccups. We are so proud of her. I am so much happier in my new job. It’s a sales role with an awesome male manager and awesome coworkers who are truly compassionate, helpful and willing to work. A far cry from that orange company that broke my heart.

Going on an extended European vacation with my spouse's side of the family left me feeling grateful. Throughout the trip, not even a single "side glance" occurred among nine persons. Everyone worked cooperatively and enjoyed this once in a lifetime experience together.

When I found out I was pregnant, I didn't really know how to feel. I had imagined being over the moon, since I had been disappointed with every period since I got off birth control, but somehow actually being pregnant didn't feel real.

Moving house to East Lindfield. This place is heaven on earth, I am so grateful to be able to live here. Every morning I jog down to Middle Harbour, and - as I look out over the water whilst listening to beautiful music - I think "This world was created just for me." Then I dance home, seeing the rainbow lorikeets and cockatoos, and the bunnies and the spring flowers in bloom.

I got fired twice in one year. Made me doubt myself and my abilities. And then I got offered a role that I thought would be perfect for me but had to turn it down because I had already started another role. I really hope this was the right decision.

It would have to be my break up with Sam. Completely unexpected after two and a half years together. I’d just moved in with him three months earlier and I had no idea he was unhappy. He didn’t communicate anything to me, but I also could have communicated better. Five weeks later, I feel free. I’m happier than I was when I was with him but I still grieve the relationship everyday. I’m discovering who I am again - I lost a lot of my identity in the relationship, and toward the end it was toxic for both of us. I’m figuring out who I am and what I want out of life and what I want to contribute and how I’ll make an impact now.

I got married! Extremely grateful and excited to enter into a new chapter in my life. It may seem long overdue, but I believe in God's time. This time I live and breathe and do everything for my wife. It's not an easy task, but a continuous journey that i'll enjoy with her. And with God's grace and love at every moment, I am confident it will be a wonderful journey of growing in love everyday.

Moving, again, and finally buying an appartment. Somewhat relieved I don't have to move anytime soon but anxious about economics

I got made redundant in my last job. It wasn't unexpected, but being out of work for a few months was certainly interesting. It gave me a better idea of what I want from my life, as well as how I value myself. Possibly too much of my self-worth is based on the opinions of others.

I got a new job! I am inspired and overwhelmed. I am grateful. I am still worried about whether or not I did the right thing or if what I’m doing is enough.

The birth of our son was a most life changing experience. Becoming parents has brought Frank and me closer together, and it has helped me see that I need to trust him more and question him less. Having Joshua also brought to light my depression and anxiety. I was able to get help for both and am living my best life staying home with Joshua and feeling great. Frank has been supportive the whole way through, never doubting or brushing my feelings aside. I feel grateful to be in this journey with Frank.

I went back to work. It has been a slow burn, first I started at a consulting gig, which was too soon and didn't work out for my family and then I began working at Therapy Austin, part time as a psychotherapist to get my clinical licensure. I have many complex feelings about this - I love it, I hate it, It brings me joy and guilt. I love it because I love the work and I love using my brain. I hate it because it means I don't have flexibility and freedom. It brings me joy for the same reasons that I love it - I'm good at it and I help people. I feel guilt because quite frankly, it is easier than taking care of my kids. I have really connected with the idea that "you can have anything, but you can't have everything." I can have work, but I can't spend all my time with my kids. I can spend time with my kids, but then I feel like I am losing my mind. I can get up early, but I can't stay up late. I can't be calm and address anxiety if I am drinking coffee, wine, and ignoring myself. So many of my judgements have fallen away now that I am a parent. I used to have certain opinions about parents who worked and spent alot of time away from their kids, but now I get it. I used to be mad at my parents for losing their temper, but now I get it.

Started a renovation/remodel of our home and have been living with my in-laws since mid-May. As a family, we have had to adapt to being with my wife's parents and all the good and bad that comes with it. Mostly a very good thing and I am eternally grateful for the experience and ability to be able to live with them. I feel lucky to spend the time with my father-in-law because, due to pancreatic cancer, we have no idea how much time is left with him. My children get to experience this loving family time as well. They are the best grandparents. I am inspired to live each day to the fullest I can.

Roscoe got killed. I just miss him so much. He was such a big part of my life, from getting up till putting him and Charlotte to bed. He organized my free time around, hey, let's go for a walk, or hey, how about a car ride? or Hey, that's too much snack for you. I miss his weight, his smell, the feel of his hair, deburring him. Emergency baths. Car rides with his head out the window. But I am working on a portrait mosaic and so far it looks like it might be one of the nicest I've ever done.

I moved to NYC. A dream of mine as a little girl was to live in NYC. I am extremely grateful. Living on my own and paying my own bills is very important to me. I do not like being handed anything in life. Finding this apartment was hard work. It took quick decisions and I am usually quite indecisive. Although it is frightening, the change/ expense has made me more focused and it has inspired me to continue to work for the things I truly want.

The main thing I can think of is progressing in my job/career. Just after I finished last year's questions the opportunity came up for me to 'act up' into a more senior role and then it became permanent so I am really happy and grateful. I am managing to save every month now, although it is not a lot it is a great start and I am feeling much better financially. The other thing I noticed this year is the big shift if my friend being at different life stages, trying to juggle them is harder than I anticipated but I think this is just going to increase so I better get used to it. I am trying to appreciate everyone does things at different times and it is not a race.

bought my house by myself, after deciding 3 months before I was going to finally do it. remember the feeling of accomplishment and pride in yourself not the stress

This year hasn’t been the hardest of my life, professionally. I think I am/we are coming out of it, but it has been really fucking hard. It has brought me back into a place of deep anxiety which I am unhappy about. But it has also shown me the true strength of my support network.

It's happened within the last few weeks, but still significant and worth mentioning. My computer is back up and running thanks to my dad's hard work. As a result, I've finally been able to start digitizing our old home VHS tapes. Seeing some of this footage for the first time of my mom and other members of our family that have passed away, has been so impactful. I'm getting to see my mom in a new light - in a way that I never saw her before. How she was when she was in her 30's, not much older than me, and seeing how it was for her struggling with a small child at this age, is really something else. I look forward to finding more videos and seeing that footage. I think there's something special there that could maybe be a short or feature documentary.

My grandfather passed away about a month ago. It was significant because it's the only family member in recent memory that I felt choked up when he was gone. Death is always a difficult thing, and it forces you to look at like in a new perspective so for that I am grateful. I am grateful that I got to be at the hospital when he passed although in that moment I was in shock and wasn't able to fully express my emotions. I took the next day off of work and was able to express it privately and on my own time.

I left active military service. It is a relief to be out of that circumstance, yet the transition has been more difficult than expected. I have struggled to find work that will pay a reasonable amount while also providing some flexibility to allow me to care for my boys. In October, I will start working back at the USAF Academy as a civilian. I suspect that could be a good solution for me and my family. Here's hoping.

We lost Tom Hunt in May and that changed everything. Grieving as a family for the first time. Adopting the babies. Tommy's graduation. It colored it all. I don't know how to find the positive in that nice kid's death and I don't want to try today.

Almost exactly a year ago I started the very beginning of an intense and fleeting relationship with an old family friend. What began as a simple mention by my parents "Oh, Ian is single" tumbled into a long-distance, cross-country relationship that went by in the blink of an eye (too cliche?)...To say I learned a lot is an understatement - I learned things about myself that I am proud of, that I am not proud of, things that I still grapple with, and things that are nowadays so ridiculously clear I kick myself; most of which can be boiled down to the feeling that I was desperate for affection (to clarify: we both were) and we forced something that didn't work. All this to say - I don't regret the relationship - and I am lucky enough to call him a friend since we've separated - but at the same time, I never expected for the ripples of that breakup to carry so far into my life and my idea of myself. Without going into too much detail (because frankly I am at my desk and no one has the time) - here's a brief synopsis of the things that I've learned: - Don't date someone because it looks good on paper. - You're 25, don't get hasty about finding "the one" - you'll end up forcing it. - TRUST YOUR FUCKING GUT. - Whether you like it or not, you crave affection - don't accept it from just anyone. - Just because you like someone, does not mean you are compatible. Be open but also be realistic. - Confront people when something is wrong. - At the end of the day, you know how you deserve to be treated - accept nothing less. Here's the thing, there's so many more lessons in the romantic ups-and-downs....but the real takeaway is this: you let the relationship change how you felt about yourself, and THAT needs some work. Somewhere in the middle of that relationship, an idea snuck in there that you weren't worth it - and you believed it....and that is the work of this next year - being yourself & knowing that you are absolutely fucking worth it.

My partner came out to me as trans a couple of months ago. It was a Thursday night and she invited me to read one of her journal entries after the kids had gone to bed. It made me feel like my entire future was in question, for a couple of weeks this felt like the biggest existential threat to our marriage. It probably is, but I also am starting to feel like we'll make it okay, or at least this won't be what kills it. She's actually a huge inspiration to me now, seeing that a light at the end of the tunnel is even possible.

The birth of my child has made me feel both joy and fear. My baby and I almost died and it still feels scary sometimes. But he has changed my life so much for the better.

I had my first mammogram, and then another one to check on a few spots that had calcifications. And there was that other one when my books were sore for a few weeks. And now I have another one scheduled in two weeks to biopsy one of the calcification areas. I scheduled a physical months ago knowing that I was at an age where I would likely get a mammogram as a result. I'm responsible, don't have fears of medical establishments. Not fun, smushing my boob like a pancake, but nothing to really worry about. So my boobs were smushed, then smushed again. Waiting and waiting with no cell phone reception. Then I'm called in to look at the results with the doctor. Not a good sign, but we'll see you again in 6 months she ways. Then my boob starting hurting, righty as usual. In the same spot where there's calcification. Breast cancer doesn't usually cause pain. But another mammogram does. Then another 6-month follow up mammogram. Boob squishing, waiting and waiting. Then the nurse walks me to the doctor's office to look at the results again. Walking down the hall I remember so clearly hearing her say and thinking this can't be good, "I'll be right here when you are done talking to the doctor." I can't even remember the name of the biopsy, but think of a vacuum cleaner attached to needle while doing a mammogram. I have Lorazipan ready. When I think about it, which is not often, I'm faced with my own mortality. My children growing up without a mom. My husband on his own. Maybe after a long, slow decline and years of illness. Maybe it will be quick - all those other aches and pains are cancer that's somehow spread everywhere with no one noticing. I try to be rational. If there was something really wrong, they wouldn't have waited six months for a follow up. They wouldn't have let me wait a month until the next appointment for the vacuum cleaner needle mammogram. Calcifications aren't usually cancer. Both my boobs have them. It's probably just my they are, but this test will just help us know for sure. But as the next appointment approaches and I see my calendar blocked off for the day, it's hard to avoid that dark corner where I become a mom of school-aged kids who died.

Well, today I got married. Although the weather was more wintry than fall, and the temps dropped below zero, I am grateful that 99% of our guests braved the cold and blizzard without complaint. Although the complainer was very vocal and initially created a lot of stress, there was learning for me there. I do NOT need to be a people pleaser and do things because others are uncomfortable. I need to do what's best for me, what's in alignment with who I truly am, and what is my authentic truth. For me and Daniel, that was getting married outside in a sub-zero blizzard. As our officiant said to me before the wedding, people come from all over the world to get married in the snow in the Rockies. I'm lucky enough to have that very wedding in my own backyard. It was truly a magical experience and I am forever grateful for the lessons learned!

Had a hysterectomy and oophectomy. I am grateful that I didnt have ovarian cancer, grateful to learn that I dont tolerate opiates well. As I did have endometrial cancer, I am now worried that I will actually die from this disease.

Grandma passing away unexpectedly. I thought we would have more time with her. The way she died was traumatic and something I'll never get over, but more so it's still hard to believe I can't call her when I'm walking, tell her about my vacations, about my relationship, my career, my plan to move, etc. I miss her every day.

We moved! We finally did it! It was something we had been talking about for a few years and I'd say the past 2 years, we were talking about it very seriously. We have both said multiple times that we wished we could have done it even earlier. Life wouldn't have allowed it, so we moved as soon as we were able to. We have been so grateful to buy this new house. Sometimes it's a little scary, most of the time it's a lot of work but all of the time it's been a dream come true.

A significant experience... When I finally did my Yoga teacher training in mexico, while I was living on my own. It affected me in so many amazing ways, I finally deepen into my yoga practise, and the way i want to live, and instantly start teaching after it opened a huge door to finally take the step to share and hold space for others. I am so grateful for it, and it was a big time of inspiration.

I quit my job of 8 years in March this year. That was a huge change for me. I became used to living and working on odd schedules — working evenings & overnights. I was also used to making enough money to not really have to think about how much I spent. That was a great facet of life. It definitely wasn’t mandatory for me to be happy, but it was great to think, “I want to go to [country]!” Then I would just book it and go for as long as my vacation could afford! On the flip side, that lifestyle became old to me. I traveled enough and saw enough that I didn’t feel I would miss much in life if I never traveled again, other than to share moments with those close to me. This was missing from my life. My coworkers were great, but I spent little time with Sadie and spent quite a few years single simply because I did not have free time on the weekends or evenings to ever be with anybody. Every time I met with a friend or family was an incredible time since it was always rare enough to feel special. I worked while my friends’ children and Brayden grew up around me. I feel very relieved that this aspect of my life is in the past. Yes, nursing may take me right back to overnight work, but with that comes the majority of the week off from work. I also am inspired for the opportunity to travel to any part of the country as needed or desired since this field allows it. I will miss my coworkers, and I have learned a LOT in sacrificing my time and efforts for Merck. I am elated to have turned the page into a new chapter of life, which I am absolutely loving!

Brain surgery to remove a brain tumor. Discovered the meaning of abundant joy; realized that I am worthy; cleaned out shop!!; Find I'm slipping into my old ways

I met someone with whom I immediately clicked. It affected me greatly. I did not know I could have these feelings for someone so immediately, and that they seemed to have them too. It is inspiring!

I went to Kenya to spend time filming and taking pictures of awesome kids who are being empowered by an organization called ZOE. This trip was amazing for me to learn more about the cruciality of encouragement and empowering others by seeing them with the eyes of God. I am incredibly grateful for this experience.

I got rejected by the first person I actually felt love for. It was one of the most difficult times of my life, because I could not understand how my heart could be so full of love and care for this person and how they simply did not even want to let me try and give that to them. It threw me into a depressive state, but now I feel grateful for the experience, as I believe to have learned a valuable lesson. I also feel curious about how this experience will impact my future relationships.

This past February I was fired from my job and it was actually the best thing that could’ve happened. Wow at first I remember having all these second thoughts that guess I never fit in anyway, or am I capable of being part of anything for more than a year— one day I had a team to show up to everyday even though I was miserable and learning nothing and the next day I had absolutely no one. Looking back, not only am I grateful AND relieved but so so happy. The company I worked for has completely turned to shit and I got out unscathed. I have a new job that I enjoy and can actually choose to learn and grow if I put the work in.

I'm struggling. The big thing this year was that we moved internationally. Again. And we'll move internationally again next year. I don't feel like I'm any good at holding things together through these transitions. My eldest will turn 14 next year and still hasn't begun preparing to be a bat mitzvah. We haven't managed to observe Shabbat for months. I can't remember where half our stuff is (Did I put it in long term storage? Or one year storage? Or since it didn't show up here, is it lost?). The kids' medical records and school records are all in disarray. I feel disoriented, discouraged, and just generally not good enough.

This year I re-enrolled in graduate school. It's a relief, a stress, a triumph, and a terror all in one. I'm so proud of myself for getting back to this moment, though I'm intimidated by the task ahead. It's exhilarating when I have a productive day, and frustrating and disheartening when I fail to focus adequately. I'm glad to be moving in this direction, but I'm quite cognizant that the journey is only beginning and I have a lot of personal improvement to do in order to make the most of this opportunity.

This has been a year of perceived stasis. It seems not much has changed, although I know much has. I'm a year older, as is everyone else! Son, husband, sibs and friends. Husband is much improved, but I find the days between going along happily and being tired and fed up get fewer and fewer. He's amazing and dedicated to his own healing - thanks Goodness! - but I believe I am a bit worn out, and while I know I am not unappreciated, I feel that way more often than I used to. Son has visited twice from overseas in the past year, and those visits assuage an ache and almost physical need I have to see him, so really that is significant. Also we have had some small-scale trips out of town, wonderfully freeing but fraught with their own worries. Now that I think on it, possibly a significant experience was part of one of those trips. After Mom's memorial service, held some months after she died, we drove north and I was overwhelmed by the realization that I may never drive those roads or see those sights again, or at least not for a very long time. The stability of my childhood address was of less import - I think I had let go of that long ago - but the town, the mountains, the roads and the feel of the place are all part of the past, and it might take a death to draw me go back (although it's possible we could go for a reunion, making all this maudlin and silly-talk, but still...).

The most significant event from last year was Pearl’s birth. It was so wonderful to experience pregnancy with Lillie. It made me look forward to the experience because I knew it would lead to an awesome outcome. Pearl’s birth was really magical. I got to experience going through labor and she came really quickly after going to the hospital. Our stay at the hospital was easy and we we knew more so worked through some of the problems we had the last time. Pearl was insanely easy in the beginning. I got a little spoiled but in the end she is still really easy. She’s a bit more shy so big events aren’t her thing but she loooves sleeping, sometimes it’s hard to keep her awake and is so happy at home with her family. I am incredibly grateful to have two amazing daughters.

On January 9 of this past year, I packed as much as I could in a clothes hamper and left an abusive relationship. In that moment, it was as if I was a marionette and someone else was in control of my limbs, my muscles, my movements...but somehow I hit my breaking point and I walked out. It's been very costly, financially. I am starting to recognize myself again, and little by little, I am healing. I have no regrets, and I am proud of myself.

I got fired! And I am THRILLED. A little nervous about the future, and sad about the goodbye from my great team and the people I work with, but happy to be away from my narcissistic terror of a boss. And excited for next summer!!!! I read last year's answer which was also work related, and I am in a much better space now, realizing that it was over a year of feeling unsetttled and anxious so definitely the time has come to go.

Getting ill with stress and going off sick. This gave me time to deal with my emotional and physical health problems, to evaluate what was important to me, and to make some decisions about what I needed to let go of. I am grateful I have a job with sick pay. I am relieved to let go of the crushing responsibility. I am resentful my employers did not take care of me and pushed me beyond my limits I am inspired to think who I will be now.

Took the online class of Facing History dealing with the Holocaust - really made me think back to walking thru a concentration camp and then visiting Yad Vashem - especially the children's museum and then the Green of the Righteous. Made me want to throttle the disbelievers.

I made the ACTIVE decision to try and grow my business by learning and dealing with all of the things I really don't want to deal with - the nuts and bolts of building a business... not RUNNING one, but BUILDING one. In the process I have had to confront a lot of limiting beliefs I have just ASSUMED were true and it has been scary and enlightening and un-fun and did I mention SCARY and emotional... BUT I am fully IN IT with this right now and I am feeling a growing sense of empowerment and belief that THIS IS ALL POSSIBLE AND I AM ON MY WAY!!!

I fell in love, for the first time since ending the abusive relationship with my ex a few years ago. I feel grateful to be with someone who makes me feel safe and protected and who respects my individuality and independence.

After 7 months of travel and temporary employment, my love and I landed in the same tiny town where my dad lived his last 10 years. We live and work here as onsite managers, in a field that is new to both of us, and we've had a tumultuous first year, encountering everything from crime, drugs, an abandoned house, taking people to court by accident, bad blood from the past dysfunctional management, no car, a traffic accident that could have turned really bad for us but didn't, allergies, kind people, an unexpected friend, people dying from self sabotage, working for less money than ever, with a much better quality of life than before, guilt from my children, and one of the best bosses I've ever had. We are just now feeling like we're getting established here and being able to pay off our debts again. We have been determined and persistent and we are slowly succeeding. Soon we will hopefully have a car again and afford to get our stuff from where it's in storage in CA. It's been a very unexpected experience. People don't reboot their lives again in their 50's and 60's that often. We loved travelling, but we loved finding a new home base even more. Our stress level is way down from where it was before.

Getting pregnant with identical twins. The whole experience has been life changing both emotionally and of course, practically and physically, but not in the way I was worried about. I was terrified of losing myself and who I am in motherhood like my friends - all consumed by diapers and breastfeeding and struggling to cope with it all. It was surely what stopped me from getting pregnant, this reverse pressure of not wanting to have that life and worrying I would. But my experience has been so different thanks to therapy and deciding, after a year of trying to get pregnant, that I would embrace it. That month, like magic, I got pregnant and to our shock, with identical twins. There's a surprise, the doctor said, there's two. Afterwards, we went out to eat and sat in shock, barely able to formulate sentences. How could it be that one doctor had told us we should start fertility treatment and now we were going to have two babies? But within a few days we were excited. It felt like someone had played a joke on us, but it was special and we knew we could handle it. My pregnancy was such a positive experience - emotionally and physically. I felt great, worked out to a month before the birth, felt more body confident than I had before pregnancy, flaunted new clothes and ate what I wanted with a new metabolism that stopped me getting fat. Of course it wasn't all easy - my ankles swelled, I was emotional at times and I had constant checkups at the hospital - but my mindset was strong and I tried not to focus on the negatives. It made me realise I could have the experience I wanted and just because people make you think your life will be a certain way, I don't have to fall into their way of thinking. The twins arrived seven weeks ago - Geffen and Naomi - and though they have been seven intense weeks, we have really proven that we can be ourselves, that we can go on dates and sleep and have sex and continue with a positive mindset. We never would have predicted this for ourselves - I could not have believed this time last year I would end up being a mother of twins - but it has turned out to be an amazing and largely positive experience.

My dad died almost a year ago after about three years of sickness. It has been a difficult year to try and move forward and when I do I feel torn about life going on without him. There was some measure of relief when his suffering ended, especially since his life got very difficult at the end, but now I most just feel his absence. There are so many things I wish I could share with him from the past year.

The boy I had been dating for half and a year, whom was my best friend too just dumped me for another girl and Break the compromise we had to play a recital four days before the event. I get really mad at him and I still dealing with it.

I got back in touch with a person I went to high school with. We weren't really friends back then, we knew some of the same people but I was never really 'in' the group. They've been going through some incredibly hard things and we have become very close very fast which has been really lovely. I feel grateful that I now have the skills that I have to separate myself from our history and to support her through the things she is going through.

I found a new career direction. It brought much relief and I generally feel better. I honestly feel like I'm doing something for me, and not for somebody else.

The protest I went to at Elizabethtown was one of the first things I've gone to, excluding the Hopkins Sit-In (which in many ways I may also loop into this answer), that was a massive direct action involving civil disobedience. I think I have considered myself a lefty for so long and have been so inexcusably slack in the way that reflects in my actions--in the concrete activism I've engaged in, things I have done and read and written and protested. Being part of direct action, organizing direct action, feeling its remarkable potential for actual change--I think it's part of what has spurred me to far, far greater personal involvement. It is not enough to have Good Politics and bring them nowhere beyond debates and very occasionally the polls. I need to manifest them in positive action, and I think that is something I am working on, and have already begun to improve.

I published my book! I'm so relieved that it's "off" my plate - although marketing and thinking about sales is super-exhausting and stressful.

In the last year I changed jobs and stopped a five year trend of working for myself, doing yoga, massage, and whatever else I could put together for work. It was a huge decision that carried so much grief and struggles with identity and ego and yet also a deep knowing that it was the right move. I was so amazed to watch myself hold conflicting ideas that this was painful and right at the same time. After making the switch so much of my life changed for the better. The stability of a full time job with a schedule and support and paid time off gave me so much freedom and security. I felt safe to spend money and travel and live well and also my self esteem started to improve. Instead of feeling like a failure all the time I started to succeed in my work and believe in my talents rather than thinking I wasn't good enough. Letting go of who I thought I "should be" in order to just truly be me was such a relief. The transition opened up so much space for me to think about other things in my life, what my priorities might be, what I want, who I am, etc. By meeting one of my core needs I was able to explore so much more of myself. I feel like a different person, like someone who has grown years and it was a shift 5 years in the making. Im so glad to be here now.

I had a partial knee replacement in April. This whole year has been very challenging physically for me. It started in August 2018 with knee pain and back pain. I had a synovial cyst aspirated in September. After that I had 2 cortisone injections and 1 gel injection for my knee and then the surgery. Now my left hip is hurting and my shoulder and I'm still grateful I'm alive, but I wish living in this physical vessel was easier.

I thought I had made it to the end when I went to GI - boy you never know what clothes the devil wears... I escaped GI to land in Lincoln Park. I think I may have finally found my home - the extra 20K+ doesn't hurt but being somewhere that I'm valued has an even bigger effect on my personal well being. I miss my GI kids - but I think I will find my home here in LP

It's incredible to look at my answer from last year and compare to this year. I can't honestly say that it has been a bad year for me personally, but a LOT has happened within my family. My cousin was diagnosed with severe late-stage breast cancer (and thankfully the treatment was fully successful and she is healthy now). My brother in law was diagnosed with stomach cancer (and is similarly healthy now). My grandmother's health declined significantly and she passed away in late February. We scrambled to help clear out her home (she was a major hoarder) and find a place for my grandfather to live (that also all worked out and his Veteran's aid is covering his placement in a group home). Then my father was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer, not even two weeks after his mother's death! Yet again, thankfully, treatment went very well and he is recovering nicely, though he is still struggling with some lingering side effects. It's a bit overwhelming to contemplate all of that within a single year, but when it comes down to it I am just grateful that the crises were resolved as well as they were. It was sad to lose my grandmother, but we all knew it was coming, and if I'm being honest it was a relief to be able to then get my grandfather into a better care-giving situation.

Losing my job. I was hurt as first, but realized this was my own doing. I'm grateful for the self reflection and strive to do better.

Grandpa died. It's been just a little over a month now. I still can't believe it happened. I can't believe how fast he deteriorated from his illness and that I wasn't even there when he passed away. He was fine. He was just fine and then a few months after he was suddenly stick thin and was a shadow of how I remember him. I know I spent every last bit of time I could with him before I left but I still can't believe it. I can't believe it. I don't want to lose another grandparent. Please, not anytime soon. Please, I want to be with them when it happens. Please, please.

My mother passed away about 4 months ago after moving about 7 months ago back home with my family so our daughter could be with her. We didn't know how much time we had left with her but I had thought it was going to be longer than it was. It's hard to broadly describe its effect on me as I've only truly started feeling its impact in the last week or so. Superficially, I feel tired. Internally, there's an unusual mixture of thoughts and emotions that's hard to understand so it feels like vacancy to some degree. In the days that followed her death, people would say (and I as well), "at least she's in a better place." The problem is, having witnessed her passing, which was not pleasant, I wasn't sure that was the case. My family had never been particularly religious (my mom was quite religious but it was very personal to her and didn't discuss it much). But when we performed one of the funeral ceremonies with a priest who are family is close with, there was this strange mixture of seemingly trivial events that happened - the weather, background music, the prayers, and rituals. I'm not explaining it well here, but there was a moment where that all coordinated together into this clear and acute moment where I knew beyond any doubt that she was truly in a better place. It was the first time in my life that I had what I guess what some would call a religious experience. In that moment, I experienced a huge weight off my shoulders and was quite happy. And now that those days have past, I'm just left with the absence that I guess hits everyone in these circumstances. I am grateful that my daughter got to spend time with her and that they truly bonded. They were/are connected in a way that almost freaked my wife and I out. But I hope it's something that stays with her.

The most significant thing that has happened in my life this year is that I have decided to retire from my job as of January 3, 2020. Not only is the decision significant, but the way I have approached the decision has been different than the way I have handled big decisions in the past. I am discussing this with people. I am open to feedback. I am considering what people are saying. In the past I would fear sharing my decisions for fear of being talked out of my decision. This time I am sharing and moving forward.

The 2 most significant experiences this year have been starting to work in my field, and preparing for my wedding. Starting to work as an art therapist has been one of the hardest things I've ever done. I have had crippling anxiety and intense doubt about my abilities and art therapy itself. Practicing in Hebrew is truly one of the most difficult experiences of my life. I feel like things are kind of on the upslide, but I'm still really struggling. Deciding to marry Asaf, being proposed to, and planning the wedding have been fun, stressful, fulfilling, and caused some of the worst fights me and Asaf have ever had. Also figuring out what to do with Asaf's green card process. I have officially decided I want to move back to the US and I can't do it soon enough. Preparing for the wedding has been hard, but I predict I will be extremely sad when it's over.

One year and one month ago (2 September, 2018), my father died very suddenly. He didn’t actually die suddenly, he spent 10 days in-and-out of a coma and on-and-off of life support after an overdose whilst in prison that he should have survived, if his cirrhosis hadn’t been so bad. I found he died in the afternoon, after not having seen him in 12 years (19 September, 2007), after not having talked from him or heard any updated in 8 (20 September, 2010), after not even knowing he was in the hospital. It was world shattering, especially since I had genuinely convinced myself that I didn’t care, that he basically didn’t even exist; hell, my brother and I had even had a funeral for him when I was 12, since he was “dead to us anyway.” The problem was that, since I was about 16, I had been planning to run away when I turned 18; I would hunt him down and force him to apologize, and the. I could get on with my life. I had even bought an Amtrak ticket. And then he died 18 days before my 18th birthday. although not technically within the last year, it defined my entire last year. I dropped out of high school for 2 months (and then had to graduate online when I ultimately reenrolled), ran away to Michigan to see my old house and everything, delved into my Judaism and became religious (or at least more religious than the agnostic atheist I had been), went to Israel and travelled around the Levant for the summer to connect to my family, and started going to college in Detroit, just an hour from where we had lived, after spending 12 years in Florida. It was hell at first; I cried for days and lost all my passions and drive and even tried to drown myself in the Huron River, but I can truly say nothing has transformed me more; I am kinder and more compassionate and appreciative and all the things I thought I would lose by being hardened. I’m not grateful he died by any means, or relieved, or really anything, but I am proud of who I’ve become because of it.

I lived in Israel for nearly three months this past summer. I staffed Taglit and then did a nine-week internship with Batsheva Dance Company, followed by a beautiful week in Tel Aviv with a gaga intensive. It was a beautiful experience to be in Israel for the summer, feeling at home with my people and connected to the religion and the land. I loved finding my routines and building relationships everywhere I went, especially going to Kehilat Halev for Shabbat services. I really loved keeping Shabbat in Israel every week, despite the feelings of loneliness that came on Saturday afternoon. Fully unplugging was a wonderful thing. And dancing gaga every week and ending in a gaga intensive was both wonderful for my body and wonderful for my spirit and my soul. I was inspired and filled with joy, love, and healing from that experience and I'm really missing it in Indiana.

I was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. I know I don't have long to live, and treatments as well as Dr. visits take up so much time. I'm panicking. I need to get my affairs in order, write messages for my children as well as my toddler grandson and yet I've accomplished few of these items. I'm trying to make the most of my life and yet... I am very grateful for the love and care provided by friends and family. This is both the best and worst time of my life.

I met my girlfriend Danielle. It has changed my life. I am very grateful and relieved. I would say it has inspired me. I want to be just as successful, but also be able to spend quality time and actually let loose and enjoy myself which is a nice change.

I bought and moved into a house! It has been a life long dream that I finally realized with a lot of hard work and dedication. Its Affect has been profound, especially when I throw a party, look around, and realize that I am living my dream at that moment. It has also been a drain on me because the house is further from my lifestyle, so I spend a lot of time in traffic, or sleeping at my boyfriend’s instead of in the house itself. This is something I am trying to adjust to. However, an entire year later, I’m still overjoyed with my decision and accomplishment.

My father died on April 11th. He was 99 years old. I knew it would be hard. But it affected me less than I thought. I thought I would be an emotional mess and it would completely devastate me. The last few years, I couldn’t imagine it happening without getting choked up. But when he got sick, and the time came, I was sad...but not devastated. In fact it was a bit of a relief. I was with him when he passed. For that, I am thankful. What makes me sad now isn’t that he’s gone. I’m sad at how my siblings reacted. It didn’t bring out the best in us or draw us closer. It had the opposite effect, unfortunately. I’m sure that would make my dad sad too, if he knew. So I guess he was spared that knowledge. And of course I’m grateful of the legacy he left behind. Thanks to his frugality and desire to provide for his children, were were each left with a sizable nest egg of our own. I say nest egg, because he would have wanted each of us to save the money, not spend it. I chose to pay off debts (sorry dad) and to invest in the property in Maine. That’s my “nest egg”. RIP dad!!

i had self-diagnosed myself with complex-PTSD and had started to identify triggers that cause irrational over-reactions to normal occurrences. this was a theory until i had an unexpected emotional episode at a family gathering and for the first time actually "sat with my pain" instead of taking the easy way out until some insights finally came to me.

Wedding planning has been one of the most stressful experiences of my life. I've felt like a roller coaster out of control. It's weird to think that I'm more upset over this than getting laid off this year. Maybe because in my head that was a simple solution. It was difficult, but the solution was to find a job. Whereas wedding planning there are so many different ways to go and paths to take and constant second guessing. I just want my wedding to be a completely beautiful and happy day. I hope looking back on this all of these little stressful bits and bobs fade into nothingness.

Well, let's see: Alex and moved to Minneapolis after ten years in Boston, a city that truly had come to feel like home. It has affected nearly everything-- a change in scenery, a change in friends, new jobs for both of us, new ways of getting around and getting things done. I am grateful and excited and tired and sad and hopeful all at once. At the end of the day, though, we are both thrilled to be here in an apartment we love and a neighborhood that suits us, and as we continue to adjust, I think we'll be even happier.

Moving across the country to live with Christian in Austin is the biggest thing that's happened to me, and it is and was huge. I'm glad I did it, and in some ways it's been easier than I expected. In other ways, it's still hard. I feel a lingering sadness deep inside me, grieving the way my friendships were before I left, feeling lonely because I'm not surrounded by the kind of support I had in Portland. But I also feel so much more welcomed here than I really expected. It will take time, which I knew, to feel at home in all the ways I used to. But it does feel like home. Christian feels like home.

I moved from alaska to california. this move has been damn exhausting. mentally, emotionally, spiritually, at times even physically exhausted. my soul was tired. it's getting better though. it's been almost 11 months since i packed up my car, put it on the barge and then flew down to meet bob in seattle. i'm getting better though. i feel like the past 11 months i've done more growing than i have in the past three years. my relationship with bob has grown and flourished in ways i never imagined. it's not like our relationship has been rainbows and butterflies...it has been WORK. we've grown volumes and i can't wait to see what the next year brings us.

Took a vacation and visited my family. I am very grateful.

My epiphany about my relationship. I am grateful that it happened because I was miserable for so long and looking for the source of my negativity and blaming it on lack of sleep from my second child's terrible sleep, so now that I realized I have been feeling betrayed, abandoned and unloved from my husband I can reassign the negativity and it can start to get better. I resent how long it was going on and how long it took me to realize what was going on, but I am grateful that at least we are on the road to healing.

Probably have to go with my dad's hospitalization in January. The bruise from back of thigh up across his back and his willingness to allow me to see his vulnerability (diaper, etc.) was very uncharacteristic. Honestly, my assumptions about late-life medical treatments is still in flux. I'm glad he got the treatment because he seems accepting of his current limitations. The lack of open conversations with he and mom about how to die and getting documents ready, etc. is disconcerting. I feel ready to have the conversation but not ready to start the conversation.

I had another big falling out with my mother. I don't really care if I ever talk with her agai. How did this affect me, I've put up a wall around her and my feelings so on the outside it doesn't feel like much. But I think that it it deeply saddens me that I never had a nuturing loving mother

I said yes to a job offer, had a week of increasing dread, resistance, went to my first day, had a very intense aversion and dreaming of throwing up. Even didn’t sleep much before and considered saying no all along. On day 2 morning I was trying to push through, even despite my nature, my mind was telling me I should. And my parents were telling me they knew I could but also supporting me. I ended up doing the bravest thing I could think of - called CEO who hired me told her I had a panic attack and was having doubts about job and/or anxiety/depression I was facing - perhaps a bit of both - I ended up committing to myself and her to going to therapy and trying meds unsuccessfully. I was exhausted and shaken and filled with self-doubt and a feeling like I was broken and this was proof. But deep down there was peace for following realities directing through the suffering into wherever life was taking me. The CEO told me I was doing all the right things and said I could start in a month and get the support I needed and check in weekly to determine how it’s going - after weekly check ins that were both uncomfortable in life and on the call I finally after intense struggle said yes I’ll start and the CEO said actually she thinks it’s best to take a rain check. I was a bit hurt ego wise but I was at peace. I was very proud that I said yes despite struggle and not let struggle define my choices and paths possible and believed that the path given back to me in return - that of focusing on therapy and finding a new way - which led me to Oakland then Berkeley to live with some really special people was a major major significant fork in my path.

We settled my mom's estate without any major family discord--and I was the central person making that happen. I am relieved to have it done. Also, my brother, Stan, died recently--the second sibling to pass. He had almost 10 years of grace, having survived heart failure and a transplant. We were relieved that he was the one who was able to make the decision not to allow further interventions--they wanted to intubate again, and he refused. His family would never have said no by that point, so it was a God send for him to be able to have the clarity at the moment it was needed.

A week after my nineteenth birthday, I set out on a five-day road trip on my own. Honestly, I think I spent a lot of that time sobbing in the car. By the end of it, I knew every sign my body gave me for what it needed. I had to learn to listen to myself, which is something I haven't been great at historically. I was inspired. I think a lot of that wholeness has faded over the last nine months.

My son that I gave up for adoption 24 years ago asked if he could move in with me this summer. We are now living under the same roof for the very first time. It feels like a miracle every day. I feel grateful and blessed beyond measure.

I’m not sure really. I mean, I moved to Boston for Jess and it ended up not working out. I don’t know how I feel about things. I’m definitely affected. I suppose in a sense I’m grateful that it happened sooner rather than later but it still sucks. I don’t think I’m resentful but unfortunately I do feel regretful. Like I wasted some of RY chasing Jess for something I knew wasn’t going to workout in the long run. I’m not sure what to do now.

My father was hospitalized in June because of low sodium which showed up as weakness and confusion. It was scary until we knew what the cause was. He was probably ill for months before the trigger of not being able to stand up. So, it turns out that he was hospitalized during the first week of my 3 weeks of time off (without pay). Stacey and Melanie came out from NYC right away. And then Bob came up from Texas for a week. And sometime in that week, it became clear that I needed to fly in. I think that all of the suggested emotions apply. I was both grateful that I could go and resentful that my time off was not with Fred. I tell people who ask that my 3 week sabbatical entirely did not go as planned but that things that did happen were good. I am relieved that Dad is better, and sad that he is nowhere as good as he used to be. And inspired? Yes, to keep my focus on improving my health. And I just reread last year's "significant experience" which was about my own health issue, melanoma. Geez, always the concern about health!

Actually there were 2. My oldest granddaughter graduated from UCI in June after only 3 years. She worked so hard in an unwelcoming environment. I'm so very proud of her. In August my daughter had her second child, a girl who she has wanted for so long. Hers was a geriatric pregnancy. Medical "professionals" discouraged her. The pregnancy was tough. I'm so happy for her and us; and relieved that they are both well and happy.

Getting married to Lisa The wedding was fantastic. Drama-free. Even the planning was simple — at least for me. (Lisa was off work so took on the brunt of the planning responsibilities.) Plus the honeymoon was just amazing. Going to Haida Gwaii and exploring more of BC was incredible.

We navigated the IVF process and an invasive surgery. I am grateful for the doctors and resources it has taken to get to where we are today. I feel very strong and I appreciate my journey, because it is my own.

I had a dream about dying. I vividly remember how I woke up on „the other side“, white walls, weird people. It was like waking up out of a simulation. And I remember crying in my dream and in real life, while asleep. I shouted and screamed and in that moment, I realized: life is too fragile to be wasted.

I hate to say that a work experience can be significant because, WTF?!, it's only work - not health or family or something really significant. But, thank Gd, there wasn't a health or family experience that qualified as significant this year. The work experience is that my boss left. I had thought she was really awesome and believed I had a good relationship with her, but I learned that I did not, and whatever her issues were drove her to withdraw from supervising me, and then never say goodbye or say anything to me at all, as if there was NO relationship. I felt hurt, confused, and angry, but now I'm grateful that my new boss is totally hands-off, but nice and that makes my job super autonomous.

This year has been one of the massive changes. I got a new job that I thought was going to set me on a path to a successful career. It turned out that the work environment was not good for me. There was no work culture or procedures. I am a master procrastinator and it has caused me money and people. I’ve decided to stop procrastinating and wishing I could do certain things. I’m at a point in my life where I’m not waiting for things to happen anymore, and I am actively pursuing them. As such, I have made strides to improve my work and monetize as much as I am able to as quickly as I am able. Friends often took advantage of me last year and I was so pissed. I have decided to love myself and treat myself with the respect that I deserve.

Finding out I was going to lose my job was extremely painful. It still hurts, and I still have some anger. But I also know that it's ultimately a good thing, even if the process wasn't. It will force me to go to a job that pays me what I deserve, and be in a place where the leadership is less toxic. And I feel really good about the future.

Going through the process of applying for a home equity loan and discovering a bunch of my personal old unfinished business that wasn't surfaced when we got our mortgage a year ago. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed. The idea that my financial/administrative negligence in my 20s was now preventing us from getting the loan we desperately needed to complete the work on our home was humiliating. The process of working with the city to get it sorted out so that we could move forward with the HELOC was overwhelming and my husband was so gracious about helping me. He deals with the city regularly for work, so he is confident navigating the machinery of bureaucracy. He was persistent and tenacious in finding the people who would help resolve the issues. He was so generous and kind in his help, never made me feel like I should be ashamed for having left these loose ends, and was entirely solutions-focused. I was deeply moved by having him as an ally in that way, and it felt so good to get those things taken care of. Having this thing resolved felt like exorcising a ghost from the closet, not to mention the relief of getting the financial flexibility we needed to continue the work on our house!

I learned that a person I had thought was a friend is actually an abuser. I am resentful of her intrusivness and dismissal of myself and of my partner's wishes. Her selfishness is a cancer, and I am not sure that my marriage will survive.

My grandmother is dying. The last time I saw her in the hospital I helped her stand up to move from a chair to the hospital bed. In doing so I held her small frame to me and she nestled in to me. She is 5'2, now 70 pounds. Perhaps even less. I am 5'8, 210 pounds. I held her to me gently; not wanting to crush her. She hugged me back. Then she looked up at me with a twinkle in her eye and said, "Will you dance with me?" She then took my hand in hers as if she was about to slow dance there in the hospital room. We stood like that for a second, tears streaming down my face, before everyone else said she should really get in bed. I'm grateful for that last moment. It's so perfectly her. It feels like a gift from God to have her so lucid that of course she would want to dance with me.

I got a new job which I was really excited about. Unfortunately it ended abruptly but I was proud of how I handled the process and how resilient I was throughout. I am grateful for the experience and happy how it all turned out

It's embarrassing. I cannot boast about it. I am very grateful yet concerned with others jealousy or anger. I'm relieved that my living situation has improved yet concerned I could be resented for it. Perhaps it inspired me to be generous with others?

In the past year, I closed down a business I was running. It taught me so many lessons. I am grateful, however I wish I had done things a little differently. As they say, as long as you grow from an experience then it was worth while. I am inspired to run my business even more so know, I am motivated to not have the same outcome and be a lot more vigilant on the goals and not taking it for granted.

In the past year, I have reconnected with Judaism and the Jewish community. In August of 2019, I started by attending Gather DC's Beyond the Tent Retreat, where I met new friends and dissected my relationship with Judaism. It was the first time that I thought of Judaism as a box that has been passed down from generation to generation, but is not inherently valuable. It's up to each of us to determine what value we find in the box. I am thrilled to be reconnected with my religion and my roots. I don't always agree with the things I learn, but I am taking the bits and pieces that make my box more valuable.

A significant experience for me has been finally confronting my social anxiety and beginning therapy for it. It was a major step for me and a relief to finally do something about it. Whether it was this specific change or others, I think I have become happier and more comfortable with myself.

In January, my paternal grandmother, Yolanda, died in Pennsylvania after being diagnosed with cancer late last year. As the last of my living grandparents, and a personal of lasting significance in my life, my dad's life, and the life of all her many descendants, her passing was a notable and sad event for the family. Grandma was always quick with advice, loyal to her faith and her family, and stubborn beyond belief. I traveled despite a wild winter storm back to Pittsburgh and then rode with my sister and uncles to the tiny hamlet of St. Marys, where we joined my other sister, nieces, parents, cousins, aunts, and uncles. Yolanda was the mother of 12 children. No other epitaph is really necessary, but even though motherhood was perhaps her most important role, as an adult and up to her later years she also worked tirelessly on behalf of the under-served rural and poor communities of Pennsylvania. Her work took her to the governor's office in Harrisburg, and around the state, to work on issues concerning poverty, health care, and affordable housing, mostly for the elderly. Throughout my visit, I heard stories about the direct impact she made in improving countless lives, and I'm certain this work would have continued until the day she died, had she not lost her eyesight to macular degeneration a decade earlier. Although there was a great deal of sadness, especially in the growing awareness and nostalgia that it would likely be the last time our family gathered in that place, there was also laughter at familiar stories and joy that her passing had been relatively pain-free and without trauma. Her youngest daughter, Dona, was with her in those final moments, and shared a beautiful tribute and remembrance at the funeral. It was difficult to see the pain and tears in my dad's eyes, and to witness the sense of responsibility he feels for the remaining 8 siblings and their families. My grandmother was preceded in death by my grandpa nearly 17 years earlier, and by three sons (my uncles), John, Thomas, and Andrew. Their absence was felt acutely throughout the week as well. After the funeral, I spent a quiet afternoon with my sisters and nieces: reminiscing, drawing, and reading. We all had fond memories from family holidays and celebrations in St. Marys, and knew that a chapter in our shared stories was ending. But I believe we also found comfort in the example that my grandmother set for us all, to love fiercely, serve freely, and trust that God will provide through any circumstance.

Much of this past year is just a blur to me. I know I visited friends. I know my brother came to us for Christmas and we had a pleasant visit. I guess I'm just not in the right headspace this year to answer this question.

After reading the answers of last year’s questions, I can see that two important things have happened and I’m very grateful for them. The first one was after being sorrowful about Mark, going through the cycle of grief. I was in denial at first, then angry, then just sad, and burdened. I didn’t expect it but I went to a conference last summer, just three months ago. It was called Jesus 2019. I went up to the front and got a chance to pour my heart out to Jesus. I cried such a deep cry over Mark realizing how important he was in bringing me to Jesus. It was a snotty cry and no Kleenex was to be found. But I got up from the altar and I felt much lighter. The next night they preached about Mary crying over the feet of Jesus and putting all her sadness sorrow and disappointment there. So I went up again and left all my sadness about Mark dying and different disappointments I’ve had in my life, (Victor, Harvey, Mom, money, my house) just laying them all down at the feet of Jesus. Again I got up a different person. I had such a significant lifting of the heavy weight of sorrow that I had carried all year. We also worshiped for hours, just loving on Jesus and that was very healing as well.

This past year, I was totally gaslighted by a now thankfully former boss. She kept telling me that she wanted me to be successful and yet seemed to take every opportunity to thwart me. It was definitely horrible to be in that moment. I felt like a failure. When I went to the company holiday party in Boston, I contemplated jumping into the Charles as I walked back to my hotel. There was something utterly demoralizing about the way everything happened. And she was a fellow Jew to boot. I was never so happy to move on from a job in my life. Yet, the experience was very educational. I learned a lot and I believe that, had she been a better leader, the company would have been a great fit for me. There were plenty of reasons to be angry and burn that bridge, but my grandmother's advice rings in my head. The best revenge is a good life. So, I live that as best I can.

I met the love of my life this year after another bad break up. Rick is thoughtful, caring, dorky, smart, and perfect for me. I think things are moving fast but it all feels right. I haven’t had a bad feeling or seen any red flags. I’m excited to see where this goes.

My nephew got married. His wife is lovely, and I was able to go to the wedding and became closer to them. He's stellar and I am really proud. I also got to see some cousins I'd not seen since I was a child.

This year we bought a house and it has been an incredibly stressful but awesome experience! It was actually less stress than I expected, but also a lot more expensive. I feel so grateful that we can do this at this point in our lives since so many people our age can’t. I’m also learning a lot about my ability to take care of a home/to “adult” properly, and I’m satisfied every time I rise to a challenge.

I turned 30. Went rather uneventfully, with very little celebration, and what minimal celebration there was I felt I had no control over. Rather unsatisfying way to commemorate a milestone. I'm not where I thought I would be, I'm not where I want to be. Grateful I don't look or feel or act 30, but resentful that I have hit that number and feel as if I have nothing to show for it. And I didn't do the work during the year that I could have, should have to move on and forward and beyond. I'm getting used to the number. Society seems to expect something of someone my age, and I have met almost none of those expectations. (And it doesn't make me feel better to acknowledge that most of those expectations are bullshit, and that I have no desire to fulfill many of them.)

This is slightly over a year ago (but it connects deeply with this year), but XOXO 2018 was one of the most important things that happened in the last year. I haven't written much about it, but it was a clarifying moment in my life. I wrote a three item list, dated the 11th of September, 2018, in a notebook that I believe sums up the event: - Everyone has imposter syndrome - I have a story worth telling - I should go freelance again Starting in reverse order, with the last item was the most actionable. I'd been thinking about going freelance for many months (one could say nearly since I took my full-time job*). However, as this is supposed to be about an event this year I'll leave it at: I went freelance in July 2019. XOXO was a moment where I saw many people, from all walks of life, who were making freelancing in the arts work for them. Seeing this gave me the extra boost of courage needed to resolve that I needed to make a change. Moving on to point two. I don't consider myself "interesting." I'm not some super-creative Capital-A-Artist; I'm a commercial photographer with a lot of side projects. Most of the people in my life don't really relate to what I do. However, XOXO is a festival full of people who know exactly where I'm coming from. I never felt the need to hedge my hobbies. I could happily admit to being an online nerd, not as some ironic joke but as an identity. Finally, the first point: everyone has imposter syndrome. Logically I know this, but it's not often where you're able to confront that fact and openly admit to it. In 2018 XOXO increased the size of the festival and I know I felt the only reason I got in was because they had, in some way, lowered the bar. When I was able to attend this year some of that feeling subsided. What was even better was that I was able to see friends I'd made last year who were as excited to see me as I was them. Me. Someone who isn't "known" on the internet and lucked his way into the place where all the cool kids get to hang out. Except, I'm one of the cool kids. And there aren't actually cool kids. We're all just us, but IRL. * I think a part of me always thought I kind of bailed on being freelance a little too soon. That I was in a slow period and took the first available exit rather than really making a go of it. I don't regret taking a job with the Gap, but I think leaving has been one of the best things I've done for myself.

My great grandpa died. I didnt get to see him the last week he died. I also lost a baby. I really really wanted that baby. I am still so deeply sad about it. I am miserable and depressed that I didnt get to have this child. That my chance for baby 4 left so soon. And that my body broke instead of working right. I'm still struggling almost a year later.

I really feel that I have made a breakthrough in my work with Mandy to be more confident of myself. It's kind of amazing. As Mila starts kindergarten, I'm more self-assured because I'm a second-time parent. What a relief!

Sweet and sour moments in my life this past year. My second daughter started medical school; My third daughter started undergrad; my baby started preschool; vergy exciting and proud moments that help me realize what a lucky mom I am. My oldest child is working and getting her things together. My four girls are healthy and inside out beautiful young women. My relationship with my husband ended in divorce due to his continued infidelity and the fact that he has a child outside the marriage. The hardest decision in my life as I been with this man since I was 16. Most of my life fighting for a place in his heart. For respect that never came. The hardest of this is that for some reason I still love him. I stopped loving myself and being myself to try to please him. As hard as it has been my girls, parents, brother and friends have been very supportive. I made the decision to turn my life around. To love myself again, be grateful of what the relationship left me, four beautiful girls. Many lessons learned. This past year I also bought a new car, switched jobs. Met new people and made new friends. God has blessed me with so many things and I am thankful for the good ones nd the ones that made me learn.

My son married a beautiful (inside and out) woman and I an sooooo overjoyed to see him so happy. He is my only child, his dad passed away when he was a baby. For our mother/ son dance we chose his father's and my song The Summer Wind and it was such a precious moment. I have a peace in my heart that he is loved so completely by the woman he has chosen.

I went on a trip with people who I thought were my closest friends, and it ended up being that one of them (who I used to date) ended up being a very controlling, jealous ex boyfriend instead of my friend. Not only that, he had a very bad drinking problem and would love to do things in order for people to feel bad for him and give him attention, and when he didn’t get it, he would basically throw a tantrum. I let him stay in my family’s home, visit all these countries with me, basically planned the whole trip with another friend (while he did none of the work) and before the trip started we told him that if he doesn’t fix his attitude, we would kick him off. He did not fix his attitude And it only got worse from there. I ended up hooking up with someone on this trip (who he didnt know) and he called me a whore and told me no longer wanted to be friends with me, but then realized he was fucked and had to stay with me for the rest of this trip, so instead of being rude and annoying he just...didn’t say anything or would just be cranky the entire time. After many long discussions, arguments, and tears, our group came to a decision to kick him off the trip and give him his money back. He decided that instead of going home, he would last minute find cheap hostels to stay in, and then had his mother yell at MY mother and tell her that I’m a little slut and a witch who abandoned him in Europe (when we gave him many options to fly home and a long amount of time to figure out where he is staying if he wasn’t flying home) Once the trip was finished, I saw him on the flight back and he basically yelled at me and blamed the entire situation on me, blamed it on the guy I hooked up with, blamed it on my friends, basically anyone but him. Long story short...we are no longer friends...and I have never felt more free in my entire life. He pops up here and there trying to ruing my life in one way or another...but I just ignore it...and I have never felt like I could do that with him. I am done with this constant negativity. I am done with him holding me back. I am done with having his bad behavior be a reflection on me. And I am sick and tired of being used for my ability to make him friends, give him attention, and being that hole that wasn’t filled in his childhood. It is one thing to fulfill that hole and him be appreciative of it, but he did not respect me or act like I did anything for him at all. It’s time to mooooove on I feel that I’m a completely different person ever since this trip was over.

My little brother got a DUI and wrecked 3 cars at once. The aftershock of the accident continues to affect my family and it’s been extremely hard to watch him struggle. We are simultaneously angry at him and hurting for him.

This past year I experienced a professional setback where I had expected at least a well performing review if not an opportunity to advance, only to learn I actually received an opposite rating and needed to spend the next year setting aside personal interests in favor of acting directly on feedback I was surprised by and still uncertain about. Among other things, this affected me confidence. It caused me to ask a lot of questions about myself and what I'm good at or uniquely equipped to do, how I'm managing my time and allocating enough time for myself in addition to spending the time I need to spend on the work I need to get done. I resented the feedback at first (and to some degree I still do because of the black box that is our review system), and yet I was also motivated (though mostly frustrated by the setback) by the opportunity to prove people wrong. Looking back, I know I've grown significantly from this experience; I also know that it set me back, at least temporarily, relative to the life planning I'm thinking more and more about. I hope ultimately it'll all be for the better and that I'll take steps to make it so.

My husband and I took our almost 9 year old son to Cape Cod this summer. It was restorative in so many ways-change of scenery, being in nature (not a theme park!) and we enjoyed activities together like whale watching and yes, shark spotting from the beach in Orleans. And our son is old enough to remember this trip. We are hoping to make it a family tradition.

I stuck to my value and worth, and ended my relationship with Andy when it became clear that he isn’t able to get his alcoholism under control. It’s one of the first big times that I put my own self with before that of someone else. It was hard to do, but I’m so glad I did it. I’m able to focus on myself again, and that’s been amazing. It also shows me that yes, I do value myself and my time and who is in my life. You have to want help and he didn’t.

A significant experience that happened this past year was returning home from Israel. I learned alot about myself in Israel. For the first time in my life, I had to figure things out on my own. I was alone in another country half way across the world. I was forced to be independent. Traveling alone allowed me to explore my interests and helped me discover what I like, agree with, disagree with, etc. I was definitely pushed out of my comfort zone. However, when I came I experienced a reverse culture shock. I had spent 3 months in a primarily Jewish society. Everyone around me was Jewish. All the activities I did throughout the day were Jewish natured. Everything I learned in regards to Judaism was taught by Orthodox Jews. Thus, when I came home to Houston, I was thrown back into the Western way of life. I had to find a way to keep what I learned in Israel, stay engaged in the Jewish way of life, and figure out how I want to express my Judaism as an American Jew. I was tremendously grateful for my time in Israel, and if I did not have the relationship that I have with my significant other, I would strongly consider making Aliyah and becoming Orthodox. Right now, I think I am struggling with my Jewish identity. I am the only "observant" Jew in my immediate and extended family (the last practicing generation was my great-grandpa and his family). Also, I am in a committed, long-term interfaith relationship. Thus, I tend to attend services and celebrate holidays alone. More so, even though I put effort in being more observant and connected, I do not necessarily feel 100% accepted by the Jewish community coming from an interfaith and nonobservant background and being in an interfaith relationship myself. Therefore, finding my place has been difficult and I have drifted away from being as-involved in Judaism as the year progressed. Now I am working on Teshuva - returning to G-d, Torah, and Jewish observance. Observing Jewish laws and practicing the traditions give me a sense of identity and helps me be a calmer, more caring person. I am a better partner, daughter, and friend because of Judaism. Therefore, my Teshuva is personal. This year I hope to figure out my Jewish identity and how it fits into the other important aspects of my life like my family and relationship with my significant other.

The trip I took with dad to Utah. That whole week - losing my mind in the float tank, feeling shaky and not myself, stressing about job. Dad breaking down, me breaking down. The arizona hot springs hike It was sad but in a broken open way. We are much better now, both of us! For better or worse it was a levelling up - i became on the same level as him and it sucked it SUCKED but it changed me. I dont know if it made me better but it made me real.

My mother and I fell out at Christmas. It's significant not because of the event itself, but because of the repercussions from that. She as 70 in September and we didn't get together as a family because of our rift. Although I am grateful to be distanced from her toxicity, I am sad to have missed an opportunity to spend time with family. I resolve to spend more time with them regardless of high days and holidays.

Shortly after the beginning of last year, I got pregnant for the first time. It was a life-changing experience in which I became instantly bonded with the child growing inside of me. I couldn't imagine that I would become so emotionally attached to something that I could not even see or feel yet. Sadly, two months later, I lost the baby and suffered my first miscarriage. In some ways, as tragic and sad and in some ways, traumatic, as this experience was, I'm grateful that I was able to experience pregnancy for the short time that I did. I try not to be bitter and too disappointed any longer about it, as what happened was part of life and nature. In some ways, the experience brought me closer to David, which is a positive outcome from a tragic situation. I'm forever a different person since experiencing the loss and I know that if/when I do finally have a child, I will be that much more grateful.

I'd say a significant experience of the last year was graduating with my BA. It's affected me in the fact that I am now progressing with my studies in a more focused way, actually getting to study what I want to and am interested in. Definitely felt relieved that that part of university was over, a bit scared that I did the adult thing and got a degree, but mostly proud of myself for getting through it even with all the physical and mental health issues.

I started therapy. I had an emotional breakdown in Paris after saying goodbye to a friend. This lead to an argument with my sister over Telegram. Therapy has helped me focus on myself, and how to deal with my issues. So far things have been going good.

I moved out of my parents house! Overall I feel more responsible, more adult and independent, but also money is tighter and it makes me stressed and overworked. I miss living with my family but at the same time it has made me closer to my friends and has introduced me to new friends.

I spent 2+ weeks in Israel / Palestine with Mikaela, Michal + Maxwell, and my parents. It was a deeply moving, complex and layered experienced both in relating to my Israeli family, the occupation, the land and the many feelings of connection / disconnection. I'm deeply grateful for the experience and know that it'll continue to shape me in the coming year(s).

The last year has been a mix of joy in my coaching course, challenge in my relationships, travel to clear my mind and grateful for my life to date and that i should now ensure I maximise the next period.

An absolutely astonishing experience working in Copenhagen for nearly a year. Learned I was far more adaptable to change than I gave myself credit for. Also did not mind being by myself

My family moved from the West coast back to the East coast. I was resentful at first, because I really didn't want to move away from California. But so far it has felt like the right move for our family - we are close to loved ones who can help us in so many ways, sometimes just by being present, and I really like my new job and love our new home. I still feel like we have given up a lot about how we wanted our lives and Hazel's upbringing to look, but I think the trade may be worth it.

On Friday, September 28, 2018, my best friend and I got dinner and caught up. Then, we met our boyfriends at a nearby piano bar for drinks. I had a little too much. Later that night, I was on my boyfriend's phone and saw a text to a friend of ours saying that he was going to propose next week, on our fifth anniversary. For the rest of the weekend, I tried to convince myself that I had drunk-seen the text. By Sunday, the 3oth, he could tell that something was up. I finally broke down and told him what I saw, and he was mad - understandably so. We got engaged that night, and we're getting married on December 21st! I regret every day that I ruined the surprise - that he didn't get to give it and I didn't get to get it. That being said, we're happy and we can't wait to start our life together. If I could go back, and make the decision not to drink as much as I did and not to snoop on his phone, I would do it in a heartbeat. But this year has taught me that you can't change the past, no matter how much you might want to.

1 year anniversary with TTP. Learned to be an employee again. I feel supported in my career goals. I feel I can create stretch goals. I'm definitely relieved. I am grateful for a mirror that reflects positively.

In the past year my father died and then a few months later my son was born. It would have been the first biological grandson for my dad, and I'm sad that he didn't get a chance to meet him. He was demented at the time and I don't know if he remembered my son was on his way into this world.

I had ACL/meniscus knee surgery around Thanksgiving. It affected me in a big way as I was immobile for awhile and had to relearn how to walk. I'm grateful that I'm not healed and relieved but it was incredibly difficult.

My wife appeared before the Beit Dinh and was accepted into the community of Israel. Inspired, moved.

My stepmother died at the beginning of September, followed a couple of days later by my dog. It's been really rough. Dad needs a lot of help and he is in denial about his cognitive deficits. He refuses to move to assisted living, and it's like raising a rebellious teenager.

I had a baby 10 months ago and it has been one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done. I’m beyond grateful for Emmy. I am also constantly learning more about myself and Emmy.. what works for me, what doesn’t work for Emmy, etc. I feel like I go back and forth between feeling really stupid and not enough to feeling confident in what I’m doing. It’s an experience that has definitely woken me up and matured me.

My father was diagnosed with aggressive cancer (he is in his mid-80s and had been healthy). It was both shocking and disappointing. He lives with me so I will see this every day and honestly I have a hard time dealing with sickness (of anyone). I will need strength for the next year as we battle this.

I got cancer. I saw a lump in my throat the day before setting off on 8 weeks of travelling through Nepal, Bhutan, Rajasthan, Doha and Oman. My husband is a GP and came straight to the hairdressers where I had noticed the lump. He asked me to see a colleague. They both decided I should have an appointment with the consultant. When I returned from my wonderful trip, I had my appointment for a fine needle aspiration on the 4th of December 2018. On the 11th, the day after my birthday, I found out I had thyroid cancer. While I was still in the waiting room, my eldest son called and told us he and his wife had just miscarried their first pregnancy at 10 weeks. They had been going to share their good news when they came for Christmas but it was such a strange mixture of emotion that I felt. Delighted to hear they had got pregnant. Sad to hear of their loss. Telling him and our other two that I had cancer was awful but we reassured them all I would be ok and they were all coming home for Christmas. Then, just before Christmas our niece lost her baby at 9 months, She thought she was going in to labour but at the hospital they found no heartbeat. This was what finally had myself and my husband up crying all night. To wait for a much wanted baby and to get to the last bit then lose it was so tragic. We felt overwhelmed. However, part of life is also the pain and my memories and feelings since then have not all been sad. We were all together to go through that Christmas and I felt so grateful for the love of my family. While I went through my two operations and radioactive iodine treatment my husband, children and good friends were there to support, to make me smile and to wish me well. I am so lucky. Also, mine has a good prognosis and my consultant promised me a minimum of 20 years. I will hold him to that. My son and his wife have just told us this week that they are expecting again and we are hoping this one will continue. Our niece has her first daughter to care for and that has kept her from dwelling on the loss of her second. I have found that I feel love towards everyone these days. I have changed. I have no more anger or judgement. I feel empathy and want to make anyone I am with feel more at peace for being with me. Cancer did change my life for the better. It gave me peace within myself. I don't know how to explain that but it did. Unless you are dead, life still has the potential to bring you joy even if you seem to be living through the worst of times. It made me realise that patience and acceptance are valuable traits in life.

My back surgery. I haven't had one since I was 16? It still feels like it hasn't healed and the recovery, not being able to really sit for 3-6 months is driving me nuts. There's still significant nerve pain and it hurts to sit a month after my surgery. So grateful it was done but resentful that it hasn't fixed everything.

I discovered my biological mother was an alcoholic who drank herself to death. Despite interventions from her siblings. Despite all the life events that would make that decision understandable. I feel so sad for her, so sad for the choice she made, and also so thankful she made the choice to fling me from her state at that time.

This has been a year of personal growth, spiritual awakening and creative courage. One moment in particular is the week I spent on Mt. Shasta with a group of spiritual people journeying with San Pedro. What magic. During my journey with the medicine I experienced myself release a deep-rooted jealousy, I saw how perfect I am, I saw the spectacular beauty of nature outside and within myself, I forgave, and I grew from an adventurous child into the queen of the forest. I did this surrounded by cosmic souls who have become my Shasta family, on a mountain that is an energetic vortex for the planet. What a gift that was. I can still go back there anytime I choose, it has made such an impression on my heart.

A new compensation plan was announced at work that was potentially unfavorable to me, so I started applying for other jobs. I got one and had another pending, which gave me leverage to negotiate my retention at my present job at my current salary. I'm still resentful and insulted by the new policy, which devalues the subset of people in my specific role. I'm also disappointed that although they tried to assure me that I am "mission critical" and they did not want to lose me, none of that was communicated until I threatened to leave. I'm also very disappointed in the clumsiness with which the policy was implemented, which resulted in an abrupt loss of good will from the affected faculty. Despite threatening to leave and speaking exceedingly frankly with several people in leadership, there appears to be no understanding, or an admission of error and acceptance of responsibility on their part, which has caused me to lose trust in, and respect for, them. To complicate matters, several of them were people I considered friends. The job I was offered was in California. I hadn't wanted to go back because of the expense, dense population, natural disasters, etc., and the job was in a part of the state I didn't think was very appealing. But, I was actually surprised by how nice the area was and the possibilities it held for a new chapter in a new place with lots of exciting things to do. Both of us were really into it and energized. Nevertheless, I was relieved when things worked out to stay here. We has so much going on. Moving would have been really disruptive and my husband is still not to the point where he can be easily dislodged from KC and is dealing with the house in Raleigh. The people in CA seemed great, but I don't feel like I have the energy to go through building another new curriculum. Perhaps we took the path of least resistance, but it did make me realize that there are things I want to do, and I just need to get out and do them (like a CA trip), which doesn't require moving anywhere. It also made be realize that, as long as our friends are still here, I'd just a soon be in KC. We're also financially better off without the expense of moving, and that puts me that much closer to being able to retire. So, I'm still here. I have more administrative duties, which are ok. But so far, I haven't gotten the administrative title that I asked for (which seems just another instance of the thwarting of my efforts to move in leadership roles). Most of my friends are struggling in the same way, though in many ways I am in a much better position since I don't have kids, and thus have fewer financial demands and am better prepared for retirement. This is a bittersweet realization, since for years I felt resentful that the demands of this job and being a primary breadwinner were significant factors in our not having a family, but now our childlessness (childfree-ness?) is giving me freedom and options that my peers don't have. Even so, I'm still concerned about financial security and whether we will have sufficient resources, particularly with the current political situation and environmental issues. While am relieved to have this resolved, I still find work difficult. I'm exhausted from the job search and hope I won't have to do it again next year. My colleagues are dispirited, and we don't interact as much as we did, and we don't talk about most of this, mainly out of emotional exhaustion. It's lonely. I've made my choices. The task now is to change how I feel about it so I stay there without it affecting my mental and spiritual health while I continue to work on my permanent escape plan.

The Landmark Forum was one of the most transformative experiences of my life. I have confidence and power back in my life. I have the feeling of 'want' again, which has been wild! I am inspired and energized. I have an inner happiness and sense of presence and being that i have lacked for a long time.

Taking a more active role in the community - parish council, Labour Party, library, WHY charity. Moving towards fulfilment away from frustration - but not there yet.

I am relieved that I have been able to successfully buy my house on my own, and improve my credit significantly. I am inspired to keep working towards goals, no matter how long they take to achieve.

I suppose there have been other events in the last year but happening two weeks ago today, Lady's death certainly feels pertinent. From the worried but reassured checking through the back garden to the panicked movie-style rush to the road as I saw her laying there, the world seemed to flip. Now, as the mud-covered bloodstain is beginning to wash away with the first of the autumn rains, I wonder how can I move on and yet remember?

Going back to work after 9 months of maternity leave. It's been tough trying to balance everything, and I'm sure the balance has been "wrong" some of the time - but overall it's been good. I feel more like "me" - a mum, yes, but also a professional, an individual, and still ultimately the same person I was prior to motherhood. I'm grateful for being able to have both parts of my life - family and career.

It is difficult to relate a significant experience this past year without thinking about my son's suicide two years ago. My tragedy has reset my life. It is significant that I have not stopped living, and that I have come to appreciate every Shabbat as time to work on my grief, supported by community. It has made me redefine the word grateful to include all events which bring respite from the heaviness of loss, and what can feel like despair. It is significant that I am not distressed about not going to the cemetery every week. I do feel a pang of resentment and utter sadness when I hear other parents tell stories about their children - their successes, failures and relationships.

Löysin itseni esimiehenä. Oon tähän saakka kipuillu esimiehenä olon kanssa, mutta nyt yhtäkkiä tuntuu, et saan siitä hommasta niskalenkin. Uskon et tää on seurausta siitä, että oon ottanu vastuuta ja x on astunu syrjään. Samaan aikaan oon lukenu paljon ja kasvattanu sen myötä itseluottamusta.

The home I have lived in for the past two decades is up for sale. The owner is graciously allowing me to stay until the house is actually sold. Which based on the market currently may be another year. This is going to be a big adjustment for me but overall I am excited for the change and what my future neighborhood will be.

Finally graduated after 3 extra years. I feel even more depressed now. I know what I want to do and focus on. But now there is no more excuse of “I have to finish my thesis first”

My mom's cancer. It just took over my emotions for the entirety of Fall 2018. I was scared, mostly. And so grateful when things started to get better.

I signed my papers to become a Spanish citizen. It was very different than I anticipated. I appreciate all the learning I did along the way...about my ancestors, about the inquisition, about other families stories and paths. This process has connected me more to my ancestors, through doing my genealogy and discovering more about my background. It gives me more appreciation for what they went through through the generations. The signing of the papers was actually anti-climatic. Although surrounded by my ancestors, I felt lonely and isolated. And, in the end, I am not sure if I am ready to move to Spain.

This past year, my best friend of two years, forming one of the most significant relationships during the meat of my time at college, broke my heart. Our relationship went from being a friendship to a romance. The romance was short and intense. It lasted for about one month of us being in the same place, and a perceived two more months on my end while I was in Jerusalem for the summer. I thought when we moved back to school we would continue to work it out, and stay romantic, but he no longer wanted to be involved that way. I was devastated, and these changes both into the romance and out of it constituted the demise of the entirety of our relationship. We are no longer friends, we no longer speak, and I still think about him every day. I feel a deep ache in my chest and a strong sense of loss. I still feel that what happened is senseless and wish we could be in touch again. I want to recover our friendship even though what ensued from the initial breaking off conversations tore me a part emotionally. I resent his inability to forgive and am mad at him for not being more mature.

👍🏻💫so, I moved to Israel and I think it’s the most significant event of the year. From 24th of February I’m here. I think that event born in me plenty of different emotions: gratitude to theUniverse that it happened; resistance that I’m so far from my home and close people; happy and proud of myself for a strong action!

In the past year, I resigned from my professional position and then was basically fired. This was rough. In the moment, it made me question my self-worth, my ability to lead a community, my role as a rabbi, and everything else that goes along with it. I am also grateful that I made the decision to leave that job. Even if I couldn't see it at the time, that decision led me on a trajectory to a much better position and stage in my life. While there is a bit of resentment left, for the most part it helped me search for myself again and focus on who I want to be.

I GOT ENGAGED!! December 15, 2018! It was absolutely perfect and wonderful- everything I could have dreamed of and more!

We got a mortgage and are in the process of buying a house. I'm happy we're doing it but feel more conflicted than I thought I might. Not because I still feel as I used to - that I can't stand the commitment, but because I'm worried about something going wrong in the process or afterwards. But I'm excited! If it goes through I'll have my own home.

I believe that within the past year I have started to become less confident and I started to lose myself because of a relationship that I was in.It affected me a lot because I felt like I was becoming a different person and it’s like the person would always disrespect me when new or other girls came around but I still tried my hardest to love him despite what he did.I am very much resentful because I am still in that situation now because he was my first love and all that.

I graduated from school. My symposium presentation went well. I am so grateful to be done at last. Relieved. Feeling free. The amount of weight that the program put on my whole life was high. It is liberating to be done with that phase.

I separated from my partner. I had been with her literally over half of my lifetime; I had been with her longer than i have lived without her. I feel as though a limb has been amputated—it was necessary to do it because of the toxicity, but it is still painful and I am keenly feeling the presence of her absence.

I started dating Rebecca. She has pushed me to better myself in ways that I used to take for granted. Especially in terms of my mental health and anxiety. She has pushed me, and made me want to push myself, to tackle these issues head on. To see a therapist. To work through my shit. She also pushes me to experience the world more. Not just to stay at home and just work and then seclude myself. Doing so has made me closer to my friends and has helped me find joy again, which is something I don't think I have had in a while. I hope that I can internalize a lot of this work and make sure I continue to do so for myself.

I have been in love with a friend for 4 yrs, he finally confessed he had feelings for me too. It was a beautiful surprise. The words of affection meant the world to me. I am grateful for his love, for the special moments, I treasure it, its bittersweet. I wish it could've grown & lasted forever.

This year has been a year of big changes. The most significant being the birth of Giuseppe our second child. I really feel like he has completed our family and I’ve had such a positive birth experience this time and it’s healed a lot of the trauma from Keira’s birth. We’ve also moved into a much nicer family apartment with a garden and are nearer to schools and services which takes a lot of pressure off of daily life. Thirdly, I’m finally qualified as an English teacher and can start working (providing I find time and child care) All things to really be proud of and I’m feeling more fulfilled than ever

He broke up with me this year. I don't think I know how I got through these dark months. Maybe hope. Maybe fantasy. It was really excruciating. I did learn an important thing about myself: I can move through anything.

This year I lost a position due to a licensing issue. The issue was due to someone else misleading me and resulted in my licensure hours being reduced. It really impacted me and I started to doubt if I even wanted to be in this career. Do I like this job? Could I find happiness somewhere else? How could they do this to me and ruin my job? I was upset and feeling worthless. I’m slowly working through it but it’s hard when I’m still working in a position that I don’t want. I want to try to be more understanding of myself in the next year. And being okay with failure. And know that everything happens for a reason.

I would have to say that the change in my job would be the most significant. Everything about it-from the way it happened, to why it happened, to how I feel about it now-has greatly impacted myself and everyone around me. To be honest, I hate my job. But a change was necessary. Truman was graduating from the Gan, so there was no reason to stay. Another person was hired for the young family programming and therefore I didn't have a job anymore. I looked for a long time and finally found this current job. I didn't really think about it though. I just heard the salary and that was all I thought of. Now that I'm here, I'm finding that this isn't for me. At all. But I feel stuck. I cannot responsibly leave this job unless I can find something at the same salary. Unfortunately, Jewish jobs don't pay that much. I know that that is where I belong, but I don't know how to get there. I'm really unhappy every day that I come to work and I don't know what to do. I'm hoping that something changes soon. I don't know how I'm going to last here.

I traveled to the Canadian Rockies and hiked each day. It affected me so much: I am grateful I could, at 72, still do something so challenging. I am relieved that I could keep up with my friend who is 15 years younger. I am inspired to keep pushing myself to grow in physical ways, even though I may have to slow down a bit as I get older.

I am exhausted by all the significant events that have happened this year in regard to Trump. I still find it hard to believe that the obvious obstruction shown by the Mueller report did not result in an official impeachment inquiry. I continue to be stunned by Republicans who don't seem to care about the truth or the rule of law.

This year I suffered from a severe bout of depression. It's been a very trying time. I don't know how to be happy anymore.

The biggest experience in my life right now is being Synagogue President. It has been a lot of work, very frustrating but also very gratifying and uplifting. I am particularly struck by the amount of respect it generates (it causes some serious bouts of impostor syndrome, too). Yes, I am very grateful, for the experience, for the opportunity to have a large impact on an institution that is important to a lot of people, the ability to actually solve problems for people. I am also tired and frustrated and at times bored out of my mind at endless meetings. But I see the growth and change that I have had a hand in facilitating and I am excited by our successes. I am also terrified by the responsibilities and challenges we face.

Easy: Conversion to Judaism. I'd made the choice a year or so earlier, and enrolled in the Intro to Judaism course at AJU. With each passing class, I fell more in love with the depth of wisdom, practicality, spirituality, sheer mystical, completely modern relevant holiness of this ancient religion. I felt like a bride as the date to meet with the Beit Din drew nearer. My sponsoring rabbi was in attendance, as was my Intro rabbi. My Israeli folk dance teacher was there, as were two fellow students. My cousin came. A dear friend came, as did my beloved. The conversation with the judges was warm and interesting. The mikveh, candlelit and sacred, was beautiful. No revelations or mystical experiences during the dips (for which I yearned), but a sacred and moving experience nonetheless, and the blessings of the rabbis moved me deeply. I broke into tears during my reading of the covenant. And then I went to dance class with joy. I've passed through a door and am grateful to be on the other side – same me, but everything has changed. Now I'm walking the path of continuing to learn, continuing to deepen practice and consciousness – so, life continues.

My dad died, and it seemed like he waited for me to arrive before he passed. I'm so grateful I got to be there with him, holding his hand, and to say goodbye.

At the start of this past year, we took a trip to Ireland, which was fun but also enlightening. Because I wanted to see Giant's Causeway, we went to Northern Ireland. There were many signs that the troubles are not over: fresh graffiti, fresh gun shots in signs, much etc. Brexit was still a long ways away in the autumn of 2018, but the unease was not. This brought home to me how unsettled our world is.

My relationship with Michael has solidified, for which I'm grateful; and Daniel has come to grips with my dating, and my dating Michael specifically, for which I'm profoundly grateful (we're about to go on an all-3-sons food tour & trip to RenFest this fall, which is conceivable because of Daniel's acceptance, so that's all good). Amazingly good. I feel solid there, and if everything is going to continue to grow in ways that I like. (I've also accepted that Michael gives me what he has to give, and if I need more, then that's on me to figure out if I continue to move forward with our relationship or end it because there's a gap we can't bridge. But right now, it feels as if, as long as I remember that he's giving me all that he has to give, I can release my anxiety about being loved enough and I can relax into things.) What I'm struggling with now is my impatience and irritation at work. It's becoming a problem at work specifically. This is a continual struggle that I have - it's definitely not new. I think it surfaces when I'm more anxious in general. I think it also stems from the fact that Jenn and I don't see each other much, and I don't feel as anchored (or affirmed) in what I'm doing, and so the anxiety is heightened, as are my reactions to everything around me. Heightened in a not-good way. And I think menopause and hormones are contributing negatively as well. Untangling everything is tough, understandably. One of my tactics is to tell myself that I can be other people's Jenn (as she is to me), and that puts me in a gentler mood. As long as I remember it. I also try to remember to breathe before I speak, but in truth that's easier to say in the morning than it is to implement in the heart of things. So - all is well generally, and I'm now down to dealing with foundational anxiety issues that are not new. Which is such a nice place to be, finally, after the last few years!

Giving up alcohol. I think it’s been good for my mental health. Rather than turning to drink at good or bad times I sit with my emotions and manage them through other more positive ways: physical exercise, talking, reading, being amongst friends, being outside.

My husband losing his job last November and still searching. It's made me extremely grateful to have a strong financial safety net and hyper-aware of my privilege - that we've been able to manage without having to sell our house and move into a less desirable neighborhood.

As with every year, there have been many significant experiences that happened in the past year (2019/5079) that mark the passage of time, but the one that leaves me changed forever on is the sudden death of my Husband, my significant Other, my Life partner. We were in a strange place that had nothing to do with his illness, but at the same time possibly had everything to do with the strange place we found ourselves in literally until his last day on this side of the Veil. We have been together for 31+ years. We have a 29-year-old Son, we share Grandchildren, Gift Children (Our term for "Step-children) and he is a major pillar in the very large close-knit clan that I was born into. His death revealed he had a whole world outside of me that I was quite possibly the only one truly unaware of. Including our children. I am left with more questions than answers, but the only one who could answer them is my departed husband. Not his paternal family, not his siblings, not his friends from the world I was not privy to, not even our children. I think there was more than casual drug use and a woman who was a regular participant who has been around longer than me. A woman who attended the public funeral services and was named in the obituary as a "special companion". I was told she was a professional caregiver. Why question that? I spend my days and nights in near-constant conversation with his spirit. I think about the line from Lauren Hill's grammy-winning song "X-Factor"- - " ... No matter how I think we grow You always seem to let me know It ain't workin', It ain't workin' (No, it ain't workin') And when I try to walk away You'd hurt yourself to make me stay This is crazy, this is crazy ..." This has been my life for over 30 years. And now we're here... He loved Me and our Family. No one who has been in our present for any amount of time knows that. I love him. Again, no doubt about it. But this shit here...??? This ridiculous, soap-opera-like reveal at the end of our Walk...???? Tha' Hell ??? I feel wrapped in bubble wrap. Double wrapped... I can see (kind of) and I can feel (kind of) but I feel set apart. I didn't go to the funeral services held by his father's family. For one, no one called to ask me if I wanted or needed anything and yes they know me and know about me. My Children were part of the funeral services. For more than 20 of the 30 some odd years if they wanted to speak to him they called me because that was the only way to reach him. His choice, not mine. I reached out to them so that they had a way to reach them. He wanted little to nothing to do with them for the most part. That's the way it was when I met him. This fact was reflected in the obituary. There was an obvious 20 or more year gap in the narrative. The pictures, many of them mine, were clearly cropped. When I say cropped, I mean I and My clan were cropped out. It was purely vibrational that I didn't go. I wasn't feeling it, and so I planned a memorial picnic to commemorate our Life together before their date was set. I simply waited to see when their services were as not to clash with the time and date. Lucky for me, for once I listened to my first Mind. I would have seen my name in a parenthesis and the declaration of his Significant Other, Special Companion or whatever she was called on the back of the obituary, along with a poem from here about how he taught her to appreciate sunsets and moon phases, things that were TOTALLY something anyone who knows us knows was our daily/monthly thing. I might note that it wasn't just me- - the entire side of his Mother's clan was also left out of the funeral services. Family members he grew up with, lived with at different times and went to school with. I will note although his beloved Mother died when he was a toddler, his father widowed in his early 20s, he was raised with his Mother's side of the family. When I invited them to my memorial for him, they thought I was telling them the pending date of the conventional traditional funeral his father and siblings held that had happened nearly a week prior. May I note my Husband was 64years old, his closest sibling 69ish and his father 88 years old. These are not young people. However, whenever I listen to them speak about him, their conversation seems arrested at the "HIM" he was as a wild typical '1970's' American Urban teenager. Don't know what that's about, can't worry about it. Please know these people are educated, respected in their communities. They are also the kind that know the price of everything and the value of very little. He used to say he was protecting me from them, so when he renewed his relationships with them (Father, siblings, nephews, nieces...) I assumed he was softening with age, then I realized it was because he was far more ill than he let on to me, literally up to and until his very last day before he died. I respected his choices, but I regret not moving on when I should have. I saw us as family. One doesn't walk away from family because things aren't fun anymore... His family has proven to be everything he said he was protecting me from- cold, negative, surface ... Also, had I known EVERYONE was divorced... Most Every last one, every one of his immediate family(siblings, parents, paternal aunts, uncles, cousins...ELDEST CHILD) has a scorched earth type divorce under their belts, we never would have gotten past a dinner date. Period. Among My Parents, Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents, Cousin-Peers, Nieces...et al) divorces are very very rare, and even then not an acrimonious relationship afterward, more time than not... Some things don't fit, it happens, relationships end or evolve into something else, but U make do for the development of the kids, even if it means blending families with your new spouse, kids' step-gift parents. At least that's how my clan does it. New spouses become new aunts/uncles if they want to be ... We are a welcoming clan. Most, after getting to know us, accept the olive branch. I neglected to mention one of his favored Sons was killed last year (2018/5777) in a car accident. I frankly believe he never recovered from that. Nor did I mention that I experienced a life-changing injury that rendered me legally disabled during the late holiday season (2017-18/5776-5777) which is why we were in separate dwellings and basically living separate lives for the first time in the 30 some odd years we were together. A thing to know about him is he was a "FIXER". A carpenter and teacher by trade, but a Fixer by nature. He couldn't fix his departed Son. He couldn't fix Me. In the end, He couldn't fix Himself... I was unable to care for myself, so caring for him in what turned out to be his last year was impossible. Which explains why I only knew Ms. "Special Companion" as the caregiver. (smh) I didn't even know she was there, but she knew I was "there" since my photos were everywhere... She watched me grow from a 24-year-old to a 55-year-old woman with grandchildren in photo frames all over his home. When not together, we spoke nearly all day near every day. Karma, th'o... He didn't tell me he was still with his 1st wife when he began seeing me all those many many moons ago, so there's that... She (1st wife) and I healed and so did they, but mess is mess is mess... The Elders teach "... How U get them is how U keep or lose them...". Whelp, I am here to testify... These were the very low lights of 2019/5779... thus far. I am praying for a sweet and prosperous new year. I give thanks for all lessons and blessings received and yet to come. Psalm 122:7-8 I am in shock, dismayed, disappointed but inspired to move forward and recreating my space and continuing to work on building the life I want, the same thing I have done all of my life with and without him. I have the opportunity to create a new normal. I plan to accept and use that opportunity. I believe The Most High is carrying me through. Psalm 121. Psalm 46 I am from the Great Lakes region. If nothing else, the Great Lakes teaches one to go with the flow, steady movement will wear down any obstacle and keep flowing toward the Shores and let the Sun and the Moon lead the way. Peace.

Here are two: I got married to the best man in the world and I got pregnant with our first child. We planned everything in advance and I've never been happier. Getting married to George has been a huge relief. Having him in my life has been a relief. I don't think being pregnant is a relief, but it's been an exercise in surrendering my will to do whatever I want whenever I want, which is fine.

I fell when using a chair as a ladder outdoors and broke my arm and nose. There was immediate pain in both arm and face and my nose bled profusely. It seemed like a LOT of blood, but was probably only 1-2 cups. When it first happened, I was worried I had cracked or lost teeth, but they were OK. The ER Dr. was thorough and took X-rays of my arm and CAT scan of my head and neck. He set me up with my ENT, an orthopedic surgeon, and a plastic surgeon. In the end I was lucky because my arm only had a partial fracture of the radius, and my nose had less pain and recovered quicker than I thought it would. I am also lucky and grateful that my health insurance was very good, it cost me less than $400 out of pocket for ER, nasal surgery, and various follow-up appointments. Thank you ACA!

I graduated from seeing my oncologist. It's been long enough since I was sick that I don't have to see her. I'm really grateful for the wonderful care I received over the years and I'm thrilled that I'm alive and healthy.

This year I finished the army. It effected me because now I have my own time to do my own things. I am grateful that I enlisted because I made friend for life and relieved it is over but I will miss all of the wonderful people I met.

My father died. He had been suffering many medical conditions and they finally came to a head in February. I was very angry and depressed for a long time. But I was also relieved. He would never have to suffer more medical procedures or poking and prodding again. He hated going to the hospital because it was always bad news. I am still very sad that he's gone, but I also know that he would not have wanted to suffer more than he already had.

Gave birth to my baby Tali! How did it affect me? How did it NOT affect me? I am grateful for every split moment, hanging on to every second and trying not to blink. There is so much to figure out now with 2 babes... I often wonder "where's the manual?" but then am so in awe by the surprises. I just hope I'm doing this alright. And I know that I have to focus on my relationship to my partner.

I took a 680 mile solo bikepacking trip on the Great Allegheny Passage and the C&O Rail Trail -- between Pittsburgh and Washington, DC - in both directions. I did a mix of camping, hostels, B&Bs and one hotel. I started planning for the trip in January and took it at the end of May - The idea was to ride 650 miles for my 65th birthday, 10 miles for each year. I could not have imagined how much this trip changed me. It reinvigorated me, gave me confidence in my biking and living abilities, reconnected me to my love of nature, opened me up to the experience of meeting and having deep, meaningful conversations with strangers. It made me ready to take on the next part of my life.

Pittsburgh. Poway. A continuing rise in anti-semitism. I am more afraid for my children and their children than ever. If God brought us out of Egypt to be our God, what will happen to Him if the Jewish people are no more?

Decided to leave a decent paying job, on principle, because my support people did not do their job, and my boss did not support my complaint. I worked on a project... didn't do some of the travel I wanted to. OTOH, I posted my C.V. and received interview invitations within 24 hours. I now make 20% more in a supportive atmosphere.

My oldest son was married. Although a long expected event, the actual timeline leading up to the event was short (2 months) - it was an intense scramble to pull it off, and although stressful at times, it was also gratifying and memorable. By joining forces with everyone else in the wedding party, we forged an event that will live on in all our memories for decades. How do I feel about it now, a few months later? Relieved (we got it done), proud (it was an amazing event), and even inspired: an immense amount of creativity and ingenuity was displayed by a lot of very talented people - what couldn't we do if we put our minds to it?

I finally took the first step in my Jewish Conversion. I feel so at home in the readings and Torah Study. The Temple I’ve found is so loving and open. The Rabbi is wise and funny. I feel like it’s what I’ve been looking for all my life and it is inspiring me to be a better person in every way. I’m so grateful.

Well, the move to Maryland. It has only been about a month, so the full effect remains to be seen. For now, I’m scared and disappointed. A bit resentful. Starting to accept it and try to learn something from the experience.

I think the most significant thing that happened to me this year was starting law school. I have been wanting to go to law school since I was at least 17 and it has fulfilled my expectations in many ways. Although some subjects have been very difficult and time consuming, much of what I am learning has been interesting, stimulating and in some ways inspiring. More than the course content, I have been very happy to meet a number of very good people that I would not have otherwise met, and who have made my life in Canberra more dynamic and fun.

The most significant thing that happened to me this year was.... I GOT INTO MED SCHOOL! The waiting was horrible and the whole experience was so draining, but it was so validating when I woke up the morning of Feb 1st and saw I had been accepted. I was a little resentful of the schools that didn't let me in, on match day or even in the months to follow, but now that I'm at my current school and I've met the people I have, I can't imagine being anywhere else. I've only been in med school for two months and this is simultaneously the most stressed and happiest I've been my whole life. I wouldn't trade it for anything. My heart is so full.

Probably the most significant thing that's happened over the last year has been the growth of my business. It's stressful and uncontrolled; I'm slightly proud of it, but it's not the reality I want for myself.

My mother passed away. I am sad. I am in pain. My father is alone. My partner and I separated. I am sad. I am in pain. The other things are other things. I cannot see the outline or the trajectory of my life, when I try, it’s a fog. Decisions are hard, and the sadness gets in the way sometimes. All the time. I’m only beginning to take up space. Sometimes the sadness fills up all of the space. Sometimes I try to focus on just existing, on my presence, not my absence—not engaging in all the ways I hurt myself when I consider my failures and fears. I try to focus on breathing and feeling how my breath comes not from the air but from within my body, my being, without my bidding. I allow myself to feel, instead of running away or resisting feeling. Sometimes the pain seems like it’s unbearable and then I consider whether or not it could kill me, if it’s literally possible to die of a metaphorically broken heart. No, I think, probably not. There is that. Sometimes I take the morning off, the afternoon off, entire days off—because I cannot bring myself to focus. I am grateful I can do this. It seems like a better idea not to focus, sometimes, a better idea to drift. If I push too hard I breakdown. I can only crash so often. I’m trying to re-engage, but I can’t tell what’s what, sometimes. Which way is up or is it down, which yes is yes, which no is no. I turned 37. I guess I’m just guessing at my life now. Maybe I’ve always been guessing, and just didn’t know it. Maybe I just didn’t know the extent to which I didn’t know. Maybe no one does, until they catch a glimpse of it — their stunning ignorance, their shocking lack of control.

I went to Chicago for the first time during the 4th of July weekend. I had SO many high expectations; I was expecting to fall in love, be happy, and find something meaningful. I don't want to get into detail about it, but things did no go the way I wanted them too, and overall I just didn't get my way with a bunch of things. The whole trip overall ended up being a complete disaster. So yes, I ended up feeling resentful and even frustrated (mostly at myself). I've lost so much weight, got in shape, bought a bunch of cute clothes and expensive make up just so I could "look good" on my trip. I learned a valuable lesson: Don't have high expectations on things that are out of your control and don't get your hopes up when you fall hard for someone. I ended up falling hard for a girl for the first time, which really made me question my sexuality. When I realized that she didn't like me back, I completely fell apart. I also learned a lot about my emotions and how I can out of control with my thoughts, which is something I should work on. I don't handle rejection well, but I need to learn how to move on. When shit hits the fan, I have to clean myself, pick myself up, and keep on going. No one else is going to save me from my misery that I've created. On the bright side, I finally got rid of my IUD! After a few years of painful cramps, which were getting worse and worse when my period came, I decided to finally take control of my overall health and set myself free. I was in a really bad time in my life back in 2015 where I felt that I needed to be sexually active in order to be loved. Admittedly, I was pressured by one of the clinic workers to get this birth control devise. After years of making so many mistakes with men, I've decided that living this lifestyle was no good for me. Even after becoming abstinent, I kept having unbearable pain during my periods. I realized that I no longer needed to IUD nor any other birth control devices, not even "just in case anything happens." I was EXTREMELY relieved and felt that a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I also realized that I no longer need to be sexually active to be fulfilled. I can now breathe and live life to the fullest as a born again virgin and strive to become a woman of virtue.

It has become increasingly more difficult to remember what has transpired in the past year. I became very ill in recent months so I suppose that is freshest in my mind. I was so sick I spent a week without being able to lie down without coughing. I remember thinking that if I died no one would say he was too young to go. I had a moment one night where I reflected on my life and I felt at peace with passing if that was what was next. I wasn't afraid nor did I desire to go, I was simply content if that was what was next for me. I felt gratitude for a rich and interesting life and grateful for the good and challenging experiences I have been blessed with. I am inspired to continue to grow and evolve for as long as I am capable.

I decided to take charge of my health this summer. I've been watching my weight creep up and up (or denying it was happening) over the last seven years. It's not baby weight as I lost all of that after each child, so I can't blame my kids. I hit over 200 pounds, and that was killing me mentally and probably also physically. My blood pressure has been high for the first time in my life (I also blame the current political climate for that). So I started a nutrition plan to take charge, lose weight, live more healthfully and mindfully. I am grateful for it most of the time. I do have trouble avoiding some pitfalls of snacking at home, but I'm so much better in my choices, quantities and portions. Over 20 lbs lost so far, and it shows. Plus, I'm wearing clothes I haven't fit in to for a couple of years and bought two belts to help with the transition. Having a coach and my kids on my side helps a ton, too!

I got into a minor, but expensive car crash after I was looking at my phone while driving. Trying to find the moral thing to do in the fallout of my mistake made me remember that, as much as we think we have agency in all our affairs, money and massive institutions have a way of forcing our hands more often than not.

I went through a depressed period that was disorienting and felt interminable, that coincided with a long list of good reasons to be depressed, so I still can't figure out if it means I'm organically genitally depressed sometimes vs reactive to circumstance. It was the 10yr yartzeit for my mom, my cat died, I broke my finger and couldn't play sports, my best friends moved away. I'm relieved that I no longer feel despair and lost like I did, but still confused about what it all means. Even though I know/think I know it means nothing at all.

Recently I encouraged my boyfriend to stop drinking with an offer he couldn't refuse, and we shook on it. But in the end, he'd rather drink himself to death rather than stay with me. Left me 36 vmails saying he would kill himself as a result. My friends and family are worried about my safety. I found I was skipping down the street like a kid. I dodged a bullet-I might have ended up carrying this guy on my back through years of his self engineered decline.. When you give something your all, its possible to leave without regrets.

I lost a almost two years of work due to petty fighting . It really broke me made me suicidal and made me give up. I thought i did not care but truthfully i did. Besides that i think the biggest experience of this past year was enjoying the freedom of not being emotionally abused by a family member who is now married. This marriage has been the biggest blessing this year and brought lots of relief.

For me, a significant experience was my partner R being offered the job opportunity of a lifetime - on the other side of the world. It has shaken me like an earthquake. It's forcing me to ask myself some very tough questions: would I give up my legal career for 12 months for a relationship? Can I do long-distance? Am I more scared of being alone here, or of moving to a new country where I don't know anyone? Would I get married for a better visa? Are we even ready for that? Do I see my future with this guy? Am I serious about wanting to live a Jewish life, or will my interest in Judaism be yet another should-woulda-coulda thing I quietly regret forever? I'm sorry for so many questions in something that is supposed to be an answer. I just don't have answers. It is an overwhelming moment in my life. I am grateful and resentful. I am angry and excited. I am deeply uncertain but I also have faith. It's like I'm in the middle of a giant thunderstorm and I'm not sure what the landscape will look like when the rain and wind pass on.

Traveling with my son to Washington DC and visiting the museums and monuments he wanted to visit - it was really satisfying and lets me see into the personality he has in ways I don't get to during the bustle and rush of everyday living.

Had a beautiful baby girl. Changed me for the better. So incredibly grateful and inspired

I was able to identify with myself and who I am. In early June I watched Nails it's a Horror movie and within parts of the movie I felt a presence inside the room and i was able to see nails it wasn't a good thing but from there I can understand more about me.

My wife reached out to a past love interest and initiated a long distance romance in Oct 2018. She flew to the town that the woman lives in once while I was away for work. The affair lasted for almost a year, but ended up with her being rejected by the other married woman. I found out about it through some of my own detective work a few months ago after she returned from her trip. She says that she felt that I did not like her anymore, but it has more to do with her growing depression. I can understand her feeling that way, but it is not an excuse to cheat. For the past couple of years, I have tried to get her to see a therapist for her depression, but she refused. When I found out she was doing these things, I gave her an ultimatum at the risk of our marriage - either she go to couples therapy with me or we split up. We have been going now for a couple of months, and it has been helping a lot with her issues and our communication. I am grateful that we have a way to fix our marriage, and that she is taking it very seriously, but I am also resentful that she was willing to sacrifice our marriage over someone who ultimately would have let her down even more than she feels that I did.

Around May, I finally made the decision to (try to) leave the toxic school I'd been at for four years. I'd planned to stay at least one more year, but between admin and the other teachers on my team, I had to get out. The next month and a half were incredibly stressful, as I searched for a new position (against the demands of my then-principal.) Finally, just before the transfer deadline, I found a new placement. This new school isn't perfect, but the climate is so different to the one I was in (in a very good way.) I don't dread coming to work anymore, which is so incredibly important.

Something that happened this year that was very important to me was that I am getting a lot better at my skating. I feel that I have become a better skater and will do great in the competitions.

My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. It has created sadness and stress in my family's life. I know for me, I feel panic when I think about him dying. It has also made anything I wish I had done with him go away and has made me focus on what I can do with him now.

Moving across the country . . . has left me almost speechless. I currently feel like I've been erased and am having to construct myself from scratch. I feel so much anger and fear. Rationally, I know why we did this, and I'm committed to and believe in the plan. This is the right path. Things were ok but not great and we deserve to fix that for ourselves. It's like re-breaking a bone so it can set properly. The re-break is painful and feels like we've done injury to ourselves. This is for the best. But it hurts right now. The personal growth, self-awareness, and honesty that Jon achieved in getting to this point is inspiring to me, and also challenging. I don't have my shit together as much as I think I do. That's what I'm learning right now. If I was anyone else I would encourage me to lean into this with softness, I would give myself permission to be lost, I would give myself comfort for the hardship of it and offer my own faith in the process like a lamp in the fog. So that's what I'm trying to do. I fear that I'm holding back a lot of negative feeling and that that is stifling my ability to feel positive things. I don't feel *inspired* and *joyful*. I miss those beautiful feelings. Trust that I will do the work to make them possible again, this is the mission I am on -- just to trust.

My father died at the age of 101. He was sweet at times, but also very stubborn. I'd been helping with his care taking on an almost daily basis for six years. This also involved my brother, who has a personality disorder and has been unemployed for 12 years. I thought that when my father passed away that I would feel a huge sense of relief, but instead was left with a feeling of grief and a loss of purpose for a time. The grieving process surprised me, but I'm grateful for it as well.

A significant experience from this year was the death of my Grandma Arlene. Her Alzheimer's took her away slowly over the last decade or more and that made it somewhat less noticeable...perhaps? I thought I had grieved for her, but her death brought the pain and feeling of loss crashing down. She loved me without question...such a rare thing in this world to have let alone know of as the person receiving this total acceptance. I am wounded and sad and perhaps scared at the idea of losing someone that I know truly loved me. I fear being alone. I am focused now more than ever on my son. I want him to feel what I felt with my Grandmother. I want him to know without doubt that I love him as he is and always will.

I was editor of LWV report for state circle - was hard, but I figured it out, proud of myself & got some codes. Other was LissaIvy passing her licensing exam first try - I'm so proud of her - and she'll be a wonderful therapist.

I think a significant experience that happened in the past 12 months is me attending Jenny's lifegroup in February with Lola and deciding to continue to attend regularly. I could just say meeting Lola at the preview for The Hate You Give has been life changing. I am deeply grateful and have been blessedly inspired and uplifted by these experiences. Attending Jenny's group filled me with a lot of assurance of God's love and vision for me in just seeing and hearing and feeling the Spirit flow and work. And the comradery and friendships grown have been strengthening.

A significant experience that happened in the last year is losing my job as a teacher. Losing my job, especially for the reasons that were given, knocked me down. I wasn't able to continue taking classes and it made me wonder if teaching was the career for me. This event was a reflection of the type of environment I was in and I'm thankful that I'm no longer there. It just hurts that people I trusted to be honest with me would do what they did. It has helped me to seek what really makes me happy and the kind of career and work environment I want to be a part of.

My son moved to Israel in July and this has rocked my world. I am so sad that there is so much geography between us even though we talk as often as if he was in the same state with me. I miss him visiting me for shabbat and having one on one time with him, really hearing him and feeling his energy. I know he was called to do this and I honor him and his choice, but I still wish it wasn't so. 😥

I had a terrible accident on Feb 28th. Broke several bones and badly injured my leg. have spent most of the year recovering. I'm resentful of my body. Also spent 9/1o in NYC doing media at ground zero, and going through the memorial with Lisa. It was...profound.

Grand Canyon 2019. 16 days and 220 miles on the water in a fairly remote wilderness. It made me really really question "the rat race" of "modern life." I texted Jayne about it. -- ME: It was soooooo amazing! At about day 11 I was kinda ready for it to be over, and then by day 14 I wished it would never end. It feels verrrrrry weird to be back in society. Every time I get back from the river I’m like, what are we all doing with our buildings and lights and phones and computers? Why are we doing this rat race? It feels weird. Like river time is the true reality, and the rest is just an illusion. -- JAYNE: Haha! Yep totally. It’s a total mind fuck and I am sooooo thankful that we have so many great opportunities to experience both the “river reality” & the “society illusion” & are capable of coping with each of them!! That realization that the river world can be a more truthful reality certainly weighs heavily on different personalities. I recognize it more & more in some of my new river buddies. You & I are lucky that we can dive in & thrive in both worlds! --

Two major things happened to me this year. 1. I didn't think I would meet my person this year. I am unsure how I got so lucky that we both met. I couldn't be happier in my relationship. 2. I started a new job that really kickstarted my career. Landing specifically this job made me feel validated. I am so grateful now that I did my graduate studies and that I decided to stay in New York.

This has been such an insane year of loss and illness that when I've started to describe it all, it feels contrived. It's left me feeling spiritually exhausted because no sooner have we had one thing to deal with, another comes right behind it. It is only right now that we've had enough of a "breather" -- hardly accurate because I am expecting the death of my best friend soon -- to allow ourselves to process it all.

I became an Anshei Mitzvah! It was an incredibly moving and meaningful experience! I offered to write the D'var Torah and worked hard to insure it was relevant and inclusive of all of the AM members. I was especially proud of my chanting of my verses. My parents came up for the ceremony and many friends were in attendance. I felt transformed by the experience and am so grateful to Stacy Lubov for her leadership in this process!

I was promoted to salaried manager at a chain steakhouse...and it was not a good fit. I stuck it out for 6 months and moved on. I’m so grateful I did. I started a job as a bartender at a craft cocktail bar and I’m discovering my passion and creativity and I’m thriving! So glad I found the courage to recognize something was wrong and take corrective action, rather than suffering needlessly. Life is too short to suffer needlessly.

I liked someone in a powerful way, and I told him I liked him. I don't regret anything, and in a lot of ways I'm grateful and proud of myself for opening up. He'll never be neutral, though, and I'm going to try to stop trying to make things normal. It's okay for him to always be significant, if only to remind me of a time that I felt so strongly.

Being in the huge 7.0 earthquake in Lombok and subsequent 300 after shocks - it’s just over a year but dealing with and/or Carrying the residual trauma and anxiety has been with me for the majority of this year. It made me feel unsafe and not strong, because I went into self protect mode instead of helping others...

The whole house situation has been a significant experience. Figuring it out, learning about neighborhoods, the area, finding ones we liked, losing out, finally settling, getting work done, working with contractors, all the things that DIDN'T work like the timeframe. We're *almost* there, and I think it'll be wonderful, but it's been a real uphill struggle.

Husband has cancer. That is really all I have been able to experience this year. We have been raising a brilliant kitten and have become more financially stable, and I hope to celebrate this more in the coming year. I am mostly exhausted, itchy, and achy.

I was called back for a repeat mammogram and in the intervening days, I felt as though there was ice water flowing through my veins. The fear was palpable, but I prayed every morning to thank God for a clean bill of health, even before I got it. I just decided to jump out in front of my worst fears and assume the best rather than the worst, putting the power of positive thinking to the ultimate test. When the tech walked in and said, "we'll see you next year", the letdown came and I had to run to my car in the parking lot and cry for a few minutes before I could drive away. Grateful AND relieved

My anti depressants started working which was pretty amazing. I figured out what I needed in a job and went back to my old one, and now an interesting new place. My MS MRI was clear, but I had elevated HPV and needed a conization. So many curve balls.

Starting the MPH. I am relieved to find it is a good fit, that I'm around like-minded people. I am excited to explore. I am nervous about what my future holds, and hopeful that I can craft a career that suits my strengths.

I got a new job. I am so grateful to be out of my previous job and into this one that is supportive, exciting and fun. I am a little worried because the lax environment has made me more relaxed - while so very nice to be relaxed, I worry that my drive and inspiration will diminish and I will become a worker type that I don't appreciate (lazy). I also worry about the social aspect of my new work environment. I don't feel that I "fit in" all that well and wonder how to relax and be me and be ok with that. I still stutter, still mumble, still overthink every social situation. At this point it is only 3 months in, so maybe it will just take a while for that to subside. Even if my motivation to challenge myself has decreased, I am so thankful that I am not being drained and burned out like at my previous position.

I performed on stage as a billed comic in Las Vegas. I'm grateful I did it, beforehand I was terrified. I knew I wasn't ready. The host wouldn't have booked me if not for my schmoozing ability. That's all that got me the spot. I knew I wasn't going to do great, and I didn't, and that's OK. I was friendly and did my best and made the most of a tough situation (losing my notes before going up.) Still, I don't think there was any point at which I really thought I'd back out. I got nervous, but I knew I was going to do it, and I did it. I'll call it a win.

I'm not sure if anything of significance has happened this past year. I sort of feel like I am floating through life, making do with each day, but nothing stands out either good or bad. This feeling of just floating-- I don't know how I feel. Am I relieved that overall I am happy? Am I even happy? Am I just relieved not to be in significant amounts of pain? To be healing from past trauma? I just feel like I am in limbo-- I know where I've been, but don't know where I am going or how to feel about any of it.

Last year, in July, we opened our lives to polyamory. I found a boyfriend and we had a great relationship that lasted until this past September. Unfortunately, things didn't work out as we hoped but the time we had together was worth it and we will hopefully remain friends. It got really hard near the end for both of us because we didn't want to let go but we also knew it wasn't working. I don't regret anything though.

I graduated with my MBA. As a former college dropout this was a huge leap forward. Attached to that was also the discovery of my paternal grandfather’s gravesite and the circumstances of his death. My father was only 3 1/2 when it happened and he had no recollection of all the details until we found the grave site and things started coming back to him. It helped me to understand my grandmother and my dad a bit more.

The most significant experience that happened to me in the last year, perhaps even in my life, is that my Mom died on 9/19. Though we knew her passing would occur, she actually died suddenly. Never, when I thought of her not being inscribed in the Book of Life for 5780, did I imagine she had not been for the year before. The depth of the effects are indescribable at this time, just 2 weeks after she died. I imagine I will at some point feel moored again and not as prone to tears. So far, those two are the main effects. Certainly not gratefulness (except that Mom is at peace), relief, resentment or inspiration (except living up to the legacy she left behind).

I started work. The day after Simchat Torah... I learned a lot, really quickly. I learned how easily I get bored. I learned how much I want to succeed. I learned how much I want to learn, and grow and really be challenged. I'll be done with this program at this time next year. I'll have to figure out what comes next. I'll have to confront settling somewhere, at least temporarily.

One significant experience that happened to me this past year has been coming out to my family. For 5 years I was too afraid of what they might say to come out and it made being home very anxiety-inducing. However, they have been nothing but supportive of me and it is incredibly relieving to feel like I can be my true self.

I ended a relationship because it couldn't provide me with my life goal of having children. We had an amazing relationship, one that I had never experienced before. It was the first time I was completely happy in all realms of a relationship, intimacy, attraction, personal connection, thoughtful, considered and someone I would be proud to raise my children into becoming strong, grounded and caring individuals, and she felt the same towards me. Any flaws were inconsequential because of how I felt about her and the decision to end the relationship was the hardest I've ever had to make. I'm grateful that for a period of time we both were able to experience the love and connection that comes with true love. We both know what a relationship can, and should be, and how the interaction can lift you to greater heights than you imagined. This now forms the basis of what we expect from a relationship and will never accept second best. Not that I felt this prior but having now put this down on paper, I'm left feeling grateful and inspired. Though the sadness remains, it's easier to accept... Such as life.

Lost my job for the first time in my adult life. I was devastated. The lowest point. I was angry, resentful, humiliated, scared and lost. However... It cracked open the door for new opportunities I would have never had otherwise. It damn near killed me, but it did make me stronger. And happier.

I graduated! I graduated, I graduated, I graduated. I am so happy, and grateful (to all the people who supported me, and to myself, and to my committee). I'm not really relieved, honestly, because I guess I have a lot of underlying stress from not knowing what I want to do with my life (which if anything is stronger now that I don't have an excuse not to face it). But, I'm so happy. Now I have to move on into a different phase, and I can always call myself a PhD.

I was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. At first I was worried about telling my husband and then my adult children. I didn't want them to have to worry about me. I think I'm tough and will do what I have to do to get through this. My medical team has been great. My friends and coworkers have been amazingly supportive. I have two good friends who have already gone through it so they have had so much good information to share. I'm grateful for the support. I don't think I'll have much time to really think about my feelings until I'm done dealing with treatment and 70+ appointments!

The school I was teaching at closed during my second year there. It was emotionally hard and I found out how strong, compassionate, and grounded I can be. I miss it. It was a small, beautiful, and a spacious campus. I found a new job with its own challenges. I am grateful and somewhat exhausted on a soul level.

Getting a full-time job has been great, but I resent that I may be doing something that doesn't fulfill any of my passions in the slightest.

I was in the first wave of layoffs for my company shutting down. Finally I acquired more of the resentment toward upper management that some others had - which I don't want to have. Ultimately I'm grateful because I am in a better place.

A 9 years relationship end in death in the midst of planned future to have a family. The event did break my heart into pieces. I lost a love one and also a future child. The church wedding became a funeral. Yet in the other side of that there was both regret and grateful. Regret because of the wrong choices and decisions I made and on the other side is grateful because God never leaves me alone in this valley of death event I had. His heavy hand lays upon me and shows the way to the light. It was a deep life lesson. It took me years to be built in the background and the change was in a split of moment.

My son left the country we live in to attend UC Berkeley grad school, as I did, and renew a tie with his U.S. heritage. I feel like I was in many respects more mature than he was, given the many little administrative things that got out of hand for him and for which he required help, but I am glad that as a parent I have been able, with my husband, to protect him from many of the responsibilities I had to shoulder as an independent adult at his age. I think that many of my current anxieties stem from the perfectionism that started to get rooted during my adolescence and young adulthood, that I had no right to make any mistakes, and I properly flagellated myself if ever I did. I hope that by next year, I will have been able to confront these now deeply ingrained patterns that started innocently, with taking adult responsibilities seriously for myself and others, and relieve myself of the burden of anxieties that I have borne for the decades since.

I had a big bust-up with my bosses and manager at work that forever soured our relationship just before I moved home. It was mostly my own fault - I didn't need to get involved and although my reasons were honest, my actions made a difficult situation worse. It was a really shitty time and so when I learned that those same bosses had savaged me unfairly in their recommendation (something I had been assured would not happen as the dispute was not related to my own work for them) it was almost a relief. As to how it's affected me now, I want to be more circumspect, more careful, and less quick to act on other people's behest. I regret what happened but I feel I've learnt from it. I hope that in future I'll be a person who talks less and thinks more.

I was let go from employment. I'm relieved, scared, grateful, confused, happy, inspired. Learning the value of freedom.

I have lost 90 lb. I am grateful that I was able to lose it. However, I'm not where I thought I would be or where I want to be. I've had a few moments where I've slid backwards instead of moving forward.

The most significant event this past 12 months was my and Jim’s ascension in nov-dec. 2018. I started to feel very different already in oct ... then I had my possible NDE where I passed out in the car and wouldn’t come back. Wild. Once we moved to the field life took off... my soul and spirit were finally at home. Safe. I was so stunned to learn that I was actually always on a path and this was my awakening. I am so grateful that I am now awake and truly alive. Gratitude leads the way. Always.

Dieta with Merav, tobacco ceremony, puma medicine. Puma song coming through, finding focus, clarity, the motivation and inspiration to sit in the driver's seat of my life, instead of struggling to drive from the backseat. Lead my own life. It effected me greatly... resonates on such a deep level that this is needed for me. My dreams were screaming at me to take the lead, to take the wheel, to take the front seat. So, I am inspired.

I had to take prednisone for a week. The side affects were awful, I became manic/depressive and actually had thoughts of suicide. Those thoughts lasted for a couple of months. It scared the heck out of me. I have a history of bad reactions to meds but didn't realize at the time I was having this reaction.

One year ago, Dave went to Northside Hospital for a heart catheter. Virginia’s husband, Matt, was hospitalized at St. Anthony’s for passing out from a seizure due to alcohol withdrawal. I prayed for Dave to live and for Matt to die. My husband survived. My friend’s husband did not. She is still dealing with the nightmare of his alcoholism in his afterlife. I am dealing with Dave’s renewed focus on his health.

A significant experience is I got hired to be a consultant, and thus be my own boss! I make more than I ever have before, and work only part of the time I have before. It's refreshing!

Received a job promotion and a large raise. It has made me more confident in myself which in turn has made me better at my job. It has also allowed me to move forward with my life since I am no longer living paycheck t paycheck.

i will probably laugh at this when i read it next year, but the most significant thing that happened to me in this past year was falling into a romance with my delivery guy. it's not that the relationship itself was long, but more that post-divorce, i'd had lots of crushes and flights but nothing that felt truly romantic. this very short relationship was intellectually interesting; this person actually wanted to know about me as a person; and we had so much fun laughing together. it was important because it helped me to realize that romance is still possible for me.

After not having been overseas in 12 years, I got the chance to have 3 overseas trips this year. In November, I got the chance to see my brother-in-law get married. In January, I got the chance to spend two weeks working on research in Australia. And in August I got the chance to spend 9 days celebrating my 10 year anniversary with my wife in Copenhagen and Reykjavik. Given the costs of overseas travel, I'm grateful I had the good fortune to only need to pay for one of these trips out of pocket. But also, I love traveling. I love seeing the world. I love gaining perspective from others outside my environs. And I love being exposed to diverse new places. I feel like travel has a positive effect on how I view the world and the opportunity to get to do so internationally--not once or twice, but thrice--was something my soul deeply missed. If I didn't have the opportunities I had this year, I don't know that I would've been fed... I can only hope I figure out how to have more of them in the future.

I was let from a job for the first time at the age of 35. I was devastated. If it had not been for a friend who had experienced something similar and shared with me how they moved forward i am not sure i would have been able to process all the emotions or feelings. because of the helping hand I went back to school and changed the path of my life. I am truly grateful, inspired and relieved to know that others could careers so much as to offer a helping hand.

I pared down my workload over the year - both consciously and by default - as I turned 70. By the fall of this year (2019), I have no work projects on the boards. It has made me realize how much I got done when I was working because now I seem to waste so much time. I need some inspiration to get back on track. I have a backlog of things I need to do at home and should now be tackling them. But it seems as if I was more disciplined about tackling them when I had a full workload. I am not relieved I am no longer working. Not that I want to be working, but I want to be more time-efficient. And need inspiration to tackle my OWN to do list which always got shunted to the side when I was working.

In the last year, I had lifesaving surgery to remove gallstones. In the space of a day, I had examination, diagnosis and treatment, where they removed five macademia-nut sized stones from my gut. If I had still lived in the US, I would be dead, because I could never have afforded the surgery. But here, in my new home, the cost to us was triffling, less than a couple of hundred euros. It really brought home to me just how inequal the system in the US is, and made me grateful for where I now live, and angry at the system I was trapped under before.

In the past year I fell off with working out, I'm still not enrolled in a Canadian institute like I planned, and stuck at a dead end corporate job. I feel desperate and feel that my life is at a standstill right now. Losing touch with friends, family. Only bright side is that I haven't missed a beat with daily guitar practice.

My grandmother passed away just after High Holy days last year. I am grateful for all of the time that I got to spend with her, and for all the unconditional love she had for me, and for all her grandchildren (and great-grandchildren!). She provided a comforting counterpoint to my own mom, and it's so interesting how different my relationship was with her, versus my mother, and also my mother's relationship to her (she is my mom's mom). They are such different people. I miss my grandmother, but it's the strange hidden blessing inside dementia that they change while they are still alive, which is difficult, but it means that you start missing them before they are gone. You get to miss them a little bit while still spending time with them, so that at the very end, it is like a whisper, not a wail. She passed away peacefully in her bed, after having lived a long and full life. I don't know if I can achieve anything like that. Already my life is so different from hers. But I am so honored and blessed to be able to call her my grandmother. I love you, Grandma, Lucy. B"H Z"l

Honestly, nothing “significant” has happened to me the past year. However, I feel like I have come to a moment where I will no longer let the past have a hold on me or remain in my old habits-which is a HUGE accomplishment in itself. It feels nice just to celebrate the little things sometimes- always grateful for those.

I've wanted to go to Germany, the country from which most of my ancesters came, for several years. I got to go, finally, though only saw Munich and Trier. It was inspiring to see how civilized a place it was. Excellent subway and bus systems, no cars blaring music, or people yelling into their cell phones. In Trier, the oldest city in the country, and which is in the region my forebears lived, there are nightly wine tastings in the middle of the main square. Customers are able to hang out in public with glass wineglasses and bottles with no fear of violence. I am very grateful to finally have been able to afford to go, and also to go with a good friend. I would love to return to see more of the country.

Traveling to Italy with my sister to visit my father. I loved spending so much time planning and traveling with my sister. It was wonderful to spend time with my dad. His girlfriend and her family were welcoming and I'm glad to get to know them. I never longed to travel in Italy (but what a great opportunity!). When I was there, everything was engaging, exciting, beautiful, tasty--super rich and interesting. My memories are vivid and I'm anxious to figure out how to return. Everywhere we went was comfortable and fascinating, but the Carnivale Festival in Viareggio was one of the best days of my life. The day unfolded as a series of ever-better experiences. Each hour brought a new, stunning surprise. I loved seeing the floats parked, then moving, then displaying their allegorical stories. I loved walking among the puppets and the local puppet-escorts. I loved sharing the day with my dad and sister. I am so grateful for the experience and my hunger for travel and new experiences is stronger than ever.

My son's ASD diagnosis. Honestly, it was disappointing, but the process of getting him help (and watching his skills improve) has been very inspirational.

One of my two best friends got married and moved away to England for at least the next 3 years. I am totally grateful and ecstatically happy about it. But, it's requiring an adjustment of 33 years of life habits.

Tony dying. It tore me apart and still does

TourXoz, soo grateful and inspired!

I learned how to have positive boundaries. I'm grateful for having learned how to stand up for myself and to refocus my attention on what is really important in my life so I can more clearly see when I'm being "too nice" and not listening to my gut instinct.

This year has actually been a pretty significant milestone year. It's weird because I spent so much of my life trying to hurry the fuck up and move onto the next phase of my life. I suppose I thought that I would be on more of a strict timeline - 2011: graduate high school, 2016 - graduate college, 2019 - be married, blah blah blah. And then, you realize that life fucking happens and nothing ever ever ever turns out the way you think it will. Now I'm 26 years old finally graduating college and starting my career. Which, I know is absolutely fine because in reality there is no timeline of your life. You just live your life every day and then one day you look back and realize that you've had a whole life and did not even notice it happening. I'm fortunate. I found an amazing job that I feel could be my forever job. This new found stability frightens me. I was once told that I have cherophobia. I've spent so much of my life in a lost suspension, and to finally have something grounding me scares the fuck out of me. It's weird to say, but I'm happy.

The experience: dealing with a “ fake” conversion scam. It affected me negatively at first but after prayer and introspection I realized that it was actually a “gift” because it spurred me in the direction that HaShem wanted me to go. I’m relieved and grateful.

After being out of work for about two years, I finally got a job that I can live with. Even better it's a job in a music and arts related nonprofit organization. At first it was a struggle to have a regular reason to wake up early each morning. There was even a little bit of negativity surrounding my new workplace. But now things are pretty great, and I finally feel like I'm doing something that makes a little bit of a difference in the world. not only that, it looks like I am actually using some of the things I learned in graduate school. so I can feel like my extended. Of schooling wasn't wasted. It seems that delay was in fact not denial.

I discovered that I was in an emotionally abusive relationship that was alienating me from my friends and family and making me loose my sense of self. I felt ashamed that I had allowed myself to become a victim in that way. I felt I was smarter than that, that I should have recognized the signs. I worked past those negative feelings towards myself and found myself enveloped in love by my people. They held me up, protected me, created a safe environment for me to reflect, forgive, and heal. Im forever grateful for what that experience taught me not only about myself, but about the people in my life that love and support me conditionally.

In the past year, I was promoted to Marketing Manager. It's been a rush of responsibilities and duties. I find myself dealing with my stress by working out, sleeping around, smoking my mind to oblivion and eating everything I can. I don't really know where I'm going to be in the future, but I do enjoy my work. As stressful as it all it, I really do love it.

I wrote my thesis in the last year--I don't think I knew how much both the content and the process would change my life for months after the paper was submitted. I am so so grateful for this experience. Not only did it substantially improve my technical and philological skills, but it taught me so much about how to research and learn and think critically.

Moving to France has changed everything -- my relationship with my kids, my perspective on aging, my beliefs about relationships. My father's death (at this time last year) gave me the freedom to make the decision to move. I hope he supports my decision to leave, of course, but I am happy I'm not the one who left HIM behind.

It would have to be the Supreme Court hearing for Kavanaugh. For two weeks straight, very single female client came in to tell me about a sexual assault or rape. Many had never spoken of it before. Woman after woman. It happened 10 years ago, last week, a month ago, last year, 40 years ago...it just went on and on and on. Session after session, I sat with these women and told them it wasn't their fault, it's okay if you fought back/didn't fight back, I understand why you didn't say anything then, and I believe you. I believe you. I believe you. I was handling it pretty well until it occurred to me that not a single male client had come in to tell me they had committed sexual assault or rape and never told anyone. It wasn't statistically possible that none of my male clients had engaged in sexual assault or rape. That thought brought me to my knees. It became so clear to me why harassment, sexual assault and rape continue to be a problem. If perpetrators don't think what they are doing is wrong, they can't change their behavior. I think that is what happened in the hearings. I believe that something horrible happened to Professor Blasey-Ford and I believe Kavanaugh doesn't remember. It's because she got away. To him, it wasn't worth remembering because to him, nothing happened. To him, it was a joke, a silly thing he did while partying with his friends. To her, it changed her life forever. Something happened to her and a part of her never got away. And they are both telling their truth. That's what was so hard for me. I'm still processing this realization and probably will for some time.

I was laid off and took the opportunity to change course in my career. It opened my eyes to the possibility of using my skills and experience for the benefit of society rather than just working to get a paycheck. That's important to me and I want to continue it throughout my career.

Significant. I've got three. I had my baby boy. He's truly amazing. He is one of the best things that has ever happened to me, along with his dad. He's the light of my life and I didn't know this kind of happiness existed. I'm so grateful to have him. I married the love of my life!! Finally! After a 2 year and 3 month long engagement, after being together a few years anyway, I finally said I Do to my king, my Mr. Right, my everything. Marriage didn't change anything between us, but it did improve my sense of permanency and security. I graduated from UMSL with my BSW!!! Thank god! I am so truly relieved to be done, it is insane how much freer I can breathe now.

My mother had an aneurysm and then a stroke. She is getting better, but it wasn't certain for a while. At the end of June, my newborn nephew needed 2 open-heart surgeries. I need the next year to be calmer

My difficulty with dating - I've been on so many dates that have ranged from disinterested to heartbreak (Sy, Mario). I've thought a lot about the difference between knowing what I want/knowing my worth... and then being too rigid and closed off to possibility. I've been trying to balance that. How can I be open and vulnerable without being naive and getting hurt? As someone whose instinct is to control everything, the challenge lies in giving up control and opening up the possibility for something unexpectedly great. I've been hearing this idea a lot from podcasts/Rian/Paisley/etc. I think I am scared to put it into practice because...duh, I am allowing myself to get hurt! I also wonder if I subconsciously wasn't ready to date this past year. I was still reeling from Shan, I wasn't fully comfortable in my skin from the weight gain, and I was comparing my singlehood to everyone else's relationships and trying desperately to catch up. I wasn't making myself whole before trying to find someone else. I feel like over the past year I've really put that into action. After Shan, I thought I knew how to do that, but I was still feeling incomplete. Right now, I don't have much interest in dating. I have my own place, my own routine, my gym goals, my community, my self improvement regarding eating - everything feels like it is falling into place. I feel whole. And that feels amazing! I feel so grateful for all of the challenges my life has presented - breakups, travels, job hopping, food struggles, athleticism, etc. Everything has shaped me into who I am today - someone who is inherently imperfect but constantly striving to be better than before.

I found out that I got removed from faculty status at my university without being notified about it for many months. At first, discovering this felt like a huge blow to my ego, a loss of face, a reactivation of shame feelings about past failures, accompanied by a sense of rage. Then I thought about it more and realized that I'm in a different place professionally than I was several years ago, and maybe the faculty status that I coveted and clung to for so long is not the source of my value (lol). I'm now considering the idea (for the first time ever in my 50 years) that I may actually have a choice about what professional roles I want to play--based on which feel like the best, most fulfilling fit *to me.* So after pretty much a lifetime of just trying to live up to high external standards, and worrying I couldn't, I'm feeling a lightness and freedom I never would have expected. And more self-love. Go figure. I am finally feeling more self-validation, and it's helping me to be more positively assertive in my daily life.

Breakup- moving out of bronxville Ego, scared, hurt Resentful yet grateful

Two summers ago, my dog, Toby, died. He was the first dog I could remember because the other dogs I had died when I was a toddler. My family excluding my dad wanted to get a new dog immediately. I didn't want to either because I felt that we would be betraying Toby. I still miss Toby, but I am happy to have gotten my new dog, Maggie. I realized that I am reliving him and my experiences with him through the new dog that we had gotten.

Grateful, relieved, inspired, motivated, healthier. I joined PNP. The PNP (phit-n-phat) tribe membership let me put my weight battle into a different perspective; it's not about the food, it's about the action I take with feelings generated by toughs about a certain 'something.' While I'm usually optimistic, it's magical to learn to focus on my results by adjusting my thoughts. Down 27 lbs in 9 months. No more counting calories, points, carbs, etc. Mimi's death inspired me to take control of "me."

I got dumped for the first time. I'm not sure how to respond, especially since I thought I was communicating my interest clearly. I'm a bit resentful that it happened, a bit grateful that I had a good relationship, and just sad that it ended the way it did.

Wow. So many. Mom passing is probably the most significant. The fires. The snow storm. My cut in income and benefits. Significant home repairs I have been unable to afford to do. Loss of vision and dental coverage. I have struggled but in the whole scheme of things, it could be so much worse. Losing Mom was and continues to be heartbreaking and also extremely valuable in terms of reflection and learning.

My son had to be taken to the ER by ambulance. We were terrified, but also frustrated and angry with him.

In November last year - two days before Dad's funeral, in fact. I fell in love. I met a man I'd been chatting to for a few weeks online and ... I fell in love with him inside an hour and a half. Fortunately, he fell in love with me too. He is wonderful. Our relationship is long distance, but he makes me happy every day. He makes me a better person. And the time we have together is unbelievably precious. His name is Andrew and he is one of the best things to happen to me, ever. I am very lucky.

I got through my husband's first deployment. I am relieved but also empowered. I discovered that I am stronger on my own than I had thought. It also made me realize how wonderful my support network is.. my therapist, rabbi, and friends were so important to my peace of mind throughout. Just knowing that they were there made it so much easier.

I had a baby. It's completely remade who I am from the inside out. It's been five months and I still haven't time to process that. I might not catch up for another 18+ years.

My Father’s health has deteriorated, and this has caused me some friction with my siblings as we work through solving his issues, and making sure he is happy and safe.

Tom and I traveled to Southeast Asia in 2019, a fabulous and meaningful experience for me (and I think for Tom as well.) It opened my eyes to countries and cultures I knew very little about, in spite of the U.S.'s involvement in the area (Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia especially) when I was growing up. We went to celebrate Tom's 70th birthday, and to recognize and revisit his--and his father's--time in Vietnam, during the war, and after in travels with Tina. I was enamored, educated, intrigued and inspired by all I saw and learned in our five-week trip. What a contrast to my prior disinterest. I am so glad and grateful to have seen and experienced every part of our trip.

Hmmm... Well, I would say that my partner of three years breaking up with me very suddenly would count as a significant experience. It affected me by teaching me more about myself and the resilience of my heart than I ever knew. I was able to touch the darkness of my fear of loss, and through the other side I was able to see my own light a lot more clearly. I am incredibly grateful for the blessing of being freed from an abusive relationship and knowing my own value more clearly than I ever have in the past. I am grateful, relieved and inspired by what is possible in this world, especially when we face what is hardest for us to face.

I moved to Japan. Peter and I both applied for the JET program and he got in. So we got married, packed up an moved countries. The culture over here is so different. It is a really interesting place and the people are lovely, however the deeper you dig into the actual culture of the place it seems toxic, oppressive and discriminatory. I am glad I grew up in NZ and can go back when we are finished here.

16 yrs clean and sober Super grateful. Very humble and present

I was made redundant from my hotel job at The Waterhead Hotel in Coniston on 26th February 2019, where I’ve worked for 24 years xx 😢 I didn’t even get a leaving card or a thank you for all my hard work xx 😢 I did however get a thankyous from the guests which is the most important thing as it was them I worked for to help them have a lovely time there xx ❤️ I was deeply depressed until around June. I felt lost, unimportant, embarrassed and perhaps not worthy. Helped with my hypnotherapy skills & the Love of my husband & my friends, then I began to feel better xx At the same time I felt a sense of release, relief and freedom as really I’d been overdue for a change for a long time but I couldn’t Let Go xx I then decided maybe I’ve been given a chance to get my hypnotherapy career on the go at last! xx ❤️🦋

I was able to gracefully accept the conclusion of a relationship. I am grateful, I think it was the right thing. I recognized that my ego was bruised, but my self and dignity were fine and not under attack. I left one job that was no longer serving me optimally, and manifested a better present. Totally inspiring. I feel like I can do anything.

On Thursday 3rd October 2019, I nearly died. I was so close to getting hit by a car as I crossed the street. It was night-time, near 8pm. The wind was lashing at my umbrella, blocking my vision and the rain dotted my glasses. It was miserable; I just wanted to reach the warmth of my home and seek the comfort of my family. It happened so fast and yet everything slowed down. All I could focus on were the luminescent headlights as the car approached and horned. This experience made me look at life in a whole new light. I feel changed. There is no point in pursuing things/moments/people that do not bring us joy. Life is too short and precious for that. We should live each and every moment to its fullest. Why should we put ourselves through the stress of frivolous things- things that will fade away. So I'm going out in the world with my head held high and with a confident and radiating smile.

In July I attended a pre-retirement course for people 18 months away from retirement. Realised I couldn't wait that long so checked out the finances and was relieved to find I could go at Christmas. Interesting how much reflection that has opened up - mostly around the stress of the last three years with juggling work and family. Realised I need to make more time for myself and my interests and this made me grateful for the course and inspired for the future.

I went off benzodiazepines after 16 years of prescribed use. It has been one of the hardest things I've ever done. I am grateful to be in a place where I can do it, and horrified at how awful this process of my body readjusting has been. I am not resentful, but I am wanting to figure out how this can be a gift to the world because I am often frustrated. Especially since all this happened within the context of meeting the love of my life and getting married. What a weird superimposition. But life does not do neat often. It does messy very well. I can't wait to read this next year and see what has shifted. Undoubtedly, I will be feeling better in my body. May I be blessed to live to see next year.

Lisa and I traveled to Lisbon, Portugal, t0 celebrate her 60th birthday along with hundreds of thousands of residents of the city. The evening of June 12 was St. Anthony's feast day. The entire city celebrates with grilled sardines, cold beer and wine, joyful music. It may be the world's largest street party, and we are there with our friend Nathalie, her friend Adrienne, and our Portuguese host, Jose. Unforgettable!

CPE has been a BIG THING. Though grad school has also been a BIG THING. Learning to hold the complexities of what it means to be bearing witness to suffering is like woah what a stretch. I can do it! It sometimes helps people! But SUFFERING!

I was planning to write about the recent relationship rejection by SG since it's so fresh, but I realize I didn't want to give that much power to it. Yes, it hurt a lot, and the fear that I won't meet someone I connect with again lives with me as a loud companion in quiet moments, but I'm choosing to write about how I healed from years of being shamed about eczema and my brown skin, feeling old and unmarried, feeling like I'm too different (an introvert, etc.) to be in a good relationship, etc. I allowed myself to be seen for who I am and discovered that I liked myself. And in the moment of truth, I love(d) myself. It wasn't easy as I've wanted this for so long, but it would have been harder to bear betraying myself than being rejected. So I am going forth with my integrity and dignity in tact and a newly discovered love and respect for myself.

I had foot surgery. It reminded me I am no longer invincible. I have very frail moments and it has gotten me to accept where my overall health is because of neglect. I am exercising more now and eating better, I hope to gain my flexibility again and continue to keep my health a priority. It reminded me that I need to take time to heal and move forward with intention.

My sister started drinking again after two years of sobriety. Within a couple weeks she had receiver her second DWI, just days before our mom’s knee replacement surgery. Her drinking and arrest disrupted the entire family, and I was supporting my parents as they dealt with this rather than being focused on my mom’s recovery.

My father passed away this year. The closest of the above choices is inspired, by the love my family has for him, my mother’s steadfast grounding in the present, and my father’s loving presence in family life and in my mind. I miss him, but in a sense he’s very present.

The past year has been so tough. Losing Joan has been painful and I miss her so much. She was the best mother-in-law I could ever ask for and I was honored to be her caretaker and be there when she passed. Then, most recently my dad's massive stroke on July 30. I will hear my brother's voice in my head forever as he cried telling me "Dad's had a stroke, it's pretty bad. Call me." Now I'm sitting by my father's death bed, my head hurts from crying and my back aches from carrying the heavy load of grief. Once again, I am honored to be here and help both him and my mom at this painful time. My heart aches for my children who are losing two grandparents in a year, especially Aiden who is so close to my dad. I am grateful that we are a close, loving family who comes together united in grief and love, to support each other at these difficult times.

So many things have happened to me in this past year that I would consider significant and life altering. My grandmother died in March, my long term relationship ended, and I bought a condo. They are all sort of tied together in a cosmic, weird sort of way. My grandmother's health had been deteriorating significantly in the 6 months before she died and I saw her at some of her weakest moments, physically and mentally. Fortunately and unfortunately, it changed my view of her. I think mostly in a positive way. She was always this strong, loving, independent inspirational woman to me. And above all my grandmother. One of the people who I was closest to as a child and who became a safe place when things would deteriorate with my mother. But seeing her go through moments of dementia and hallucinations, then come through it and still be her witty jovial self was altering to me in a way that stick with me for the rest of my life. Dealing with her death and the lack of support I received from my ex-partner really pushed me to stand up for myself in that relationship in a way I hadn't before. I didn't have the energy to take care of another person, I needed someone to take care of me. And he couldn't figure out how to do that. He failed in that area a second time and that was something I couldn't let go. He moved out within a week and I haven't seen him since. I'm still reeling from the abruptness of it. I know on a fundamental level that it's for the best and that I wanted this and made it happen, but it still hurts. And it doesn't appear to have effected him negatively at all. Which makes me question whether he ever really cared about me at all. I received an inheritance from my grandparents estate and that gave me financial security for the first time ever. I chose to look for a condo...I found one in my neighborhood and moved in before June started. I don't think I've settled in quite yet. I'm not sure that I will any time soon. My life is in turmoil right now. But I feel like it is for the best. I'm embarking on a new inspiring journey of self discovery and self possession. Everything is going to be a new experience for me.

Not quite within the past year, but it has been such an extended and significant transformation that it stands out among everything else in my life. I became a mom to a feisty (now 18 month old) little girl. It has taken every ounce of my being to care for this child. I have learned a great deal about patience, priorities, family ties. I view relationships in another light... It's an entirely different life, but I find myself appreciating the little things and catching myself in a sweet, happy moment, more than before A. existed.

I moved to Tulsa from D.C. with my partner. We've spent our whole lives living in big coastal cities and now we're in the middle of the country. I am eternally grateful for this experience, for this community and opportunity to have a better quality of life. Genuine kindness and support is the norm and not the exception. I'm inspired to invest in my community and myself in this city.

I went to a festival and it turned very sour very quickly. I had a some mushrooms and I experienced a very bad trip; due to a multitude of things; social, my mindset at the time and the environment i was in. This experience was the catalyst for many other thoughts that followed regarding my friendships and who I was at the time. Although this experience was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through, it has changed me in a positive way and I have only grown from it. However there is still a lot of processing and growing that should come.

There have been so.many.significant experiences this past year. Relationship-wise and personal. I'd say there were a number of experiences that stick out, from repeating heartbreak with C, exploring distance from I and falling in love again. I also applied to SW school, took the GRE, travelled to Iceland and spent chunks of time with family. A big event, though, is the marriage of Olivia and Hayden. It's the day after they got married, and I got to give her a speech from the heart. It was emotional in so many ways, and it's made me feel deeply around love, connection, childhood, family, and loss as well. Mostly I feel grateful, and pretty bittersweet. My best friend is starting something so big! I feel motivated to go as deeply as she has into life, into my own development, remembering love, and the joy in being present. I feel I have so so much uncertainty, and that makes me forget that I do have permission to be joyful in every moment. And actually joy is found in the present.

I quit City Mill to work for the State, and then I didn't pass probation. I'm very disappointed and don't really know how to feel. In one sense, I feel that I'm just not as capable as I thought I was, but on the other hand, I feel that my training was inadequate and I just didn't fit in, mostly because of my age.

Oh my god, where to start. My journey into men's work has been truly life-changing. It has provided me a venue to talk out my feelings where I feel safe. It's helping me reach new levels of emotional health I didn't know were possible. I feel proud of how far I've come this year, and I look forward to what's next.

I got divorced! Wooooo! 5 years in the making, but it's finally official. I am relieved. It felt and feels so good. Like strings were snipped, and suddenly I was so much more free. Like the anger was less angry, but also more okay. And like I just didn't have to put up with anything anymore. I still do... we still have a kid that we need to be cordial about. But it felt so good.

I married the love of my life. It has brought me happiness, security, and confidence that I finally found someone who understands and accepts me.

I have had my cataracts removed, and I am unsure of my eyesight so far. One eye is for seeing far, one eye is for seeing closeup. My brain hasn't figured out how to work the two yet.

Both Bee and Pot died in this past year. All of my grandparents have now died. I feel sad on the one hand, and yet relieved that neither of them are suffering any longer, particularly Pot. He was in pain toward the end, and so sad to be without Bee. I also feel like Pot is in my head, like I am receiving ideas of things to do that he would also have done. They are silly things: like seeing a burlesque show in Las Vegas, watching Suits, etc. Those are all things I'd discussed with him at one point. Also, Sharon is well. Johnnie got married. Johanna is struggling again. I still have such a mix of emotions, but am oddly calm overall. I don't know if that's good or bad. Perhaps I should be more emotional? Or perhaps I'm appropriately detached? I really don't know the answer to these questions.

I made the decision to leave the place I'd lived for 27 years and move halfway across the country. Making the decision was freeing. Putting that decision into action was tougher. I'm pretty happy with my choice, and looking forward to learning a new place inside and out.

Sorry, I answered the questions in reverse order so this is pretty much covered, but: I am grateful, and relieved, and resentful, and inspired. I'm taking better care of myself, setting (apparently excruciatingly painful) boundaries with my parents, making things, cooking things, and just keep feeling increasingly more lucid and more comfortable in my own skin.

I had hip surgery and had to be on crutches 5 weeks. It’s humbling to be temporarily incapacitated (at a young age)and to see the dirty looks from people who think I’m faking the injury.

Getting married to B was for sure the most significant experience that happened this past year. It made me feel more things than I can possibly put into words, but at the minimum the experience has made me feel incredibly grateful, loved, blessed, wildly happy, and excited for the future.

By far, the most significant experience of my LIFE so far was my existential breakdown over Christmas. It hurt. HARD. I had never experienced such a low before. I had serious depression. I was doubting everything I knew. I became an atheist and that, therefore, led to many other awful conclusions that, to this day, are stressful to think about. I'm lucky to have had the life I had to allow me to succeed and go beyond these things. I've been on an upward trail since then but man. I hated it. Am I grateful? Sure, because I'm now aware of the truth of this live, but I sure hated it at the moment and much afterward.

It was the moment that I realized that I was in an abusive relationship with Adam. I thought it was me, that I didn't understand him, maybe I wasn't as musically sophisticated as him, etc etc. but I slowly started to realize that he was emotionally abusive. Sure, he didn't hit me but abuse comes in all shapes and sizes. You don't have to be smacked around to realize that you're not being treated well. It has affected me on all levels till I realized "I don't have to put up with this" but I still have to be careful.

I guess I graduated. That was pretty big. I also got a job in my field fewer than 6 months after that. It made me realize in a way how different my sister and I are, because she needs her accomplishments to be acknowledged and celebrated, and I'm just like, eh. It's weird not going back to school. I just work now? All the time? everyday? without homework? forever??? My new job is teaching me a lot, and it's so new I haven't started with the benefits yet, so that will be very exciting when that happens.

I have made it to the second and third rounds of two different jobs that I really wanted/need and failed to get them both times. I fail again and again to find a permanent, full-time position and I do feel resentful. Why did I do a PhD? Why can't I get even the most entry-level job? I am not contributing to my household and it is so humiliating to continue to struggle with this year after year, based on my answer last year, especially now that I'm expecting a baby next May (!!!).

Not the best of memories but the one that stands out most: the moment my stepdaughter (18) broke out in hysterics after she saw what her did had done to the mess she called her room. Let's be honest, she had a right to be angry, although she'd brought it onto herself. But her reaction was so over the top and out of line, and so completely fake, that she broke whatever kind of relationship we had. I still find it hard to trust her, and to empathise with her. Instead of a troubled teen in need of support I now only see a manipulative young woman, who plays the victim if she can't get away with the lame excuses she makes up for not following up on promises and appointments. I don't know that this can ever be mended. It will at least take a very long time and a lot of effort from her.

Tokyo 2018. :)

This years most significant experience was undoubtedly the Motorcycle Accident. May 9th at 9:05pm. It was a brush with mortality. It was painful - literally extremely physically painful. It was expensive, put both a strain my my relationship with V and and brought us closer together. As events like this, completely upend your life, all the plan and important things you were concerned about the moment before become irrelevant. You start from scratch. Everything slows down. Your priorites refocuus. Its taken long time to recover. it's almost 5 months on and i'm still doing PT. I've come such a long way but still cant do some simple every day tasks, like reach into my right side jacket pocket

my brother came back to isreal from australia and i was relly missed him

משהו שהשפיע עליי מאוד בשנה שחלפה היה תהליך שעברתי במסגרת הטאקוונדו, אך השפיע עליי גם בשאר החיים. המאמן שלי רצה שאני אלך להתחרות באליפות הארץ, אך אני מאוד פחדתי. פחדתי מהמעמד, פחדתי מהלחץ, ופחדתי להיפצע. אך הייתי חשובה למאמן שלי, והוא לא רצה לוותר לי בקלות. הוא דיבר איתי ואמר לי שכדאי לי להתמודד עם הפחד שלי, ןשהוא מוכן לעזור לי לעבור תהליך עם עצמי. אז עברתי תהליך עם עצמי, ולבסוף הלכתי להתחרות. וניצחתי מקום ראשון! אבל הניצחון האמיתי היה שהתמודדתי עם עם הפחד שלי מבלי לברוח ממנו. וזה דבר שלומדים לעשות לאורך כל החיים.

I found out that my dad has cancer again. I'm grateful that they found it early and am hopeful that treatment will be successful.

I started a new job and was promoted. I am tired and grateful, also questioning what next and is this what I want, and if so for how long?

My sister got in two serious car accidents, and my dad got in a serious car accident. Somehow both walked away unscathed. I am grateful that they both survived. It certainly reminded me of our mortality, and made me a more cautious driver.

The almost 18-mile bike ride along the Rhine River made me think more deeply about how I approach the active recreational things I want to do. It helped me to realize that I have too long evaluated the cost/benefit in a way that underestimated the cost and overestimated the benefit to the point that I often think, “I’m not having fun.” I hope to change this way of thinking and develop a better understanding of my own capabilities. I will continue to aspire to a fitness level that will enable me to do the things I want to do. In the meantime, I hope to use better discrimination in deciding which recreational activities I will attempt.

Alan started Kindergarten and Sam started preschool (first part-time, then more recently full-time). After a really hard year that caused a lot of parenting burnout (caused by taking on too much and accessing too little support), all of a sudden I have tons of free time. Time to rest, time to plan for what I want to add to my life, time to actually take on some of the projects that have been on my list for years. I feel incredibly relieved to get a break; grateful that so much of the hard work of the past has gotten us to this place where Alan is in a great place, happy and well-supported. I also feel a sort of foreboding, a feeling that the emptiness of all the free time without the structure of taking active care of the kids will lead me to a life of paralysis and depression.

Two things, I started therapy last year (probably right after my 2018 10Q). It's been a really positive experience seeing how unkind I can be to myself, and then how that extends to my unreasonable expectations for others. it's been really great also, we moved away from NYC. Huge step for us. Lots of stress but also a lot of nice things too

I didn't participate in 10Q last year (2018). It coincided with Lisa's time in the hospital for her stem cell transplant, and I just didn't have the time or the mental and emotional energy to reflect and write. So I guess I have two years to reflect upon this time around. So what significant things have happened in my life since September 2017? Well, Lisa was diagnosed with stage three Hodgkin lymphoma that month. It turned my world upside down. It changed my life. I was by her side as often as I could be during her initial 6 months of chemotherapy from October 2017 through March 2018, the cancer's recurrence in May 2018, additional chemotherapy that summer, her hospitalization and stem cell transplant in September, and her recovery from that point forward. It was an all-consuming experience. Being there for Lisa and supporting her through the experience has been my priority - physically, mentally, emotionally - for two years. It's funny - obviously it was hard and scary and confounding and enraging to see my sister go through cancer treatment and deal with frightening setbacks. I would be practically paralyzed in the days leading up to important scans and appointments. I still am, a year out from her transplant and with two clean scans under her belt. And yet, being there for her has been the easiest thing in the world. Which isn't to say that the days themselves were easy. Of course they weren't. Some of them were the worst days of my life. Many of them were deeply boring. But I found that, at least for me, when you know what you need to do, you do it. I needed to be there for Lisa and my family, so I was. I showed up, and I helped, and I asked questions, and I listened, and I was there. I didn't always know what I was doing, I was often convinced that there wasn't much I could do to help. But I showed up, and I stayed, and because it was the right thing to do it was easy.

I got engaged. I got a manager and then another manager and then an agent and then Tig Notaro's literary agent approached me and asked me to send her a script. I got to do cool shows in LA and Hush Money before it ended in NY and I got to do a casino gig in Lake Tahoe and then get fired from one in Fantasy Springs because of how the one in Lake Tahoe went (mostly badly). I started Gripe Juice which is cool and continued "I'm Sure" which is not, but also is, and started co-running Historia and Friend Zone, 2 shows I did and loved before I started running them. I moved 3 times and now live in Los Feliz and I acted in 2 things other people made and I made 8 of my own videos, 7 of which I also wrote. I went to Narragansett, Ojai, and Newport Beach for vacation this summer, and went to Vegas to see Celine with Vic on Halloween. I got Tweeted at by Ira Glass and made an appearance for a full, like, 4 seconds at the Emmys when Rachel Brosnahan won for Mrs. Maisel. I found 40 fortunes the year I turned 40, and also turned 40. I taped a half hour and didn't download the tape before the camera guy deleted it off his Google drive. I made flyers for my comedy shows every month

I got married this past year and I'm so happy about it. I didn't necessarily expect that I would get married. I didn't know who would want to marry me. I'm so grateful that I found someone I did, let alone someone I love so much, someone who I really wanted to marry, too.

My mom was seriously sick the first half of the year. She experienced a lot of pain, lost too much weight. Since I've been trying to recover from my initial bout with Myasthenia Gravis, I was unable to be much help for her and daddy. THANKFULLY, my sister was around to take up the slack. Also, thankfully, she eventually rallied and feels much better. I feel sad that I couldn't "do my share" in their care. I couldn't even drive myself to visit them. I feel sad that my sister had to handle the bulk of *everything* -- I know if the tables were turned I'd have done exactly what she did but I still feel guilty about it. I feel grateful that my mom is better. Yet I realize the fragility of life and the reality that she is in her late 80s now. I'm grateful to have had both of my parents, in relatively good health for all of my 63+ years.

My father died on August 10, which was my mother's birthday. I am overwhelmed by loss even as I feel so much more free to live MY life. So yes, relief but mostly sadness for the loneliness and isolation of his last year, even as hard as I tried to make it better for him.

Nothing significant occurred this year. Again, does it meaning I'm not fully living life because nothing that occurred I considered significant. Are my activities just mediocre? Inquiring minds want to know.

My dad passed away just a few days before his 90th birthday. It was fairly unexpected, and very sad. We were to spend his 90th birthday with him, and instead we had a memorial for him. Neither of my surviving siblings went to Arizona for his memorial. I am sad that Dad and Sharon never got to meet. I'm angry that Pam and Chris didn't attend the memorial.

The dominant experience of this year has been shaping and launching a new company website. Though working with the vendor has at times been exasperating, I suppose you could say that has been a professional growth experience. Meanwhile, the more important focus is that I'm proud of my relentless focus on the identity I wanted to communicate about who we are and our unique position in the marketplace, and the results are gratifying. Seeing how well the site now communicates who I want us to be is reinforcement for never wavering.

My daughter gave birth to her first child however it was a difficult delivery and she has a long recovery ahead. Grateful beyond words. Disappointed that her medical team put her through so much and it might negatively influence her decision to have more children.

I inadvertently got pregnant, which was totally avoidable and NOT something that I wanted to happen. It was scary at first to get the news and make plans to have an ~abortion~ precisely because it is so stigmatized and rarely talked about. Through the process however, I learned that many of my friends and acquaintances had gone through it before--it's just not something that is talked about. Through various conversations, I learned that it is super common and not a terribly invasive procedure at all. I couldn't help but feel an immense amount of gratitude that I had a supportive network of friends and family, but even more importantly, access to high quality, SAFE, reproductive care. I couldn't help but think of other women in my situation who do not have that choice.

For years, I had been suicidal over my Tinnitus. The ringing in my head had since it first appeared in 2012 has been one of the things that stopped by creativity. This past year however, I started to slowly reclaim my creativity, my body and my life and I am really inspired. Now I want to direct a film. Finally.

This will be the third time I have answered this and question #3 this year. I don't know why it isn't always being saved. I will try to answer again later and see if I can recall what I wrote before. I will mention something that I know I haven't written. That was the Prednisone effect. The positive cognitive part, not the loss of muscle control and spazing out frequently. My mind returned to it's former level of functioning and my intense anxiety, fear and disorganized thinking and disorganization in general, vanished, mostly. It was like night and day. It tells me that I can still function that way or else it wouldn't have been possible with this otherwise pretty awful drug. I was grateful and even inspired, until it faded with the tapering and ending of the Prednisone dose period. I so don't want the distressful cognitive functioning to return. I just had another dose of it over the last few weeks. Much smaller than before, but it still showed me some improvement and hope, but is now fading again. Yesterday was my last dose.

I went to Japan. Travel continues to be a source of great hope and joy for me. People are kind, generous, and understanding of your failures and embarrassments.

I went for my annual physical in January and forced myself to get a mammogram the next day, knowing I had put it off for "awhile". Turned out it had been six years since my last one. So they called me to the Breast Center for a more thorough diagnostic second mammogram, and found "calcification". That proved to be cancerous. Then I had to educate myself as to whether I wanted a partial or total mastectomy. The Lord was faithful in sending all kinds of support, especially Carol Doidge and Jackie Stalcup Morales. Chip and Sharyn stayed with me for 10 days. People came to visit nearly every day for a month because I put out a Google doc sign-up. It was so easy. Recovering from both colon cancer and breast cancer have both seemed like a vacation since there's no painful rehab like there was with my knee replacement 10 years ago. But my back made the month of radiation quite painful. I am amazed at the level of care and support I received. I am touched by the tenderness of the community I have found in the past ten years. I am so grateful that I learned how to ask for help. I am still shocked that in four years I could go through two kinds of cancer. I just never thought that would be something I would do. I am grateful for the evidence of love I have experienced.

I came to drama school!! I'm so grateful and so proud and so lucky and so privileged. My life is completely different than it was a year ago and pretty much all for the better. I also sold my house, which still makes me a bit sad but was probably the right choice.

I was diagnosed with clinical depression. Brought on by a bout of intense and withering criticism from the man who desperately wanted the job I now hold, who had bottled up his rage for three whole years. In the end, I suppose I felt shocked that my mind could really sink to such depths. I've been grappling with the sense of shame and self-judgment that has accompanied this diagnosis. Yes, I'm susceptible to mental illness, just like my parents and my brother. Yes, my mind knows how to well and truly fuck itself. Yes, I need therapy, and friendship, and fresh air, and a more grownup concept of bedtime and self-care. I am not in fact Wonder Woman. The whole thing has been incredibly humbling.

A significant experience, that I'm happy to say I'm PROUD of is being hired and kept on by Hivemind. I connected with the crew through Jamie and Ricky, and worked first with David, and have since worked with many different folks, primarily Ricky and Jamie. This job, community, and learning experience has affected me by providing stability and identity to my life. It's been stable income, people to be around , skills to learn, community to be in touch with, sometimes very interesting work, many parts of the city to engage with, and an identity for myself. Addiitonaly the knowledge that i set a goal to find a construction job, and achieved that goal with flying colors. I'm very grateful. The job has also had some serious difficulties, from the interpersonal (especially while I am so unskilled and new, and young, and gender stuff) to the experience of being totally new at soemthing, to the logistical. I find it difficult to get thrugh and 8-hour day often, and not knowing what a given environment will be like is also hard. Sometimes I task can be scary, frustrating, or gross. I've struggled with feeling bored, somehwat meainingless, or like I"m not enough because my job isn't working to reduce harm in the world. On the other hand, learning these skills that I've craved for so long is EXTREMELY EMPOWERING. Like, it feels awesome. and I feel so lucky to work for a very cool and flexible crew, especially where I can take so much time off. I recently got a 1.50 raise up to $16.50/hour - while no huge bucks, it's enough to save a bit and If eel proud of that. It's been an overall very positive shift in my life. woof!

Getting a new job after a year of being out of work. Felt some pride again and it was a relief to finally see some money going into my back account. I enjoyed the freedom of not working, however missed the companionship and camaraderie of the workplace environment.

I went to Intensive Outpatient Therapy from my stress and I saw that I needed to overhaul my mental health needs. I also went to this type of therapy 3 hours a day 3 times a day in big part from the stress from infertility after going to the crisis center. I am all of the above.

Over the course of this past year, I thank God for many of the significant experiences that have taken place in my life. If I had to choose one that affected me the most and created the most inspiration in my life was making the Varsity Rugby team. I first started playing Rugby my sophomore year as a way to make friends at my new school. Once the season began, I quickly fell in love with the sport, and wanted to pursue it for the rest of my high school career. During my first season on the Rugby team, I worked hard and was a leading scorer on the team and earned a call up to Varsity at the end of the season. Being called up to practice with V squad meant a lot to me and helped shape my attitude towards Rugby Once Junior year began, I was already looking forward to the Rugby season in Spring and began to prepare for the season. I started going to the team lifts and the captains practices to help accomplish my goal of making varsity. Once tryouts came around, I was worried because many of the players were significantly bigger and stronger than I was, which made me rethink my chances of making varsity. Once tryouts were over, I awaited the Varsity Roster to be released to see if I would make it. Finally, Coach Carty presented the roster, and I made the team. This was a huge relief for me, this was one of the more significant experiences I have had in the past year. Being able to know that when I put in the hard work, it paid off and I was able to earn a Varsity letter in the sport I now love.

I left my full-time job at Alpine to be a free agent. It has been the most wonderful, gratifying and harmonious change I’ve yet made in my life. The way I partnered with Alpine to transition has been graceful, easeful, collaborative and supportive. I’m so proud of myself for taking the time a year ago to listen to my inner compass, flipping my victim mentality on its head, and laying down the foundation for a path forward that, one year out, is going better than I could have possibly anticipated. I feel so grateful for the abundance in my life that has come from turning a “hell no” into a “yes, and.”

Breaking ties with Shipra. Shipra my amazing couch surfing host in Mumbai captured all of me. I was willing to drop all other foci and prioritize her and whatever logistical arrangements it took to be with her. I felt overwhelmed by my desire to be with her. There may have been serious elements of wanting what was not available and it is easy to fall head over heels in love with people who are not emotionally or logistically available. But it left me feeling sad and in a state of deep longing for her. She opted not to travel with me and, in thinking of her, I recognize her as so supremely strong. She was doing for her what she needed to do for her and I was falling stupidly in love with her without concern for my own well being. That experience allowed me to taste what it feels like to abandon all concerns for the sake of one. I tasted love, lust, or just being fully enamored and I tasted the nirvana of singular focus. I am so happy I did even though 11 months later I still lament the clarity of said singular focus. I was inspired by how much I could feel, but truly sad and incomplete. Without her to focus on, I was left with very little.

I think I haven't really had any significant experiences in life and especially this year and I really want to make a conscious effort to "live life" because all I'm doing now is waiting to get married and start life and that is the worst attitude to have. I know my circumstances are not what I would like but I need to remember you play with the cards you are dealt and you can still win the game. I need to realize that I can still live a fulfilling life unmarried and its ok

Burning Man 2019 - Thursday night - Friday morning. I experienced so much love for Ashur, Karishma and myself. Inspired to reengage with my self and my life to make a difference in the world. Not coming from a place of having to or should but through the sheer join and potentially that comes when people come together to create things. It is not always easy nor simple and is a beautiful aspect of this human experience.

I think moving to ottawa for university has been the most significant experience in my life. Or this past year more specifically. I think it definitely is one of the best decisions i have ever made for myself. I have honestly never been happier than i have been here. Things seem better even when theyre stressful all together i feel more at peace. I think my parents have a better relationship because im out of the house and i finally realise that home is actually the people i just miss. It has been an amazing experience thus far and i am so excited for the journey to keep going

Perhaps the most significant experience of my professional career was the rise and fall of an abusive supervisor, bolstered by the toxicity of my workplace. Early last November, Erin let us know she was leaving and I knew in that moment that things were gonna get bad. Then the new supervisor began in February. For eight long months, she tortured me. Working with/for her took a real toll on my self-esteem, my mental health, my physical health, and my security in the world (as I place a lot of emphasis on my profession). I sank into a deep depression, which I am still making my way through and hopefully out of. Even after my HR report led to her termination, I feel resentful that this happened to me. I also feel so deeply proud of how I handled myself--granted I made mistakes, but overall I grew to know more about my deep reserves of strength and fortitude than I would have thought possible. I am hopeful that 5780 will usher in a year of recovery, rest, and a workplace that values all parts of me and doesn't foment abuse.

I went to couples counseling this past year. I was hoping that it would fix what's broken. It didn't. What it did do was make me realize it's ok if my relationship fails. I will be ok. I am relieved, and am trying to be forgiving to myself for my role in everything that's happened, the anxiety and depression, my health crisis and eventual diagnosis with a chronic condition. It's ok if things don't work out, and I end up on a different path.

I have had several significant experiences this year that have impacted my life. One major one was moving to metro Detroit, which was an amazing decision but also came with its challenges. Ultimately it has led me to experiences I wouldn't have otherwise had while living in Lansing.

A couple of things have given me hope for a happier life. I met Kevin and he has enjoyed my company and has let me believe there may still be a chance of love for me, that I am likable. And I had a job interview for the perfect position. They made me an unofficial offer. Both of these events have given me hope for a brighter future. For a happier me.

In 2018, I was dating someone I really liked who I had known for a long while. I truly messed the relationship up with my own neediness and he moved on to another. I tried to rectify the connection, but we decided to remain friends. It made me realize how much we affect one another and how we truly need to be accountable for our actions. There will be times when others hurt us, but there will also be times when we hurt others. How we deal with these situations is what defines our connections and how we can move forward in healthy ways, otherwise we will be stuck in alternative modes of being.

This past year didn't have many large significant events, but rather smaller decisions and steps that had significant impacts. I finally decided on my next step: vet school. Once I made the decision, my months were filled with GRE studying and exams, research into schools, and writing essays upon essays. I'm definitely relieved that I made a decision, and I'm proud of the steps I have made towards my goal. I also began work as a vet tech, which I'm hoping will help prepare me for vet school (and hopefully give me a boost towards acceptance!).

I started the year in such a great position emotionally and financially. On my birthday April 10th the company I worked for announced they were closing. While scared, I started feverishly looking for work. I aimed high... I aimed for the heights I had already reached though I questioned if I was deserving. I focused on a job I thought would make me happy and left behind those that would not. In the past I would have taken any job but this time around I felt as if I had options. Grateful, fearful/excited, and Inspired.

Noa was born! It's hard to believe that we now have two kids. I feel grateful that the pregnancy and her birth were without complication and that things went smoothly. It's inspiring to have a new baby around and a great reminder of what's really important.

Mu husband and I have recently separated. I am sad and also a bit relieved since we have been spiraling around this possibility for years now. It's been a bit dramatic and very hard to get to this point. Right now, I cannot imagine that we will reconcile but I guess anything is possible. I have a sense that this new reality - separate, co-parenting, family, and hopefully one day friends - will be good for our family. Less angst and fighting and disappointment and more space to be ourselves. For the two of us and for our daughter.

After working at St. Jude for only a year, I was let go due to my tardiness. Now I am on the hunt for my next career, not just a job. I am grateful for my time at St. Jude and miss the kids. Also, this is my first time experiencing a year-long deployment (since summer 2019) with Chipmunk and it is definitely a challenge balancing the time difference. But this shows how strong our love is. At the moment (October 2019), I am currently helping one of my mom's friends plan and run a holiday pop-up shop. I have always wanted to be an event planner and now I am finally getting a chance to try. I'm also proud of myself for being able to hustle and keep myself afloat during this time with the help of my family, of course. This has been a tough year and I have definitely cried a lot but I have also been given a chance to figure out what I really want to do in my life.

I recently got a new job and I'm so grateful. I noticed that I've talked about wanting a new job, applying myself, and submitting applications for two years. I didn't really do that and this job just fell into my lap. In addition, it feels like a good fit for me long-term. I got the job because of the skills I've developed over the years, but the fact that it was available in my office was pure chance.

I (finally) resigned from my job and started a new job in a sunnier country. Sounds spoiled to country-hop, but man oh man - just because a job is a "challenge in a country you haven't lived in" doesn't mean it will be good for you. Quality of life has increased in so many ways, not only because of new geographical location, but largely because my new employer values work-life balance and personal wellbeing. This concept is very new to me. While doing very rewarding and challenging work, I have had ample personal time to rediscover my passions like cooking, listening to music (really listening - like making a fuss and putting on a vinyl of a favourite album), swimming in natural bodies of water during summer, and also to reconnect with friends and loved ones. I have been taking holidays and travelling to visit abroad. All these are no longer mutually exclusive, and that has brought me great joy and satisfaction in 2019.

I (finally) made Aliyah! Living in Israel, I feel more at home and at one with the people around me than I ever have in my life living anywhere else. I’m grateful that the state of Israel exists, and grateful to all the organizations and funding dedicated to helping olim adjust. That said, I am a little resentful, towards my parents and myself for not making this move sooner. I think how much happier I’d have been had I lived the past several years in Israel, how much better my Hebrew would be by now, etc. But everything happens in its time for a reason. Had I moved to Israel 5 years ago, I may be secular living in Tel Aviv, instead of living in Jerusalem after returning to Judaism. I’m feeling inspired to build my best life here, although it is definitely challenging and can be overwhelming at times, it’s worth it.

Last February, accompanied by a group of eleven fellow juniors and two adult mentors, I traveled to New Orleans to take part in a service trip. For me, the most important part of the trip was the two days that we spent in an elementary school in a largely impoverished area, where I worked with four to five year olds the majority of the time. A large percentage of the children grew up without fathers due to the high incarceration rate and separation rate in the area. This led them to attach themselves to me very quickly, and within an hour of the first day, it was clear that I was the first male role model that some of them had ever had. The kids would hang off my limbs, chase me throughout the playground, and beg me to help with the different in class activities as they were learning the alphabet and such. The teacher pulled me aside on the first day and explained to me that the three kids who seemed the most attached all were growing up fatherless, which I had heard before, but hit different coming from someone who cared so much for these kids, who was happy to see that they were able to connect to me. Leaving these kids was heartbreaking, and I realized that after only two days I had grown very attached to these kids who I will most likely never see again. In just two days they had made me realize how blessed I really have been to grow up with a loving father, and also with more wealth than any of them may ever have. Also, I was touched by this one little girl, who was almost completely non verbal, but said “thank you” to me at the end of the second day. One of the teachers aids who worked mostly with this little girl, was almost crying when she heard the little girl speak, and thanked me repeatedly for my work over the two days. Going into the trip, I never realized the effect just a few days of time could have, both on the people who I was there to spend time with, and on me; I am very grateful that I decided to go on the trip, because it opened up horizons for me that I never realized were there, and gave me a deeper appreciation of how many many people live.

This year I met Tirzah Firestone, read her book, took her online class, and went to Boulder Colorado for a retreat with her. Working through ancestral healing (the very beginning of my journey) has been inspiring and extremely grounding for me. Most recently, at the retreat in Boulder, I felt an amazing sense of calm come over me that has endured through this last IVF retrieval cycle, just understanding that I am progeny that my ancestors are very proud of.

I changed my name. I feel more myself.

This was an incredibly significant year for me. I began to really own my self and my space at work and develop my confidence through work as well as self-expression. I began to transition to enjoying and respecting more alone time and focusing really on strengthening the relationships in my life. I spent a great portion of the year with my first serious relationship and love, but successfully ended the relationship when it wasn't right for me, and was able to learn for the first time that I can survive a true break up and mend. I am grateful that I am learning to rely on myself. I'm happy to be in the first relationship where I am really cared for and feel comfortable as an equal/partner. Deepening my knowledge and work of my OCD and am very proud of this.

Road trip with Elyse and Andra. Awesome! 7 national parks; weekend with Carlie, Brian, and Lily; weekend with family in Tishomingo, OK; 4 days in New Orleans; not enough time in Memphis and Nashville; helped out a couple of back packers in Smokey Mountain National Forest. I am so grateful for the time and the beauty and the experiences

I got fired from my job . I was angry, but also relieved. The job environment was toxic and my mental health was absolutely horrible when I was there. It was hard to get out of bed and I took a lot of ubers to work. I've been much healthier since then and have spent the year reflecting on what I really want, working on personal projects, and working on healthier habits.

I realized a few things this year. The most important one is that I shouldn't work in a place where no one likes dogs. I think there is something about dog people that make them more kind and fun to be around. There is also something about a relationship with a dog that makes human interaction better.

This year there are no BIG, life changing experiences and for once, that is totally okay. This year has been about finding myself in different ways, figuring out what I want in life or a job, or at least a little. Going on an adventure with myself to find my passion - still ongoing but also discovering Yoga - wich really works if I work on it enough. I feel relieved that for once, there is no 'drama'. Very grateful for my personal situation at the moment. Even though my job may not be what I would like to do the next 10 years, it is okay for now.

I moved to Florida. A very big change. It was hard to adapt in the beginning but everything is ok now. I am very happy now. I am inspired to make my time here great! I am so grateful that I am at this school.

I lost a very real trust and love with my mother. One that was never 100 percent but nonetheless.. She is my mother but I will never forget the words and meanesses that are still being said.

The best thing that happened this past year was that I had a successful performance in the spring at a 4 hands concert. It is my only successful performance, and I had hoped it would presage a new, more successful time in my life, but it looks like that is not to be. Sarah came home from Africa and was obviously broken. Yet, I cant find out anything about what happened. One day, she suddenly seemed a tiny bit brighter and said she was going back. That started the now familiar whirlwind of her looking purposeful but still being entirely unavailable emotionally (at least to me), and mostly unavailable physically, and now she is gone again. So now I have to deal with all the bereft feelings again. Nothing in my life seems purposeful, and I feel like the most disposable person on earth.

My wife and I traveled to Hawaii for the first time. I was very apprehensive about being on an airplane for so many hours. I worked through a lot of my anxiety and claustrophobia issues. The vacation itself was the longest that we had taken together since 1987. Amazingly enough, everything went well and it was the best travel experience we've ever had. I am grateful to have gotten there after all of these years. I now know that I can do a trip like this in spite of being uncomfortable with travel in general.

FOUND out I had breast cancer. I was scared, angry, resentful. But also inspired to realize that I had people who loved and cared about me ! To make me want to get organized enough to give back

Weddings of many friends and in particular Hannah and Liz and having Julius there with me. It felt very special to have him there with me, and for us to discuss things we thought about how they went and the values they held true. Also being able to say a proper thank you and miss you to my grandma was very important, alongside meeting both of Julius' grandparents!

Believing that the doctors had managed to eradicate the cancer they’d found in Feb ‘18, I was ill-prepared for the scan results from late June of this year. They said, it looks like the pancreatic cancer is metastasized in my lungs, a truly terrible diagnosis. Ever since we’ve been living under a dark cloud. Next month we’ll learn more.

This year my grandfather died and my first nephew was born within 2 weeks. This had a profound affect on my outlook on life. How it marches on, one person leaves, another is born. How energies and big events happen in clumps. Energies come together. Joy and sorrow can coexist beautifully.

I was able to have multiple oral surgeries to replace my damaged tooth and could afford to pay for these procedures without seeking further financing. I am grateful to my clients and it inspired me to keep working hard to ensure that I have money to deal with health issues.

Got a new job, moved to a new apartment. New apartment, not so good but cheap, new job awesome, more salary, a change

Dad died in January. I am still processing. I am sad, I am numb, I am heartbroken. I am coming to a place of gratitude for the time I had with him and for his love and support. He was imperfect in 1000 ways, but his love was truly unconditional. I know he would be excited and supportive of any choice I made. He was so happy and excited for me to be pursuing my PHD. I know that he wanted more than anything to be here when I finish. I am so sad he is gone and so sad for him and for me for all he will miss. It's hard to believe he isn't here. His death has been such a profoundly painful experience, one I never could have imagined.

Definitely graduating college early. I definitely feel grateful in some respect for the opportunity to do so and save money, and have this experience in Athens that I'm doing right now. Also though I miss my friends to some extent, and I miss some of my professors. I'm reading about postmodernism on my own right now and One of my favorite professors Adam Resnick just had a way of explaining this kind of stuff brilliantly. Anyway, it still hasn't really entirely sunk in I guess? although I do feel like I've certainly moved on to another chapter in my life and I'm already starting to think about next steps

In the last year, I have seen a major change in my life. Friends, family everything has become different. A recent experience was that I partly cheated on my ex-girlfriend whom I am deeply in love with. At the time we were not together but something happened with someone else at the time and I hid it from her. I did not want to tell her because I did not think it was necessary, but now when I look back at it, things could've been so much more different had I just told her what happened at that very moment. I regret not telling her, however, it gives me the opportunity to learn from my failure.

I joined the Army and found it filled with many liars corruptions; it lacks morality. I am becoming resentful and at times afraid to speak-up. I’ve made great friends in the Army and that’s important to me; it keeps me going and believing I did the right thing joining the Army. I love my country but I never thought it would be so corrupt.

At last, a publisher for my first chapbook with an interest in anything else I may write. I am grateful, energized and feeling compelled to be as generous in spirit as my publisher is. My family survived a crisis of misunderstanding that could have ruined our lives. Instead, we worked through it, individually and together, seeking first to understand. It has brought us even closer while freeing each of us to be who we are. I’m filled with an even deeper love for them and so much gratitude for the work each one was willing to do.

A significant experience was realizing I did not value myself by participating in unhealthy and toxic relationships. Thinking someone love or liked me by their mis treatment of me. By trying to change who I am in order to fit in. If I changed this, then they would . . . I am grateful, yet scared because I do not know anything else, I feel relived to finally understand after 39 years, no resentful, just sad that I would let people treat me this way.

On May 14, 2019, Duke and I got engaged! This is definitely the happiest moment of my entire life. I cannot wait to marry the love of my life. Everything I knew and felt in my heart was confirmed that day and it was absolutely perfect.

My best friend and house mate gave me the ultimatum of abruptly out of Finsbury Park with her, which would put me out of pocket and mean that I would have to pay 2 rents, or stay in Finsbury Park, a dark and dreary place that she had chosen for us to inhabit together having only just moved in. It was a lot of emotional and physical labour for me and on our friendship. She was bereaved and I saw that her need to move out was greater than mine to stay. I did not want to lose her as a friend and housemate and felt that moving was the only safe option, even to my detriment. When my bestie found out how bad she had made me feel, she was distraught and really sorry, and asked that I please communicate with her at the time, rather than letting things build up. I was relieved to hear her reaction of caring and compassion. Although it was tough and a great cause of anxiety at the time, I am now grateful that it happened. It taught me that I need to assert myself and look out for myself before others. It has empowered me to trust that loved ones want me to call them out where it is due, and that they do want to be reliable even when they accidentally have not been. It has demonstrated the need for me to communicate my feelings even when they are not positive.

This year, I graduated from college and started teaching. It is an emotional roller coaster every day. I feel like I must be everything for everyone all the time. My children need me to be a therapist, a parent, a disciplinarian, and a teacher all at the same time. The person I'm seeing needs much of the same. I am spread very thin and it is making my doubt my future in this job that I've yearned to hold for so long. I am very tired. Some days are inspiring, but mostly they make me want to cry. I need things to get better. I'm hoping they do.

This year seemed much longer than the past few, split into concrete periods by my school calendar. Having small, attainable goals set for me in my classes has given me a sense of forward motion that I missed when I was floundering around, wondering what I wanted. I'm still not sure what the long term future holds, but starting school again for something I'm actually interested in and (for the most part) good at has me feeling grateful and motivated.

I did nanowrimo and wrote the basics of my book! I am just now editing it. It was exciting and overwhelming to write 50000 word in one month! I felt very accomplished!

I almost lost my younger brother to substance abuse and mental illness. He got divorced and almost lost custody of his beautiful daughters. It reminded me of the impermanence of love, of "happiness" and of life itself.

I took my health and wellness by the reins and lost 40+ pounds. I've had this goal for more than a decade, and the struggle and hard work is finally paying off. I'm both relieved and inspired.

I think the biggest, most significant experience that has happened was my trip to Belgium in December 2018-January 2019 with Jenna. Specifically, the fateful night in Gent when I met Pieter-Jan De Rouck and my life changed forever. This sounds dramatic but it's also genuinely and deeply true. What I thought was just a one-time kiss turned into a love story that I'm still coming to terms with and allowing myself to believe. No one is more shocked about it than me. It still feels like I got swept up off my feet and into a whirlwind/vortex/completely different universe. I left my friends, family, community, country, native language, everything I know and love for this relationship. I now find myself living with this man in Belgium, pursuing a life with him here. I'm getting goose bumps as I write this. I'm wondering what that means. Needless to say, this has affected me in a tremendous way. Underneath it all, I have to feel grateful more than anything. This experience has given me love, challenge, pain, growth, happiness, tears, laughter, a partner, a test. No matter what happens I think I will be grateful. At this current moment in time, I'm also stressed, scared, anxious, overwhelmed. I've just started my masters program. Not only am I in a new country in a new relationship but I am also challenging myself academically. The balance of it all is hard. It's a lot of newness at once, and although I have Pieter I also feel very alone at times. I'm finding myself questioning why I am doing all of this a lot lately. I think that's normal. I think I have to be patient with myself and give this time. But in the meantime, it's a challenge I will never forget.

It's been a little over a year since my grandmother passed away, but that certainly has caused the greatest impact in my life. I still miss her, I still feel pain, and it's made me much more anxious about the death of my loved ones. I think this tremendous loss will take a significant time to process.

A significant experience that happened in the past year was Leanne's passing. It was a real shock, it happened so fast and it was really the first major tragedy in the family. It was different to losing a grandparent, Leanne was relatively young. It made me want to value every second I have left with my mum and dad. It also made me want to do exactly what I wanted with my life and not just sit in an office all day.

Gee. DH had an accident that gave him a concussion. It affected us greatly because he lost his job because of that. So he is home now and doesn't have his ADD and Adderall medication which is hard for him. He got a fancy new computer and he is learning Adobe. This could be the start of a wonderful thing for him if he gets his podcast and creative stuff going. Or it could be he will do nothing yet again. Depends how well he overcomes his ADD and emotional fears. God help us.

We bought a house. It feels right. It was exhausting, and all the various moving pieces of the process were hard, but at its core, it was good. I joke that I don't want to move ever again, and that is mostly true. It is a rather vertical house, so if anyone in the family has difficulty climbing stairs, that will probably be what forces us to relocate. Our real estate agent was amazed at how we managed to find and purchase a house that checked pretty much every box on our list. That's because we knew what we wanted, and when we saw it, we already had the resources at our disposal to act decisively, even though it all happened faster than we thought it might. I am so so grateful for the financial contributions of my family and in-laws to make the purchase possible in our ridiculous housing market. We get to live within walking and biking distance to nearly everything and we have things I only ever dreamed of, like on-demand hot water and radiant floor heat in the bathrooms and a freaking roof deck.

The most significant experience I had this 5779 was being cleared of my yoke sack tumor/pediatric ovarian cancer. This affected me in many ways. In many ways, it put my life on hold and made me feel very out of control. Once I was able to figure out a game plan with my doctor, I was able to take some control back and feel like a normal person. But that normal life wasn't normal at all. It was filled with endless doctors appointments, people asking if I was ok, and being tired constantly. It also ended a relationship that in many ways felt like it was the right thing finally. I am grateful to have more than just survived through the experience and most certainly I was relieved each time I saw my AFP numbers drop after each round of treatment. But I was resentful too that my body had betrayed me and didn't stop these cells from multiplying. As for inspiring, I would say yes to that. I made a choice each and every day to not let it get the best of me and be the one in charge of how it made me feel. I think about the other people around me who are struggling with medical issues and want to share with them that they too have a choice, but it is not that simple for others struggling with things like infertility. I still believe everyone has a choice in the matter, but they have to want it for themselves as well.

I broke my femur! It was CRAZY. I think that it completely changed how I think of myself and my health and resilience. I had to totally restructure my goals and expectations, and learn to slow down. But it taught me a different way to view my health and resilience, and showed me how wonderful and supportive my friends are when I need help--and that it's not bad to ask for help.

Actually, the most significant thing is that nothing significant happened! After a very full several years of long-distance move, babies, older kiddos starting school, and job changes.....it was a refreshing change of pace!

It’s more of a series of experiences but dealing with trying to stand up for myself and the disappointment of how discouraging that was. I always have felt so strong and I thing people would describe me that way. Allowing myself to be weak and escape with my tail between my legs was hard but it did make returning to America feel good. I can be myself in America. I don’t know if I want to be in America by this time next year but I know I will not let myself be degraded like that again.

I got engaged. And then I got married! These both were such massive experiences. I got married a little over a month ago and I'm so happy to call Jimmy my husband. It feels very adult. The year was hard in some ways, we worked really hard together to plan a thoughtful wedding. We were successful at that, but it definitely took a lot of time and energy. We got through it, learned how to communicate better (maybe), and got to have an incredible experience in the desert with so many people we love.

My father died back in December. A lot of mixed feelings. On one hand, I'm sad over his loss. At the same time, I know he is no longer suffering, which provides me some comfort I suppose. The thing I feel guilty about is the fact that his death opened up a path for me. My life has seemed to unfold in this really beautiful way. Things are starting to come together for me - I have amazing friends, a wonderful career, and an incredible family. I'm overjoyed to have this new, beautiful life, but at the same time...I must be so selfish for enjoying this new beautiful life. Perhaps my dad has some hand in creating this for me, since it was hard for him to provide it to me in the last few years.

Hmmm...so many significant experiences...I will say what first popped into my head. My mom had bariatric surgery and there were complications. She was bleeding after the first surgery and so they took her back and did a second surgery. She was then cared for in the ICU. She survived and eventually recovered well. However, it was really traumatizing and very scary. We, as a family, had to rely on others and each other to get through that time. I’m very grateful to get through it and have my mom stronger and healthier than she has been in many, many years. I pray that she and my dad will be able to share many more wonderful times together, G-d willing!

I gained and lost a friend in a matter of months because I wasn’t willing to take on wrongness that wasn’t mine. But I also didn’t realize truth in the wrongness, and have come to understand that my “knowing” something that another isn’t willing to acknowledge doesn’t take priority over their own truth.

My darling friend lost a battle with cancer and I found out two weeks after she had died and only by chance of going on a rare foray to Facebook. I felt sad, guilty, mad that I didn’t know and just sad with knowing I wouldn’t share time with her again. My kiddo came home from college mid semester and that’s been very tough since she has a very short emotional fuse and I miss our former closeness, though I get the occasional glimpses of it. After 3 and a half years of what I had thought was a pretty solid and good relationship I got broken up with over a sudden and steep 5 or 6 week decline and then my daughter saw him holding hands with another woman within a week of the official break up. I still feel sad about it, but I see where the relationship wasn’t as fulfilling or healthy as I would have liked. I dove headfirst into activist work with anti-ICE and pro immigrant organizations and circles. I also bought roller skates and took some trumpet lessons. Those things have been fulfilling and somewhat addictive and kind of an ego-boost. And strangely and wonderfully I connected with my friend’s widower this summer and we found a little solace in each other. None of which would have happened without the space being single created. And I am grateful for the space in my life to stop being complacent.

Well, I graduated. I graduated summa cum laude and it sure hasn't helped me find a job.

Last October, I married the love of my life. It has been a busy year but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Through the good and the bad, I now have a partner for life and a live-in best friend =D Our wedding day was perfect. The fall leaves, the dress, the friends and family surrounding us as we said our vows and danced the night away!! I’m still reliving that night through the videos and pictures. Our honeymoon was fantastic - a Caribbean cruise complete with snorkeling, kayaking, rum tasting and ATV riding across four different tropical islands. I hope we get to do that again someday! No matter what comes next, I know I’ll be okay because I have my husband by my side. I feel like the luckiest woman in the world to be married to the sweetest, kindest, most fun and wonderful supportive man I know!! 🥰😍🥰😍

Significant... I guess Tom and I broke up. Weird, huh. I was actually in a relationship? Reminded me why I don't get into them in the first place. What a waste of time. It's bittersweet. I feel completely and utterly alone, and I'm mostly fine with that. It does get scary when I think into the future though.

There have been many significant events but I think the one most fresh in my mind is having a miscarriage. It both affected me deeply and was not as traumatic as I would've imagined. I felt sadness, disappointment and frustration. The two things I felt relieved about was that it ultimately resolved naturally, and that we had friends and family who could support us.

Grandpa passed away earlier this year. I feel so lucky to have had so much time with him, and that he had a long and happy (I think?) life. Simple things made him light up, like a good joke, eating bomb garlic bread, watching Steven and Becca get married, or seeing Noah play. His quiet stable presence and enjoyment of simple pleasures will stay with me. He taught me to enjoy small things and that there's nothing wrong with knowing a good thing and sticking with it - like Hope street pizza and black jack.

I broke up with a long-term partner and moved into my own place and had a few relationships and spent a lot of time with friends. I’m still shocked, but relieved and happy.

I am using my son's Bar Mitzvah as a family milestone, although it could have been the answer here as well. Instead, I am answering with two significant experiences, one good and one bad. First, our family was recognized by Red Jacket District as Scout Family of the Year and I was recognized by the WNY JCOS with a Shofar religious emblem award. Those recognitions made me feel appreciated in my volunteer efforts in scouting and Jewish scouting. The second significant experience was that my work laptop had a catastrophic encryption failure in June, and it caused me to lose a lot of work that was not backed up. This resulted in a complete change of plans for my summer and the loss of time spent with family in exchange for time spent at a computer re-writing a lot of software. I definitely felt angry and resentful about this as well as helpless as I was going through it. I think it has affected me in a positive way though - I do better with back-ups now, plus I have a lot of confidence in my ability to recover from a pretty bad loss of data (not that I would want to tap into that again).

This year I ended a nearly 5 year relationship with my partner. It was the result of a lot of angst, thought, discussion. I still can't say with 100% certainty that it was the right decision, but more often than not I feel that it was, which brings me relief. It has made my life more lonely in many ways. I miss my partner a lot. The high holidays are a particularly hard time of year because Jewish experiences were our best moments together and sharing the meaningful experience of the high holidays is such a special experience with another person. I did feel relieved when we finally made a decision because it had been many hard months of angst and strife and feelings. I am so so grateful to have known him at all, to have richly shared my life with another person, and to have gotten to grow in big ways from that relationship.

Accepting and falling into my role as a new PA has been so significant. So much work, so much planning, so many tears and they have all come to fruition. My job is still in flux and we're figuring it out, but its good. I just need to remember the good.

There was so much slime in the sink. I can't get over it. So traumatic. The biggest trauma you ever seen.

One significant event in the past year was Patrick's suicide, which taught me there has to be more than just service. We need to grow our relationship with Higher Power. The second, and perhaps more significant event was letting go of my childhood dream, withdrawing from Berkeley. I felt surprisingly relieved, and I haven't had a depressive episode since.

In December 2018, my grandmother went unconscious at the wedding of our cousin. She wasn't probably being pushed too far with how late she was up and activity, but the family had never seen this happen before and we were all present for it. It was an emotional/traumatizing moment for our family to be faced with this moment which will inevitably happen and be a challenge for us all. At the time I was both sad and confused. Even though we all talked about the incident in a way of what could we have done to avoid that, our family never discusses what the actual experience felt like. I feel grateful for every moment I have with her and my family, I am thoughtful of my emotions, and it is a reminder everyday of what she means to me.

There were a lot of issues with regarding to the family business, almost on the brink of bankruptcy, but somehow the universe is giving us hopes to fight through all of this. I'm grateful for this phase in life as it taught me to save money and not spend it recklessly like i used to before. Now I only spend on things that bring value to my life. This has also changed my perspective about life and that if I want to achieve something I need to hustle.

Probably still the longest answer again, since this is my yearly writing exercise, after all. I didn't realize how wide a scope September 2018-September 2019 had, forgetting that these questions don't exactly coincide with the start of the new year. I was starting to feel like it had been an uneventful 2019 but a lot happened in late 2018 that still necessitates some re-evaluation on my part. November had me traveling alone to US for the holidays. A list of first times: riding a plane and going through airports and transfers without relying on my mother to cover most things documents-wise, getting my sister to myself since she moved there a couple years ago, biking (and scraping my ankle and getting lost) around my grandmother's neighborhood, attending the boygenius concert in LA, seeing Antelope Canyon and hiking in Zion, going on an adventure with a friend for her birthday, writing postcards. Time spent with my sister was a real eye-opener. I still remember leaving her that emosh letter a day before my departure, writing it and crying in her bedroom while she was at work. Living apart for a few years (and barely remembering how things were like even before she left) rendered her a stranger to me in so many ways. Did we always have opposing wavelengths? As exciting as that whole trip was in terms of new places visited and new things experienced, it really took a toll on me emotionally. Can’t say the cold had only little to do with it. All those postcards I sent out never failed to include “I think I might have brought the rain with me” and other similar sentiments. The idea of going back to the States doesn’t thrill me as much as it used to. I don’t know if it’s because of Drumpf and the embarrassment that he is, or just the thought that America doesn’t hold the same reputation as it once did for me. I never did have a strong desire to move there, always aware that the problems we face here are rarely any different from what’s there. I’m not sure it makes me feel better that I don’t put it on a pedestal anymore. We’re going back to LA in a few months for the holidays, and visiting New York for the second time. Let’s see if anything changes then.

I've completed my master's program. It's given me confidence, new friends, and I'm so relieved it's over. I look forward to my next adventure in jobs, and then maybe a return to do a PhD someday in the future.

Aging, Illness and Death. The presence of it. Dad compromised by his amyloidosis, depressed and withdrawn and then rallying to live as fully as possible (going to Broadway, Maine, Tanglewood with us). His spirit has been indomitable and inspiring. His fierce will to live. And then my father-in-law Paul declining, needing a lot of care, losing his ability to control basic functions and sleeping a ton, but he too, maintaining his fundamental joy, positivity and loving character. And finally my mother-in-law Marilyn, ravaged by Alzheimer's, grieving, forgetting her beloved is gone, losing the will to live and finding connection with me and with chocolate milkshakes. So many feelings here, so many lessons, and a fundamental realization of my mortality. That this time on earth and with loved ones is limited.

I gave birth to our firstborn. I still cannot believe how perfectly the birth itself went. I really, really wanted a natural unmedicated birth without medical interventions. Luckily, the cards were stacked in my favor and I was able to do it. I am forever grateful to my body for growing and birthing our baby girl, and even more impressed that my body, and my body alone was able to provide enough breastmilk to grow our baby into the healthy girl she is today. I can barely wrap my mind around the fact that this time last year I was in my third trimester, praying her birth would be OK (OK at best, I just wanted to deliver a healthy baby, that's all I wanted), and that I'd transition into motherhood smoothly and beautifully. And I'm absolutely thrilled to say that I've achieved the unmedicated birth and exclusive breastfeeding journey I set out for myself. Though the first few months were exhausting and overwhelming, I think that we're in a really beautiful place ~10 months in.

I had my second hip replacement and couldn't believe how quickly I recovered. The eight months of working out after the first surgery made all the difference in the world. I am grateful that both legs are the same length and that I can walk quickly again.

I started therapy about a year ago now. I was pretty against going at the beginning, but ultimately I think it helped a lot. She helped me work through sexual assault and all of the negative thoughts and self-blame I'd been holding inside for years. I had let it impact every relationship, romantic or otherwise. I'd been living with a lot of regret. My therapist was pretty excellent and helped me work through a lot of it. I started with symptoms of PTSD and anxiety and left for the most part feeling relieved and grateful. I wish I had dealt with these things earlier.

I got divorced on 12/28/2018. It was hard to do it by myself and I really didn’t want to go through with it. I kept giving her chances to work things out and she kept avoiding it and me and was moving on with her life without fixing anything between us. I had to make the choice to let go. It was hard, but now I am grateful to know I was strong enough to do it.

Quitting the job at Koerner because it wasn't a good fit, without having another job lined up. Taking the time off without getting unemployment benefits, just because I wanted to enjoy the summer and not stress out about a job. Even though I started freaking out about being unemployed and finding a new job turned out to be much harder than I initially thought, I still don't regret it. It felt very empowering, and, strangely enough, a couple of people told me they respect me for that (and some others probably think I am incredibly stupid). That was the biggest learning from the whole thing: not caring about what others think of your life decisions is very liberating. Because at the end of the day, it was me who was miserable when walking into that office every day, not them.

2 things: First, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years. I made this exact same entry 2 years ago. I had talked about how happy I was, how I thought we were never going to get back together and how we would stay friends. It felt like whiplash reading that, because about a week later I continued that relationship for almost 2 more years. Honestly, it felt dragged out, we still loved each other, but we weren't in love. I didn't feel sexually attracted to him anymore and it honestly didn't hit as hard as I thought it would. I miss his presence, being able to talk to him and get his jokes, but it also made me realize that I thought he only stuck around for the sex, that he could 0nly be friend so long as I was willing to provide a body. And that's on me. I let that be a thing, that men were only interested in me for my body and womxn for what I could provide. And it's one of the things I want to work on in therapy. Two, I am currently studying abroad in Prague. Which doesn't feel like a huge decision for me, but also it's changing me in ways that I want to change. Like the panic attacks are back because I am so far from home and not knowing who I am and who can I depend on. Also, I definitely have been coming out of a shell that I know was there, but like as a kid who never really had a shell was hard to believe it was actually there. I DP-ed my first project with a real camera, I am friends with people that I like, and I am trying to work on some goals. But also I have become meaner in some ways because of it, because I actively exclude people I don't like which isn't okay, but also??

The events of May 17th, 2019 were significant. I started a serious grieving and paining process of undoing parts of myself that I didn't like and overcoming shame, guilt, and anger towards myself. I got the entry level dream job at Unilever, Alejandro left me, and I wrapped up my first year of business school. I continue to be a mix of grateful, relieved, resentful, and inspired because of all three. I am still adapting, recovering, and coming to terms with how life has unfolded lately. It was all so significant because it was sudden and all at once. It hurt, but also brought joy. It scared me, but also brought relief. Bittersweet.

This summer I was alone for the longest period ever and thought seriously about killing myself. I cried my heart out in a dark room knowing no one would hear or care and I felt the sobs were shaking my bones. I have hated myself so violently and viciously. I've held a knife to my skin and trembled craving the self punishment and lacking the courage. I have stared at the street down down below my balcony and imagined my skull cracked open as if I was seeing the future. I was paralized in the middle of the kitchen, my mind going to all the ways I could die, feeling like death was so close to me, not there yet, but patiently waiting, like a cat lazily observing the goldfish in the aquarium. And I rose in the morning, puffy eyes and tired to my marrow, I ate, I slept, I lived on. I live on with the knowledge that if I don't love myself despite everything I will find myself in that place all over again. I keep going back to those days whenever I turn on self hatred. I'm not grateful, I'm not resentful or inspired. I only feel old and infinitely sad every time someone jokingly says "I wanna die".

I bought my first house. I am grateful but now terrified about money. I am worried about losing my job and losing everything. I've never felt this level of anxiety.

I suffered health issues starting in the early summer, after my mother had a health crisis herself. I suffered dizziness from the end of May until the end of September. I fell on my knee in June and subsequently suffered a torn meniscus and other issues that are debilitating. This year, I have to stay home for some of the services as I am limping. In the bigger world picture, the grind of living under a malignant executive and Senate is wearing.

In June I had my implants removed. It has made me feel more healthy. I am not worrying about them causing more cancer in my body. And I am not dealing with some of the side effects from having them. If I could go back to the day 7 years ago when I had my bilateral mastectomy I would have just stayed flat then and I wouldn't have had to go through as much in the past 7 years.

I was involved in a serious car accident and the very same day my father was admitted to a psychiatric hospital for assessment and diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I am grateful and relieved that none of us were injured in the car accident. The decline of my father's health very suddenly was shocking, sad, opened up huge issues for the ongoing care of my parents as I live on the other side of the world. The incidents - both - were forever life changing. I feel like I entered a whole new chapter on that day. Unmistakably, non-negotiably an adult.

I think starting a union at my office was a significant experience this year. I'm grateful that it happened and that my co-workers saw the need for it, and I'm relieved that I didn't lose my job because of it. It inspired me to explore my leadership potential. But I still find myself feeling resentful that I don't earn more money. This needs to be a real goal for the coming year.

In 5780, I moved out and went across the country (at least vertically) to college. To put it simply, my entire life changed in day. Currently, I have yet to establish a routine and am struggling existentially, in addition to falling behind slightly in my classes. Even though I have only been here a month, I love my school (Northeastern) and the friends I have made.

One of the best things I did was take a monthlong vacation. I rested. I relaxed. I rejuvenated. It was incredible for my heart. And it wasn't bad for my job, either, since they had to run the whole place without me!

Work has shaped my past year (plus). I'm resentful that I have had no say over my own career path, other than sticking with it for the sake of continuing to be employed. I have applied for a few other jobs - and really thought I would get one at a non-profit for which I could NOT be better-qualified, but that didn't end up coming through - and I need to continue applying after the wedding. It's been so hard to get up and get going every day, when the work I do feels unintentional and meandering and ad hoc. Sometimes it seems that different tasks are just being tossed at me for me to manage, with no cohesive unifying mission. Overall, I stand behind the organization's vision, but right now, it's just a vision, and I'm just a TaskRabbit fulfilling each task. I suppose if they want me to come in and just do a random array of things, I can do that. I'll still get paid and receive my benefits, but my heart isn't in it, and I keep wishing away the hours of my days. That's not really the life I want to live. I also don't love feeling my skillset, in so many ways, slipping away. What can I even do anymore? And oddly, at the same time, I feel more like I can handle whatever people give me in my job. Product management of a software platform? Sure. Learning code script to solve a particular problem? Okay. Figuring out how to do QA testing? Alright, I'm on it. Yet I'm not credentialed in these spaces, so I'm not qualified to look for better-paying and better-defined jobs in these areas. And I'm not even sure I like the activities themselves, so much as the challenge of trying to meet needs. I'm feeling a little lost about what I'm supposed to do to make a life within capitalism, and I don't know what's next.

We have actually started building the Maine home. It feels unbelievable. I never thought this could happen. I am grateful, relieved, inspired, ready to move onto the next phase of life. Another significant experience was the grant was renewed, ensuring employment for the rest of my working career, taking so much pressure off, it's mind-boggling. God is good.

Completely resentful of a former colleague gaining a place on a development plan I also applied for. He's a misogynistic, arrogant, selfish man who upset me more than he would understand. And he also gained a huge promotion soon after that, meaning that he needed the place even less than he deserved it. I'm still somewhat bitter about it which I know isn't healthy or helpful, but it felt like a punch to my guts and a slap in my face. It made me wonder why I ever worry about work; why I bother working hard or being loyal. I feel belittled by it all. But I'm almost completely over it.

I was contacted by the Division of Human Rights around May/June and the senior attorney made it clear that he was not my personal lawyer, and I was very much disturbed at the way that he approached my situation. It was as if he was indirectly telling me that my case was merit less, and perhaps at this point it is, since so much time has elapsed and I had no substantial proof of the evil and abusive environment that I was working in when I was employed at the Department of Sanitation. There are no genuine work place harassment/bullying laws that protect workers from this form of harassment and this behavior will only repeat itself in any given work environment. I am bitter as I write this and I can only work this out by letting it go and letting time heal this hurtful feeling.

Mia my daughter was born! I could not be more grateful. She’s amazing and healthy. Motherhood is more amazing than I could ever imagine. I don’t think I understood how much I could love a being, and how amazing and rewarding it is to accompany each little milestone. Its so special to be able to accompany her so closely. Having 6 months off was such a privilege and it allowed me to become so close to her. I was so scared of her not being born healthy or having some kind of complication before she was born. Also I realize this fear continues and understand the worries parents go through. Its crazy how much parenthood affects how you see the world. I understand people and their choices so much more. I also feel much more for tragedies when I read about them, I cannot imagine the pain of something happening to my child. I am also surprised at how attached I am to Mia. I thought I would be way more detached. On one hand I am a chill mother, however I am very attached to her. For example, I have never not put her to bed/fed her to sleep. I have been telling myself I am going to do it once a week to work late. I haven’t worked up the courage to not come home and breastfeed her.

This year has been less oververtly significant than last year. This year, I started a giving circle with a group of young professionals. It finally launched in February. The launch was so significant. I've always been a part of volunteering and charities but I've never started one. We're housed within the Jewish Community Foundation which is a nice support system to have. I've been so inspired by the people who I've met. I feel like I spend a lot of time defending my generation and to pack volunteer opportunities and hangouts every time we host one is unreal. It feels so good to just be able to give people something that they've been craving in their lives. Moreso, it feels amazing to be a leader in the Jewish community. I've been frustrated in the past to feel like I have to "pass" but there I'm just a good leader and a great speaker. Nobody cares that I'm not Jewish, they care that I keep growing the community and I'm engaging people who weren't engaged before.

As I review the year in my head, I would have to say there isn't 1 significant experience that has lead to a truly impactful outcome. Rather there have been themes and larger changes that have happened through the year. I have been more vulnerable with people, letting people know parts of me I had never imagined I would. There are still a ton of things I haven't let people in on that I want to, but it will take time. I guess from a materialistic standpoint, I have bought a house and a car over the past year which is #soadult of me. I am torn as to how this has made me feel, but I think I enjoy the stability, but also feel kind of safe/constricted in that stability as well. I don't want the roots to hold me down unless I need them to. Also, it would be remiss if I didn't mention meeting Courtney. We have been dating for a little over 2 months now (even though we dont really have a start date), but the girl is better than I deserve and everything I could hope for. I can't wait to see what the year brings and who knows, I might be married at this point next year ;). Either way, I want to reiterate what I ended last year's response with. The key is FOLLOW AND TRUST GOD'S PLAN. He knows what is best. It is not for us to understand, but to trust and pray.

I reached a rock bottom, dislocating my shoulder balling on the ground of exhaustion. Realizing it was time to put myself first, get into my body and follow my heart imeach moment -#self love. It was an ongoing process but I closed off and opened up new energetic portals and have found where my power resides and how self love is my foundation to my mission on this planet

My dad died. It let me stop working to focus on healing. It overwhelms me, the loss of him. Now i am parent-less. I’m inspired by my dad’s ethics and efforts for his family, and expressed true gratitude for my parents. I carry some regrets, but also feel relief my dad’s pain is over. My brothers are also in great pain.

My overall feeling about living in the Bay Area is that it has become an increasingly harsh, cold and competitive place to work. The workplace seems to demand that one must kiss ass in order to survive and tolerate highly unjust situations. I am constitutionally opposed to doing either, which probably has a lot to do with my lack of stability in many work situations. I would say that I've become increasingly bitter, cynical and resentful and have lost a good deal of trust in the goodness of my fellow man.

I did a Tandem Skydive. It was empowering, inspiring, fun. I'm very grateful I did it! I did it totally for myself which is not something that I do all that often. It was something I've been wanting to do for a long time and it felt great to finally do it. I'm grateful for the new friends who planned the event and were there to support me and me them. And the new friend was doing her first skydive, too. It fills my heart just writing about it!

Zach proposed to a Natalie. I am grateful but also fearful.... Zach is extremely sensitive and has always been a caregiver, ie, Kindergarten. Natalie suffers from migraines and other things. I’m concerned about him not being able to have her around when needed/ wanted due to illness. It affected me in that I realized that as close as we are, our relationship is changing. It’s a necessary loss but I am not his trusted female source. It is only right for Natalie to become that. Plus, he spends a lot of time with her family and I want him to continue to crave being with us, which he does. I’m fine with Jonny beingg with Dena’s family but with Zach, I’m less secure because he seems to be more influenced by people and trends and a bit more pretentious, like Marc. There are many wonderful attributes about Natalie but she is very materialistic- at least the part I know best. I hope to get to know her true essence this year and as time goes on. I want Zach to have a grounded and wonderful relationship with Natalie. I’m grateful that she has a supportive family- they are very different than us. But they are loving and caring and generous to their children.

I got a bilateral salpingectomy this year. I'm finally off of birth control after over 20 years on it and letting my hormones regulate themselves. Even with the IUD I was still having pregnancy fears, so I'm proud of myself for taking the steps to ensure that I won't get pregnant.

Last year in early September I sustained a repetitive work related injury and was trying to get help to understand what was wrong with my right arm, from my shoulder to my elbow to my wrist to my hand and fingers. October 10th of last year I was laid off from work. As of today I am three months and nineteen days from a rotator cuff repair surgery. The affects have been a blessing. My shoulder is coming along nicely. I have spent a lot of time with my sister and BIL, as well as my son, DIL, and my Grandsons (at least three of them, Jordan, Ryder and Logan). I am working on my inside thoughts and have not figured out what I am to do next. However, I am grateful to know that God has me and will guide me to where and what I will be and do next.

I think the most significant experience I had over the past year was moving out into an apartment by myself. I had had so many years of subpar (and often, terrible) roommate experiences, and living on my own has allowed my home space to be a positive environment. It is an unbelievable relief to come home each day and feel at peace, and I am grateful for it everyday.

We had our second child, a little girl, Coraline Briar. She has flipped our world upside down and we are the busiest, most tired, happiest we’ve ever been!

Zamieszkanie z kimś, o kim myślałam, że spędzę z nim życie

I started having migraines. I went vegan. I resigned from my job. I bought a car. I feel relief, and also some nervousness, about resigning from my job. Overall, I feel liberated, to not be working at a place I do not like, that does not feel like a match. And, with renewing my license, and getting these CE credits in maternal and baby nursing, I feel inspired.

My husband died. Much of my life changed. Some of it remained the same.

I went to Japan. It was a lifetime dream. It was like looking at the 14-year-old me and say "you can do it". I basically spent the entire summer connecting to my past self, to my most intimate core. I still can't say I like it, but I've started accepting it, as I'm starting to accept I'll spend the rest of my life alone.

I left a job that didn't serve me and I started a new job. I also moved out of a very toxic living environment and into an apartment by myself. I feel really grateful and relieved, but also a little scared because I feel like I could lose it all very easily.

We traveled around the world! From quitting my job, to being able to see so many incredible sites: tigers and lions in the wild (different continents), the taj mahal, the mountains of Vietnam, sunsets in Istanbul with my favorite people, and more and more and more. It left me feeling inspired, grateful, and really peaceful. I learned a lot about myself, like sometimes you don't need things planned out, or the best days are sometimes spent just relaxing and doing nothing, not trying to do a list of some sort. It also taught me to be a bit more loving to myself as a body, because doing crazy things only happens when you stop caring about how many calories are in the soup, or if you have had too much pastry so far.

I got married to the love of my life! The process taught me a lot about myself and my need for control. I am learning to work past it. I feel so grateful for the entire week - it was PERFECT in every way. I feel relieved that the planning is over and so inspired to live a life as happy as I am right now. I hope to really protect the love we have and never forget that we choose to be a part of this team daily.

This year I was let go from the what I believed to be secure government employment. I couldn't take it personally especially after everyone in the office felt so bad, and are still checking in on me. It did cause me to become very self-aware and humble myself to listen, and do open myself up to more absorption. I am grateful because I learned gratitude, and the benefits of it especially in the relationships that are most important to me. I would definitely say I'm relieved as I was being constrained from being my best. In the end I can't be resentful. It was the universe telling me to name my worth, and go where I'm valued. I'm inspired to decide my own value based on how much my family needs to have enough, and live the lifestyle we choose. It's a process, and I need to get into the rhythm of the universe. That means slowing down to breathe and listen ...

Going back to work and becoming a working mother. I had always known that it would be both rewarding and difficult--but I didn't know how rewarding or difficult. The decision to go back to work was not difficult--nor was the actual act of going back to work. I mean, it was emotional, but it wasn't the crying or inner conflict-ridden experience that I've seen others go through. What was and is significant about this experience is that working and being a mother full time is exhausting and leaves very little time for me to be with myself. When I'm home, my attention is really on Grace. That is where I want my attention to be. She is a joy and an amazement and is changing all the time. When I'm at work, I luckily feel like I can be fully present at work. And my job requires me to be intensely engaged in it. I spend my days listening and responding to the needs of others. At the end of the day I'm happy but fully exhausted. There's not much left for me or for my husband, for that matter.

I was able to attend doula training earlier this year. After my dear friend attended a later doula training, she reinvigorated me to make following through with my certification a priority. Together we attended our first birth as a doula team. It was so amazing to witness a woman in all of her power. I wish everyone had the opportunity to witness life being given.

So many significant experiences over the last year - moving back and forth across the country, buying a house, remodeling, getting a dog, and most significantly, becoming pregnant for the first time and then the tragic loss of losing the pregnancy. So many ups and downs, highs and lows, joy and sadness, laughs and tears. While this whirlwind of life has been overwhelmingly positive, I have questioned this year why we're pushing so hard and so fast and will commit to taking a moment to pause and breathe in the coming year. Honestly, though I'm grateful for the last year, I'm relieved it's over. Too much transition and rushing to the next thing without appreciating where we are at this moment.

This year I finally got a dog! The glorious Mimi has entered my life and I couldn’t be more grateful. I have a positive sense of responsibility now with her and a new companion. She is soooo cute

Answers this year are going to be very brief, as I was out of town for most of the days, and didn't get to the questions until the bonus question day, so I'm answering them all at once. Nothing too major, as a significant experience, comes to mind. We're just moving along. I have decided to retire within the next year, so that will be a significant change next year!

I deepened my first real mutual love relationship. When I feel that love, it is incredible. It makes me smile. I'm so grateful.

Getting into a car wreck. Neither me nor my grandpa got hurt, and we were quite lucky not to do so, considering the car was totaled. It was nerve-racking in the immediate aftermath, but a relief to find us both okay.

The most significant experience in the last year began on July 5th. I’m still not quite sure what led to it but that was the day that I basically bottomed out and finally got sick enough of my behavior and my life that I reached out for professional help with my mental health. Now, this was something I should have done years ago but I’m learning not to stand mired in the muck of my past behavior – this being one of the best things I’m learning from the professional help I’m getting. It was so scary at that first visit to the primary care doctor. I was so shaky, and couldn’t quite stop crying. I was trying so hard to act as though things weren’t as bad as they clearly were. I’m so glad it was quite transparent to the doctor and that he got me referrals so quickly and that I was able to book appointments pretty fast, too. I was also scared for the first visits with the psychiatrist and therapist. I was stunned and fearful to be told I suffer from bipolar II. I was so sure it was depression, maybe some anxiety. I was also surprised by the OCD diagnosis. I knew I had problems but I had no real idea of the scale or true nature of them. Going to the talk therapy intake appointment after that diagnosis was daunting, too. I felt such relief in being able to get some things off my chest but there was so much and it all wanted to come flooding out, that I scarcely remember what all we talked about, and if I was very coherent at all. At least it got me to a therapist I quite like, which was another surprising thing, but a welcome one. I’ve always be so scared, so resistant, so, so many things about therapy that I was worried that I would hold back or judge the therapist as being below me somehow but it wasn’t like that all. I think I just so desperately needed someplace to put all of this shit I’ve been burying down inside myself that even beginning the process of digging it up in intake made me much more willing to continue the process in session. Though still ashamed I took so long, and still working on letting go of that, I am tremendously grateful that I finally got to a place of seeking and getting help. I have gone through a lot of emotions about my diagnosis, come to a lot of realizations about how these illnesses have impacted me and everyone who loves me, and started to learn how to put in the hard work of learning how to cope with all of it in a constructive rather than a destructive way. I have been relieved to be able to name my crazy, and to feel as though I’m doing something about it. I have been resentful that I have to have this shit – it seems colossally unfair that I had to grow up mostly broke with a chronically ill parent (and on, and on, and on….there are a lot of things I still feel are unfair and that I’m resentful of) but then to be significantly mentally ill also? It just seems like cosmic dog-piling. But, what the hell, I am so much more fortunate than many in the grand scheme of things and I am finally moving back to a place where I can genuinely feel that and not just pay begrudging lip service to it. The best thing of all, though, is that I’ve gotten back to where I can feel genuine hope. I’ve tried to fake it and it doesn’t feel the same. This, though….this is real hope. I genuinely am hopeful that I’ve reached a turning point in my life and that my future looks better because of the work I’m doing today, and intended to keep doing every day.

Last December when I went to Chile after finishing my semester in Argentina, it was the first time I had ever traveled fully alone. It was an amazing opportunity to put myself first-- because I was the only one there I could do exactly what I wanted to do. It was gratifying to know that I could travel internationally by myself. It inspired a new part of my travel bug, which validated that I could travel again independently if I chose to do so. I'm grateful I had the opportunity to spend a few days solo before meeting up with my friend Chiaki, because it gave me the chance to reflect and also step outside of my comfort zone at a transitional time right before I'd head home again.

Found out that Paul's mom has cancer again. Found out it is treatable. Anguished. Relieved. Cautiously optimistic.

O my, there were a lot of them...changing jobs (best life decision ever), starting the process to become a foster parent (life changing FOR SURE and equal parts terrifying and exciting. I cannot wait to see where I am next year after I have become fully licensed and been a safe haven for a kid (or 2, or 3, or 4, or 5...), being the go-to person to watch E while mama had baby #2, FAMILY time for the nephews first birthday...All of this was so good and so positive and I am INCREDIBLY thankful for the life I am leading, the people I have in my inner circle, and all that I am doing. My grass is green & I am so thankful for it & I am so appreciative that I recognize it too.

In the past year, I moved to Denver alone and started graduate school. It made me cherish and work on my relationships with friends and family, inspired me to put myself into new and challenging situations to grow and learn, and pushed me to figure out my values, needs, and goals.

I moved with a fiancée and a dog to a new city for a new job. It was terrifying, however I’m so thankful we took on this challenge together

Getting married. Inspired, uplifted, loved, fulfilled.

I experienced what it means to be free. To be able to decide without any restrictions. To fully live my deepest desires. To have sex without being in a relationship and feeling the pleasure of womens love. I realized that almost spontanious healing is possible, if I decide so and going trough a deep healing process and freeing me of all restrictions i experience now what it means to be free.

I was let go by my last company. They basically told me to get good or leave, and i didn't feel like I could get good fast enough when everyone was better. I woke up and realized it's not the best culture fit as I need a place that's more supportive of learning and i think I've maybe found that now. We'll see. It sucked, to be honest. My confidence was pretty low.

I gave up on our marriage and Jace moved out. Jesus said we could be closer now and held me today and I’m excited to do this with a much closer relationship to Jesus, he said he would speak when it’s needed :) I guess I can’t expect him to become a chatter box but I’m looking forward to listening for him specifically more

I am free. I am still. I am open. I remember. I respect. I dream. I know. I shift. I AM What a gift.

Being judged by our own friend is a big bruise. Heard some of that from our own BESTIES really hurts. After our kindness we've shown, only judgement that been heard. But from that i learn to be strong no matter what people talk about me because i know what is the benefit of my move. Now i am a rebel person inside.

This year I applied for a new job. I was convinced that I wanted this job and I felt desperate to leave GLM. I made it to the last round of interviews, at which point, I was not chosen. I put all my energy into this process, that I began to give up on my duties at the school. I began to feel disdain, maybe even hate, towards the school. I was devastated when I did not get the job, but somehow this also was a turning point for getting out of my rut, which was bordering on depression. I still have many mixed feelings about it, but I think there is a lesson here about how I control my situation simply by how I control my attitude and outlook. I regrouped and began to focus on how to do my best in whatever I am doing, wherever I am.

A couple of things. I started a new job in January 2019 - grateful for the job. Resentful that I have to do it. It's not a good use of my skills and the environment is not good for my mental health. At all. I do not feel inspired. It's draining on all kinds of level. More positively, I started teaching at the college level and that has been a huge learning experience. And fun. and hard. Personally, my husband has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. We continue to be in a 'wait and see' mode so when I spend time thinking about that, I do get a bit worried. For now, my strategy has been to not look too closely.

My wife and I started to see a couples therapist. I am optimistic that we will be able to improve our relationship with practice of some of the tools provided.

Where do I even begin with this one? The most significant experience this past year, in my entire life actually, was giving birth to my baby boy in January. Motherhood has been incredibly difficult but equally rewarding. I am so grateful for my son; watching him learn and experience new things gives me so much joy and motivation. The rest of my life is still catching up though. I am having a tough time feeling like myself again in the other areas of my life -- work, my marriage, myself. I'm trying to be patient and forgiving of myself but it's really hard.

I saw my parents when dad was in hospital with an infection and I opened up to mum about how much shit I am currently in. It has made me see that my pity party and story about them hating me isn't true and that they do care for me. I have been humbled by this and greatly saddened that I have allowed my own stupidity to once again ruin my life and I now have a chance to try to mend things with them

This is the year I began to unwaveringly identify as polyamorous. I feel so liberated! And also supported and loved. It's a huge relief and I'm grateful for Fico and his support through this. I also feel inspired to keep learning more and educate others on relationship anarchy.

John needs drugs and alcohol more than he needs my wife and I as his family. I am still working through all of this and don't really blame him, per se. I blame his parents and grandmother for not nurturing him enough to show him how to connect to another human being. I blame genetics that may be contributing to this inability to connect. I take responsibility for all the times I lost my cool trying to make him lose his. He left us at the end of March and we have been processing this every since. What is my life going to look like on the other side of this? I am grateful and relieved to have peace once again in my life; however, I miss John. Young John. The John of many possibilities. I know this is something he will have to go through in order to become the man he is supposed to be. I just need to have faith that he has the ability to learn the lessons he needs to learn to become a responsible and substance-free happy adult.

My oldest son graduated High School and left for a gap year in Israel. It has caused my to reflect on my relationship with him, my children and how short and how fast life is.

So much happened in the past year...I started going to therapy, the tree of life shooting happened which traumatized me deeply, I reworked my relationships with all of my immediate family members, I had sex for the first time. I think the thing that affected me most had to have been therapy or the shooting - I really dove into myself and did so much reflecting and growing. I feel like a completely different person today than I was last year. I know myself better, I can be vulnerable, I can ask for help, I can recognize patterns, I understand my own strength, I can engage with my feelings, I know how to take care of myself and am developing different priorities. I lost a friend, and gained others. I feel grateful for the growth and therapy. Still heartbroken about the shooting, but grateful to have community to understand those feelings.

A significant experience was going through the student teaching process and graduating. I learned so much about myself, and I struggled a lot. I felt like I frustrated everyone around me, including myself. I learned that I can't work my way around my struggle with time management and preparedness- and I do wonder if there just is some different quality in my brain that makes me unaware of time change and stuff. I felt like I just slid by with graduation, and finding out that I failed edTPA showed even more so that I can't slide by in life. I need to fix whatever this is so that I can be the best person I can be.

Breaking up with Jamey, that was long overdue. He is still married to his ex wife. It was hard, but freeing, and ultimately I am grateful. I got to have some good travels and some fun sex with others. Then I met Ray, and that was pretty significant too. WHile I am currently deciding what to do there, he will either be my husband, or the one that got away...

I can't think of a single thing that was significant. My life is steadily similar day to day and I fucking love it.

Moving in to my own place was a really huge deal for me. It felt like I was moving in to adulthood and also moving away from my parents. It was a relief to get away from my roommates who were toxic, and to move in to a place where I could breathe. It is only a few blocks from my daycare and after school center, which provided me the foundation upon which I live my whole life. It's pretty neat to know how big of a change has happened from age 1 to age 23, and all the places and houses that I have been in in those 22 years.

My husband kept something from me. And I was hurt. He apologized and has been more than cooperative in trying to fix the issues that led to his act. I only hope that we are able to fix them. I do believe he won't keep anything from me again.

My Adventure to Africa reminded me of my love of travel. My last two trips to India and Morocco were aborted due to aging parents - with cancelling Morocco just three days before I left because of my dad coming home from the hospital and into hospice. This time it happened, but not without drama before leaving as we had to take my mom to the hospital -yep three days before leaving. Luckily she was fine, but I didn't stop holding my breath until I was on the plane. And then there were the giraffes - a perfect reminder that this was an adventure. I fell in love with the warthogs and how lucky we were to see so many different animals with their babies. For me it was surprise, and amazement and pure joy. It was good to travel again - it was a great way to get back to something has defined my life. Now on to planning my next adventure.

I gave birth to my first child (a daughter) on 02/03/2019. I am eternally ecstatic & grateful to have been blessed with the most amazing, beautiful, cheerful, inquisitive, happiest child.. I am definitely the luckiest Mum in the world! ❤

I got married. I'm incredibly grateful. It felt like a whirlwind but it felt right as well. It has unfolded in unexpected ways and added new dimension to my life. I'm starting to forget what life was like without George

Failing my driving test twice. I've been so used to cruising my way through tests easily that I'm completely unused to failure. I feel like I AM a failure because I have failed. At first I just accepted it, then I became despondent and despairing, then I avoided thinking about it...now, I think I'm resolved to try and overcome it just to prove I can no matter how long it takes.

The trip to Australia taught me that I can ride solo and find community. The trip to Greece taught me that I can make something happen for many The trip to Mexico taught me that there are big issues to address in this world and I can step up.

My husband’s business has grown tremendously. This has brought significant $ to our lives. It’s great to not have to worry about money but I don’t think it has changed me and how I feel about money. I still find it hard to spend more than what I did before on anything. But I am relieved to not be struggling. I have been rich and I have been poor. I know from experience that money doesn’t change how happy I am. It shifts the story.

My mom had a heart attack, and an ICD put in.

Breaking my wrist, arm, shoulder. How did it affect me? It slowed me down, and made me question how I'm living my life. No answers yet, but my priorities have already shifted in what feels like a good way.

Well it has to be being made redundant, less than 5 days into the year. 9 months on during a hiatus in my activities, it makes me wondrous that I had the opportunity and proud that I seized the opportunity to carry out some long held travel and exploration plans. Whilst I still have some emotions to process about the whole experience of working for Joel and Sharon, I'm not ready to resume any kind of social contact, I'm also grateful to have had my journey made possible. Each year I think that there are stand out experiences; this past Jewish year has been about an energy and excitement shift. I've reconnected with friends and family around the world - inspiring and challenging in equal parts, and felt a whole lot of love. I'm now at the point of thinking about my next 6mths or 5 years. And reflecting on what I've experienced so far. Today I'm ready to do it 🙂

Just found out I'm pregnant and i don't know what to do. I'm scared, worried, not ready..

The whole period of graduation was really amazing and was very significant in my life in the past year. It made me think so much about college and just reflecting on how I choose to spend time in general. And at graduation having SO many family members there supporting and loving me was incredible. Absolutely incredible. And then after graduation, thinking about next steps on an amazing road/camping national parks trip with Madeline and SF pride and then France and SF. Knowing that the transition would be, or might be, really hard and trying to be aware of that, both before it happened in taking advantage of things while in college still, and also during the process and in the direct transition period. Now just starting work and still maintaining that consciousness of that looming, or not so looming anymore, difficulty. Felt very grateful, very inspired, a bit anxious but also very relaxed.

As upsetting as it to admit, something that affected the entirety of my year was my breakup with David. At first it was bad. I felt the lowest I think I have the capability of feeling and constantly felt as though I was not enough for anyone. How could the person I saw the rest of my life with feel so differently about me? But then it got better. And I grew from it. And I learned. I started meeting new people and finding new passions and I finally had a life that was not dictated by a boy. I still got sad. And sometimes still do even after all of this time. But my life would never be the way it is today without it. And for that I am thankful.

I was finally able to get fully away from Justin(abusive relationship), the Mormon church, and find an actual loving partner that has provided so much love and support for me through everything and I honestly dont know how I would get by without her. She has inspired me to be the best that I can be because I want her to know when everything goes to crap I will always be there for her and be able to support her too.

I moved to Denver May of 2018 and back to NYC this April. I lived with my ex who was the first guy I've ever lived with and that was an experience. We broke up a week after we moved back to the east coast and I'm so happy that I went through this crazy roller coaster in my early 20's. I now know what a toxic relationship is like and what important traits I really strive to find in a partner. I'm stronger and more independent because of my last heartbreak.

My Mom attempted suicide this year and had to be hospitalized. It was a hugely emotional experience for me and my family. I cried A LOT. One of the bright spots in it all was being reminded of all of the great friends I have in my life. So many people reached out to me and held me while I was crying. Life is rough, but it's much easier when you have friends to lean on.

I graduated college. I am thankful for this degree and step further on my life path. I am finding my footing, figuring out next steps, and following my feet forward in this life.

What a crazypants year. Moved to Astoria, grandma passed away, shiva was at my apartment, found out I’ll have to move again, Brian had a heart attack. Wtf, 2019?! What I realized this year through much of this is that I can survive so much on my own. It’s not that I don’t need help - of course I do, everyone does - but at the end of the day, I can make whatever I need to happen happen. It may not always look or feel the way I want it to, but I can survive so much. I never thought of myself as strong. Reading responses from years past, I see so much growth. There’s always more growth - I need to stop saying “there’s still far to go” because there’s no “destination” of final growth, there’s always more work to do to become a better and better version of me.

I was granted temporary sole physical custody of my son after his clavicle was fractured at my abusive ex's house. Even though my ex has since has his custody restored, it gave me faith that the court system can and will protect my baby.

challenges in my relationship, emotional and sexual, have rocked my world and made it hard on both of us for months! We started couple therapy and it has served us well. We are getting through the difficulties with the support & help of our therapist. We are starting to communicate more easily and have begun having sex again. I'm grateful we were willing to seek help together. I am relieved that we're making it work! I am inspired by my partner's patience and willingness reflect on his own stuff. I am happy that we are "us."

Many things have happened, and sometimes I forget what occurred or where/when it began. - GF & me (+ 2 close friends) went to Japan = extraordinary experience! - Customers valued my work with them (including their positive opinions of it in their reports & offering me new job opportunities) - GF & me (+ several friends) went for a long weekend to Chicago = nice to leave again - Change my (beloved) job in search for new opportunities = effing difficult decision to make (although very difficult and not quite the best outcome -yet- , a very good choice) - Lots of travel for work = traveling to new places, meeting lots of new people & getting more exposure and knowledge of processes and businesses {Total travels so far: 11 around the world (JP,US,FR, MX)} I am grateful and relieved. I needed a {major} change and so did everyone around me (hopefully it inspired them to be better, at least for me it is). With my GF I am very happy. I have realized that, although there are physically prettier girls, there is no one like her. Her mind and soul gorgeousness is the thing I need in life. Now I'm looking for inspiration in doing some other things.

This has been a crazy year, momentous in every possible way. The end of my marriage - that came out of the blue and as almost a complete surprise to me (though, really, are we ever truly surprised by something like that?). My husband moving out. The kids going off to college. Most significant experiences of the past 18 years, not just the past 1. It’s all affected me in so many ways - I have been forced to look at and search for myself more than I have in years. I've reached out for help, tested and leveraged my support network more than I ever have in the past - with beautiful and inspiring results. I've allowed others to take care of me in ways I haven't ever really allowed, and found their tender, nurturing care to be moving. I am extremely grateful for my friends and family. I am grateful that the kids seemed to have handled as well as can be expected this year that could have been so so incredibly difficult - with their parents splitting up as they apply for college, deal with excitement and disappointment, leave home, start school, etc. They are inspiring. I am grateful to have found the strength to get through the year. Grateful to have rediscovered parts of myself that had gone missing. I am more open minded now than I have been in years and open to new experiences and new ways to be than ever. I am cultivating curiosity and feel like my eyes are more open than they have been. I’ve been resentful, angry sad too. All of it. I've spent days crying on and off throughout the year. I've mourned first the loss of my marriage and all that comes with that...the loss of the future I thought I had in front of me, the loss of the family that came along with my husband. And then I mourned the loss of my "children" - Not in the way of death thank God...but the loss of the day-to-day, every day, taken for granted relationship you have when you all just live under the same roof. Our relationship will forever be different - maybe better, who knows? But the chapter we'll call their childhood is officially a thing of the past. And frankly I’m also a bit relieved. I’ve worried about this happening - all of it - and now it has and I’m ok - so there’s that too. Grateful? Relieved? Resentful? Inspired? How about all of the above.

My friends, Ste and Audun, passing away suddenly in a car accident. It was devastating and still is in many ways. In my most anxious moments, I have flashbacks to the day I found out. Yet, it also changed the way I view life. I’m trying to learn the lessons I’m supposed to learn and yet I’m unsure exactly what those were. My emotion around it could be described as heartbreaking, life-altering, and confusing.

The abortion. Breaking off my engagement. The assaults. The deterioration of my metal health. The beginning signs of addiction. This has been the hardest, stickiest year yet. It's been as dramatic as it reads. I feel present, grief stricken, stripped, and alive.

Pressure went above acceptable in my right (good) eye and I went through another laser surgery in April. My glaucoma meds were also changed due to cuts made due to Medicaid w=expansion. I'm grateful for Dr LaRosa and his team for keeping me sighted I'm tired of having to constantly fight my body on multiple fronts. I'm tired of having to fight Medicaid for basic services, even moreso since expansion. Those of us who can no longer work are made to suffer so working people can have free healthcare I'm frustrated, discouraged and deeply hurt that not one 'social justice' rabbi hears the cry of the disabled poor or cares about us.

So much has happened in the past year. I traveled more than I ever have in my entire life. I went on medication. I had sex after a crushing dry spell. I quit my job. All of these things have impacted me in deep and profound ways. I am more free than I have felt in years. I feel all the complex and uniquely human emotions that I longed for. I feel supported by my people, and I feel like the universe has my back. The gratitude I feel is profound.

Getting into all the Masters' programs I applied to and moving to Exeter. A fresh start was amazing and exactly what I needed!

I changed jobs, moved to Sammamish, WA, and sold my condo in Tigard, OR. To me, change is good, and I love my little apartment, and my little (big) cat, Jabba, and my co-workers. But it's been a difficult leaving my Portland friends and dance community...I miss them a lot. I haven't really connected with any new friends here yet. Surprisingly, though, I have found a "home" at Good Samaritan Episcopal Church. This feels completely right.

After nearly two years of unemployment, I was surprised to find a listing posted by a grad school classmate. From application to hire was barely three weeks. A good salary, full benefits, a responsible position, 100% remote, respect from colleagues, credibility, and more. Didn’t expect it. Unbelievably grateful. Came in the nick of time when the family needed it most — just as spouse’s severance ended. Chuffed really.

It's buying the house. That's what 5779 will always be about to me. I feel like an adult. In some ways. I feel deeply indebted to Linda and Robert and want to give them a grandchild while they're still alive, but I don't know if I want to do it soon or not. I've kind of avoided thinking about that. But every house we looked at we assessed in terms of one kid or more. This is a one kid house. I feel grateful. I feel pressure. I feel very anxious about feng shui and furniture.

My brother passed away in July. There is no way to fully describe how it has affected me. It’s a loss that cannot be found. But every day I think about him. I see him in the car with me when I drive- I Laugh when my parents tell me I’m their favorite.

I have made steps towards reconciling with my father after a 14 year period. I feel less angry now, although it’s still painful and hard to get past the way in which he left my mother and divorced her. I am somewhat relieved, but still upset at times. We’ll never get back to a normal relationship- but these are baby steps.

So, definitely the most significant experience that I had personally this past year was my medical event that led to my emergency back surgery - a month of pain, two weeks of agony and fear, an unexpected surgery, and two months so far of recovery. It affected me hugely - I have learned so much about myself, my friends, my family, the disability community, and so much more. I have not yet reached gratitude for this happening... but I think I'm on my way? Maybe? We'll see by this time next year....

I'm trying to think of something more positive (like my trip to Death Valley with my mom), but I feel this event was significant enough it should be mentioned - I had my first longer term (6 months) boyfriend in over a year. It didn't work out, but I did learn a few things. I learned that, right now, making friends is more important than finding a boyfriend, because friends tend to stick around. I also learned that I should end a relationship as soon as there is a big red flag. There were quite a few, and we both just let it drag on instead of ending it. The travel was fun, but I sacrificed a lot of time that I could've been spending focusing on friendships. Lesson learned.

Losing "my" Rabbi who ran a nurturing weekly Torah Study, and was helping me with mourning the loss of both of my parents when the shul let him go without an explanation. I was angry, resentful and lost. I had just started to find a spiritual home in our new community (only had lived here 5 months and couldn't even get a shiva minyan) and lost the ability to feel comfortable in this large shul since I had NO idea who was behind getting rid of "my" rabbi.

I live very close to an interstate that is the site of massive construction (totally replacing existing lanes and adding a lane in each direction). The rats that were displaced by the construction found a gap around my heat pump hose where it comes into the condo. I discovered the rats about the time I decided I needed professional help with the massive decluttering I was attempting in my condo. As a result I lived elsewhere for about 6 weeks and had a team of people to help clear up my condo, This was mostly packing up and taking things to a storage unit. I have no idea where things are and now have to go thru everything and organize what I keep. It's depressing because this is a very long process. It's made me happier because my surroundings are more liveable.

I moved into an entirely managerial position. I feel inspired to make change, but also apprehensive of my ability.

I started a new job almost two months ago and I love it. I feel like I’m finally doing something that I’m meant for. There are good days and bad but being in this role gives me an amazing feeling.

I have been severely depressed. It was painful and frightening. I don’t know how to feel about it, still working on it.

That I am cramming to finish 10Q before the vault closes is not unusual. What is unusual is the number of significant, heartbreaking, traumatizing, tragic "significant experiences" in the past 11 months. And 3 weeks. And today. It's 3:30 AM and I'm in the middle of our last night all together. Deep down, I honestly believed Alice the Miracle Cat would outlive us all. I can't believe our time has come to an end. I feel like I will never fully recover. 22+ years... what a lovely ride. I love you sweet Alice.

I began taking care of both of my grandchildren during the school year. I became somewhat overwhelmed and felt very time constrained. I felt resentful for a time that Alec and Ashley have no intention of lightening my load due to financial constraints. I enjoy the children sooooo much but there's soooo much I want to do before I get too old! Alec and Amanda had a bad fight. Amanda is losing another job. I have come to look at her more as a person with mental problems and am trying not to take her words or actions so personally. It is freeing to be able to do that and hopefully it will help her too.

The most significant experience that happened to me this year is...here are the options I wrote down: breaking up with Christina? Landmark Advanced Course and SELP? Leaving JDC? Starting the MSW program? Cutting my hair? Opening the Heart Workshop? Traveling to Mexico and Guatemala? Friendship challenges with Merav, Garrett, and Avi and to some extent Sydney? Organizing Fleishman Family Day? Moving back to China? Starting therapy? Friendship with Josephine? Attending Baha'i devotionals? Holotrphic breathing workshop? Struggles with Aviva @ CJP? Internship @ SCMC? Cuba trip? 29 for 29? Travel to Germany and France for Jeremy's marathon? Reading 12 Rules for Life? Seeing Fiddler on the Roof in Yiddish? Vision board activity? Landmark Forum in Action? Tinder dates with Gina? Crying to the montage from UP? Talking death with Chao? Helping Chao find Morris' body? Of all the choices, I choose shaving off my hair. I choose this experience not only because of the significance of the action itself, but because of everything the action represents. Let's start with recalling the event itself. Going back to the beginning of 2019, maybe end of 2018, I remember hearing this inner voice to cut my hair -- shave it all off. As I reflected on it, I could see that my hair protected me. Of course not literally but figuratively, as my hair represented the "safe" and "comfortable" me. It represented the "nice Jewish boy" me. It represented the way I have always been in the past. (Took a break to read about the history of Moleskkin on the back of this notebook. Maybe getting "too serious" as two girls who walked by said about us reading and writing here). OK, back to it. So toys know what my hair represented. As I moved into 2019 and say myself as someone who could fully connect with my potential and bring that into the world. I could see at this time - as it is still clear to me now - that my fears and lack of courage lie at the heart of not reaching my full potential. So perhaps cutting my hair, and facing the deep fear of cutting my hair, represented one clear courageous act that I could take. I remember waking up Allen St. to the barbers. As I was walking to get my hair shaved off, I was shaking. The butterflies multiplies like bunnies having lots of babies in my stomach. I tried to imagine myself bold an thought about all of the strange reactions I might get from friends. What would I tell people? What would I say first thing in the morning to the security guards at JDC? What would I say to friends and family? Will people think I'm a white supremecist or a Neo-Nazi? By the time I sat in the barber's chair, I did not have the courage to go through with it. I said I wanted my hair short but did not say I wanted tit all off. My integrity took a hit. I did not do what I told myself I was going to do. My courage took a hit as well. When time came to get a haircut again, I told myself I would not take a hit to my integrity again. I would face my internal resistance head on. No matter how much internal resistance might come out, I would not take one more hit to my integrity like this. So, on May 2 I fucking did it. But it almost didn't happen. The barber I liked best in NYC closes at 7:30PM. I said I would go right after work. I usually got out from JDC between 5 and 5:30PM. Plenty of time right? But my internal resistance started getting the best of me and I delayed. 5:00 became 5:30. 5:30 became 6:00. And before you know it it's 6:50PM. During my three years living in NYC, I only took a bad myself maybe 8-10 times. Well, this was one of them. I called an UBER. It pulled into the barber on 1st Ave at 7:28PM. I walked in and said cut it all off. 10 minutes later the deed was done. The most interesting part to all of this is that few people reacted in the way I expected. From right after I got the haircut I made sure to "own it" and not give people the expression like it's a big deal and I'm not confident about my new style. And you know whaat -- many people didn't even say much and no one had the worst case negative reaction like I thought I might get. I very much felt like because I had so much confidence about it, people could feel that wouldn't question me on it. It's very similar to my experience with social work school. I imagined many people might say, "Oh you're going to be poor" or "Are you worried about money in the future?" But actually that barely happened at all. I'm grateful and inspired from this experience. I could see when I told people I cut my hair, it inspired them. For example, I believe it inspired Sofia to cut her hair in a new way. I would tell people I did it because I wanted to do something I was afraid to do and have never done before. This is inspiring me to do more of that in 5780 (already accomplished that with learning how to ride a bike between when I wrote this in my notebook and when I'm typing this out).

The most significant experiences this past year probably were: Me and Bryan breaking up Costa Rica Backpacking Getting fired at Lake Effect I'll go with Bryan as the most, though. It happened right after last year's questions were sent to the vault. So, it's been a year. I felt relieved, and sad, and went through some depression. I became suicidal a few times. But Great British Bake Off pulled me through! And Marilyn, my therapist. I pushed through and found my inner power. I've transformed so damn much in this year as a single person. I built the safety and security of my home (really feeling the wisdom of that decision after being laid off! Roommates mean I can get through any financial hardships. That was always the plan), I have been practicing mindfulness and moving from being small and powerless and shameful to realizing I'm just fine the way I am, acceptance. I'm feeling myself, hitting my stride. Things don't push me in a deep place of shame much anymore. When I see it happening, I stop and breathe and focus on my strength and self love and it melts away. The more I do it, the more automatic it has become. I have come to learn what I like and need, not based around anyone else - to see of course I couldn't survive in Bryan's or Dave's or Lake Effects worlds. I didn't fit there. I have my own world, it's quite nice. If someone can come for in it, great. If not, I'm fine right here. I've found my safe space. I've found my friends, my tribe. I've found my happiness.

This year has been so rough. I’ve struggled with relationships and mental health. A few months ago I got an amazing job and I upended my life really suddenly. Now I’m alone in a new place, working so hard, and I’m really trying to just keep it together.

I got married to the woman of my dreams. I am respected and growing in my career. I am closer to my friends. I am beyond grateful and inspired to be a better person.

This has been the most significant year of my life so far. I married Fran on 16 February. Actually, we got legally married two days before, on Valentine's Day, and then had our wedding. It was the most wonderful, emotional 8-day stretch of my life so far. I'm so grateful that everything went well, that our guests had a good time, that I was so happy and joyful. I was on cloud 9. We got married at Oxford Register Office on Thursday with a small group of immediate friends and family. On Friday we set up the reception at Wytham Village Hall. On Saturday we had our wedding ceremony at Convocation House, part of the Bodleian Library in Oxford. Then the reception. On Sunday we cleared up at Wytham. Fran and I then spent the night in London to get the early train to Paris the next morning. We had three nights in Paris for our minimoon. Utter bliss. I didn't get much sleep. My mind was buzzing. My heart was filled with joy and love. So much joy and love, in fact, that it frequently burst out of my face and eyes. I was an emotional wreck; a very happy one.

My breakup with Zack really fucked up my confidence and sense of self. I questioned if and how I am date-able, what kind of person I am in a relationship (over-bearing? passive? better to be passive than speak up? better to face conflict than remain conflict-adverse?). I was relieved in the initial breakup period, but then spiraled down for a few months. I am grateful I've had the time to heal since, but he still pops up in my mind.

My writing partner and I specced LEGENDS OF TOMORROW and submitted to the WB Writers' Workshop and NBC Writers on the Verge fellowships, along with 2 essays for NBC and a joint essay for WB. We actually spent serious time on the essays and got feedback on them as well as the spec -- first time I've given myself enough time for that. I'm proud of that spec, and proud of us putting in the time ahead of time, given our joint ADHD, and grateful to my partner, who figured out how to tackle the essays in a new way to me.

A student came to me after his best friend died. We talked about grief, death, love and loss for many hours over several weeks. I don't know if I helped him, or if it was just the passage of time, but to be trusted with something so personal, to be thought of as someone who he could talk to... It made me feel like I must be doing something right.

I went to Edinburgh for the fringe festival this year and I realised that I didn't want to leave. I decided I want to move there and I've been spending the last few months trying to figure out if it's feasible. I think it is and now I've firmly made the decision to move. I'm gonna spend the next year saving and planning. I also didn't get round to unpacking from last year so I need to do that in order to downsize my belongings.

I retired. I am grateful that I don't need to go to work, but this is far more difficult than I thought it would be. I haven't scheduled my own time since I was 12. I don't know if I can be happy. There are days I can't get out of bed.

I graduated from Physical therapy school! And I received an award for outstanding clinical achievement! I felt very accomplished and grateful that my hard work went noticed :)

Well, "too busy" hasn't changed. I received the email for Day 8 today. I just read last year's answers. A significant experience was becoming, and then resigning as, JFS president. I was so excited about becoming president ... so many plans. I (obviously) didn't expect to resign in January. I took care of myself, put myself first. I felt good about that. The organization was not ready to lose both Jill and me, but that's not my fault or concern. My concern is me, for once.

February 16 was my birthday and I'd been spending the previous few days recovering from getting my tumor removed, so we took it easy that weekend. Visited a couple open houses. Because it was my birthday and we had some time left on our rented GetAround car I suggested we drive up to a beautiful spot on the coast called Land's End and walk around on the trail a bit (it was windy, but sunny and clear). We had linked arms because it was cold and he was also supporting me because I'd been getting lightheaded here and there with the pain meds. At one point he started slowing down, but then sped up again because a guy was about to pass us (he was thinking of proposing right there). Then we started turning on a path to return to the car, and a couple steps down the trail stairs he stopped and knelt and proposed and popped right up and I hugged him and didn't know what to say and kind of nodded and he said so that means yes? We'd been steady for three years and talked here and there about hypothetical marriage, but nothing serious. I had no idea when or whether either of us might propose. I figured it would be determined in another conversation in the next several years. I was moved by this voluntary vulnerability--a side of him that I wasn't used to seeing--and remembered I had always thought of him, with more practicality than any past boyfriend, as a very suitable lifelong companion. We'd been building a steady fire over a deep bed of hot embers. Life is easy with him, and he also challenges me. I love who I am with him. We complement each other and make each other laugh. I was scared and had not, in my right mind, ever seriously considered getting engaged to another person to be married. Eh, what the hell. I said yes and then he said wanna go to Vegas? and I said no.

We bought a house. It was terrifying, exciting, exhausting, and aggravating. I realized in the process that some decisions are really up to Steven and myself, even if my parents want it a different way. I felt those growing pains; wanting to make my parents happy and also wanting to support my husband and create our own path/life. I know that we researched and worked hard to make the right decisions and we will be ok.

This past year, I joined a poetry group through a friend of mine. It has opened up my social life like crazy. I have plans on the weekends now, I have a circle of people I can hang out with. It's something else. I am very grateful I went to that first meeting.

This year was so much, but the big event was that Liz asked me to marry her! I was so surprised (by the time and place, not that she asked) and also so surprised at how happy and easy it all felt. I am so grateful at the blessings that have come into my life again and that I also did so much to work prepare for this. Thank God (truly) that I took the time to deal with all of my divorce shit, feeling of inadequacy and ways in which I was afraid of repeating the old patterns. Seeing those shiny rings on my finger reminds me not only of Liz's love for me and our desire for long-term partnership, but how much I love myself that I will let myself love and be loved again.

I graduated!!! after 17 years and 3 previous attempts of studying a degree, i finally finished and graduated. I did not realise how much this would mean to me until the day I graduated. This has been a very hard slog and I did it. My mental health has been a big reason why was not successful in my previous attempts and I face a lot of judgement from people for never finishing a degree. It is a big a achievement to have my degree and my mental health under control

I took ~4 months off from climbing. There is something about climbing that I can't get from any other activity. I found other hobbies (tea, wine club), went skiing and to yoga more frequently, and became more of a well-rounded person. I got more into reading than ever before and read read 35 books so far in 2019. Although I'm excited for the other aspects of my life, I was grateful to come back to climbing.

Visiting my parents this month. I have so much history with them that is charged by the wrongs they've done and the hurt and abuse they inflicted .... real life-impacting damage, not just careless wounds that changed the course of my life and my siblings, for the worse. They abused us; inflicted and tolerated violence on us; and let us be damaged. I can't imagine causing or letting any of this happen to my daughter. But now they are just old, feeble, and in failing health. They don't remember or live with the presence of that past. The wrongs don't seem to be relevant at this point. I have a choice of holding them accountable in my own mind; but there is no impact on them. I can choose to be angry, resentful, and hurt. Or I can just be compassionate. I found myself this month released of the impulse to be the former, and able to largely focus my will and intent on being compassionate to two old people who have little left to look forward to other than a few days a year of visits from their kids and grandkids. I am not a saint. I am not able to release myself from all the scars of decades of violence and deprecation on my existence. When I am present with them, I am always tongue-tied, guarded, and ready for a shoe to drop. But I am proud of myself for at least making a choice within that wiring to say what I can direct with intent I will; and I'll focus that on promoting joy for them to be with their granddaughter and feel some presence from me, even if the only joy it brings me is the pride of the courage to make the more difficult but hopefully more generous moral decision.

A significant experience that happened in the past year was that I finished my second year of grad school which included the last of my classes, my second clinical, and I am now half way through my third clinical. I am very grateful and relieved to have reached this point, and am finally getting to the point where I actually kind of feel like I know what I'm doing. 2 years ago it seemed like this point in time would never come, and yet here we are. Grad school has been the most intense schooling of my life, and it truly helps you evolve as a person. No evolution can happen without being pushed to the breaking point, and Northwestern has definitely done that. There's still parts of me that is not quite sure how I managed to get into Northwestern and make it this far, but the imposter syndrome is definitely starting to slowly fade away. John has also been an amazing CI to have for CE3, I feel like he's really given me the confidence to start doing more on my own, but is still always there as a safety net if needed. The other significant experience that happened this year was that I know SO many people getting engaged or married or having babies. And for the first time, all of these people are either college or grad school classmates and pretty much all are around my age. Sylvie's wedding was especially surreal since we've known each other for so long and now we've reached that marrying age. It's just weird to be at this stage of life, and definitely makes me both excited and also scared about the potential future with Ezra. We still have so much to work, but we both really hope that it will work out. Another significant event that happened was that Ezra graduated college! I was sooooo proud of him, and I was so glad that we all got to celebrate together. Having his parents and my parents meet was a big moment, and I was really glad that it all went so well. I was also really happy that Shir, Tal, Jules, and Cassidy and I all got to hang out for a bit. It had been sooooo long since we'd all been together, and it felt like old times just getting to hang out. It was also significant because it now means that I won't have a real reason to go visit UMD very often. It's been nice in a way getting the past 2 years to say goodbye more slowly, but now it is truly time to move on and not be there as much.

Having to put our pet dog down after he became extremely sick. It happened very suddenly and came as a shock to all of us. While it was an extremely upsetting and traumatic experience, I was able to look back and be relieved that such a special animal was able to live a full and joyful life after a rough start to his life that we will never know about.

This year, I finally took the plunge on something I've wanted to do for a very long time and made the move to Ireland. While I'm enjoying living in Galway and being a full-time student again, its been less of a homecoming than I would have expected. After spending the past 2.5 years in DC, I felt very solid and secure in my Jewish practice. I knew moving somewhere where there are few, if any, Jews would be difficult, but it was only temporary. I did not anticipate just how much I would miss having a religious/faith community...or really just anyone with even a glancing knowledge of Jewish culture.

On June 30, we went to STL Pride and I had to carry my 70# daughter 8 blocks to the med tent when she got heat sick, then walk a further 6-8 blocks to my car. Since then, I have been rapidly losing my mobility. I walk with a cane now -- only because I have no insurance. I should be in a wheelchair. I fought for 3 months to get help. Things are finally moving, slowly, but we don't know what's wrong. I can't walk, I can barely stand, I can't do stairs anymore, I'm in excruciating pain all the time. I am losing my memory worse because of all the pain. I am depressed, angry, grieving, and, yes, resentful. It should never have come to this. We should not live in a world where people don't help each other and nearly half the population has no access to quality healthcare!

I bought my first house. It's a goal I have been working towards for about a decade, so while the actual deal went down fast, it was a long time coming. The house itself is everything I was hoping for, and I see my future in it. So while I am a little stressed at the moment, I am so happy we live here.

After walking the camino last year, I married my boo this year and we were pregnant but miscarried. I am grateful for all of it but the miscarriage has also triggered my PTSD. I am confused, exhausted, anxious and afraid. But I may or may not also be pregnant again but I know that together with my boo and I can work through this hurdle.

The love of my life got engaged. At first I was sad because I really thought he was the one. But then it inspired me to CREATE and SPREAD HOLINESS like him and not wait to find someone who does that. I realized I should become that. Thanks to this realization I started Light Up With Yuvi

My mother passed away yesterday. Though she was 97 and was so ready to go, it is still such a loss. All the things I didn’t ask her ... This why this is my only entry for this year.

My mom died, November 19, 2018. I can’t believe it still. My partner’s mom died just a few weeks ago, September 22. We are 34 and 35. It’s so wild to both lose our moms unexpectedly, while they were at hospitals, conscious and talking just minutes before. There is an element of horror about it that I don’t know how to describe. Neither one of us were there for the deaths of our mothers, and I know Milo has more guilt than me. I didn’t have any warning at all, didn’t know she wasn’t feeling well. Milo got a call the night before. They said she was dehydrated. They were keeping her overnight and she would be fine. My mother walked into the ER with really bad acid reflux, wanted a better medication. She spent an hour or more researching where to go before she went. In texts, Henry said her self care wasn’t working and maybe she should go to a doctor. I’ve been angry so much this year. It’s like drinking poison. I don’t know how to make a life one I feel proud and excited to live.

I changed my job and moved to a multi national corporation. I made the jump because my previous job made me feel miserable. It was full of drama, people treated each other badly and people felt the deserved prestige for not hard work. I’m scared of failing but I know that if I put my mind to this that I can achieve great things. I’ve been given an amazing opportunity and can use that to take me further. I also have more money which will allow me to reduce my debts. Save money and push my life forward. I’m gonna do amazing things.

Over the past 7 weeks I have been undergoing tests to check for potential lymphoma. On Friday I was told that there were "no signs of cancer" in my biopsy. The uncertainty around the potential diagnosis (and the implications of being diagnosed) caused huge anxiety. While work has been a welcome distraction (and enabled me to occasionally forget the worry), there have been moments of intense introspection around what I would want to do if my life suddenly became more imminently time-limited (drawing/painting every day as a record of my physical and emotional journey). I have also been thinking about how I would want to be remembered, what I would want a funeral to look like (a massive dinner party with good food). The relief of being given the all-clear allows the potential to go back to normal, but it provides the opportunity of perspective--if I would do things differently if my life was more time-limited, then why would I not do that anyway? Our lives are all time-limited, after all.

I ferl 2020 is going to be my best year for growth., and I will have amazing experiences.

I got married to a woman who in the past year has called me out on my crap. Who has asked me to understand that my past files not define who I am. I thought I had all the integrity in the world. Intention is not integrity. Actions define integrity. As tough as it has been I've learned alot about myself and have learned so many life lessons that I hadn't learned throughout my life. I'm forever grateful and thankful

I turned 50. I feel like it SHOULD be more of a milestone, but oddly, it doesn't... Maybe that's not bad? I'm happy to be in this place in my life. I wish I'd done some things differently, but I'm also really appreciative that I can still make changes in the future. I just hope I CAN!

April 18, 2019: Struck head-on by a car while on my bicycle, ~1/4 mile from my house. Badly broken. My life is changed. Hopefully until I die. Grateful to be alive. Grateful to have formed a meaningful and gratifying relationship with Skyler before he left for Univ of OR. Grateful to have reprioritized. Grateful to have something, a universal reset, from which I was able to begin anew. The week before I told Geoff that I was operating at an unsustainable pace and I felt like I was on a collision course. And, so it was. Grateful to be given the opportunity to be present, accounted for and accountable to myself and those I love. Grateful to be recovering and to have learned true tenacity, resilience, and most importantly, the process of what it truly means to let go. The trauma was horrific. The sequelae are affirmations of life.

Nothing comes close to the experience I have in mind. In January, after kicking ass in my campus interview for the Truman Scholarship, I felt on top of the world. Then I had a "Neo wakes up from the Matrix" moment that I consider to be spiritual: I had no one to share my excitement with because I spent my whole college career up to that point hustling for my worthiness. I saw what the rest of my life would look like if I continued on this path, and I didn't like what I saw: loneliness, pain, and spiritual death. This was a huge wake up call for me, and thank God it happened when it did. The next day, I checked into therapy and began my quest to pursue emotional connections with others and actually get some damn friends. Now, I'm surrounded by people who care about me and I couldn't be happier. Hitting rock bottom was what I needed to allow myself to feel joy and embrace the truth that I was deserving of friendship.

Obviously to me the 3 most important experiences are inter-related: 1. being laid off from my hateful job that was depressing me. 2. entering intensive therapy for my depression and anxiety 3. also making more of an effort and improving my marriage. I was very relieved to not have to go to my job. Especially when my mom got sick, I was able to help her and my dad. I was definitely resentful to be told that I needed intensive therapy. However, it was helpful and I'm so glad I did it and that I had the time and resources to go to outpatient therapy. Also I think that both my husband and I knew this past winter that our marriage was not in a good place. When we started marriage therapy in the spring, our marriage was very very close to the brink and maybe a separation. My therapy definitely helped me express myself and I think gave me credit in my husband's eyes that I can know myself and my own feelings. I am better able to express my needs and deal and prioritize every day and over time. Our relationship and my relationship with myself and eventually my job search definitely benefited from my intensive therapy.

Breaking up with Chris is a significant experience. It affected me a lot more than I thought it would and more slowly than I would have expected. At first I was fine and then slowly and then all of a sudden I was heartbroken. I still miss him. I miss his face and his sense of humor. I miss how into early 2000s pop he is and his Britney singing voice. I miss his subtle Providence accent and the way he kisses. I’m grateful that I was able to enjoy a relationship with someone like him. He’s kind of glamorous and I felt so good showing him off. I was more attracted to him than any previous boyfriend. I felt like I picked him instead of ending up with him as a result of not finding a reason to not like him. I’m a little relieved because deep down I never felt entirely stable or “right”. Resentful. Inspired. The whole lot. Mostly I’m grateful to feel all these feelings. I like feeling feelings, especially when I can identify them. There’s too many times where I don’t know what I’m feeling or I don’t think I’m feeling something appropriate to the situation or I just feel nothing. Feeling neutral, I think, is one of the worst feelings of all.

I started my business! It was almost like as soon as I opened the business account, the clients began to come. I was proud of myself for putting myself out there. I was nervous about how I looked in images but I still haven't made an official post about it yet.

When I think of the last year, I not only remember an event, but I think of thousands of small events. Little baby steps that I made; many cakes I baked; goals that I have achieved; roll container that I have built up; friends and colleagues that I have gained; things that I have learned; skills that I could expand; pages that I have written; diagrams that I have created; programming languages that I have learned; fears that I could at least mitigate somehow; sun, which I felt on my skin; people who love me and love that I was allowed to feel and of course all the other beautiful things that have created memories in the last 365 days. Every second counts. I am so glad about every single moment that I was allowed to experience ❤

I fell off my bike and had a terrible injury to my knee, leg and foot that rendered me unable to walk for several weeks. I essentially was housebound and endured pain like I never experienced before. At first it made me frustrated and felt like I missed 2 months of my life. But then as I got better I was reminded of how grateful I am that it was temporary, and became very aware of and compassionate towards those that are not as fortunate. The experience really made me embrace gratefulness for my life and health, and ability to walk. It inspired me to advantage of it more in my life.

realizing I have deep wounds the Lord wants to heal and been asking to heal for years, that i ignored and that this past year I want to allow Him to heal me , He has brought intercessory warriors alongside our marriage, small couple's group, speakers, family , friends to share with and forgive /be forgiven by Him

I got married!!!!!!! It affected me greatly as I now have my best friend as my husband till death us do part. It was honestly the best day of my life, I love him so much and can’t wait to spend many many happy years together as mr & Mrs.

My honeymoon with Tim in July gave us an opportunity to finally travel abroad together. It took a lot of planning and money, but was so worth it. I enjoyed working together as team to identify flights, find cool places to go, and pick out the activities we would do. I used to say that before I married someone I would want to travel abroad with him. It brings up all our discomforts and quirks and we have to work through them together. We didn't get to travel abroad together until this trip, but we have both lived abroad in the past so I had a good feeling it would be fine. It was significant because it's likely the last international trip before we start a family. I am grateful too for the experience in Indonesia. It has its challenges (dengue! motorbike accident! then appendicitis in Seattle!) but overall it was a great bonding experience for us. We both had to support each other at different times. I don't want kids to keep us from traveling. I hope for our future family that we find a way to have them travel with us, and that travel is part of our family's lifestyle.

This year I lost over 50lbs from December 2019 to August 2019. I am currently 174lbs. This has affected the way I feel, physically. My mobility and ease of movement has drastically improved, and I believe I have gotten sick less because of the changes I made in my diet and lifestyle. The reason I lost the weight is a side affect of cutting out over-processed foods, alcohol (for about 5 months), and junk that doesn't power my body. I also started moving more. I have been trying to do 1-3 periods of exercise each week, usually that mean 1-2 yoga class and 1-2 hikes in the park. My body is getting the nutrients and fuel it needs and I am feeling the benefits. I also feel better about myself, have more self-esteem, but some of the side affects I thought I'd see haven't happened. I thought that the weight was inhibiting my sex drive, or my body image, but now that I'm skinny, I don't feel more desire to have sex. I am so happy I stuck to it, and at this point I am switching to management, which is much harder. I have been thinking about having a drink of wine or alcohol almost every day for the past week. I don't have it, but the temptation is very real.

I fell in love for the first time this past year. I am now in a wonderful relationship with a person I love deeply and who loves me wholly. I have felt loved, cared for, heard, seen, and amazed in ways I'd never known before. I've discovered I'm capable of caring in tender ways I didn't know I could prior to our relationship. I feel less selfish and altogether more joyful.

I broke my wrist! Life is what happens while you are making other plans...& I had planned to go swimming! I can’t say that I’m grateful for breaking my wrist but I am grateful for the lessons that came out of it. It did remind me that if I find/choose a good reason I am capable of making different decisions.

I went to my 40th HS reunion! I was always ambivalent about my time in high school (was still bullied by my brother, did not get good grades, never had a girlfriend or went to a dance, etc.), but over the years I reconnected with some of my classmates on Facebook. When I got to the party, it was just wonderful to see them and hug them and just feel the love everyone had for each other. I even got to thank the girl who invited me to her disco party and actually go me up and dancing. (I hated disco in general, but I knew it was always good dance music.) We were all marking our time in this world and celebrating life together and remembering those who had passed away. It really was a great experience. I've rekindled some friendships and for that going to the reunion was well worth it.

It took me a long time to think of an answer to this question but here's what I settled on: I read Bernie De Koven's 2 books The Well Played Game and The Playful Path this year, and they moved me and they touched me. They spoke to me and they resonated with me. I felt their impact profoundly. It filled me with inspiration, determination, and foolishnessifization.

Jake broke his face, which was kinda scary. Reminded of exactly what happened with dad and big Dave. Made me realize that I need to keep people close.

I grew and birthed and breastfed our first born daughter, Ellie! I became a true mom to an infant. It has been a wild ride and I feel incredibly grateful. Not everything has been easy, of course ...RSV, relationship tension as we adjust to a new distribution of labor, my mental health challenges while adjusting to the ebb and flow of life. But all of it has grown me.

This year we embarked on a gut rehab of our condo. we have changed our home basically from floor to ceiling. I am in awe I get to live in such a beautiful home.

Colleen died and there were close calls with friends. Part of me is kind of relieved that it finally happened and it wasn’t someone in my close circle, as bad as that sounds. It’s also made everything so much more real and that’s made it harder to deal with close calls or the deaths on campus.

Homecoming, for sure. Coming home from Korea after everything that happened was definitely the most significant thing that's happened in the last year. At first I felt blessed; a month of leave gave me a lot of time with the family I'd been missing, and the stress was extremely minimal. Now that I've returned to work, it's basically nothing but stress, and anger and sadness, but that first month after coming home was indeed a blessing.

Dad died on March 3, 2019. It is difficult to describe or even entirely understand the ongoing ripples. I am relieved that he isn't anxious, agitated and in decline any longer. I miss him, but I had missed him for awhile. I am angry at Alzheimers, and I am scared that I will get Alzheimers. I am annoyed that Noel is impossible and that we can't trust her, and that our concerns about the estate persist. I am grateful that I spent several days with Dad just a week before he died, and that at times he was calm and present with me, and that before I left Sierra Vista on our last day together he stood up and danced with me.

Aside from moving back home after a ten month adventure in Israel, Zach and I have had to make many decisions about job hunting, where and how we will be living, and other adult decisions. Zach made the decision to enlist in the Wisconsin National Guard. We are currently trying to get him to be able to get into basic training now, so that he will be able to be home next semester when all of the jobs are open. We also have a connection with the Waunakee Middle School Band teacher, so we're really hoping that something there pans out well for us.

Having a professional coach AND a therapist has given me a whole new insight into my brain. Understanding how my brain is different from other people's is, well, mind blowing.

My mother is 90 and she got dementia. That forced me to go visit in Israel. Went with my love. Couldn't have without him. And discovered my young brother's family and my love for him and them. I knew he was my ally, but the connection wasn't as strong as now I feel it can be. This was by far the most wonderful thing happening to me this year. Because of said dementia we went to visit twice this year. An estounding amount given I hadn't visit for years. I know why I didn't. I couldn't. This year I did, with my love, and discovered my sweet caring brother, his wonderful wife, and two boys. I wish we lived closer to them.

I recommitted myself to addressing my mental health. I found a therapist I really like and am going to see her every week. It is so helpful to have someone to talk through things with, and I hope I can make progress in my life as a result.

This year, I finally committed to Sean after almost 2 years. I am so amazed that he waited for me to be ready and stuck around, but it was meant to happen in the time it did. It feels nice to commit to someone again and have thoughts of a future that are not only one-sided. I hope in a year when I read this I am still wildly grateful and in love and that I am still making sure he knows it.

I don't think anything really significant happen, honestly. With two kids every day is a routine and while there are some deviations, nothing stands out. Yes, we got the youngest walking, the oldest is 80% potty trained. We joined a church and were the first gay couple to have their kids baptized. I guess that is as significant as it got for me.

A significant experience that happened last year was receiving a phone call from a foundation - long story short, it was an invitation to live my life's work around ecosystem building, with a focus on entrepreneurship. It affected me because it transitioned my life from being in full sabbatical mode, to one where my life + work became super integrated and financially supported. I am beyond grateful, as I could not have even dreamed up this dream life, and it has allowed me to live more into OPT-ing in [being Open. Patient. Trusting.] of being in flow with life and the universe, and knowing that things are happening for and through me [vs. to me].